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Absolutely unconditionally bat sh*t crazy head over heels madly in love with him

Madd_hatter

By Madd_hatter
in Friends and Lovers

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Madd_hatter Established Member

Madd_hatter

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Could be he told her. Could be he never told her but she senses something. Who knows.

 

Leave it be and don't wonder. Just focus on yourself as you've been doing and stay away for awhile. He is the source of your pain right now and she is associated with him and therefore, she is a source of your pain as well. Being around the both of them right now is like touching a flame that already burned you once before and hoping the outcome will be different.

 

Oh god he would never tell her! Maybe she felt something but he would never admit to that.

Malin889 Established Member

Malin889

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Hey, good morning everyone.

 

I found out just last night that they have a date picked for their wedding. It’s in September. They’re just having a small thing. Not a lot of frills. Just close friends and family.

 

I feel like I just found out the day of my death.

 

I’m not being a good friend at all. I’m selfish and horrible. I feel so guilty for what my first thoughts about this were. I first thought “I hope they break up”, and my second thought (which I’m so ashamed to even admit I actually thought this) was, “maybe she will get so sick that they have to cancel, and then they’ll break up”. I can’t believe that even crossed my mind!!!

 

I realize now how deep I’m in. Going to be seeking professional help now. I’ll start looking into it today and schedule something for Monday or Tuesday.

 

I don’t think you need professional help. I just think you need to get over it. And you haven’t had any thoughts that any normal person doesn’t have when they find out a person they like is moving on with someone else.

 

This too, shall pass.

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Madd_hatter Established Member

Madd_hatter

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Hi all

 

Been feeling all good and well.. until a few hours ago.

 

I unfollowed him on all social media accounts because it was too painful to watch him fall in love with another woman. But someone just posted a picture of him and all those feelings came rushing back. Seeing his face felt like a punch in the stomach. I remember how much I miss him and how much I still want to be with him.

 

Feeling pretty crummy... help :(

Beachead Established Member

Beachead

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Posted (edited)
Hi all

 

Been feeling all good and well.. until a few hours ago.

 

I unfollowed him on all social media accounts because it was too painful to watch him fall in love with another woman. But someone just posted a picture of him and all those feelings came rushing back. Seeing his face felt like a punch in the stomach. I remember how much I miss him and how much I still want to be with him.

 

Feeling pretty crummy... help :(

 

It's just a setback. Kind of like when you bang a healing cut on something and it bleeds a bit or hurts. The pain doesn't last too long and will subside.

 

Unless you feel like you can take more of this, I would block him so that other people's updates which he may be involved in won't show up on your feed and smash your heart to pieces like this.

 

You're doing well

 

- Beach

Edited by Beachead
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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Just remember that he's a man who cheats on his fiancee, and if it had been you, he'd have done the same to you.

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Malin889 Established Member

Malin889

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Hi all

 

Been feeling all good and well.. until a few hours ago.

 

I unfollowed him on all social media accounts because it was too painful to watch him fall in love with another woman. But someone just posted a picture of him and all those feelings came rushing back. Seeing his face felt like a punch in the stomach. I remember how much I miss him and how much I still want to be with him.

 

Feeling pretty crummy... help :(

 

Social media s*cks!! It ruins too many people's lives, lol!

It's fake and means nothing.

Don't let this picture change your mood. Only you can control your mood and how you feel. Don't let it ruin your day.

Scarlett.O'hara Established Member

Scarlett.O'hara

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Unfollowing him was a very good start. Hopefully at some point you will find another church to attend but it doesn't sound like you are willing to do that just yet.

 

I find the best way of dealing with these types of feelings is to focus on all the negative things about him. Redirect your idealized views of him until the thought of him becomes unpleasant.

 

You may not believe it, but from an outside perspective there is plenty of negative things against this guy that you could use as inspiration. Like preraph said, this is a guy who cheated on his fiancee. Was this before or after her accident? Regardless of the timing it was a gross thing to do.

 

If you need more motivation, I'll tell you I think there is a very strong possibility that the reason why his fiancee ignored your message was because he said something to her about you. Like I said before, he is freaking out that you might say something to her about screwing him, so he probably told her something along the lines of Madd_hatter is obsessed with me. That way if you ever said anything he could call you a liar and say, I told you she is just making this up because she is obsessed with me. I'd bet money on it.

