Summerlondon Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 (edited) My Ex-Girlfriend messaged me the other day after I changed my WhatsApp DP photo to a picture of me looking sìngle and enjoying life on holiday.. I haven't spoken to her in about 4 months and we've been broken up now over a year so i felt her reaction was one of jealousy as i'm moving on with my life. Anyways we have been lightly texting over the last few days when all of a sudden she randomly asks if i was seeing anyone to which my reply was no. She then went onto to tell me how she's seeing a guy recently... I'm not going to lie but i do feel really upset and I questioned her on why she would tell me such things after not talking for such a long time. Like I actually feel like crap now because i do still have feelings for her still, but she replied 'she doesn't know why she would tell me all this'. What the hell? Like what's the point of her even messaging me. Edited July 12, 2018 by Summerlondon Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 I have no answer other than "people are not always logical". But I love that you asked her why she told you. Score 1 for you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 It's simple really. She considers you a "friend". This is what friends do, talk about their lives, relationships, problems, share the good times and the bad, ask about your life and tell you about theirs. That is exactly what she was doing. Then you questioned her because you thought it wasn't appropriate, which made her realise that you're not "just friends", but an ex who still has feelings. And rather than get all heavy she just said she didn't know why she was telling it all to you. Being friends with an EX when you still have feelings is a BAD idea, and this kind of conversation is exactly the reason why! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 This is why you stop interacting with EXs. Because you don't need or want a front row seat to their love life that you are no longer part of. Block her & move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
HiCrunchy Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 It's simple really. She considers you a "friend". This is what friends do, talk about their lives, relationships, problems, share the good times and the bad, ask about your life and tell you about theirs. That is exactly what she was doing. Then you questioned her because you thought it wasn't appropriate, which made her realise that you're not "just friends", but an ex who still has feelings. And rather than get all heavy she just said she didn't know why she was telling it all to you. Being friends with an EX when you still have feelings is a BAD idea, and this kind of conversation is exactly the reason why! I feel like exes can be friends, if they are mature enough. But it is a different friendship. You can't treat it like normal friends because of the history between you two and I personally don't see anything wrong with that. Its just a different boundary you both have to navigate if you want to have the other person in your life to some extent. All friendships are different and have different boundaries and that is okay. If I were friends with my ex, I wouldn't talk much about an SO or someone new just out of respect for them. I also wouldn't want to learn much about anyone they are seeing either. If it somehow came up, then so be it tho details other than (I'm seeing someone are more than I would care to know). (This friendships is of course after we have both moved on and have had a period of no contact for things to cool down). NC doesn't have to be forever. Now if my ex was an abusive asshat, then I don't ever want to see them again. I am all for removing toxic people from my life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Summerlondon Posted July 12, 2018 Author Share Posted July 12, 2018 It's simple really. She considers you a "friend". This is what friends do, talk about their lives, relationships, problems, share the good times and the bad, ask about your life and tell you about theirs. That is exactly what she was doing. Then you questioned her because you thought it wasn't appropriate, which made her realise that you're not "just friends", but an ex who still has feelings. And rather than get all heavy she just said she didn't know why she was telling it all to you. Being friends with an EX when you still have feelings is a BAD idea, and this kind of conversation is exactly the reason why! There's no way in a million years I'll ever let this girl be my friend or establish some sort of 'keep in touch relationship'.... Time to move on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Summerlondon Posted July 12, 2018 Author Share Posted July 12, 2018 (edited) I feel like exes can be friends, if they are mature enough. But it is a different friendship. You can't treat it like normal friends because of the history between you two and I personally don't see anything wrong with that. Its just a different boundary you both have to navigate if you want to have the other person in your life to some extent. All friendships are different and have different boundaries and that is okay. If I were friends with my ex, I wouldn't talk much about an SO or someone new just out of respect for them. I also wouldn't want to learn much about anyone they are seeing either. If it somehow came up, then so be it tho details other than (I'm seeing someone are more than I would care to know). (This friendships is of course after we have both moved on and have had a period of no contact for things to cool down). NC doesn't have to be forever. Now if my ex was an abusive asshat, then I don't ever want to see them again. I am all for removing toxic people from my life. I like this response, spot on.. Removing toxic people from your life is the way forward. These people will walk all over you at any given opportunity because they CAN. Well not on my watch. Also i agree, that if I was seeing someone, out of respect I would never ever tell my ex as it's the wrong thing to do. I find it very disrespectful what she's done and I'm going to let her know again (probably just a waste of time as she'll think she's in the right). But anyways I'm pissed I can't hold this back. Edited July 12, 2018 by Summerlondon Link to post Share on other sites
