She slept with her ex (they are still married but separated)

[CantTakeMySmile]

Do you want to continue talking and texting with her?

[kgcolonel]

We had been fighting about stuff. I was pissed because she went on a trip to an amusemnet park with her family and her ex. She said she was doing it for her son but it still bothered me and I said people do that when they are trying to get back together

 

Just a word of warning...she is forever tied to her ex by their child. When you parent a child, the child comes first (or at least should come first). There will be times where interaction beyond that of ex's that don't have children together will happen. This doesn't sound like your cup of tea...that said, exit now and save yourself, her and her child the torture of another disruption in their life.

[Yellowkick]

Do you want to continue talking and texting with her?

 

I don’t. Everything that needed to be said was said. She’s texting asking for forgiveness and saying stuff like If not for my son I wiuld want to die. ill rest and when die.

 

Shes saying these things for me to feel sorry and soften up. Meh

[CantTakeMySmile]

I don’t. Everything that needed to be said was said. She’s texting asking for forgiveness and saying stuff like If not for my son I wiuld want to die. ill rest and when die.

 

Shes saying these things for me to feel sorry and soften up. Meh

 

 

 

Have you blocked ways for her to contact then?

[BluesPower]

Yes I have been through this... With several woman.

 

Best thing to do is GHOST them, do not engage, do not text, do not talk to them.

 

Eventually, they go away...

[Origin]

Wasn’t going to comment but your girl sounds so similar to mine. The manipulation is huge and you better leave now while you can.

 

Just from brief comments you wrote she for sure has no empathy for others, or at least on a normal level, no boundaries(slept with you behind husband, vice-verse, the date with coworker), it sounds like she lies often, tries to be a victim, suicide talks, afraid to be alone??. She’s sounds like borderline personality in which case you should leave.

 

The posts above, that talked about options. I wish I read that long time ago.

[Ddog]

I totally agree on the possibility of a borderline personality disorder.

[preraph]

The red flag here is they haven't started divorce proceedings. It's hard enough dating separated people who are moving ahead with divorce. Dating one who isn't, to me, would be too much. I can almost guarantee you separated people will make at least one serious attempt once either of them starts dating to reunite and try to make it work. I can almost guarantee you that one or the other will pull the sentimental strings to get the other back in bed, hoping that even if the marriage dissolves, they can still have sex with them. I have had two separated men tell me "I can't imagine never having sex with my wife again." Both these men went ahead with divorce. And I'm willing to be both had sex with their wife again.

 

You have a long road if you stay and it will only get worse. If she does file for divorce, he's going to drag his feet and make it take a long time and if they have kids, play the "I want sole custody" game to try to control her. Once they finally get to the point of dividing up possessions, that's when I've noticed it gets sticky, because they have to usually be around each other during that process some. One will use it as a lever to force contact with the other. Going through the items they bought together and the souvenirs from the good times, they will end up sentimental and sleeping together.

 

I think your best plan with this woman is to tell her you can't go through this with her, that it is hurting you too much, and tell her, I'm going to try to get on with my life, but once you are divorced and finished with your husband, you know how to reach me. Until then, I can't just be friends and don't want to hear about it.

[Ddog]

Preraph just for information

 

If you realy want all the real red flag here we go.

 

The problem here is the OP saw pretty much all the red flag but didn't act on them because he loved her and wanting to make it work. In a ideal world everything he done was perfect but it's not that easy. Sometime it should have simply make it stop or put his boundary like every Alpha male should have done and begin to confront her about the all the red flag he saw.

 

New to the forum and need some advice. Here's my situation. I've been dating this woman for close to a year. When we met she told me she was separated from her husband and that it was likely headed to a divorce. She said she had told him her feelings for him were gone and she wanted to move on but he kept persisting and refusing to divorce. (She tries to convince herself that her relationship is over, but she doesn't have the force to truly end it, maybe inside her she want to make it work)

 

I knew going on that this could get messy but was instantly attracted by her and began going out and dating her. (Well you put yourself in that messy situation at the first red flag) She has a son with her husband. I told her I wanted her to be sure that she didn't want to go back to him or that there was a chance for them to work things out before I would seriously invest in the relationship. She said no worries and that it was done with her ex.(Never trust anyone that said it ended with her ex if she said she hate him or similar thing. The opposite of love is not hate, it's indifference. If she didn't care about him at all that a good sign she over him.)

