Am I awful?

[dogloverof2]

Recently my mom, who is in her 80's suffered what we thought was a stroke, turned out to be something different. She had to spend the night in the hospital.. she is wabbly on her feet, feels dizzy most all the time and is weak. But she doesn't exercise and lives the life of leisure by laying on the couch all the time reading. My dad does a lot of the house hold chores, by his own choice cause he likes to stay busy.

 

She was advised in the hospital that she needed a walker and was prescribed some med for her symptoms. Well she isn't doing anything to help herself. The walker was out for 1 day, she said it is too inconvenient to use. and isn't going to take meds prescribed cause of the list of side effects of them. She goes back to see her primary care doctor soon and I asked her to tell him what she is and isn't doing.

 

I went to see her and she got irritated at me cause I didn't ask right away how she was doing. When I did ask, she listed how she feels .. weak, dizzy, tired, etc.

 

I am kind of irritated cause I feel that she isn't being compliant with the doctors but she wants sympathy from me.

 

 

I love her and want her healthy and happy, but I also believe you have to help yourself sometimes....

[todreaminblue]

you aren't awful...love isnt all roses and chocolate as big as your head being given.......its you caring and feeling frustration and still loving them...its getting angry and feeling irritated only because you really do want the best....for the person you do love....that isnt awful at all is it? its part of love....

 

 

talk to her be honest and let her know you will support her in seeing her doctor and helping her comply .....my oldest daughter gets frustrated with me because she wanted us to start walking again together..but life has been a bit of a roller coaster for me lately......and she can get irritated with me...

 

but you know how i know even though she might get irritated ...she never gives up asking me to come for walks....and i will go with her very soon...im hoping next week will be the week i start.....

 

she even warned me today she was going to speak to my doctor.....if i didnt make more regular appointments....which she wont have to...because i will make them..because i love her......and want to live longer for her....and all my kids and grandkids....i want to be healthy and fit....again..i need to be....

talk to your mum...be open be honest...let her know you love her at the end of the convo...your mum is 80....thats a difficult age to be physically when inside she might feel young and yet her body doesnt feel the same....be honest...but be kind...........good luck .:0)..deb...

Edited July 11, 2018 by todreaminblue

[dogloverof2]

you aren't awful...love isnt all roses and chocolate as big as your head being given.......its you caring and feeling frustration and still loving them...its getting angry and feeling irritated only because you really do want the best....for the person you do love....that isnt awful at all is it? its part of love....

 

 

talk to her be honest and let her know you will support her in seeing her doctor and helping her comply .....my oldest daughter gets frustrated with me because she wanted us to start walking again together..but life has been a bit of a roller coaster for me lately......and she can get irritated with me...

 

but you know how i know even though she might get irritated ...she never gives up asking me to come for walks....and i will go with her very soon...im hoping next week will be the week i start.....

 

she even warned me today she was going to speak to my doctor.....if i didnt make more regular appointments....which she wont have to...because i will make them..because i love her......and want to live longer for her....and all my kids and grandkids....i want to be healthy and fit....again..i need to be....

talk to your mum...be open be honest...let her know you love her at the end of the convo...your mum is 80....thats a difficult age to be physically when inside she might feel young and yet her body doesnt feel the same....be honest...but be kind...........good luck .:0)..deb...

 

Thank you for the reply. She has a friend who just suffered a second fall, which resulted in a broken bones, surgery, rehab, etc. She talks about how awful it sounds but wont realize that she is putting herself in that same situation.

 

Good for your daughter for not giving up on asking you to walk. She is offering encouragement and support. She will be, I'm sure, your biggest cheerleader! :)

[amaysngrace]

I don't think you're awful for wanting things to get better for her. You love her and want her to have a decent quality of life.

 

There is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

 

Maybe remind her the doctor prescribed the med for a reason and in his professional opinion the benefits outweigh the risks.

 

I'm sorry for what you're going through. Although it's a blessing to have our parents until they reach a ripe old age it can be difficult to witness.

 

It's almost as if at some point you become the parent and they become the child, as you're seeing.

 

If it's done out of love for them though then how can it be wrong?

[preraph]

If you feel she isn't taking meds and isn't telling the doctor, then it's time for you or your dad to take control so you can talk to the doctor . A medical power of attorney or guardianship if she is really hurting herself. A stroke leaves your body very messed up and your brain as well. She may not be able to take those meds, but maybe there's some she can take. Maybe she just needs to take them with dinner to keep from getting sick. When your relatives stop being competent to take care of themselves, you end up having to so a medical poer of attorney if they will sign one, or get a guardianship if they were really not thinking clearly. If neither, then I guess it's up to your dad to influence her the best he can and you should talk to him about it all.

 

I will say this: I'm 65 and can barely and only occasionally get housework done. An 80-year-old needs someone to come in and do it for them. 80 is really old to be doing housework. 80 with a stroke? You have no idea how messed up she is. If the walker isn't working (it takes arm power), see if she can walk a little with you holding her up, or you and the dad together.

Edited July 11, 2018 by preraph