She slept with her ex (they are still married but separated)

[carhill]

Good life lesson OP.

 

Accept your emotional attachment and process it out. Yup, you love her but she's unavailable now for an intimate committed relationship. That's OK. I presume that's what you want, her to divorce, detach emotionally from her H (she still is attached, you know) and be with you. Not in the cards right now.

 

Presuming you're single, enjoy the attentions and company of whatever women you find attractive. Some of them may be available.

 

Only sure thing in life is death. Humans are chaos. Accept it. Enjoy the ride.

[Normm]

Now you know why experienced daters will pull the plug on anyone who still lives with their ex. Even if they insist it's "for convenience only and we sleep in separate rooms".

 

I was there once. A promising hottie redhead who had a lot of other great qualities. On our second date we got into details and as soon as she told me she was still living with her ex I knew I'd never see her again.

 

It's not worth getting sucked into that but now you're here and you've invested a lot of time and emotional effort into this and you feel that you cannot walk away. Even though she's not only not promising you anything, she's not leaving him, and not taking any steps towards divorce. In fact, she's angry at you for "pressuring her".

 

Any sane person would tell you to walk and not look back. You already know this and you say you don't have the strength to leave, so I'm not sure what you're looking for?

[stillafool]

Dude, I've read your thread and you should have left the first time she cheated. Do you realize how easy it was for her husband to get her panties off when she came over to get her stuff. How does one thing lead to another and sex happens when you're only supposed to be picking up a few boxes. She is still in love with him. Have you told her she doesn't need her husbands consent to divorce? What is stopping her?

[Lewhawk]

You are the third wheel dude, she cheated on her husband with you, she’s cheating on both of you with other guys, can’t you already see what your future with her will look like? Run while you still can.

[carhill]

Don't know the lady in question but do have a lot of experience with MW's and was married and married women can turn the sex spigot off with any man no matter how charming, yup even their H (read all the mostly male sexless marriage threads on LS) if that's what she wants, of course presuming sexual assault isn't involved. They are also very good at emotionally freezing out a man, brutally. Seen that with many MW's being around them and their husbands, as well as from who I was married to. Women are brutal in the emotional department.

 

OP, is the lady a serial? Did she talk about other men in her past? Serials are really tough. Takes a pro, and usually a BBD, to wean them off a marriage that's meeting their core plan even if they're complaining about it. Your facilitation of her complaints with your sympathy and time/energy/love is like food. I used to call it hoovering but it seems more like a meat case now. She likes the meat (time/love/interest/sympathy/sometimes a good groaning bit of sex) and really doesn't care about the cow (you/me/whoever) it came from.

[Yellowkick]

Dude, I've read your thread and you should have left the first time she cheated. Do you realize how easy it was for her husband to get her panties off when she came over to get her stuff. How does one thing lead to another and sex happens when you're only supposed to be picking up a few boxes. She is still in love with him. Have you told her she doesn't need her husbands consent to divorce? What is stopping her?

 

She says what’s stopping her now is that she feels guilty for breaking up the family and what it can do to her son. She also cares a lot about what her family thinks and will say if they find out she was with me while still married. She also feels like she didn’t give her husband a real chance at making things work. She said her plan was to give a real try with him. She says no se has happ nd in a while. It’s almost like she is asking me to wait for her while she does whatever she wants with her husband. I’m not doing that.

[Yellowkick]

Don't know the lady in question but do have a lot of experience with MW's and was married and married women can turn the sex spigot off with any man no matter how charming, yup even their H (read all the mostly male sexless marriage threads on LS) if that's what she wants, of course presuming sexual assault isn't involved. They are also very good at emotionally freezing out a man, brutally. Seen that with many MW's being around them and their husbands, as well as from who I was married to. Women are brutal in the emotional department.

 

OP, is the lady a serial? Did she talk about other men in her past? Serials are really tough. Takes a pro, and usually a BBD, to wean them off a marriage that's meeting their core plan even if they're complaining about it. Your facilitation of her complaints with your sympathy and time/energy/love is like food. I used to call it hoovering but it seems more like a meat case now. She likes the meat (time/love/interest/sympathy/sometimes a good groaning bit of sex) and really doesn't care about the cow (you/me/whoever) it came from.

 

She said her husband was here first real boyfriend. She is 30 now and they dated for 8 years before they got married. Have been married for 5. So I can understand why she would be curious about other men. She said she was in a break from her husband, boyfriend then, and dated another guy. Not really cheating but she did tell me about that. She also told me about anothe she guy she was with who used to go to her job. This was before she’s met me. She says she was with him once. Felt very guilty about it and stopped contact. Then she met me and we started going out. I thought she was separated. Not living with her husband.

[Yellowkick]

Good life lesson OP.

 

Accept your emotional attachment and process it out. Yup, you love her but she's unavailable now for an intimate committed relationship. That's OK. I presume that's what you want, her to divorce, detach emotionally from her H (she still is attached, you know) and be with you. Not in the cards right now.

 

Presuming you're single, enjoy the attentions and company of whatever women you find attractive. Some of them may be available.