[]

We would see each other once, sometimes twice a week. She never slept over at my place even when I insisted many times (Even if she said she loved you and everything she put a barrier to herself to not go all the way and commit).

 

At around the 9 month mark I finally told her I loved her. That I had fallen for her. Things after that began to get a bit weird. Its almost like after she knew she had me she became a bit distant.[]

 

I have trust issues and baggage from my failed marriage. I was cheated on by my ex wife. She knew this and I would sometimes act jealous and insecure when I knew there were other guys talking/texting her. She herself admitted that she sometimes had a hard time saying no or setting boundaries with guys (huge red flag) (She has begun to put a setup for dating another guy on the flow without seeming suspicious and begin testing water) which only augmented my suspicions and lack of trust.

 

She once confessed that a guy at work had invited her to lunch and she didn't know what to say, was surprised by the invitation and went with him. She said she didnt think he was interested after they had lunch and he started asking about her love life.[]

 

 

Recently she had been saying stuff like I don't know what I feel right now or that this what I want(Another man is on her mind at this exact moment she feel unsure of your relationship because she see you like a easy target right now). She was saying I was too controlling and never trusted her.(She tries to find reasons to push you away with dumbass reason, because she started to think about another man here her ex that coming back (The unfinished business untouchable Alpha male Ex-husband) .)

 

A few weeks ago she started crying while we were in bed. (She made the unforgivable slept with her ex and saw herself like a cancer on two legs and guilt is coming back up. []

 

The shocker came Saturday when we were talking about the future. I told her I wanted us to start moving the pieces necessary to be together and that I wanted her to ask her husband for a divorce. They have been separated ever since I met her.

 

She began to cry and said she needed to tell me something but was afraid to lose me. She confessed she had sex with her ex a month or so ago. (At the scene of you trying to keep work thing out for the relationship and pass it to the next level maybe with sparkling in your eye. []

 

With all that

 

With you dump her ass off like a ****ing PRO you just stated that you're the one Alpha that got away because of her mistake. She will learn a lifelong lesson... Everytime she will feel alone or think how much she just attacking dumass guy right now. She will think of you, How much you treated her like a princess and a real women even with the bull**** she has done to you. Till she eat her cake and pass the limit of no return. Trust me she will remember that and she will not really open herself up to anyone anytime soon! She will maybe date back her ex for a limited amount of time even that it will end pretty quickly!

Edited July 16, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Fix and truncate quote

[Yellowkick]

Meh, she can't explain away this one. Not in a way that will make it a good idea to continue dating her anyway. She'll come up with a huge list of excuses, if that's what you're interested in hearing.

 

What you do know: she lies a lot. She lies by omission, she twists the truth to make herself look less like a jerk, she paints herself some hapless participant who just falls into these situations (which happen to be in other men's pants) She is good at keeping up an act, since you apparently had no idea she had cheated and she pretended everything was okay.

 

My guess is that what she's telling you now is not the full truth. There is probably a lot more she's still hiding, and I bet her husband would be able to paint you a very different picture of just what she's been up to behind your back with him (not that you should ever contact him, mind you. Just speaking in hypotheticals)

 

Drop her like a hot potato and find a more honorable, respectful and committed woman. This one is an opportunist who doesn't much care about you.

 

Hi all,

 

I know I will catch a lot flack for what I'm about to write. A lot has happened these past 3 months. I forgave her and decided to give her another chance. Things were ok for the first 2 weeks with me still having some trust issues. She would have her phone facing down all the time while at my place and I didn't like that.

 

More issues came up. There was a trip that they took together. She said it was a last attempt to see if she could feel anything for him. It hurt me that she said she organized this. This was her idea. Here she is telling me she loves me and then does this. I really thought she would cancel the trip. She kept saying her family and his family was pushing her to do this as a last attempt to see if the marriage could be saved. They went to Costa Rica for 5 days. On the first night there, she called me crying saying she didn't want to be there and she wanted me to go get her and bring her back home. I kept telling her I didn't understand why she went to the trip if she didn't want to go. She says they didn't have sex and the trip showed her she has no feelings for him. She kept crying uncontrollably saying she needed to tell me something that would end us. She asked that we speak the next morning. I pressed her to tell me then.