PegNosePete Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 There's no way in a million years I'll ever let this girl be my friend or establish some sort of 'keep in touch relationship'.... Time to move on. But, this is exactly what you have been doing. You said you were texting lightly over the last few days, that is a "keep in touch relationship". Time to move on - exactly! I feel like exes can be friends, if they are mature enough. Oh absolutely exes can be friends. But if one still has feelings, then they are gonna get hurt. Hence why it is a BAD idea when one person still has feelings. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted July 12, 2018 Share Posted July 12, 2018 Also i agree, that if I was seeing someone, out of respect I would never ever tell my ex as it's the wrong thing to do. Many people feel that it's respectful TO tell your ex that you're dating someone, if you're still friendly or in a situation where you're likely to bump into each other, just so they have some warning and don't run smack into you and someone else unexpectedly. I find it very disrespectful what she's done and I'm going to let her know again (probably just a waste of time as she'll think she's in the right). But anyways I'm pissed I can't hold this back. You're entitled to your feelings, but it's a waste of time getting angry at her about it. She was being friendly. Snapping at her is not mature or respectful. Just block her and move on with your life. You don't want to be friends, so don't waste any more of your time and energy making yourself mad. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 I feel like exes can be friends, if they are mature enough. But it is a different friendship. You can't treat it like normal friends because of the history between you two and I personally don't see anything wrong with that. Its just a different boundary you both have to navigate if you want to have the other person in your life to some extent. All friendships are different and have different boundaries and that is okay. If I were friends with my ex, I wouldn't talk much about an SO or someone new just out of respect for them. I also wouldn't want to learn much about anyone they are seeing either. If it somehow came up, then so be it tho details other than (I'm seeing someone are more than I would care to know). (This friendships is of course after we have both moved on and have had a period of no contact for things to cool down). NC doesn't have to be forever. Now if my ex was an abusive asshat, then I don't ever want to see them again. I am all for removing toxic people from my life. Gotta say I agree with most of this - but I would also refuse to be friends with my ex if I wasn't comfortable with the idea of them being with someone else. It's just reality that they will meet other people, so if I wasn't comfortable with that idea then I'd just be creating more mess for us both, so I'd stay NC. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Summerlondon Posted July 13, 2018 Author Share Posted July 13, 2018 Gotta say I agree with most of this - but I would also refuse to be friends with my ex if I wasn't comfortable with the idea of them being with someone else. It's just reality that they will meet other people, so if I wasn't comfortable with that idea then I'd just be creating more mess for us both, so I'd stay NC. Yeah I'm completely not comfortable with it at all mate and she knows it, yet it didn't stop her. It's really upset me and it's just such a shame that she would do this.. However in general she's a really jealous person so I guess it was to be expected. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 13, 2018 Share Posted July 13, 2018 Yeah I'm completely not comfortable with it at all mate and she knows it, yet it didn't stop her. It's really upset me and it's just such a shame that she would do this.. However in general she's a really jealous person so I guess it was to be expected. A better question than “why did she tell me” would be asking yourself why you’d let this affect you so much? A year done the road from a relationship that didn’t end well, you answer should have been “meh”... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author Summerlondon Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 A better question than “why did she tell me” would be asking yourself why you’d let this affect you so much? A year done the road from a relationship that didn’t end well, you answer should have been “meh”... Mr. Lucky I know, I was thinking the same.. Just it's hard to see her with someone else and I do miss the good times we had.. To be honest I've always had feelings for her, but a relationship is just too stressful as I find she's way too clingy, but I guess she needs a guy just as bad. The end... Link to post Share on other sites
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