Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him

[Madd_hatter]

I told myself I wouldn’t post on this thread anymore. I opened a new one titled “one year later” to post about my progress. I didn’t feel like I should post this on that thread because this is me back tracking on that progress. Nothing sparked or triggered it. It just happened. My own feelings sabotaged me. Literally haven’t thought about him in weeks, then out of nowhere!!! He just pops up in my head and I can’t make it stop.

 

I’m trying as hard as I ever have but it’s no use. I’m a wreck. I miss him so much, I do, I really really do. It’s real, it isn’t phantom feelings or just reminiscing. I feel it. I’m trying to get back to the place I was a few days ago but I can’t. I want to see him so badly. I miss his voice.

 

I didn’t know what else to do, so I came here. I need to be awake in less than 5 hours and I honestly don’t feel like sleep is going to happen tonight.

[Beachead]

@MH

 

It's just a setback which happens sometimes. Could be something externally triggered it. Could be that sometimes our mind does wander and stray in the nights. Whatever it is, it'll subside in a few days. If it doesn't, reread this thread about him to remind yourself of why it wouldn't have worked out.

[Happy Lemming]

To "Madd_hatter"

 

Have you tried to start dating?? Meeting someone else??

 

I really feel like its time to fill the void.

[stillafool]

I told myself I wouldn’t post on this thread anymore. I opened a new one titled “one year later” to post about my progress. I didn’t feel like I should post this on that thread because this is me back tracking on that progress. Nothing sparked or triggered it. It just happened. My own feelings sabotaged me. Literally haven’t thought about him in weeks, then out of nowhere!!! He just pops up in my head and I can’t make it stop.

 

What could you possibly miss? Think about it, you two were never in a relationship.

[LoverOfDance]

I really hope you aren't still on this thread 10 years from now. You are wasting your life on this man.

 

Your problem is that you have refused to accept your feelings. You are fighting them. Stop fighting. I've told you before that you may never get over this man. You have to accept that.

 

You don't have to get over it. You just have to move on.

 

You have to love yourself enough to move on. Know that you deserve better and move on. This man is not for you. You will never move on until you open your eyes to this fact. You can feel something for someone and still want nothing to do with them. You have to grow up and start wanting better for yourself.

[Madd_hatter]

I’ve thought about dating and I am open to it, but no ones been around. I’d be willing to let someone in if there was someone to let in.

 

I miss him. It’s not fair to say we were never in a romantic relationship so I don’t get to miss him. We were friends. I don’t care how it ended, I know it ended horribly, we were friends.

 

I really hope I’m over this in 10 years! It’s not the feelings that I’m afraid of. It’s the dark place they put me in. I even said when I was doing my best, I still missed him, still felt incredibly attracted to him, still felt love for him and still wished things were different. The feelings have never gone away. I just didn’t feel so sad. But for some reason, that sad, hurt, rejected feeling has returned.

 

I really feel so alone. Like no one really understands.

 

I didn’t really get to sleep a whole lot last night, but when I did, I had a dream of him. We were on vacation together and we were chatting in the hotel lobby and laughing. That was it. Nothing more. But I would give almost anything to have that dream be reality.

[preraph]

You need to get back in therapy. If not with the one from before with someone new.

[LoverOfDance]

I UNDERSTAND. I do. I'm sure some ppl on here do too. You think you're alone in this but you are not.

 

I am not asking you to get over it. I am asking you to MOVE ON.

 

I was stuck in your situation for years. I never got over it. I just moved on. I don't want him because with him came a very special kind of misery that i never want to experience in this lifetime or in any other lifetime for that matter.

 

Some ppl just don't belong in your life and if you try to force them into your life, you will be unhappy.

 

I think there is a part of you that is not yet ready to move on. Stop fighting yourself. Maybe one day you will be ready. There is nothing any of us can tell you that would actually really make you move on. These feelings and thoughts are usually irrational. If God is willing and if YOU are willing, one day, something will click inside of you and you will finally leave him behind and never look back.

[stillafool]

 

I miss him. It’s not fair to say we were never in a romantic relationship so I don’t get to miss him. We were friends. I don’t care how it ended, I know it ended horribly, we were friends.

 

No one said "you don't get to miss him" as you can't help that. I am asking you to think about what it is that you miss about him. You two weren't in a relationship but had sex once. Are you missing the long talks you two had, going on dates, going on vacations together, handling problems together and planning together, him being there when you needed him? These are the things people in relationships experience. Maybe if you actually write down what it is that you actually miss about him being in your life you may find that the list is quite short and not worth the energy you are putting into it.