 

Then she dropped a huge bomb on me. Turns out all these time she has been living with her husband. I still can't believe how I was so naive. All of a sudden I understood why she never stayed here at my place and why there were times on a Sunday that she would tell me he was dropping their son off around 10 pm at night. I would question this and find it illogical.

 

I didn't talk to her for almost a month after she came back from the trip. She left multiple messages on my phone asking for forgiveness and a chance to explain herself. She then showed up at my place one night. She told me she loves me and felt trapped in the situation and knew if I knew she was still with her husband I would walk and not look back. She was afraid of telling me and losing me.

 

She says they are basically like roomates, no sex, just together to care for their son. Back then, she said she would divorce him. I agreed to see her again as long as she was to speak to her husband and start divorce proceedings. I was a guy who would cringe at hearing about someone sleeping with a woman who was married. I feel like ive become a different person in this relationship and I'm ashamed of many things but I can't stop seeing her and I love her. I really do feel I love her and she makes me happy. Even in this crazy situation she does for the most part make me happy. I realize I may have some issues of my own I need to fix.

 

So I'm in love with someone who is still married and living with her husband although she says no sex happens between them. She does say sometimes he gets very angry at her for not wanting sex and that he has said many times he will move out. But still she hasn't asked him to move out or separate or started divorce papers. I talked to her recently and said I couldn't do this anymore. That I would move on if things didn't start progressing. She keeps saying she feels so much pressure to not end the marriage coming from her family. She feels guilty about she has done and recently said she's thought about giving another chance. She has been saying I'm too controlling and ask too many questions. I saw a text recently from a guy and I didn't know it's one of her cousin. The text basically said thanks with a heart emoji. I thought it was from some guy she was talking to.

 

She has been saying more and more that this is too much and she needs space and time to think. That she can't make this decision feeling pressured. I have not said ok to given her space although maybe I should? And honestly is because of fear that basically she is asking for space to really try with her ask, start having sex with him or perhaps there's another guy in the picture but she says that's not the case. One day she says she needs space. The next she says she loves me and doesn't want space just needs me to be patient.

 

Again, I can't even believe I'm writing this but this is the situation I'm in. I love her even thought I know is not wise to do so. What should I do? Give her the space she is asking for and see what happens or just move on from this altogether?

Edited November 1, 2018 by Yellowkick

[El Duendecillo]

What should I do?

 

Go back and re-read the good advice given you earlier in this thread.

 

Look man, this woman is/has been playing you like fiddle. You've discovered that you are actually her "other man", yet you are still hoping that she will divorce her husband for you. Wake up! You have no clue what her real relationship is like with her husband. The poor guy may be completely happy, thinking his marriage is perfect for all you know.

 

Stop punishing yourself and put an end to this nightmare. Take all the time you need to get over her, and get out there and find a woman of your own.

[PegNosePete]

What should I do?

I can't believe you're even asking this. She has betrayed you and lied to you ... not once, or twice, or three times, but how many times now??

 

You know exactly what you should do. The question you should be asking yourself is, why aren't you doing it? Is your self esteem that low that you'll allow yourself to be trodden on over and over and over? Are you so afraid of loneliness that you will put up with anything?

[Logo]

I honestly don't see why you need all this headache and drama in your life.

 

 

Just imagine how easy your life could be without all the games, the lies and manipulation.

Edited November 1, 2018 by Logo

[Yellowkick]

Go back and re-read the good advice given you earlier in this thread.

 

Look man, this woman is/has been playing you like fiddle. You've discovered that you are actually her "other man", yet you are still hoping that she will divorce her husband for you. Wake up! You have no clue what her real relationship is like with her husband. The poor guy may be completely happy, thinking his marriage is perfect for all you know.

 

Stop punishing yourself and put an end to this nightmare. Take all the time you need to get over her, and get out there and find a woman of your own.

 

I know I have some waking up to do. I know he’s not happy with her. She’s sent me angry texts from him to her and abusive ones too. He’s not happy and wants out but won’t file for divorce.

