ruby31 Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 how would one deal with a partner that is an attention seeker but they don't see themselves as such. my husband likes to be the center of attention and go-to person for hook ups,which has caused females to be disrespectful to me but he doesn't catch on to their behavior nor does he correct them. I don't believe he would cheat but I don't like him entertaining people who've disrespected me. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 Our MC liked the other shoe example for promoting empathy among partners. Since women in general have a very easy time attracting men, do some flirting of your own and quid pro quo him. Of course communicate with him first and tell him how you *feel* when he performs this behavior and/or when these other women disrespect you. If he blows it off, hey do what gooses do. If it's good for the gander, well... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 Attention seeking is annoying but not a reason to break up a marriage. I don't understand what you mean when you say that your husband is the "go-to person for hook ups, which has caused females to be disrespectful to me". If my husband was interacting with women who were mean or rude to me, I would point it out to him. If he continued engaging I would point it out again in front of everybody embarrassing them both. If that didn't work, I'd probably start a fight over it in private. MC would be one of the last steps before leaving him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 (edited) Ruby, I’ve look at your posting history and there are many issues in your marriage. Is your husband still going out with his brother and not coming home? They are still keeping the company of other women?There is more to the story than attention seeking behaviour, isn’t there? It seems , trust is a real issue in your marriage. And as we said before, your husband is not acting the way a loving husband who respected his wife should be acting. Edited July 14, 2018 by BaileyB 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 Was he this way when you were dating and before you married or is this something new? Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruby31 Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 Attention seeking is annoying but not a reason to break up a marriage. I don't understand what you mean when you say that your husband is the "go-to person for hook ups, which has caused females to be disrespectful to me". If my husband was interacting with women who were mean or rude to me, I would point it out to him. If he continued engaging I would point it out again in front of everybody embarrassing them both. If that didn't work, I'd probably start a fight over it in private. MC would be one of the last steps before leaving him. He's the go to person, he's a helpful man but as of late it's been biting him in the ass. His friends don't respect his/our personal time. The expect him to drop everything whenever they need something and help them. Alot of his friends are single, they haven't had a serious relationship before. He doesn't see what there doing is wrong for instance a female of a family friend asked him to take out to dinner when I stared at her she laughed and said your wife too. He feels these thing are innocent and says to just deal with it. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruby31 Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 Ruby, I’ve look at your posting history and there are many issues in your marriage. Is your husband still going out with his brother and not coming home? They are still keeping the company of other women?There is more to the story than attention seeking behaviour, isn’t there? It seems , trust is a real issue in your marriage. And as we said before, your husband is not acting the way a loving husband who respected his wife should be acting. He's cut back with his brother, and the keeping bad company thank god. It has alot to do with respect he feels as though I should just trust him 100% but when he doesn't correct people when they disrespect me I feel like he letting them walk all over me and our marriage. He never had a proper representation of what a marriage is neither did I but he just wont hear me when I feel offend. He doesn't think my feelings are justified. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruby31 Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 Was he this way when you were dating and before you married or is this something new? He's always been like this, I thought he would get better. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruby31 Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 Our MC liked the other shoe example for promoting empathy among partners. Since women in general have a very easy time attracting men, do some flirting of your own and quid pro quo him. Of course communicate with him first and tell him how you *feel* when he performs this behavior and/or when these other women disrespect you. If he blows it off, hey do what gooses do. If it's good for the gander, well... At times I wish I had the balls to do that, I'd feel so guilty. He doesn't understand where I'm coming from because he's never been in my shoes and he's knows I couldn't do It to him. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 He's cut back with his brother, and the keeping bad company thank god. It has alot to do with respect he feels as though I should just trust him 100% but when he doesn't correct people when they disrespect me I feel like he letting them walk all over me and our marriage. He never had a proper representation of what a marriage is neither did I but he just wont hear me when I feel offend. He doesn't think my feelings are justified. Your feelings are always justified. And, a loving and caring partner should be very considerate of your feelings. No, if he is behaving in inappropriate ways then he is untrustworthy. You would be unwise to trust him 100% - he hasn't exactly behaved in ways that would earn your trust, has he? He has proven that he does a very poor job of setting and respecting health boundaries for your marriage. He should be able to set boundaries with other people/women without needing you to tell him what to do - you are his wife, not his mother. He will maintain these boundaries if he has respect for you and has consideration for your feelings. He's not doing that - proceed with caution, my friend. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 He's always been like this, I thought he would get better. BIG mistake. You should never marry someone thinking that they will change... It's unlikely to happen. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruby31 Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 BIG mistake. You should never marry someone thinking that they will change... It's unlikely to happen. I learned that late Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruby31 Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 how would one go about handling this? I don't want to give him a taste of his own medicine I don't have the heart. I've already spoken to him. where do I go from here Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 I learned that late It's never too late. The only thing worse than staying in a bad marriage for two years is staying in a bad marriage for three years... You always have another option. There is NEVER a good reason to stay with a man who treats you badly. Go to your family, or a good friend, and file for divorce if he is not treating you well. I will say Ruby, having read your other posts, I would not be sleeping in bed beside this man tonight... I would have left this marriage a long time ago. Take care. Link to post Share on other sites
