Living with my Ex this upcoming September and I’m not over him?

[Kahleesi07]

So this upcoming September I’m going to be living directly above my ex as we both decided on the same accommodation.

 

A little background info:

I broke up with my ex October 17th 2017, this was due to a number of little things adding up that weren’t resolved; he wasn’t great at communicating and would only really let me know how he felt when he was annoyed or angry, he wasn’t very affectionate and I had to ask for simple things like my hand to be held, a hug, a kiss and just basically being a gentleman and it just gradually chipped at my pride every time I had to ask. When we started university I had wanted for us to spend more time together because I knew we would be so much busier further into the year and I was also very much aware of the fact that almost all his roommates were girls but he was very hesitant and seemed very ashamed of me when I would visit him at his accommodation as he would usher me quickly into his room saying ‘I don’t want my flat mates to see you’ and to top it off, another guy was putting so much effort in helping me settle in with university life whereas my ex (we were together for three years) refused to help me with the littlest of things like groceries, we live in the same city and I was only 30 mins away by tube. I was down and completely tired of this and the new person just made the cracks even more visible, I had no intention of dating this new person btw, so I sat my ex down and I explained to him how I felt, bearing in mind I had probably already brought this up with him time and time again and they didn’t get resolved or he just overlooked them, I was also honest about the new person and told him how there were feelings there for them but nothing as close to what I had for him and that I had no intention of being with the said person. The main thing was, I was tired, I had neglected myself trying to sustain the relationship and I felt like my pride was gone as I felt attention-seeking, the breakup lasted 2 hours as he asked for a 2nd chance, it was hard for both of us, it was emotional because I still very much loved and cared for him but I was tired, just full of disappointment and I was a self-harmer so I knew feeling that low was not good for me and all I could see was blur at that point that I said no to giving him a 2nd chance.

 

A month or so passed after we broke up; I had started going to the gym, eating healthy, gained weight (My BMI was below average before) and I was doing well with my course. My ex then contacted me on my birthday, I was in the same friendship group as the other guy and they had planned to take me out to Winter Wonderland (a place where me and my ex had planned to go in the longest of time), the other guy could see how much I was very much touched by my ex’s presence on my birthday, even if it was just a text (I was clearly not over him), and invited him to come with us but he refused as he didn’t want to be around the other guy, instead my ex told the other guy to make my birthday and Christmas a good one as he knew I generally didn’t have good ones, and this threw me bc this was the kind of sincerity I had been looking for all along. From then on me and my ex began communicating daily, we went out and explored the city together, he would come visit me and in general do the things we had planned before the break up, we never talked about our relationship but I was honest with him if someone was trying with me and I reassured him that there was no one else. However, after one fateful messy night of partying (mostly because I couldn’t handle my drink) which my ex witnessed and was not happy with, changed his tune completely. Turns out his friends had advised him to move on, and they made a bet that whoever lost a game they were doing had to talk to this particular girl and as my luck would have it, my ex lost. So he talked to the girl and they got along, unbeknownst to me as I came home to a clean room, flowers and post it messages in my bedroom as he had slept there before going to the party. So whilst this was going on, my ex was still visiting me and sleeping in my bed, he also uploaded pictures of himself on social media at my accommodation and I only found out 3 weeks later on social media through flirty comments left on his page on said pictures, and believe me I was devastated, because during those 3 weeks he had completely dropped me, replying late, and telling me he was too tired to call (turns out after he calls me, he called the other girl). I then confronted him and he said he had feelings for her and he was over me. We had been ‘seeing’ each other for 3 months before that happened. Things quickly fizzled out between him and the other girl and we still regularly talk and spend time together but he says there’s no feelings left for me and if there are then they’re very much repressed. He knows I’m very much not over him and I told him if he wanted me to move on then we should stop communicating but he refuses to cut ties and on top of that decided to live in the same accommodation this coming September, I had found it first and chose my room, there were 3 other accommodations nearby around the same price that he found but dismissed them as soon as he found out I already found one, there are 4 blocks in the building in total but he decided to stay in my block and stay in the room right underneath mine even though there were 5 other rooms to choose from. His words and actions aren’t adding up and it’s confusing me, I don’t know where to go from here, especially now that he’s going to be in the same building and using the same shared spaces. HELP. :( :sick:

[d0nnivain]

Can you break your lease & go somewhere else? Seriously. I know you found it 1st but you will be in hell having to see him with other girls. Don't do this to yourself.

[Kahleesi07]

Since it’s a student accommodation I’m locked into the contract until the end of my allotted stay, meaning I would still have to pay for it even if I decide to stay elsewhere.

[d0nnivain]

Since it’s a student accommodation I’m locked into the contract until the end of my allotted stay, meaning I would still have to pay for it even if I decide to stay elsewhere.

 

Work with the university then. They may be able to find somebody to switch with you.

 

If it's independent housing find somebody to take over your space. The landlord is interested in cash not who lives where.

[Kahleesi07]

The accommodation is privately owned by a company so the university doesn’t really have power over it.

[d0nnivain]

The accommodation is privately owned by a company so the university doesn’t really have power over it.

 

Again. The landlord does not care where you live. The landlord wants somebody to pay the rent. You go dig up another tenant. Then you find yourself a new place to live.

[fredflint]

It's funny that you're both not over him and over him in your new location. I agree with others, probably not ideal to live so close to your ex.

[Kahleesi07]

Finding a tenant should be straightforward, I’ll see how it goes. As for my ex, what does this move mean?? Is there a possibility that he’s not over me? Or is he completely over me?

[d0nnivain]

Finding a tenant should be straightforward, I’ll see how it goes. As for my ex, what does this move mean?? Is there a possibility that he’s not over me? Or is he completely over me?

 

It could mean that the flat in question was the best accommodations for the money.

[Kahleesi07]

It could be but we both booked quite early on and there were many spaces available in the 3 other blocks for the same price, also, why the room right underneath mine, when one flat has 6 rooms and his flat had 5 rooms spare.It just doesn’t make sense.