[PegNosePete]

She’s sent me angry texts from him to her and abusive ones too. He’s not happy and wants out but won’t file for divorce.

And why is that your problem? If she's not happy then she can file right? But she hasn't.

 

Look you should tell her one of 2 things:

a) Tell her you've had enough of her stupid games and don't want to hear from her ever again

b) Tell her you don't want to hear from her until she's got a signed and sealed divorce decree in her hand

 

Personally I'd go for (a). Once you've chosen, ENFORCE it.

[Yellowkick]

And why is that your problem? If she's not happy then she can file right? But she hasn't.

 

Look you should tell her one of 2 things:

a) Tell her you've had enough of her stupid games and don't want to hear from her ever again

b) Tell her you don't want to hear from her until she's got a signed and sealed divorce decree in her hand

 

Personally I'd go for (a). Once you've chosen, ENFORCE it.

 

What can I say. I love her. I really do. Have fallen in love with her and I really want things to work out although I know odds are against it and it doesn’t make sense to many people.

[PegNosePete]

Well, it's pretty clear she doesn't love you. If you're happy to be in an unreciprocated one-way relationship then carry on. Otherwise, you should let your head do your thinking and decision making instead of whatever organ is doing it currently. Otherwise you'll be in the same situation in another 3 months, 6 months, 5 years.

[Yellowkick]

Well, it's pretty clear she doesn't love you. If you're happy to be in an unreciprocated one-way relationship then carry on. Otherwise, you should let your head do your thinking and decision making instead of whatever organ is doing it currently. Otherwise you'll be in the same situation in another 3 months, 6 months, 5 years.

 

She has done things and showed that she loves me. At this point I have to talk to her and let her know that if she does love me she’s needs to decide between her husband and I. Then there’s guit I feel because if her son but the marriage had been in the rocks for a long time. None of them has had the courage to end t.

[FMW]

Looks like this is what your life is going to look like for the foreseeable future then. Lie and after lie after lie.

 

Sometimes we fall in love with people we are just not meant to be with. We either accept that or resign ourselves to ongoing unhappiness and disrespect.

 

Your choice.

[doyathinkso]

"There are none so blind as those who will not see."

[standtall]

YK, She has repeatedly lie to you about everything. The only thing that is most likely true is your having sex with another man's wife. Why do you keep posting the same sob story when you fail to head anyone's advice? Do you want sympathy? What is it? Harsh words? Here.

 

 

Yes, you're being played a fool....now pull your head out of your a**, grow up, and move on.

[Starswillshine]

This is a woman you do not have kids to, you are married to, you dont share a house or finances or assets. You have nothing holding you to her. You have invested time and your heart.

 

But your relationship is now tainted. She cheated on you. She lied to you. She is married and living under the same roof as her husband. Maybe there was issues in her marriage... but she just used you to be a crutch. This will never escape your head. You will spend your entire life looking around each and every corner. Life of anxiety. She isnt a healthy partner.

 

You already had a failed marriage, you dont want another. Run. Run fast.

[elaine567]

She has done things and showed that she loves me. At this point I have to talk to her and let her know that if she does love me she’s needs to decide between her husband and I. Then there’s guit I feel because if her son but the marriage had been in the rocks for a long time. None of them has had the courage to end t.

 

 

Go spend some time reading the posts from OW on this section of the forum.

 

Few married people in affairs want to leave their marriages, those that do tend to leave pretty promptly as for them it was an exit affair. They were looking for someone to run to and save them from their horrible marriage.

Others have all different reasons for being in an affair but replacing their current partner is not usually one of them. They can talk a good story but when it comes down to the nitty gritty, they just don't leave.

[BTDT2012]

Remove yourself from this situation. You have been lied to from the start.

[anika99]

This woman is a nightmare from hell. All she's done is lie, lie, lie, and cheat, because she is a liar and a cheater. She had to lie to you so she wouldn't lose you? Did hearing that make you feel special? She doesn't lie because you are special, she lies because she is selfish and manipulative.

 

If she leave her husband for you then I feel sorry for you, because then you will be the one she cheats on and lies to. Oh wait! you already are. Your life with this woman will be sheer misery no matter what she does. Try to accept the truth and move on.