Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him

[LoverOfDance]

I know very well that I am speaking from a Christian perspective but I only speak this way because MH is a Christian. Although I do wonder about your relationship with God MH. I feel like you’ve drifted from Him and I am not sure why. Just the feeling I get from you.

 

To those who say it is not MH’s obligation to reveal the truth. It is definitely not. However, I will say this, is it anybody’s obligation to volunteer or to help those in need? It is not but we do because lending a hand is a good thing to do.

 

MH, since you started this thread, I have definitely been concerned about you but on the other hand, I have been very concerned about Jason’s wife as well. You said last year that she was in a car accident previously. She saved herself for marriage and gave herself to a man who couldn’t even be faithful to her. You might not have been great friends with her but you told us once that you and his wife were somewhat friends and that she was nice to you.

 

My concern with you is that you are not thinking of the wrong you’ve done or the person you’ve hurt. You are concerned with what you’ve “lost”.

 

I do hope that at some point in your life you find a way to put things right.

Edited October 18, 2019 by LoverOfDance

[Rayce]

Although I do wonder about your relationship with God MH. I feel like you’ve drifted from Him and I am not sure why. Just the feeling I get from you.

 

Only God knows what is in MH heart. Your feelings have nothing to do with it and seems a bit judgmental…

[Beachead]

MH, when your brain is muddled with all kinds of thoughts, some of which you're aware of and some which you are not..writing can help bring it all out to your attention. Furthermore, if you focus that writing towards something positive such as concentrating on 1 or 2 things you are grateful everyday or what you want out of your future, you'll start thinking about those things more and more.

 

It is one of the major tools that helped me learn about myself. I was able to draw out my weaknesses, and learn from my mistakes using it. I was able to focus my mind on my academic/career goals and get myself through a lot of relative struggle because of it. Got through my breakups using it.

 

Do not count it out. It's a very powerful tool if you you remain open-minded with motivation to improve upon your life. But if you are closed to the idea of it and believe it to be a joke, you won't find any benefit from it. So if you want to heal, keep your mind open. Writing + a goo therapist who makes you feel comfortable will do you well.

Edited October 18, 2019 by Beachead

[Maddie82]

MH, I know my suggestions sound insane, trust me I do.

 

Yep.

 

There is nothing sane about this and there is also nothing selfless about obsession. Obsession has everything to do with YOU and not the object.

 

LOD you are the one that is obsessed with the OP hurting a pregnant woman and innocent baby for nothing. After all this time, there is no point and absolutely nothing to be gained. Telling her now is selfish and would be more of an at of revenge. The OP has decided to the best thing and not cause trouble.

 

I truly do believe it will help you in the long run.

 

Completely untrue. It won't help at all.

[Madd_hatter]

There’s no point in telling a pregnant woman that I slept with her husband before he even proposed. It’s not like it was before her wedding night. She doesn’t need to carry that stress it is not good for her baby. Trust me I am thinking of her.

 

If I wasn’t, I’d march right over there, tell her everything, maybe even exaggerate a bit, wait for her to leave him and then make my move on him. Does that sound better? Lol didn’t think so

 

No.. I made my decision. They weren’t even engaged at the time. It seems more selfish for to tell her now just for the sake of clearing my conscious. It’s out of the question.

 

I’m writing the journal. I’m staying away. I’ve switched churches. I’m back in therapy. I’m focusing on me.. I need to get well. I understand that I am not and I’m worried about me. They’re happy. Why would I want to ruin that for them just because I am not? No that’s too mean and heartless.

 

I am happy for them. I’d never wish what I’m feeling on my worse enemy, yet alone someone I love.

[Beachead]

@MH

 

I’m writing the journal. I’m staying away. I’ve switched churches. I’m back in therapy. I’m focusing on me.. I need to get well. I understand that I am not and I’m worried about me.

 

Despite this episode, you do sound a lot more clearer than you did last year in general, just to let you know. Last year, it almost seemed like nobody could get through to you. That's not the case now. So there is evidence of progress.

