Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him

[LastStraw]

This morning was my breaking point. I literally broke down in the middle of work in front of everyone. It was the most humiliating thing that’s ever happened to me.

 

My boss gave me the rest of the day off. She was very understanding. But i know people are talking. I told them I’m going through a breakup, not like they deserved an explanation but I figured make myself look less pathetic. “Less” being the keyword.

 

I’m on my way home, looking up therapists in my area. There’s not a lot. But I’m looking.

 

Nothing pathetic Madd, holidays after a heartbreak are the worst time of the year. I had a similar experience and remember crying on the shower floor for hours after he told me he’s dating someone.

 

Therapy is a crutch that helps some folks, but what REALLY will help you is time. Just think will it matter in 5 years? I bet you’d hardly remember him then, especially if you have other things on your plate....

[losangelena]

January 2nd is the soonest I can get. I made an appointment for that day. I’m not really sure what to expect but I’m hopeful.

 

There’s only one way left to go from here and that’s up.

 

Excellent!

 

Now don’t expect miracles after one visit. This ish takes time.

 

Don’t agree with the above poster that therapy is a “crutch,” it’s a helpful tool that actually does make a difference. You need help. That’s not a moral failing on your part, but time alone will not help what is really ailing you.

 

Excellent news; I’m sure you’ll keep us posted.

[Beachead]

January 2nd is the soonest I can get. I made an appointment for that day. I’m not really sure what to expect but I’m hopeful.

 

There’s only one way left to go from here and that’s up.

 

Great stuff MH.

 

Couple of months ago, you were opposed to the idea and resisted. After months of struggle, you finally came to the point where it was worth it. Pay attention to this because it really highlights how getting over heartbreak is a slow process that only moves to the next step only when you yourself are ready. It's not something you can force. This is also something losangelena mentioned as well.

 

Don't expect miracles in therapy. Therapy will not magically heal you. They will listen, give you tools to help yourself but ultimately, it will be up to you to apply it and practice. What you put in is what you get out. If you want to feel better again, you eventually will because you will do what is necessary to get it done. The rest of the work goes to time.

 

Great stuff. Proud of you

 

- Beach

[Madd_hatter]

I’m excited about my first session, hoping she could shed some light as to why I can’t let go and what I can do to make it easier.

 

I didn’t want to start the new year feeling the way I do now, but at least I’m working on it.

 

I’m not expecting a miracle, I know it will still take time. I have time. I just hope I can start to feel a little better soon.

 

I see his face everytime I close my eyes. It’s sucks soooo bad. It’s to the point I’m afraid to sleep. I’ve dreamt of him almost every single night nice Christmas.

 

I can’t see him not mattering in 5 years from now. How can I ever forget him? I don’t know how I could ever forget him.

 

I feel so empty.

[Ronni_W]

I’m not expecting a miracle, I know it will still take time.

Positive expectation is a good thing...so, it's fine to expect 'miracles'; why not? It will take time, yes, but you're also doing everything that you can to make that time as short as possible.

 

The therapist cannot actually 'shed light' on anything related to your personal journey and progress...but can help you to do that. . And, you can do that. Guaranteed.

[JuneL]

January 2nd is the soonest I can get. I made an appointment for that day. I’m not really sure what to expect but I’m hopeful.

 

There’s only one way left to go from here and that’s up.

 

This is a great first step; so proud of you!

[losangelena]

Oh, I think you will be surprised. One of my life’s greatest joys was realizing that I didn’t give a hoot about my dude. It took a long time, but I will never forget the first time he reached out to me and I didn’t feel my heart almost explode out of my chest. It was a big step. Now if I ever hear from him (once every few years or so), I usually take my time in replying, if I do at all. It’s great.

[starlight8]

Oh, I think you will be surprised. One of my life’s greatest joys was realizing that I didn’t give a hoot about my dude. It took a long time, but I will never forget the first time he reached out to me and I didn’t feel my heart almost explode out of my chest. It was a big step. Now if I ever hear from him (once every few years or so), I usually take my time in replying, if I do at all. It’s great.

 

Hell yeahhh, it is an awesome feeling once you reach that stage!