 

 

I really feel so alone. Like no one really understands.

 

What is it that you are trying to get people to understand?

[lana-banana]

It's gonna be okay, MH. This is a setback. It happens. Per your own words you went weeks and weeks without even thinking about him, which is an incredible achievement considering where you started. You need to trust that you're going to get through this, just like you got through everything before. Deep breaths, kiddo.

[Madd_hatter]

I miss him being there. I miss our heart to heart talks, we used to be able to talk for hours. I miss hanging out with him and him making me laugh. I miss the hope he gave me. He gave me hope that i could be happy one day. Now that he’s gone I can’t really see myself ever being happy. I have nothing to look forward to.

 

I don’t feel like anyone understands My feelings. Just because we were never dating doesn’t mean it hurts any less. It makes it worse knowing that it died before it ever lived. And I know he would be happy with me if he gave me the chance. I would make him so happy. I’d do anything for him.

[lana-banana]

And I know he would be happy with me if he gave me the chance. I would make him so happy. I’d do anything for him.

 

These are not healthy thoughts. These things aren't true, and they're also entirely out of your control. It's okay, though---this is just your brain steering back into the same familiar neural pathways you wore over the many many years you spent obsessed with him. Your object right now is to steer away. Put on some soothing music, maybe some rain sounds, and distract yourself with other thoughts. Find a movie to watch, get something to eat, or get caught up with random Twitter drama. Don't let yourself continue to go back down those paths. There's nothing new there.

[Timshel]

Same small town, same people...MH, if ever there was a person that needs to throw a dart at a map, pack a bag and have an adventure, it's you.

 

 

This will pass but spreading your wings wouldn't hurt.

[preraph]

So were you also not happy before and just never been happy and somehow thought he would fix that? Again, this is why you need to find the right therapist. Sounds like you're relying on someone else to make you happy. That's not realistic.

[stillafool]

I miss him being there. I miss our heart to heart talks, we used to be able to talk for hours. I miss hanging out with him and him making me laugh. I miss the hope he gave me. He gave me hope that i could be happy one day. Now that he’s gone I can’t really see myself ever being happy. I have nothing to look forward to.

 

I don’t feel like anyone understands My feelings. Just because we were never dating doesn’t mean it hurts any less. It makes it worse knowing that it died before it ever lived. And I know he would be happy with me if he gave me the chance. I would make him so happy. I’d do anything for him.

 

What hope did he give you that you would be happy? Yes I'm quite aware of how painful unrequited love is. It's very hard to accept loving someone so much and not getting that love back in return. We just have to accept it and move on even when our heart is still with them.

[stillafool]

Same small town, same people...MH, if ever there was a person that needs to throw a dart at a map, pack a bag and have an adventure, it's you.

 

 

This will pass but spreading your wings wouldn't hurt.

 

I completely agree with this. You need to move out of that town and into a city where you can open your world up to a larger audience. There you will meet new men and forget about this guy.

[Happy Lemming]

I’ve thought about dating and I am open to it, but no ones been around.

 

Oh this one is easy to fix... Tonight, doll yourself up, go down to the local sports bar and sit down on a bar stool. I'm sure someone will chit-chat with you and ask for your number!!

[Beachead]

I don’t feel like anyone understands My feelings.

 

You're not the only person who was dumped, denied or rejected by someone they wanted and forced into reluctantly letting them go and forge a life without them.

 

It's time you reread your thread and hop onto other threads on this forum. Reading other people's experiences will give you perspective that will help you understand your own situation better. You don't have to contribute to the threads..but read them.

 

And I know he would be happy with me if he gave me the chance. I would make him so happy. I’d do anything for him.

 

He had his whole life to try it out with you but he didn't because he didn't want to.

 

The only reason you're unwilling to let go of it is because you don't believe you are capable of having a great, purposeful life filled of love and laughter..without him. You're afraid of trying and failing at it, so you latch onto him because it gives you an excuse not to try at all. Because if you don't try..you won't fail and that means you won't have to possibly realize he was the best you would ever get in your life (Which is total bullsh*t).

 

You're scared, you don't love yourself nor do you show yourself the respect you deserve.