 

Keep at it.

[LoverOfDance]

MH, you told us they were dating for 7 months or so before he proposed. What does it matter whether or not he had proposed to her? He was in a committed relationship with her before he proposed. The point is that he slept with you while being committed to someone else. It was wrong for you to have slept with someone who was already committed to someone else. You have admitted this before. So why do you defend yourself now by claiming “he hadn’t even proposed yet”?

 

MH, you are too busy concerned with what you don’t have. You are too busy envying a pregnant woman whose husband is nowhere close to ideal. You should be focused on being A BETTER HUMAN BEING. This is what I have been trying to say to you since you started this thread. I’m sorry if I sound tough but I don’t know how else to say this without sounding harsh. You are focused on the WRONG things.

 

Anyways, I have read your responses and I find them interesting because I can see that people sometimes understand what they want to understand.

 

I have not told you to disrupt their lives. Truthfully speaking, you would gain absolutely nothing from disrupting their lives. In fact what I have told you to do is to find a way to right your past wrongs. If you feel that now is not the best time to do so, then wait. If you feel that there are no wrongs to be righted then do nothing. Do whatever you please. It is your life at the end of the day.

 

I am not responding to you to convince you to follow my suggestions. I am responding to you because you don’t seem to understand what I have been trying to say BUT like I said before, people understand what they choose to understand.

Edited October 19, 2019 by LoverOfDance

[Maddie82]

You should be focused on being A BETTER HUMAN Being

 

This is rather rude and insulting.

 

I have not told you to disrupt their lives

 

This is exactly what you have been encouraging her to do. Why are you so desperate for her to do this?. She has chosen to do the right thing by not causing any unecassary trouble and to move on from this. You are going to have to accept this.

[Amethyst68]

And again I would point out we have no idea what's gone on in this couple's relationship. They are Christians, they may already have dealt with the infidelity.

 

If MH does feel the need to confess I suggest she speaks to her new pastor/minister. There is no need to even name anyone but that is HER choice.

 

MH, keep journaling, remember it's not a diary it's for getting all those things out that you feel you can never tell anyone, for chasing a train of thought etc. Good luck.

[Rayce]

I am not sure why some people want to keep bring up the fact that MH is a Christian. Her relationship with God is her business so please stop with all the judgement. Thank you.

 

I don't understand why sometimes Christians feel they have the right to bestowed judgement on someone else. In my own life it is people who say they are Christians that have judged me the hardest... the irony of it.

 

I don't understand... are you trying to guilt her into getting over Jason? I just don't get it... you can't guilt trip someone into not loving someone you think they shouldn't...

Edited October 19, 2019 by Rayce

[stillafool]

If some woman showed up at my door and told me she had sex with my husband 2 years before he married me, I'd laugh in her face and close the door, (still laughing). MH you would look like a fool if you took the suggestion to tell her at this point.

[Amethyst68]

Rayce, it's got nothing to do with guilt on my part so maybe stop being so judgemental yourself.

 

Many churches make couples go through a form of MC before they're allowed to marry. I www thinking the cheating may have been dealt with if something like this happened.

 

Like it or not being religious (whatever denomination) does have an impact on someone's life, their thought processes and decision making.

[Rayce]

Rayce, it's got nothing to do with guilt on my part so maybe stop being so judgemental yourself.

 

lol...oh that's a good one. I will get right on that!

[preraph]

I grew up in a hellfire and damnation Christian community, and they were the judgiest people (and biggest hypocrites) I ever was around. If you weren't one of them, you were going to hell. They're not all like that though.

[elaine567]

If some woman showed up at my door and told me she had sex with my husband 2 years before he married me, I'd laugh in her face and close the door, (still laughing).

I don't think you would be laughing, not inside anyway..

MH was Jason's best friend for 10 years...

You would have to take her seriously.