 

Only sure thing in life is death. Humans are chaos. Accept it. Enjoy the ride.

 

This is all so hard. She told me she is going to dinner with her husband and his family tomorrow to celebrate his bday. She wanted to tell me because she doesn’t want to hide things from me. It’s just so messed up that she will be out tomorrow with her husband and his mom/sister as if nothing is happening with us. She says she is just doing it to be nice.

 

At this point I’m thinking I will ask her to not contact m until she has signed divorce papers and separated from him. But then I would feel like I’m plan B. That if She comes back is because it didn’t work with him. That if he had worked then she would t be back.

[doyathinkso]

Will you please wake up!! You ARE Plan B!

 

You are simply the next branch the monkey wants to hang on to.

[sabaton]

New to the forum and need some advice. Here's my situation. I've been dating this woman for close to a year. When we met she told me she was separated from her husband and that it was likely headed to a divorce. She said she had told him her feelings for him were gone and she wanted to move on but he kept persisting and refusing to divorce.

 

<SNIP>

 

 

 

 

Yeah, love is a beautiful thing. But she slept with her ex. She isn't interested in you. She sees you as her fallback plan in case things don't work out with the guy who is boinking her. Dump her and find yourself someone who is attracted to you. Physically. Sexually. Not attracted to your wallet or to how much of a good guy you are.

Edited November 3, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[standtall]

YK, you are always quoting what she says....don't you get it? 90% of what she says are lies, half truths, and other deceptions to string you along. I already suggested you pull your head out of your a**, when are you going to get it through your head? I'm beginning to think that you are enjoying the thrill of this drama....the roller coaster. Have fun, because it's a waste of keystrokes to get through to you.

[misspalmy]

Dont take her back, she will walk over you. I sleep with my sons father hes married, i am single i dont owe his wife anything. i dont know why she puts up with it tho he wont change. she gave with a change when i told her about the affair last year. well year on im pregnant again to him lol

 

shes not worth the stress, if she couldnt say no to her ex mth ago chances are she wont in the future.

[Marc878]

This is all so hard. She told me she is going to dinner with her husband and his family tomorrow to celebrate his bday. She wanted to tell me because she doesn’t want to hide things from me. It’s just so messed up that she will be out tomorrow with her husband and his mom/sister as if nothing is happening with us. She says she is just doing it to be nice.

 

At this point I’m thinking I will ask her to not contact m until she has signed divorce papers and separated from him. But then I would feel like I’m plan B. That if She comes back is because it didn’t work with him. That if he had worked then she would t be back.

 

You are a rebound. Don't you get it?

 

You don't aske her to go no contact you do it yourself.

 

You are dealing with a married cake eater.

 

Stop being so lovesick and naive.

[Yellowkick]

You are a rebound. Don't you get it?

 

You don't aske her to go no contact you do it yourself.

 

You are dealing with a married cake eater.

 

Stop being so lovesick and naive.

 

Thanks all for the advice. I didn’t put up with this stuff when my ex wife cheated. It’s taken me a minute to see things clearly. I really felt like she and I could have a future together. No other woman made me feel this happy. When things were good it was amazing.

 

Just have to accept things for what they are.

[Marc878]

Thanks all for the advice. I didn’t put up with this stuff when my ex wife cheated. It’s taken me a minute to see things clearly. I really felt like she and I could have a future together. No other woman made me feel this happy. When things were good it was amazing.

 

Just have to accept things for what they are.

 

Good, I guarantee you she is not "the only one" for you.

 

No one is worth being disrespected for.

 

You'll be fine. She's stringing her husband and you both along. She's not worth it.

 

It's tough living on hopium

[Yellowkick]

Thanks all for the advice. I didn’t put up with this stuff when my ex wife cheated. It’s taken me a minute to see things clearly. I really felt like she and I could have a future together. No other woman made me feel this happy. When things were good it was amazing.

 

Just have to accept things for what they are.

 

She is now saying that the reason why she can’t split up from her husband right now is because she has a lot of debt with him she needs to pay first before she can separate and divorce. Doesn’t make sense to me. If they divorce the debt is split us bin half and they both pay on their end. She insists this is why she’s can’t end things with him and if I can’t be patient then this won’t work.

 

“This is what’s i need to do. Pay my debt to be free.” She says

 

Do you guys see any scenario where this makes sense? Sounds like an excuse.

[Marc878]

She is now saying that the reason why she can’t split up from her husband right now is because she has a lot of debt with him she needs to pay first before she can separate and divorce. Doesn’t make sense to me. If they divorce the debt is split us bin half and they both pay on their end. She insists this is why she’s can’t end things with him and if I can’t be patient then this won’t work.

 

“This is what’s i need to do. Pay my debt to be free.” She says

 

Do you guys see any scenario where this makes sense? Sounds like an excuse.

 

Any excuse will do. They all seem to have them. You want so badly to believe you will.

 

The only one keeping you hooked on this fruitless venture is you.

[standtall]

She is now saying that the reason why she can’t split up from her husband right now is because she has a lot of debt with him she needs to pay first before she can separate and divorce. Doesn’t make sense to me. If they divorce the debt is split us bin half and they both pay on their end. She insists this is why she’s can’t end things with him and if I can’t be patient then this won’t work.