 

From what you have written about this guy, it sounds like you have idealized him for a very long time so it is going to take time and persistence to break that pattern. You have to really want to end this for your own sake and not give up.

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Madd_hatter Established Member

Madd_hatter

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Hi again,

 

I’m on a rollercoaster of emotions these day. First I’m fine, he’s not even on my mind at all. Then he’ll randomly pop up and I’m like *gasp*!!!!! It’s so overwhelming when it hits me like that.

 

I’m conteolling it better now. Like, I haven’t had to excuse myself to cry in almost 4 days lol I know that doesn’t sound like a lot to you, but it is for me.

 

I’m not waiting for myself to get over him. I’ve realized that isn’t going to happen. I’m just waiting for my heart to heal and the pain to go away.

 

I saw him last night in church. I swear he looks at me all the time, but it could just be me thinking he does. I don’t know.

 

I talked to his fiancé who was there for the first time in a month. I asked her about not answering my text and she said her phone broke and she doesn’t have one right now. Not sure if I buy it but we talked for a few minutes and she seemed ok with me.

 

It’s just so hard for me to except that he’s never going to be in my life. Not even as a friend. I still miss him so so much. I just know I’ll never love any other man like I do him.

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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I just know I’ll never love any other man like I do him.

 

It feels like it now, but you're wrong. Someday you'll back on this and realize that the man you were pining for isn't as good as you think he is right now.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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Hi again,

 

I’m on a rollercoaster of emotions these day. First I’m fine, he’s not even on my mind at all. Then he’ll randomly pop up and I’m like *gasp*!!!!! It’s so overwhelming when it hits me like that.

 

I’m conteolling it better now. Like, I haven’t had to excuse myself to cry in almost 4 days lol I know that doesn’t sound like a lot to you, but it is for me.

 

I’m not waiting for myself to get over him. I’ve realized that isn’t going to happen. I’m just waiting for my heart to heal and the pain to go away.

 

I saw him last night in church. I swear he looks at me all the time, but it could just be me thinking he does. I don’t know.

 

I talked to his fiancé who was there for the first time in a month. I asked her about not answering my text and she said her phone broke and she doesn’t have one right now. Not sure if I buy it but we talked for a few minutes and she seemed ok with me.

 

It’s just so hard for me to except that he’s never going to be in my life. Not even as a friend. I still miss him so so much. I just know I’ll never love any other man like I do him.

 

I'm sure he watches you like a hawk, especially since you keep trying to get in thick with his fiance. I'm sure he's scared to death you get too mixed up with her just to be around him and also that you'll tell her. So why wouldn't he watch you? He knows you're obsessed and he knows you're mad and hurt and jealous and you're talking to his fiance.

 

You need to switch churches. They're not meant to be a hunting ground.

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Beachead Established Member

Beachead

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Posted
Hi again,

 

I’m on a rollercoaster of emotions these day. First I’m fine, he’s not even on my mind at all. Then he’ll randomly pop up and I’m like *gasp*!!!!! It’s so overwhelming when it hits me like that.

 

I’m conteolling it better now. Like, I haven’t had to excuse myself to cry in almost 4 days lol I know that doesn’t sound like a lot to you, but it is for me.

 

I’m not waiting for myself to get over him. I’ve realized that isn’t going to happen. I’m just waiting for my heart to heal and the pain to go away.

 

I saw him last night in church. I swear he looks at me all the time, but it could just be me thinking he does. I don’t know.

 

I talked to his fiancé who was there for the first time in a month. I asked her about not answering my text and she said her phone broke and she doesn’t have one right now. Not sure if I buy it but we talked for a few minutes and she seemed ok with me.

 

It’s just so hard for me to except that he’s never going to be in my life. Not even as a friend. I still miss him so so much. I just know I’ll never love any other man like I do him.

 

You will. You need to take this day by day though and not be impatient. It's going to take time. Also, switch out of that church for awhile.

 

- Beach

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Madd_hatter Established Member

Madd_hatter

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Just an update because I felt like venting.

 

Saw him last night at our midweek service. He held the door opened for me as I was leaving and said goodnight. I didn’t reply or say anything at all. I wanted to but being so close to him made me kinda feeeze up. It took everything in me to stop myself from wrapping my arms around him. He smelled amazing.