 

- Beach

Edited June 18, 2019 by Beachead

[JuneL]

“And I know he would be happy with me if he gave me the chance. I would make him so happy. I’d do anything for him.”

 

Please get a grip!

[Blanco]

You're stuck in the fantasy of this man. Being good platonic friends and being good romantic partners are not the same and just because you can be a good fit for one does not mean you'd be a good fit for the other.

 

Others have said it, but it bears repeating: He had years to make that transition from friends to lovers with you and he repeatedly opted not to. I know that hurts and makes you feel less than, but one person deciding they do not want a relationship with you can't define your entire sense of worth. I say this as someone who's often struggled with the aftermath of breakups, taking months, even years to feel really good about myself again.

 

This guy isn't coming back, because he was never really there in the way you desire him. Even if my some happenstance he did, he would almost certainly be unable to live up to the fantasy you've constructed in your head about what a relationship with him would be like.

 

Take care of yourself, and I second (or third or fourth) the notion that you should consider a move to a more populated area where you can meet new people and expand what sounds like a fairly narrow worldview.

[niji]

What could you possibly miss? Think about it, you two were never in a relationship.

 

 

A lot of things.

Unrequited love can take a long time to get over. I had feelings for someone who was married (that I didn't know until it was too late for me); we only spent 3 months together on an overseas mission, but it took me a full year to be in a place where I could feel attracted to another male again (and 7 years later, I still remember my recovery timeline vividly). And that experience is no where near as involved as the OP. We had a good time together and lots of talks, but never anything crossing boundaries - nothing beyond a platonic friendship. Yet it left me a complete wreck for a year. I totally see where the OP is coming from.

 

Fantasy and memories are two very strong forces. It never was, so it will always be a dream that never got fulfilled. And so it must be so much better than reality. That's the image that you built up around this person. No arguing about petty daily life, no seeing each other on a daily basis at each other's absolute worse. Everything remains ideal and beautiful.

 

Keep up the no contact, OP. Time truly does heal everything. Deactivate social media if you must. Remember, 10 years from now, the only one who will be grieving time lost is you, not him. Everyone, including you, deserves happiness.

Edited June 20, 2019 by niji

[Madd_hatter]

I found out that they’re expecting a baby. It’s early on apparently. It’s not like this changes anything at all, so why does this hurt so bad?

 

He’s going to be a dad. I wanted to be the mother of his children. I wanted to have a family with him. I wanted to raise our kids and grandkids and grow old together with him.

 

This news hit me like a ton of bricks. My heart is in pieces. I’m really struggling to get myself back to normal with this one.

 

I am going back to therapy. Starting tomorrow. I feel like I have no other option.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

I'm sorry, MH. I'm sure that really stings .

[Beachead]

I found out that they’re expecting a baby. It’s early on apparently. It’s not like this changes anything at all, so why does this hurt so bad?

 

He’s going to be a dad. I wanted to be the mother of his children. I wanted to have a family with him. I wanted to raise our kids and grandkids and grow old together with him.

 

This news hit me like a ton of bricks. My heart is in pieces. I’m really struggling to get myself back to normal with this one.

 

I am going back to therapy. Starting tomorrow. I feel like I have no other option.

 

I'm sorry MH.

 

Well it hurts because you were in some kind of denial about him and her. You probably hoped the marriage wouldn't last and comforted yourself on that hope. Hearing about a baby confirmed that this was not the case. It confirms everything is going just fine for them meaning he really has moved on with his life. If he's moved on with his life, there will never be a you and him. Your fantasy is shattered.

 

Therapy will do you well. Goodluck

 

-Beach

[LoverOfDance]

When it came to telling Jason the truth about your feelings for him, you were brave enough to tell the truth. When it came to telling his wife the truth on the other hand and confessing what you had done with her husband, your bravery is nowhere to be found.

 

You do realize that human selfishness is one of the biggest causes of our problems right? His wife is now pregnant and all you can think about is what YOU are losing and what YOU are missing out on which if I may emphasize is NOT MUCH.

 

You and Jason broke that marriage before it even started. There is a very good chance that that marriage will eventually end because of what you and Jason did and because Jason is just not someone who should be married.

 

Now don’t get things twisted, my intention here is not to give you false hope. I am trying to help you change your karma. You need to stop thinking about yourself. Come out of yourself and start thinking of others.

 

ONLY THE TRUTH WILL SET YOU FREE Op. And if you eventually confess your truth, I hope you do it from a place of selflessness and not selfishness.