 

But the point is moot, MH has no intention of blowing up their marriage.

[Amethyst68]

MH was Jason's best friend for 10 years....

 

I would bet if Jason was asked he would not have the same perception of their relationship. Oh I believe he thought of her as a friend but not at the same level.

[LoverOfDance]

Lol, Rayce, everyone judges. EVERYONE. Christians, non-christians. We judge each other everyday. But you see, the trick is to realize that you are judgemental and to try to judge less.

 

The minute I said I was Christian, I noticed the judgement of others towards me in their replies but no one will admit this though. No one likes to admit that they judge others.

 

Anyways, I have no intention of convincing MH of anything. I only told you what is in my heart. Only time will tell us what MH truly should have done. As I have said a million times, MH, DO WHAT YOU WILL. No one can control you and I am sure I don’t even know the half of it because you probably haven’t told us everything. I’m just some crazy stranger on the internet blabbing away about things that make no sense. Go to therapy, listen to your therapist and keep writing in your journal, even though you have already been journaling on here for almost 2 years now.

[preraph]

Thing is love comes from within the one who loves. It doesn't come as a byproduct created between the one who loves and the object, whether real or imaginary. Most people are in love with an ideal in their own head.

 

And the best thing is that since that love comes from within you, you get to take it with you when you go, and withdraw it from an unsuitable person and carry it with you to give it to someone who is deserving. This is all within each person's control, if they will just accept that is is theirs and not something magical that has profound meaning and purpose.

[stillafool]

I don't think you would be laughing, not inside anyway..

MH was Jason's best friend for 10 years...

You would have to take her seriously.

 

But the point is moot, MH has no intention of blowing up their marriage.

 

I still wouldn't care because if he had known her for 10 years and didn't take it further I would know it was just sex. Plus, I'm sure he's already told her about MH's feeling towards him and she's probably noticed it herself.

[d0nnivain]

There’s no point in telling a pregnant woman that I slept with her husband before he even proposed. It’s not like it was before her wedding night. She doesn’t need to carry that stress it is not good for her baby. Trust me I am thinking of her.

 

If I wasn’t, I’d march right over there, tell her everything, maybe even exaggerate a bit, wait for her to leave him and then make my move on him. Does that sound better? Lol didn’t think so

 

No.. I made my decision. They weren’t even engaged at the time. It seems more selfish for to tell her now just for the sake of clearing my conscious. It’s out of the question.

 

I’m writing the journal. I’m staying away. I’ve switched churches. I’m back in therapy. I’m focusing on me.. I need to get well. I understand that I am not and I’m worried about me. They’re happy. Why would I want to ruin that for them just because I am not? No that’s too mean and heartless.

 

I am happy for them. I’d never wish what I’m feeling on my worse enemy, yet alone someone I love.

 

It sounds like you are taking positive steps. He has moved on if there was even ever something with you for him to move on from. He used you in the worst possible way & that is still affecting your life all these years later. The time you have spent suffering over this is heartbreaking. Stay in therapy.

 

Since you made the decision never to tell her, which I think is the right way to go, what else are you doing to get over him? I hate to see you still feeling like this.

[Madd_hatter]

I honestly don’t know what else I can do to make myself get over him. I feel like if you love someone.. truly love them, you don’t really ever get over them. How can you stop loving someone? Love, real love, is unconditional. I fell in love with him for whatever he is. That doesn’t just change because he doesn’t love me back. I really don’t think I’ll ever be “over” him. Learn how to cope with the feelings, yes.. get over him? No.. I don’t think I’ll ever not love him.

[Timshel]

Cool beans Madd_Hatter, this is your life. It seems melodramatic from the outside looking in...'I'll never love this way again.'

 

You would be kind to yourself to move away, the world is large. Does your church have outreach to other places or countries? Is there something that you can join that challenges yourself and does productive good for the God that you believe in?