 

I am doing better, I will admit, but I am nowhere near the point where his presence doesn’t affect me. I don’t see that ever happening.

 

Still so heart broken. All my dreams, everything I’ve ever wanted, I feel like he world is telling me that they could never happen. That everything I ever hoped for was wrong. It’s a very bad feeling.

CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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Posted
Just an update because I felt like venting.

 

Saw him last night at our midweek service. He held the door opened for me as I was leaving and said goodnight. I didn’t reply or say anything at all. I wanted to but being so close to him made me kinda feeeze up. It took everything in me to stop myself from wrapping my arms around him. He smelled amazing.

 

I am doing better, I will admit, but I am nowhere near the point where his presence doesn’t affect me. I don’t see that ever happening.

 

Still so heart broken. All my dreams, everything I’ve ever wanted, I feel like he world is telling me that they could never happen. That everything I ever hoped for was wrong. It’s a very bad feeling.

 

Surely there's another church you can go to. You seem to enjoy torturing yourself.

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Beachead Established Member

Beachead

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Posted (edited)
Just an update because I felt like venting.

 

Saw him last night at our midweek service. He held the door opened for me as I was leaving and said goodnight. I didn’t reply or say anything at all. I wanted to but being so close to him made me kinda feeeze up. It took everything in me to stop myself from wrapping my arms around him. He smelled amazing.

 

I am doing better, I will admit, but I am nowhere near the point where his presence doesn’t affect me. I don’t see that ever happening.

 

Still so heart broken. All my dreams, everything I’ve ever wanted, I feel like he world is telling me that they could never happen. That everything I ever hoped for was wrong. It’s a very bad feeling.

 

Keep going to that church and you'll still be heartbroken over this a year from now. You're expecting yourself to get over this by exposing yourself to the source of your heartbreak on a weekly basis. It's an unreasonable and irrational expectation you are asking yourself. If you want to heal, make the tough calls and switch churches so that you don't have to see him week after week and reopen the wounds that are trying to heal. Otherwise, keep excusing yourself and continue to suffer. That's all it comes down to.

 

A poster on here advised you to do this weeks ago but you are still going to that church. If you were serious about yourself, you'd have done this by..but you are not. A part of you wants to continue feeling that pain because it's the last real tangible connection you have with this man and leaving it means leaving your world..in your mind anyway. Only thing you are unable to see is that he isn't everything but you don't see that because again, you've willingly positioned yourself around the source of your pain and it's keeping you wounded. Understand?

 

Go ahead and vent, but if you're not making the necessary moves you need to make in order to change your situation, you will only be cheating yourself out of a good life and wasting your own time.

 

Your life OP. Nobody elses.

 

- Beach

Edited by Beachead
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preraph Established Member

preraph

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I think she's hoping she can still be with him after he's married. I think it's going to take him getting fed up and really dragging her through the mud for her to wise up. So simple. Go to a different church. She doesn't want to solve this; she wants to prolong it.

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Madd_hatter Established Member

Madd_hatter

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It’s the church I was raised in. It’s the church my parents got saved and baptized in. It’s the only church I’ve ever known. It’s my home. I shouldn’t have to leave it for anyone. It’s MY church. I love it and I love everyone in it.

 

I am not leaving my church for him or anyone else.

Beachead Established Member

Beachead

Posted
Posted (edited)
It’s the church I was raised in. It’s the church my parents got saved and baptized in. It’s the only church I’ve ever known. It’s my home. I shouldn’t have to leave it for anyone. It’s MY church. I love it and I love everyone in it.

 

I am not leaving my church for him or anyone else.

 

Then you won't heal OP. You can get heated about it all you want..but that's the way it goes. Can't heal a burn by touching the flame. But you'll figure that out in your own time.

 

- Beach

Edited by Beachead
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CautiouslyOptimistic Established Member

CautiouslyOptimistic

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It’s the church I was raised in. It’s the church my parents got saved and baptized in. It’s the only church I’ve ever known. It’s my home. I shouldn’t have to leave it for anyone. It’s MY church. I love it and I love everyone in it.

 

I am not leaving my church for him or anyone else.

