I've been waiting for the question... and I'm getting impatient.

[SuperAmK]

Hi ALL-

 

I've been in relationship with my boyfriend for 4+ years now. We've been living together for the past 7 months. We have a blended family. (He has 2 kids from a previous relationship that lives with use part-time and I have 1 child from previous relationship that lives with us full-time). I am beginning to get a bit impatient waiting on a marriage proposal.

 

He's tells others that he's going to marry me but when we get into arguments he tells me he doesn't want to marry me but after we make up he states that he only says it because he's mad. And recently he hit me with... So I'm suppose to marry you because you stuck around. I'm starting to believe the comments he makes during our arguments and honestly I'm one foot out the door. But when I try to leave, my boyfriend tells me I'm not trying hard enough & I'm just giving up and not being fair. Don't get me wrong I have been wrong & unfair at times in this relationship and I definitely learn from my mistakes but it not to point that he tries to make it out to be.

 

I've moved him and his kids into my home (since it was bigger and closer to his and my job. I've to overlooked his kids lack of respect for me & the lack of respect he's shown me in front of his kids, I've overlooked or for a better term 'understood' his temper & defensive manner, I've understood his financial situation and obligations, I've aborted 3 pregnancies because "we weren't ready yet", when honestly I would have all three with him but I know that he couldn't afford that responsibility.

 

I've been understanding to cheating allegations, I've been patient when he lived with his single brother who had (the most) women in and out of their apartment (Every other day it was a different girl), I've been patient with his EXTREMELY dysfunctional family. Don't get me wrong we all have family problems and disfunction but believe me they HAVE their issues. I've been patient with him and willing to help him heal from his childhood traumas. He tells me that when he see's improvement on the things I need to work on (which are listening to him better, not being unfair, and holding myself to the same standard he is) Which I am but he refuses to acknowledge it.

 

I've been so loving and accepting of him for him because I genuinely love him but I'm feeling like he's only still with me because he's comfortable and really doesn't plan on marring me.

Edited July 13, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[d0nnivain]

Set a deadline in your head & stick to it. If you don't walk when you still don't get what you want, then he will know you are a spineless doormat & he'll never marry you.

[grays]

You sure you wanna marry this guy?

 

Also, birth control seems like a reasonable course if you guys don't want to/can't have a baby.

[Gaeta]

If marriage was so important to you then why did you move him in your home?

 

 

 

After reading all the list of the things you're putting up with I am not sure why you want to marry him. The way it reads it's like he owe you a marriage for enduring so much with him.

[O'Malley]

He has a temper, disrespects you in front of the children and there are allegations of cheating. He's not only a poor marital prospect, he's a poor relationship prospect. He's not a stable, supportive presence in you or your children's lives. Getting married to him will only crystallize the issues that you already have with him.

 

Put yourself and your children's needs first. If he has issues, it's time that he learn to live independently with his kids before making any decisions about marrying anyone. Don't let your home and income become his comfort zone and don't be surprised if he suddenly starts promising marriage if and when you ask him to move out.

[preraph]

Move him out. This asking you to change yourself when he himself sounds utterly imperfect and annoying is unfair and insulting! He sounds like a dictator. He's just manufacturing excuses and gaslighting you trying to make HIS reluctance to commit YOUR fault. Surely you see that. Look up "gaslighting." It's a common way for manipulators to control you and cast the blame your way to distract you from their own failings.

[BC1980]

So he’s getting housing, sex, all the benefits of a relationship, but with no responsibility of a commitment? Sounds like a pretty good deal to me. He’s living the high life it would seem. I don’t see any reason he would marry you. That would not be smart on his part.

[RecentChange]

Second marriages have a 70% divorce rate - do you really think that this relationship, the communication skills, the conflict resolution skills etc are strong enough that this relationship will be in the victorious 30%?

 

Things very very rarely get better after marriage - this is most likely as good as it gets - is this REALLY what you want to commit to for the rest of your days on this Earth?

 

Remember, you will be marrying him, his kids, and his family, it's a whole package.

 

My advice? Birth control, and if marriage is important to you..... Probably time to move on.

[Echo74]

Oh geez. Get. Out. Now. He has little respect for you and a great MANIPULATOR.

[burnt]

So he’s getting housing, sex, all the benefits of a relationship, but with no responsibility of a commitment? Sounds like a pretty good deal to me. He’s living the high life it would seem. I don’t see any reason he would marry you. That would not be smart on his part.

 

^^^ Very well said.

 

Question for you OP:

Why do you want to marry him?

 

Will it make you happy if he marries you and carries on treating you the same way?

 

Will you feel happy 10 years down when you look back and realize that he married you because he felt tired of your nagging, not because he really wanted to marry you?

[Mr. Lucky]

Will you feel happy 10 years down when you look back and realize that he married you because he felt tired of your nagging, not because he really wanted to marry you?

 

Couldn’t agree more. I never understand why anyone would want to marry someone they have to drag to the altar? If there ever was a contract one should enter of free will and with total commitment, matrimony is it.

 

And OP, you thought about dropping three more kids into this sinking ship? Hope you’re pleading temporary insanity...

 

Mr. Lucky