Author ruby31 Posted July 14, 2018 Author Share Posted July 14, 2018 I don't want to give up on him and us. could this be growing pains? does this ever get better? I know who he could be, and who he is at times when he's not being foolish. I love him so much he is my best friend. Everyone has their issuses this can get better right? Link to post Share on other sites
SunnyWeather Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 I don't want to give up on him and us. could this be growing pains? does this ever get better? I know who he could be, and who he is at times when he's not being foolish. I love him so much he is my best friend. Everyone has their issuses this can get better right? He will continue this behavior as long as you put up with it. If not putting up with it anymore means you have to leave, I'm sorry to say, then that will be your only choice. You have to decide how long you are willing to suffer. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 14, 2018 Share Posted July 14, 2018 I don't want to give up on him and us. could this be growing pains? does this ever get better? I know who he could be, and who he is at times when he's not being foolish. I love him so much he is my best friend. Everyone has their issuses this can get better right? With all due respect, I would not say that it is growing pains. I would suggest that this is character. And, a person's true character doesn't change. Everyone has their issues... I'm just back from a weekend camping with my boyfriend and he spent the weekend complaining about the bugs, the heat, the uncomfortable bed, etc... He drove me crazy this weekend but his complaints are not deal breakers. If he had poor boundaries and was partying with his brother and not coming home or going to dinner with other women, he would not be coming home to me. I'm sorry. I wouldn't tolerate this behavior. Does he see a problem? Does he want to change his behavior? Is he concerned and wanting to be more considerate of your feelings or needs? What have his ACTIONS shown you? Staying wih someone because you know "who they could be" and waiting for them to change is not a good way to live your life. You're going to waste a lot of time waiting for someone to change, when you have absolutely no control of the outcome. It's not a wise thing to do. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 15, 2018 Share Posted July 15, 2018 Everyone has their issues this can get better right? Some of my more "attention seeking" friends have run out of the energy in their 60's and 70's needed to continue this behavior. So you probably have only three or four more decades to go. It's only an issue for you, he doesn't see any problem in what he's doing so it's hard to see things getting better. Plan accordingly... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted July 15, 2018 Share Posted July 15, 2018 He disrespects you worse than those women do because they didn't make a commitment to honor you. Rather than taking it out on them direct the blame where it belongs. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 15, 2018 Share Posted July 15, 2018 He's always been like this, I thought he would get better. Famous last words. You're not likely to change him. He was probably looking for a mild woman who'd ignore all this and let him do it. I agree with Carhill, though. I have found, especially with men who are not taking things seriously and are overconfident, that if you start exercising your own feminine powers, it absolutely drives them nuts. Start having lunch with a male friend. Go out to dinner or drinks with your girlfriends. Give him some reason to want to make a commitment to not do this; otherwise, why should he? You married him that way. Link to post Share on other sites
NomiMalone Posted July 23, 2018 Share Posted July 23, 2018 I have some experience with a man who was an attention whore. The last guy I dated turned out to be like like once our honeymoon period was over and he no longer felt the need to impress me. I read up a lot about this type of behaviour and learnt that these attention seekers crave external validation, and get a high from it. Let me tell you that it doesn't get any better. My boyfriend was in his 40s. "Old dogs don't learn new tricks," my counsellor told me. Separate to this issue is his disregard of your feelings. This is a lot more alarming than the attention seeking issue. If you communicate to your partner that something is bothering you and they continue to be inconsiderate of your feelings, then that is a huge red flag in your relationship. He is not your best friend - he's not even your friend as friends respect each other's feelings! You either recognise that he's not "attention seeking" out of any real malice, and accept it, or you leave him. Link to post Share on other sites
Loveandobey Posted July 24, 2018 Share Posted July 24, 2018 An honest open discussion is needed here. You need to state exactly how you feel and explain that you are no longer putting up with disrespect. If he is a good partner despite the attention seeking he will understand. Then, you need to guide him and help him to change his behavior. Each time he does it you bring it to his attention and ensure he makes the correction. The book "love and obey" saved my life and relationship. Check it out it might help you. Im a much happier person now, taking control. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 24, 2018 Share Posted July 24, 2018 how would one go about handling this? I don't want to give him a taste of his own medicine I don't have the heart. I've already spoken to him. where do I go from here Sorry, but this is the only way he will get the message. You've talked to him about it and it hasn't changed so put your big girl panties on and show him how it feels. Link to post Share on other sites
brigit87 Posted July 25, 2018 Share Posted July 25, 2018 Sorry, but this is the only way he will get the message. You've talked to him about it and it hasn't changed so put your big girl panties on and show him how it feels. But do two wrongs make a right? No. Plus, how long can she keep it up? This isn't the way to go about fixing a problem that might not be fixable. Link to post Share on other sites
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