 

Then hopefully he and wifey will.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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It’s the church I was raised in. It’s the church my parents got saved and baptized in. It’s the only church I’ve ever known. It’s my home. I shouldn’t have to leave it for anyone. It’s MY church. I love it and I love everyone in it.

 

I am not leaving my church for him or anyone else.

 

Your world is too small. Going to a new church would open up a whole new world for you, and you could still see old friends when you wanted while meeting new friends.

Edited by preraph
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JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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Posted
It’s the church I was raised in. It’s the church my parents got saved and baptized in. It’s the only church I’ve ever known. It’s my home. I shouldn’t have to leave it for anyone. It’s MY church. I love it and I love everyone in it.

 

I am not leaving my church for him or anyone else.

 

Do you live in a town in which everybody lives there from birth to death? How’re you going to attend the same church regularly if you move out of state (or just a couple of hours away) for college or work? If you can only live in a small bubble, then no wonder you can be so fixated on this cheater of a religious guy.

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Madd_hatter Established Member

Madd_hatter

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Do you live in a town in which everybody lives there from birth to death? How’re you going to attend the same church regularly if you move out of state (or just a couple of hours away) for college or work? If you can only live in a small bubble, then no wonder you can be so fixated on this cheater of a religious guy.

 

It’s a very small community. Population is around 3000. Most of us were born and raised here. It’s boring, quiet, dull,. But it’s simple, it’s safe, it’s home.

 

So far, I just got a promotion here, so it doesn’t look like I’m leaving anytime soon. I’m happy here, why should I move?

JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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Posted
It’s a very small community. Population is around 3000. Most of us were born and raised here. It’s boring, quiet, dull,. But it’s simple, it’s safe, it’s home.

 

So far, I just got a promotion here, so it doesn’t look like I’m leaving anytime soon. I’m happy here, why should I move?

 

No, I think you should totally pine for this cheater of a religious guy forever. It’s simple and safe.

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Madd_hatter Established Member

Madd_hatter

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I don’t want to let him go. I don’t want to be losing him. He makes me happy. Why do I always have to be on the losing side?

 

Having good days and bad days. These have been a couple of bad ones. Miss him like crazy. I feel like I need him so badly right now. I just want to hold him and place my head on his chest.

 

Yes he’s made mistakes. Who hasn’t? Seriously, no one else in the whole world has done a shi**y thing ever before? Come on.

 

He’s a nice guy. I refuse to judge him from that one crappy thing. He’s done a lot of good too.

JuneL Established Member

JuneL

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Posted (edited)
I don’t want to let him go. I don’t want to be losing him. He makes me happy. Why do I always have to be on the losing side?

 

Having good days and bad days. These have been a couple of bad ones. Miss him like crazy. I feel like I need him so badly right now. I just want to hold him and place my head on his chest.

 

Yes he’s made mistakes. Who hasn’t? Seriously, no one else in the whole world has done a shi**y thing ever before? Come on.

 

He’s a nice guy. I refuse to judge him from that one crappy thing. He’s done a lot of good too.

 

You are entirely entitled to stay as his side piece forever. This is your life. I just feel bad for his fiancee; she deserves to make an informed decision about whether to take this cheater of a religious guy. This is not a mistake. You both made the choice to cheat and you both choose to continue to lie to the fiancee in the eyes of God.

Edited by JuneL
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Beachead Established Member

Beachead

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Posted (edited)
I don’t want to let him go. I don’t want to be losing him. He makes me happy. Why do I always have to be on the losing side?

 

Having good days and bad days. These have been a couple of bad ones. Miss him like crazy. I feel like I need him so badly right now. I just want to hold him and place my head on his chest.

 

Yes he’s made mistakes. Who hasn’t? Seriously, no one else in the whole world has done a shi**y thing ever before? Come on.

 

He’s a nice guy. I refuse to judge him from that one crappy thing. He’s done a lot of good too.

 

Would you rather us tell you "He loves you, he's just confused. If you ride this storm out, he'll leave his wife for you and you two can be together"? I bet that makes your heart smile.

 

You are in denial about your situation. Until you are willing to acknowledge this, nobody here can help you because you're not willing to help yourself. Our advice will be redundant. You'll simply need to ride this out until you are emotionally fried. Just know you've got nobody to blame but yourself for the misery this guy may bring to you going forward.

Edited by Beachead
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