Wanting to give space, just in case he needs it.

[MarthaX]

Hello,

 

I'm in a long-term relationship with my boyfriend for almost 6 years now. He is very busy-- takes courses during the day 5 days a week, then has work right after on the same night every night. Then has work on Saturdays, so he only has Sundays off. He sees me Friday nights and Saturday nights, and if he's feeling up to it (not so tired, or gets out of work early) he comes to see me those days.

It's a little hard to just easily go right over eachother's houses, because we live 25 minutes away, so that is why it's so few times.

 

Anyways, we took a 2 night vacation together, and returned home on a Saturday. We went off to do our own things, and he came over for about 2 hours, and then went out. The next day I finally had it off ( I never have Sundays off) so I wanted to see him... but see, this is his only day off and he likes to do whatever, like lay around, relax, etc. I got a little upset because it's my one and only Sunday off... but since the semester at school hadn't started back up yet, I literally had every-other day off to do nothing, so really, it wasn't like it was my only day off and he wasn't seeing me. Plus we just went away those days before.

 

So, he got a little mad when I got angry about it, and for the first time ever, he said he needs his space. I asked him if he was mad at me, and he sounded confused and said no. Like "obviousely" he's not mad, he's just talking about Sunday.

So, I did something very hard for me to do... I didn't call him for a couple of days, just to give him some space. He called me up just to see what I was up to, so it made me feel happy. That was Tuesday night. I lightly mentioned wanting to see him Friday-- we always see eachother that day. So, tomorrow is Friday and I don't know if I should just leave it up to him to call me? I don't want to seem smothering. But I don't want him to assume I don't want to see him. Though, I lightly mentioned twice-- once on Sunday, and once on Tuesday how I couldn't wait for him to come over. I wouldn't want him to go out with his buddies instead of me if I don't call him.

 

I want to give him some more space, so I'll continue to not call him every day of the week, but would calling him Friday afternoon really be a bad idea? Just to say I can't wait to see him that night? It would calm my nerves as well so I'm not wondering if he's coming over or calling, or what.

 

Also, what are some things I should definately not do when I'm wanting to give him some more space? Should I make myself less available? We barely see eachother enough as it is, so I'm wondering... is there anything else I could do? I'm mostly asking this part towards those who want space and have had to give space before.

 

I know he must feel like he needs it sometimes, because I may smother him just a bit... though even if he was just talking about Sunday, I think that giving him some space would be a good idea.

 

Thanks!

[Shana]

You have been together for 6 years so why would you not call him? See what's on the docket for Friday evening?

 

He just needed Sunday "his time" ... he sounds very busy ... I think you may need to take up a hobby for the days off that you have nothing to do.

 

Are you young? I just think 6 years and not living together and asking these questions leads me to believe that you are both still quite young.

[MarthaX]

Hi Shana, thanks for your response.

We're both young-- 20 & 21.