How to protect my daughter's half sister?

[BaileyB]

Well what happens after 30 days of intensive therapy, if the mother continues to see the child molester?

 

I would hope that he is back in jail for violating the terms of his release.

 

And, I’m curious to know what will happen but I would hope that there will be a reassessment after 30 days by social workers/psychologists. I find it hard to believe that a mother who demonstrated such increasingly poor judgment will be miraculously ready to parent after 30 days... She has a lot of insight to gain and it doesn’t seem like she understands/accepts this just yet.

 

Thank goodness for our social and legal systems... they don’t always do what they are supposed to do, but they seem to be providing the protection needed so far...

[Gaeta]

Is this all happening in a state where sex offenders are required to register their location every time they move for the rest of their lives? Has the mother had to testify before the judge yet to explain why she allowed a known sex offender into her home when there was a teenage girl there? And why she had the young lady wear baggy t-shirts? (This is almost too outrageous to be true.)

we are in canada and yes he needs to register where he lives and his whereabouts for the rest of his life. He lied about his address, they caught him breaking several of his conditions.

 

The mom today will tell the judge she broke the relationship and is fit to get her daughter back. The judge knows better than to beleive that.

[Gaeta]

I'm sitting in a room by myself 1 floor down. Claire was taken to a room adjacent to the court room. She is with her lawyer, social worker and my daughter. They will have a short supervised meeting with the mom.

 

My daughter felt l should not be there as the mom harbored jealousy toward me because my ex called her by my name often. *l had no clue!!* to me things were cool between us.

 

I understand now why she went in crisis when she was told Claire is with me. She said Claire has a new mom now so she can kill herself.....

Edited August 16, 2018 by Gaeta

[Gaeta]

I would hope that he is back in jail for violating the terms of his release.

 

And, I’m curious to know what will happen but I would hope that there will be a reassessment after 30 days by social workers/psychologists. I find it hard to believe that a mother who demonstrated such increasingly poor judgment will be miraculously ready to parent after 30 days... She has a lot of insight to gain and it doesn’t seem like she understands/accepts this just yet.

 

Thank goodness for our social and legal systems... they don’t always do what they are supposed to do, but they seem to be providing the protection needed so far...

 

Yes exactly. After 30 days she needs to convince the judge she made concrete progress in therapy if not she remains with me till the judge is satisfied.

[nospam99]

She said Claire has a new mom now so she can kill herself.....

 

The way you have characterized this woman, I'd take that threat to be serious. She may need to be watched 24x7 until someone is sure she is not really suicidal. Personally, I totally mistrust all 'mental health professionals' (an oxymoron to me). But I'm willing to concede that if a person is what I'd call crazy enough to try to kill themselves, it should be prevented. I actually knew a young person who killed themselves after several other apparently 'for attention' attempts. The family is still bitter that 'others' did not 'do more' to prevent it, though for some reason they don't want to accept that responsibility.

[Gaeta]

We are back home, what a day!

 

 

The mom told the judge that her and her bf had made an agreement they would seperate if child protection came back, the moment the judge heard that he ordered she be seperated from Claire. The mom also told the court she understood why her bf molested children, it was because he was molested himself as a child, she kept excusing him at every question. She called Claire a liar several times.

 

 

She was suppose to bring Claire a suitcase with clothes enough for a month, she brought 1 pair of pants with 4 pj's !!

 

 

When she left she did not ask to hug her child, the said 'there you have it' and left.

[BaileyB]

We are back home, what a day!

 

 

The mom told the judge that her and her bf had made an agreement they would seperate if child protection came back, the moment the judge heard that he ordered she be seperated from Claire. The mom also told the court she understood why her bf molested children, it was because he was molested himself as a child, she kept excusing him at every question. She called Claire a liar several times.

 

 

She was suppose to bring Claire a suitcase with clothes enough for a month, she brought 1 pair of pants with 4 pj's !!

 

 

When she left she did not ask to hug her child, the said 'there you have it' and left.

 

That hurts my heart. Thank goodness this child has you and your daughter.

 

This mother needs a good hard shake! It is hard to believe that a woman could show such poor judgment. If she continues with this, it will be a long, long time until she gets her daughter back - and rightfully so.

[BaileyB]

This reminds me of a story from my youth... My friend and neighbor lost her mother to cancer when we were about 14 years old. Her father, took up with another woman while her mother was dying in the hospital...

 

On a cold January night, my friend appeared at our door one night and said simply "my mom died today." My mother asked her where her father was... And she said sadly, "He is at his girlfriend's house."