 

“This is what’s i need to do. Pay my debt to be free.” She says

 

Do you guys see any scenario where this makes sense? Sounds like an excuse.

 

Again believing everything she tells you...unbelievable. Everything she says is a half truth, lie, or other form of manipulation.

 

I think you like being a drama queen and all the attention.

[sabaton]

She is now saying that the reason why she can’t split up from her husband right now is because she has a lot of debt with him she needs to pay first before she can separate and divorce. Doesn’t make sense to me. If they divorce the debt is split us bin half and they both pay on their end. She insists this is why she’s can’t end things with him and if I can’t be patient then this won’t work.

 

“This is what’s i need to do. Pay my debt to be free.” She says

 

Do you guys see any scenario where this makes sense? Sounds like an excuse.

 

Have you ever considered that she's running a Ponzi scheme?

 

 

A Ponzi scheme (/ˈpɒnzi/; also a Ponzi game)[1] is a form of fraud which lures investors and pays profits to earlier investors by using funds obtained from more recent investors

 

She might be working with her husband in this way. She meets new guys, lures them in with this sad, disney-like woven fairy tale of how her husband is emotionally abusive, that he's indifferent to her, that they haven't had sex in so long, that she feels so loney.

 

Then she has sex with the victim, and if the guy is lonely and isn't having sex with other women he's going to fall in ''love'' and he'll want to protect her, save her. Take care of her.

 

She says they can't be together.. not unless he helps her by paying her debts...

 

She gets the money, returns to her husband, they divide the money 50/50, and then they find their next mark and repeat the process over and over again.

 

Just a feeling I got

[ExpatInItaly]

She is now saying that the reason why she can’t split up from her husband right now is because she has a lot of debt with him she needs to pay first before she can separate and divorce. Doesn’t make sense to me. If they divorce the debt is split us bin half and they both pay on their end. She insists this is why she’s can’t end things with him and if I can’t be patient then this won’t work.

 

Do you guys see any scenario where this makes sense? Sounds like an excuse.

 

Well, yeah.

 

She isn't really interested in whether or not you believe her. Her goal is to stay married to him, maybe have some fun with you on the side. The excuses and if you buy them are completely beside the point.

[sabaton]

Well, yeah.

 

She isn't really interested in whether or not you believe her. Her goal is to stay married to him, maybe have some fun with you on the side. The excuses and if you buy them are completely beside the point.

 

 

Yep. They're probably working as a duo. The woman sets the trap for lonely men, then she has sex with them, smashes them good, and when the guys can't quit it because it's so good, she comes up with the ''my husband abuses me, my husband treats me badly. I want to divorce him but for that I need money...''

 

 

[Ronco]

Stay away! I slept with my ex who has a gf twice in the past 3 months. Big mistake. He isn't leaving her and last week, when I was visiting close to where he lives (I live 4 hours from him), he reached out expecting me to say I'd meet him again and I DIDN'T! I was so happy a few days later with myself for not seeing him.

 

Please try to get yourself to leave this situation and go NC. She isn't leaving her husband/family and you will get over it! I feel so much better and for me, knowing my ex (who strangely keeps stalking my FB) isn't going to leave his situation (gf) and I'm strong enough to stay away, is finally feeling really good and satisfying.

 

Good luck!

[Yellowkick]

Stay away! I slept with my ex who has a gf twice in the past 3 months. Big mistake. He isn't leaving her and last week, when I was visiting close to where he lives (I live 4 hours from him), he reached out expecting me to say I'd meet him again and I DIDN'T! I was so happy a few days later with myself for not seeing him.

 

Please try to get yourself to leave this situation and go NC. She isn't leaving her husband/family and you will get over it! I feel so much better and for me, knowing my ex (who strangely keeps stalking my FB) isn't going to leave his situation (gf) and I'm strong enough to stay away, is finally feeling really good and satisfying.

 

Good luck!

 

After a few days of minimal contact she texted me this morning. Said that the distance and days of little talking made her realize how much she misses me.

 

We talked. She proved me that she had no sex with him when they went on vacation and also this weekend (this was his bday weekwnd). She texted apologizing to him for not being able to do stuff during the trip and I’m Sunday and he replied saying he understood and won’t force her.

 

We talked and basically she is saying she doesn’t want to stop seeing me but needs some time to work on herself and can’t see herself getting into the kind of relationship I want with me at the moment. I don’t buy the needing time to work on herself. Can’t she do that while with means what does that have to do with asking him for a divorce. I’m starting to think there is someone else in the picture that she is seeing.

 

She also said that if we end up together she wants it work long term and not just for a few months and that’s why she wants to work on herself. She also says she doesn’t feel she deserves to end up happy with me afterwards what she’s has done.

 

Very confusing.

 

I don’t think she is doing a scheme for money.

[Marc878]

No contact means no contact. You are extremely naive to keep yourself in this.

 

Maybe you should call him up and tell him you are her main man now. See how that works out.