[Beachead]

MH,

 

Love, real love, is unconditional. I fell in love with him for whatever he is. That doesn’t just change because he doesn’t love me back. I really don’t think I’ll ever be “over” him. Learn how to cope with the feelings, yes.. get over him? No.. I don’t think I’ll ever not love him.

 

I had a weak moment last week. I unblocked my ex on facebook. I took a long hard look at all the pictures of her wedding. I've had her blocked for 2 years. Seeing her happy upset me but once I was passed that, I started recalling why it was we ended. That no matter how great I could have been, no matter what I could do..this girl was never going to stay in my life, because she was in love with her ex. Her immediately going back to him after I called it off (because he was still in the picture) was proof enough that I made the right call. I had elated moments with her but I wasn't happy in the relationship. I wanted to be but I wasn't. She wasn't all there, and I wasn't being treated fairly. The whole situation was wrong.

 

So with some time, my mind started to resolve the pain I felt by recalling reasons why it wouldn't have worked out. Do I miss her still? Yea I do. She was important to me, but who she is in reality and what she wanted in her life..was not compatible with me.

 

I say this, because although it's a different situation, dealing with it, is very much the same. You may never be over him but you don't need to be. You just need to know why it wasn't going to work out and remind yourself of it everyday and put in that daily, internal work. Don't think about trying to move on, just move forward, by living.

 

- Beach

[stillafool]

I honestly don’t know what else I can do to make myself get over him. I feel like if you love someone.. truly love them, you don’t really ever get over them. How can you stop loving someone? Love, real love, is unconditional. I fell in love with him for whatever he is. That doesn’t just change because he doesn’t love me back. I really don’t think I’ll ever be “over” him. Learn how to cope with the feelings, yes.. get over him? No.. I don’t think I’ll ever not love him.

 

MH maybe if you sit and write down what it is you love about him it may help and you will find that the list isn't that long. IDK, just try it.

[d0nnivain]

I honestly don’t know what else I can do to make myself get over him. I feel like if you love someone.. truly love them, you don’t really ever get over them. How can you stop loving someone? Love, real love, is unconditional. I fell in love with him for whatever he is. That doesn’t just change because he doesn’t love me back. I really don’t think I’ll ever be “over” him. Learn how to cope with the feelings, yes.. get over him? No.. I don’t think I’ll ever not love him.

 

True love is reciprocal. You have unrequited love which is a lesser thing IMO.

 

Have you tried making a list of his bad qualities? Start with he used you. Include he took advantage & add that he was not a true friend.

 

I had a similar experience, which pales in comparison. I had a crush on a boy in HS. He gave me one of my earliest kisses. We sort of went on a date as freshman in college while we were both home for break. I say sort of because we hung out at the Mall then made out in his car. Not exactly world class romance. Junior year he came to visit me at school. We attended colleges almost 700 miles apart. During his visit he hooked up with my roommate. I was crushed but I acted like it was all fine because he & I were "just friends." During my last year of graduate school, he appeared at my parents' house about a week before he was supposed to marry his college sweetheart. He said if I told him that I loved him, he wouldn't marry her. I told him not to marry her because if he could say something like that he had no business getting married & that we'd talk about things after he straightened out his relationship. He married her anyway; I was not invited to the wedding. Mutual friends told me she hated me & they fought about me. They had two kids & stayed married for 25+ years. I last saw him about 10 years ago at a HS reunion; she was there giving me dagger eyes which I didn't understand after all this time especially since I introduced both of them to my beloved husband & made a point to stay away. I don't know why they divorced. It certainly wasn't because of me. He & I are FB friends. Occasionally one of us will like the other one's vacation pictures (it's usually me liking his pictures because he takes some amazing vacations & travels to glamorous places for work)

 

My point to you is life goes on. You have to find reasons to let go. This wasn't meant to be

 

You have to come up with better self talk that helps to move you forward. Remind yourself that you made a bad decision giving your V card to him, that he is not an honorable person for taking it & that you are entitled to be happy.