 

My mother wrapped my friend in her arms and told her to go home and pack her pajamas because she was spending the night with us. In that moment, I thought "my mother is a great lady." I had never been so proud that she was my mom. And to this day, when I look back on her life I think that was a defining moment because it reflected her character.

 

It's the same for you Gaeta. You are a great lady and this child is lucky to have you (and your daughter) in her life. It's hard to believe that some people can be such poor parents, such poor people. But then, there are others who do the right thing and that is a beautiful thing to witness.

Edited August 16, 2018 by BaileyB

[amaysngrace]

I don't know what she could be thinking. Most parents would be mortified to know they allowed this creeper near their child.

 

Is she on drugs?

[Gaeta]

This reminds me of a story from my youth... My friend and neighbor lost her mother to cancer when we were about 14 years old. Her father, took up with another woman while her mother was dying in the hospital...

 

On a cold January night, my friend appeared at our door one night and said simply "my mom died today." My mother asked her where her father was... And she said sadly, "He is at his girlfriend's house."

 

My mother wrapped my friend in her arms and told her to go home and pack her pajamas because she was spending the night with us. In that moment, I thought "my mother is a great lady." I had never been so proud that she was my mom. And to this day, when I look back on her life I think that was a defining moment because it reflected her character.

 

It's the same for you Gaeta. You are a great lady and this child is lucky to have you (and your daughter) in her life. It's hard to believe that some people can be such poor parents, such poor people. But then, there are others who do the right thing and that is a beautiful thing to witness.

 

 

Ouff what a story! It hit my heart!

 

 

I cannot imagine not doing anything. I have shared this with 2 people close to me and both asked how I felt about maybe having to raise her. As in having to take care of my ex-husband's child.....it stunned me. If they don't get it I don't even want to get into it with them.

[Gaeta]

Is she on drugs?

 

Her mother suffered from mental illness all of her life. Her only sister spent her life in an institution, she suffered from schizophrenia, she thought she was Cleopatra. She died recently. I didn't know, that means the mom lost 3 people in a short time.

 

That being said in court she accused Claire of being schizophrenic!! saying she was hitting walls and acting frantic, which is a lie.

 

I don't want to diagnose the mom but given her family history maybe the lost of 3 people in a short time has brought on some mental illness on her as well.

 

 

 

 

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[amaysngrace]

That could be. There has to be something going on with her if all her protective instincts have gone out the window.

 

I'm so proud of you for stepping in to save this child! You're a good woman.

[bene]

You and your daughter are good people You could say that this is what everyone would do but sadly it’s not always the case.

 

Also I’m impressed that the courts and child protection services operated so quickly and the whole situation didn’t drag because of some bureaucracy. In a way it’s good that he has been convicted and has legal restraints regarding minors. It would be a lot harder to prove a suspicion that something is off if he would have acted under the radar.

 

I started to wonder that maybe this man targeted the mother of “Claire” because she has a young daughter not the other way around that the girl just happened to be there. He might even hit the road after the child is separated from them because he has received so much attention now that it’s not possible for him to secretly continue his actions. Not that I wish that he would find another target!

 

As for the mother I seriously suspect some mental illness or disorder. It doesn’t make sense to emotionally and physically abandon her own child because of a short term boyfriend even if he wasn’t a criminal.

[Gaeta]

I started to wonder that maybe this man targeted the mother of “Claire” because she has a young daughter not the other way around that the girl just happened to be there. He might even hit the road after the child is separated from them because he has received so much attention now that it’s not possible for him to secretly continue his actions. Not that I wish that he would find another target!

 

Good thinking. Actually we were talking about this yesterday with the social worker associated to Claire. These predators move from one victim to another. Without Claire this relationship will be less appealing to him and he'll eventually move to his next one. I don't think the mom will get rid of him, I think he will be out of the picture when HE puts an end to it.

[BaileyB]

How are things going Gaeta?

[Gaeta]

How are things going Gaeta?

 

 

Thanks for asking.

 

 

She is doing very well so far. She's in a good spirit, laughs, is helpful, she sleeps well and eats well. We got her registered to her school she starts Tuesday. She is very excited and nervous about it it's a new school for her.

 

 

 

The mom has made 0 progres. She was allowed to have surpervised conversations with Claire and she was manipulative saying things like 'your cat is hiding cause he's sad, you're hurting his feeling', when Claire asked why her brother doesn't get in touch with her the mom replied 'sometimes people lose contact'. Child protection have organized a 1st face to face *supervised* visit with the mom for Wednesday. The social worker has no trust in the mom. She said in most her cases after 7-8 days the parent starts breaking down wanting to cooperate and she feels 0 cooperation from Claire's mom.

