Says the spark was lost, now what

[Chagwood]

Hey everyone, writing this in hopes to clear up some confusion for me. I’ll give you a brief summary of what happened..

 

So me and thus girl started dating and everything was amazing (honeymoon phase). Before we officially started dating, she told me that she tends to move slowly because of her past relationships, I was cool with that. A month later once we became official, everything was great. Met each others family and hung out with them all the time, etc. She would send me sweet texts everymorning as would I (the honeymoon phase stuff I guess?).

 

Another month goes by and she told me that she thinks I’m so much further ahead feelings wise than she is but she still likes me and cares about me. I took that as slow things down like she told me initially which I did... things were still amazing after that talk.

 

Almost another month after that, she told me that her feelings aren’t growing anymore and she’s frustrated with herself because she doesn’t know why. She went on by saying she thinks things got too serious too quickly and she “lost the spark”. Now here’s where I dive into some details that are important. She works 5 days a week and is also in school full time, and was going through midterms at the time. She got extremely stressed, couldn’t sleep at night, would break down crying, wanted to be alone even from family, and then would get frustrated with herself because she doesn’t like telling people she doesn’t want to be around anyone in the case she hurts them so that made her depressed as well. She was basically going through a very stressful point for her. I went on to tell her honestly it’s probably from the stress, and that I’m here for her but I don’t have to see her everyday. I told her school is important and she needs to focus on that which she agreed on but didn’t agree on the fact that’s why the spark died.

 

fast forward to 2 weeks later, she broke up with me because she said the spark wasn’t there and that she didn’t know how to bring it back. I know it hurt her to breakup with me, I could just tell from the conversation at that time (lots of crying and saying she’s mad at herself for not knowing why she’s feeling like this). The relationship didn’t end badly, as in arguing, we were both mature about it, but I did tell her not to expect me to be around after this at least for a while.

 

NOW, I feel like it was a combo of stress, and that we texted 24/7, hungout all of the time, I was emotionally and physically available for her 24/7, I sent her sweet things all of the time that she likes to here (I think it got old).

 

its now been 5 days no contact, I know that’s not long and I KNOW some people on here will tell me that’s its done for good. But I’m going to give it one last shot regardless by reaching out at some point and trying to rekindle things. It’s happened with friends in the past and I’ve seen them go through the same thing first hand.

 

i guess what I’m asking is how long should I wait considering it wasn’t like we argued and got mad and then broke up so there isn’t a “time for her to forget the negative” as I’ve been reading so much.

 

I was thinking about reaching out at some point mentioning someone or something I ran into or did that used to make us laugh and tell her it made me think about her.

 

Remember, I’m going to reach out even if some of you say not to, so if that’s your answer I appreciate wanting to help but it won’t do me any good.

[carhill]

Welcome to LS.....

 

IMO, she was 'thinking' the relationship from the start and the 'spark' was never there.

 

Since school and mid-terms were mentioned, I'll presume young so this is all normal. It's how young people figure out what works best for them in intimate relationships. Date other women. This one is done. Don't be her cuddle-bitch when she needs attention. Dead end.

[Mr. Lucky]

I was thinking about reaching out at some point mentioning someone or something I ran into or did that used to make us laugh and tell her it made me think about her.

 

Remember, I’m going to reach out even if some of you say not to, so if that’s your answer I appreciate wanting to help but it won’t do me any good.

 

Uh...OK then, by all means reach out to her .

 

Honestly, as long as you keep it light as you describe, seems like a low-risk proposition. Don't like your chances but understand you might get some peace of mind by trying...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Chagwood]

Uh...OK then, by all means reach out to her .

 

Honestly, as long as you keep it light as you describe, seems like a low-risk proposition. Don't like your chances but understand you might get some peace of mind by trying...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I 100% understand that there’s a high chance that it won’t change anything, but I’ve had friends in the past in the same situation where the spark died in the relationship and they made it work.

 

I tend to post on Instagram stories a lot when I go fishing and when me and her were together I saw she’d watch them hours after I would post (it says who watched them) but since we’ve broken up, as soon as it’s posted not even 1 minute later she already viewed it as if she’s waiting for them. I know that may seem a little extreme and I know I can’t change her mind but I also know her behaviors and personality well enough.

[d0nnivain]

She said the spark was lost. That was probably a white lie she told you because she just wanted out. She has a lot on her plate & isn't handling it all. A BF is a luxury; therefor you were the 1st obligation to be deleted.

[Imajerk17]

You have to give her the gift of missing you OP.

 

I mean, you already were a "terrific" boyfriend and SHE was the one who could not appreciate it. If she wants to get you back, she has to be the one to realize what she threw away (she has to feel it emotionally and not just know it intellectually).

 

From what she told you about "taking it slow due to past relationships" I wonder if every guy she dated before you was difficult and she painted herself a victim (she's not).

 

Go out and meet/date other women...that is the answer to your question "now what"....

Edited July 16, 2018 by Imajerk17

[Chagwood]

You have to give her the gift of missing you OP.

 

I mean, you already were a "terrific" boyfriend and SHE was the one who could not appreciate it. If she wants to get you back, she has to be the one to realize what she threw away (she has to feel it emotionally and not just know it intellectually).

 

From what she told you about "taking it slow due to past relationships" I wonder if every guy she dated before you was difficult and she painted herself a victim (she's not).

 

Go out and meet/date other women...that is the answer to your question "now what"....

 

 

I will start dating other women if rbis doesn’t work out, but I do want to reach out and at least give it a shot. We already aren’t dating so it’s not like I have anything to lose. But only issue is when we broke up, I told her that I won’t be here for her to contact because it’s going to take me a little to get past this so I know her even if she is feeling it emotionally and wants to reach out, she won’t because she’s going to respect what I asked her. That’s just how she is.