Madd, you will get there, honestly even when it doesn't seem possible!! Believe me. I remember feeling absolutely distraught over one guy - he was very emotionally abusive and would just block me the minute I called him up on his crap and obviously, this felt terrible. I had my exams looming when he did that and felt terrified cus that feeling was so pervasive - that you cannot imagine a time of not caring - let alone revise for exams?! But I did it and got there, and you will too. I'll never forget when he messaged me months later and I didn't give a hoot considering how upside down my world had felt back at the time he'd disappeared. Or when he tried again a few years later, messaging a friend of mine urging her to convince me to get in touch and I could not care less - absolutely nothing, nada. It felt great and will feel great for you too - try changing your internal narrative though:

 

Instead of continuing to tell yourself you can't ever feel differently, say to yourself, well it is possible: those people on LS did it, and I will too. (Even if you don't feel those words at all) - the more you keep repeating it, you can start to slowly chip away at your firmly-held beliefs which are just keeping you trapped.

[Happy Lemming]

January 2nd is the soonest I can get. I made an appointment for that day.

 

Just wondering how your first therapy session went??

[Madd_hatter]

Hi lemming, thanks for thinking of me.

 

I guess it went well. It’s all new to me so not really sure what was supposed to happen. We talked about me more than him. I mean, she did ask me questions about him but she focused more on me. We talked about my childhood, relationships with friends, family, she asked about school, work, just normal stuff. She asked me about any romantic relationships. We just talked. Well mostly me lol.

 

She didn’t prescribe any medicine or exercise of any kind, I thought she would. We just talked. It felt good to talk, but honestly, that’s kinda the same feeling I get coming on here and it’s free instead of $175 a session.

 

She wants to see me again Wednesday. I guess we’ll see how it goes after that. Staying positive.

[stillafool]

Hang in there. We can't give professional advice here and as you can see from your long thread our advice is not moving you forward one bit.

[losangelena]

Yep, that all sounds about right.

 

I will say, LS can be a good supplement to therapy, but it is not a replacement. We don’t know you, and we’re not trained professionals. Your therapist’s job is to help you connect the dots of the ins and outs and whys of your life. Without getting a chance to know enough personal details, we here can never really get that in depth with you.

 

But talking is what therapy is. If your therapist is a psychologist, which she probably is, she does not prescribe medication, psychiatrists do that. Once you get further in and she knows you a bit more, she may suggest medication, but you will actually be better off asking her outright what she thinks. Both of my former therapists when I asked were both like, “it’s something you could look into if you wanted to,” but neither of them outright said that they thought I needed meds, but that’s generally not their job.

 

You’ll probably eventually get to your relationship as a conversation topic, but it makes sense that it wasn’t a first session topic. Your therapist needs to build a foundation of getting to know you. Plus, generally, relationship dynamics such as you had with him, the codependency and obsessiveness, don’t usually form in a vacuum, so chances are there is some sort of family dynamic at play that maybe you’re unaware of that’s causing this. If your therapist is any good, she will help you see those connections. At $175 an hour, she better, lol.

 

Still glad you’re going!

Edited January 4, 2019 by losangelena

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Hi lemming, thanks for thinking of me.

 

I guess it went well. It’s all new to me so not really sure what was supposed to happen. We talked about me more than him. I mean, she did ask me questions about him but she focused more on me. We talked about my childhood, relationships with friends, family, she asked about school, work, just normal stuff. She asked me about any romantic relationships. We just talked. Well mostly me lol.

 

She didn’t prescribe any medicine or exercise of any kind, I thought she would. We just talked. It felt good to talk, but honestly, that’s kinda the same feeling I get coming on here and it’s free instead of $175 a session.

 

She wants to see me again Wednesday. I guess we’ll see how it goes after that. Staying positive.

 

She shouldn't be talking about him. This is not about him. This is about you.

 

How much of the $175 is your insurance covering? I've never heard of practice not lowering their fee if insurance covers none of it or if the patient has no insurance.

[Happy Lemming]

She didn’t prescribe any medicine or exercise of any kind, I thought she would. We just talked. It felt good to talk, but honestly, that’s kinda the same feeling I get coming on here and it’s free instead of $175 a session.

 

She may be "laying the foundation" for your treatment with the first appointment.

 

I'm sure she'll have more for you on Wednesday.

 

Best of luck!

[Osho]

Something you said stood out to me and reminded me much of what I went through with an ex. To summarize In 30 yrs I’ve never been with anyone I felt that strongly for until I met her. There were a million red flags and warnings I ignored. I even found beauty in all of her flaws much like you do with him. I couldn’t help but wonder and feel that there is no way I could ever find anything that amazing again. I foolishly resigned myself to my own devices. Turned away all advances for years. Read more books than I can count about inner development and found myself in ways that I never imagined. All with the idea that I’ll be better for her when she snaps out of it. Next time we crossed paths she was smitten with me. I whipped myself into amazing shape physically mentally and spiritually. All things that were completely irresistible to her. I gave it another shot because that same chemistry I couldn’t find anywhere else was still there. But the more I discovered about her the more I realized she hasn’t changed one bit. I saw her in a way I was blinded to initially. In the end we didn’t last very long but I left with the most amazing thing I could ask for. Emotional freedom from her and feeling like I would never be able to find that in another again. The only thing that changed from this time and the last break was realizing I didn’t need to go through any of that to be free of her.