[LurkerXX]

I am so glad things are going well.

 

I have had a convo with a cousin regarding what options her son had, as the grandma on his dad's side is getting to be not well. My cousin no longer has custody of her sone. That conversation did not go well. It had me thinking a lot about this, and how the mom is not going to be an easy person to deal with, likely forever.

[BaileyB]

I'm not surprised by the mothers response, but still disappointed.

 

It's good that she is adjusting well with you. It seems like she may be with you for a while.

 

Just curious, how is your boyfriend taking your change is circumstance. You went from empty nester to foster mother of a teenage girl almost over night, that must affect your relationship, but I hope he's been understanding.

[Gaeta]

Just curious, how is your boyfriend taking your change is circumstance. You went from empty nester to foster mother of a teenage girl almost over night, that must affect your relationship, but I hope he's been understanding.

 

He is 100% on board but his first week was a challenge as I had to put him completely aside to take care of the emency. He had a moment at some point and he asked me 'what if this is turns into long term our life won't be the same, am I sure I want to do this ect. ' All I could answer was in my heart I cannot not do this. A few days later he said no matter where this is heading I'll find his support right there. He probably had a moment of uncertainty, I don't blame him. I make sure I thank him often for his support and understanding.

 

Other than that he's very nice with her, he takes interests in her world and he's good at boosting her confidence. Claire likes him, she calls him P. This morning was her first day of school so we drove her there, BF was going to wait for us in the car but she said she'd like both of us to come in. It made bf feel special :-)

 

It just adds to why I love and appreciate this man so much. I don't know if many men would be as accepting as he is of an ex-husband's child. When my daughter is over her and Claire talk about their dad a lot, I hear often 'remember mom when dad did that funny thing...', Claire loves hearing any stories I may have to share about her dad when he was young. BF is 100% zen with all this. It would not even cross his mind that this could be an issue with some men.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[JuneL]

Just curious: Why is Claire not living with your adult daughter/her sister but with you? I’m asking because I just thought they would only place Claire with a direct adult relative.

[Gaeta]

Just curious: Why is Claire not living with your adult daughter/her sister but with you? I’m asking because I just thought they would only place Claire with a direct adult relative.

 

 

As strange as it may seem she is closer to me than any adults on her father's side. She has not seen them in 3-4 years they don't keep in touch very much, her mom has no family.

 

 

 

They offered her to live with her sister or her brother. She said no to her brother cause he lives with his dad and they're messy, and she said her sister is also messy, only has 1 bedroom, gets up at noon on weekends and can't cook lol. She specifically asked if she could live with me even before they offered. They will go with what the child wants as much as possible.

 

 

 

My daughter understood why Claire would want to live with me instead. She told the social worker I understand why Claire wants to live with my mom, I want to live with my mom too.

[BaileyB]

He sounds like a keeper! I'm glad things are going well Gaeta.

[Gaeta]

Tomorrow is Claire first supervised visit with her mom. Her mom was warmer lately so we thought tomorrow we may have the beginning of a break through. Not at all. Tonight her mom sent her a series of text telling Claire child protection is controled by the Illuminati and they've been stealing children from their families for years and went on saying they have a file on her full of lies.....she lost her mind more than I thought. At times I am lost when she ask me what's wrong with her mom and will she ever get better. I truly hope so.

[Gaeta]

Lunch with mom was a disaster.

 

The social worker pushed the mom to speak about her issues and mom just got up and left. Claire went from a happy bubbly teen to sad and depressed. She says child protection don't care her mom is hurting and she wants to go back home to 'take care of mom'.

 

Meanwhile I went to the Court of Justice and was able to get a copy of his criminal record. 8 accusations of sexual agressions on a minor, 21 accusations of fraud, rubbery, complot.3 accusations of animal cruelty,

2 accusations of sexual harassment.4 accusations of death threats. The kind of man you want around your kids.

 

It's been 2 huge week so far. I have to drive her to school that is 60km away, my bf's truck broke down last week so I drive him to work another 60km away on opposite direction, I easily drive 250km a day driving them back and forth, luckily bf found a new truck he bought and we're picking it up tonight. My daughter is an emotional wreck and look up to me for reassurance, my bf thinks I should speak to Claire like an adult and not a kid, my mom wants me to send his criminal record to all of my ex-h's family and my colleagues think I should adopt Claire.

 

I am on vacation, and I will need another vacation to rest from this vacation.

 

Thanks for listening.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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[BaileyB]

Oh, that's frightening...

 

What you are doing is not easy Gaeta. Be sure to take care of yourself. Enjoy the rest of your holiday - you've earned it!