Expanding a Romantic Network

[BaronChairman]

I'm in a full-on search for a life partner, which is a new thing to me. But there are a few things that are clear: One is that online dating is the pits. The other is that it's tough to meet people on the kind of work schedule that I have.

 

I've read some advice on how to meet women, and one thing stood out: Creating a network of people who might be able to help you meet your ideal partner. This seems like it's going to be the best option for me, but there's one detail: I'm a terrible networker and I need to improve my social life.

 

Any ideas on how to do this? I'm sure I'm not the only one here wondering.

[carhill]

Last random woman I met was at the vet's hall going there for taco night with my best friend's wife since he hates socializing. Just showed up with her and started talking with people. Met the mayor of a nearby town who was single and happened to have the most mesmerizing lips

 

Really, it's little more than getting out and socializing. I live remote, meaning near no humans, so getting out is a must. Interaction doesn't happen without effort. Friends and a social group is key.

 

In my past life as a business owner, I met a lot of women who either worked for customers or vendors as well as through community organizations I volunteered at. Again, it's that social thing. Getting out. It's very rare that, at least for this guy, a potential life partner is going to knock on one's door. I guess it can happen. Gotta answer the door though

[clia]

You need to get involved in activities where you can meet people and make new friends. Look for local clubs or groups that cater to your interests -- dinner clubs, wine clubs, running clubs, ski clubs, volleyball, related to your career, etc. (You can check locally, Meetup, Next Door, etc. to find these.) Non-profit volunteer organizations are also a good way to meet people.

 

However, you need to become a regular so your face becomes familiar. Don't jump into hitting on the women at these events right away. Chat, be friendly, and leave it at that at first. Also talk to the men and the married women. Make friends.

 

These things take time and it's not going to happen overnight. It takes a lot of work and effort to build a network.

[d0nnivain]

Networking is a skill just like anything else.

 

Part of finding a partner or expanding a business is personal marketing & putting yourself out there. You have to go to functions & events. In this dat & age you can find breakfasts, lunches, happy hours & dinner meetings. Just look around.

 

Pack your schedule with activities that you enjoy. Join meet up groups that do what you do. Volunteer for causes you care about. Get involved in your community. Basically live your life & by doing so you will expand your circle.

[OatsAndHall]

Here's an example of how I met the last woman I dated.

 

 

 

I coach several sports and a coach from another town asked me if I wanted to go fishing with him while we talked at a track meet. He and I hung out a few times and then he invited me over to his place for a get-together. At his home, I started chatting with some other people I didn't know. They, in turn, asked me to go shoot pool one the next night. I joined them, made some more acquaintances and one of them set me up with her friend, my now ex-girlfriend.

 

 

 

It really just comes down to being sociable and having decent communication skills. I go out to an event where I know a few folks, I make small talk with people, get to know them and my social circle expands. As my social circle expands, I meet more available women. And, more importantly, I make friends. Lol.

 

 

 

But, this does take practice and one does have to learn interact with others in a fun and positive manner. My closest friend here is a great guy and I enjoy spending time with him. But, he'd be an incredibly lonely person if he wasn't married and didn't have a family. He's just rather socially inept; you put him in a group setting and he tells inappropriate jokes, swears too much, and can get a little gossipy. He just doesn't know how to engage with people in a manner without "cranking it to 11".

[basil67]

If your work schedule prohibits you from meeting people, how do you propose to maintain a relationship?

[BaronChairman]

You need to get involved in activities where you can meet people and make new friends. Look for local clubs or groups that cater to your interests -- dinner clubs, wine clubs, running clubs, ski clubs, volleyball, related to your career, etc. (You can check locally, Meetup, Next Door, etc. to find these.) Non-profit volunteer organizations are also a good way to meet people.

 

However, you need to become a regular so your face becomes familiar. Don't jump into hitting on the women at these events right away. Chat, be friendly, and leave it at that at first. Also talk to the men and the married women. Make friends.

 

I'm getting on this. It's a bit trickier than I thought because my search engine keeps coughing up grade-A BS looking for athletic clubs. But I did just sign up as a volunteer for a grassroots political campaign.

[Lotsgoingon]

Online dating requires a certain set of skills in how to present yourself.

 

If you're having zero luck ... that's not unusual. I'd say before quitting, you want to find two or three women you trust and show them your profile.

 

It's amazing how badly people present themselves online ... and you may be making the same mistake. For example you apparently work odd or long hours. Contrary to what you might think, you actually want to highlight your odd hours or long hours in an online dating profile. Why?

 

Well, so that you get noticed by women who have a similar schedule. I'm betting you hide this now because you fear it's a liability. But stating the work schedule in detail up front ... can actually be a credit. Women in your same situation will notice you.

 

Networks are helpful for meeting people. The problem is ... a lot of times people you know will know someone who might be a good person for you ... but it takes energy and second thoughts for them to dig that person out of their memory banks. So a good move is to go up to anyone you know enough to have this conversation (does NOT have to be a close friend--just someone who sorta respects you) ... tell that what you say here. You've heard that using networks is helping for meeting people, and ask, if you had to pick two or three people who might be good to meet, who would these people be?

 

So yes, meeting people at events and through interests ... is a great way to go ... because someone sees you in action ... and they know they have a friend who is looking for someone, they will often put 1 and 1 together and recommend you meet their friend.

 

I wouldn't give up fully on online dating though. I had mixed success doing so ... It was only afterwards that I realized that my profiles were really terrible ... lame, vague.

 

Like for a good online profile, it's worth it to hire a professional photographer that you talk to and explain your goals ... and then let this photographer imagine 5 or 6 different photos of you ... looking your best ... in different locations ... wearing the right clothes (the photographer will help with that) ... and even showing you at work ... or doing some hobby.

 

You can find affordable people on yelp, etc.

 

Just remember, all those gorgeous models you see in magazines ... and all those handsome guys ... their photos are the results of hours-long shoots ... with full makeup staffs and hair staffs and the like. And that's before you get to the photo-shopping.

 

And you got to write a compelling profile. Not a natural skill most of us have.

[LuckyM]

Some people meet life partners, BF and GF going to charity events where you are expected to donate money or time. Of course, that is a side benefit for going...that should not be your only reason.