 

My personal opinion based on my own experiences is that anything regarding you diving deeper into knowing yourself and why you act and feel the way you do towards him is what will be your saving grace. There’s many ways to get to that and therapy is most definitely sound advice to a better you. Even if you’re only trying to better yourself for him. In the end the day may come where he wants you like you do him right now and you’ll see that you won’t ignore any red flags and dive face first into a one sided relationship that leads to heartbreak.

 

Also when it comes to therapy, knowing how to direct yourself to the parts of you that you can’t see requires the therapist first knowing those parts of you. Especially your relationship with your parents and family members. So don’t feel as though you’re wasting your time talking about you when you want to talk about him. Think of therapy as a chance to get away from thinking of him. Use it as your mini vacation.

 

In the electronics field we have a known rule that when we’re stuck on something the answer will come much faster when we’re not focused on the solution or problem. To the point my job allows our techs to get up and walk around as most of the time when talking to other employees about mundane life details the solution always comes to us.

[preraph]

If you want to save a bunch of money, you should have your therapist just come over here and read this thread.

[stillafool]

I agree with the above. Let your therapist read this thread and it will save you not only money but time.

[Madd_hatter]

So I took your guys advice and showed the therapist this thread. She’s been reading it and I was supposed to go bad for another session on the 19th but I couldn’t really afford it at the moment. I’ll continue when I can.

 

Still miss him terribly and it’s not really gotten any better at all. Someone here suggested I stay away from LS for a bit because maybe talking about it too much was making it worse. So far it hasn’t changed much.

 

I haven’t called, texted, checked social media or messaged in any way but I think about him non stop.

 

I have been hanging out with the younger guy but I don’t want to lead him on. I told him I don’t want a relationship with anyone and that I recently had my heart broken. He said he just likes being my friend but I know he wants more. I don’t feel that way about him but he’s super sweet.

[Happy Lemming]

Did the therapist assist you in any way??

 

Do you feel better after talking to your therapist??

 

I'd keep seeing the new guy, if nothing else, it is a diversion. You put your cards on the table and the new guy knows where he stands, so keep going out and hanging out as friends. You already know that he wants more, so if/when you are ready... he'll be there.

[Madd_hatter]

In the 3 sessions we had all we did was talk. She asked questions and I’d answer. She’d ask about my childhood, my parents, school, friendships, relationships with my siblings. She covered everything.

 

She only asked about him on the last visit. I told her as much as I could. I showed her the thread here, she said she’d look at it and for me to come back. But like I said, I don’t think I can afford it right now.

[Happy Lemming]

Did you tell your therapist your financial situation??

 

I think I would have explained during the 3rd session that you were running low on funds, didn't know if you could make the next appointment and could she make some suggestions to improve your mental health/situation??

 

How do you feel it is going?? Do you feel better or even a slight improvement after the sessions?? Or do you feel like this whole endeavor is just a money grab??

[stillafool]

Definitely try to make it back now that she has read this thread. She will have a much better idea of what you've been going through and can help. There has to be some type of financial aid in your town or near for mental health. I'm sure your therapist should be able to help you with that. Hang in there it's really been too soon to expect much improvement at this point.

[LivingWaterPlease]

There are some large churches who employ counselors where you can talk with for free. You don't have to belong to the church and they don't preach to you, either. Might be worth your time to check out some of those in your area.

[Rayce]

Talk to your therapist about your financial hardship they may see you pro-bono. If not they will be able to point you in the right direction of where you can get help for free.

 

I have an established relationship with my counselor and sometimes its years in between visits... One time when I was out of a job with no insurance I really needed help so I reached out to her via phone. She saw me pro-bono and helped me deal that situation. It's always worth being up front and just let them know you can't afford the visit but you need the help.

Edited January 24, 2019 by Rayce
additional thoughts

[Beachead]

In the 3 sessions we had all we did was talk. She asked questions and I’d answer. She’d ask about my childhood, my parents, school, friendships, relationships with my siblings. She covered everything.

 

She only asked about him on the last visit. I told her as much as I could. I showed her the thread here, she said she’d look at it and for me to come back. But like I said, I don’t think I can afford it right now.

 

How do you feel so far? Do you feel hopeful about it?