Dontrunaway88 Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 (edited) My girlfriend and I have been dating for 2 years and 11 months. During this time I’ve been the only one working for the most part, 50-60 hours every week, while she is allowed to do whatever she pleases for the most part, and has taken very good care of me as well. This girl has always had 150% of my trust, and I would do anything for her. We plan on getting married and having kids in the future. I could go on and on but just giving a few basics. This past weekend we had a few friends over and were having a couple drinks when out of the blue she tells me she had sex with another guy exactly a week prior. So I dug a little deeper and got all the details down and pieced the puzzle together, here’s how it goes: I had gotten off work one night, and we have recently acquired 2 female roommates my sister and they had some friends over, all guy friends ofcourse, none of which I had met before. Everyone was drinking including my girlfriend for about 4 hours prior to me coming home, which was fine with me, didn’t bother me one bit being that I couldn’t possibly give her any more of my trust, she has it all. So I had showered up and went upstairs to meet everyone and have a couple drinks with them. Everyone was having a good time when I noticed one of the guys I had been talking with disappeared, I asked where he had went and everyone said he passed out. Obviously I was in heavy conversation with everyone, 5-6 new people, my sister too and didn’t notice my girlfriend was gone either. Here she was about 25 ft away in the next room having sex with this guy, while I was sitting at the kitchen table talking with everyone. Shortly after I had went to bed fully unaware of anything that had taken place that night until a week later when she admitted everything to me. She could have just not told me and may have gotten away with it, but this girl has never done anything wrong to me, and I’ve given her all my trust. But what now? Now I can’t even trust her when we’re in the same room together? I can’t have a relationship if I cannot fully trust her. But we have such a great relationship and have been working at it nearly 3 years. Should I allow her a slip up, give her another chance, and see if things work themselves out? Or is this one of those completely unforgiveable things? I also don’t want to become possessive and controlling because of this, I still want to trust her. I’m torn, because I’ve never once cheated on her and always treated her very well, and have done nothing to deserve this. She’s apologized over and over and regrets it, but at the same time seems to act like it's no big deal. If anything's missing let me know. I’m looking for some advice. Thanks. Edited July 17, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Paragraphs and clean up extraneous characters Link to post Share on other sites
Poutrew Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 Well, how would she react if you had sex with another girl under the same conditions? Is being drunk an excuse? Not very well I would imagine... also make no mistake, there is a reason why she told you... not just that she was feeling guilty. It was probably unprotected sex, and maybe she woke up with a painful pimple in a sensitive spot... and started to panic. Maybe she contracted a STD from the guy. Or perhaps she thinks there is the possibility she got pregnant, or she feels someone will blab to you and she just wants to control the situation. Whatever the reason, I would stop having sex with her, and get a STD test or three. Oh yeah, I'd also show her out the door. She has shown you what type of person she really is. You would do well to listen... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Romantic_Antics Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 I'm sorry this happened to you. Relationships are built upon trust so if you no longer trust her you no longer have a relationship. By cheating, she committed an act that likely permanently damaged your faith in her and your ability to trust her. It's the death knell of the relationship and everything that happens between now and what is likely its inevitable end will just be going through the motions while you're filled with doubts and distrust. Eventually this will give way to fullblown insecurity and all of the things you're worried about. You could try some couples therapy of some kind to try to get over this issue together otherwise you'll probably have to make the very difficult decision to break up with her before things get worse. You'll be miserable staying in a relationship with someone you can't trust. It's not your fault. It's hers. Good luck and hang in there. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 16, 2018 Share Posted July 16, 2018 Are you kidding? Besides cheating this girl must really think you are a doofus . . . She cheated on you in your own house while you were 25 feet away in the kitchen. She has no respect for you & if you are crazy enough to take her back you will be in a world of hurt because she will lose all respect for you. This isn't a matter of love. You have to love yourself enough to get rid of such a worthless person. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 Are you kidding? Besides cheating this girl must really think you are a doofus . . . She cheated on you in your own house while you were 25 feet away in the kitchen. She has no respect for you & if you are crazy enough to take her back you will be in a world of hurt because she will lose all respect for you. This isn't a matter of love. You have to love yourself enough to get rid of such a worthless person. BINGO! She has played you for a fool. If she doesn't have the common sense to know that this is not acceptable, you will have to teach her the lesson. Respect yourself enough to tell her that this relationship is over! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sdraw108 Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 She’s apologized over and over and regrets it, but at the same time seems to act like it's no big deal. This is a huge red flag. Someone who truly made a mistake that they regret would be absolutely mortified and would be falling over themselves to put it right. Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 I'm guessing by the way she did this and seems to have the "it no big deal" attitude I would say it's not her first time. Not the type of person you want to marry. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Doost Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 You could keep dating her with the understanding she will cheat on you again. If it were me I would make her move out right away. Maybe I would keep having sex with her while I looked for a new girl. Seriously get rid of her your next girl will be better. Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 I'm guessing by the way she did this and seems to have the "it no big deal" attitude I would say it's not her first time. Not the type of person you want to marry. I was just about to say the same thing. My guess is that she has cheated before, OP. She is way too comfortable for this to have been her first time, and she was extremely bold given that you were in the same house. Even if this was the first time, this was no "slip-up". This was sex with another man, right under your nose. I would wager that the only reason she's telling you is because she fears it will get back to you anyway, when her sex partner tells his buddies what happened. You would be crazy to try to continue a relationship with her. She has absolutely zero respect for you. You've just learned she is not the woman you thought she was at all. Get rid of her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Adiron Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 Sure give her a pass. It was probably just the booze talking. Nothing to worry about. Link to post Share on other sites
ElKay Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 If you stay with her, don't come complaining here once she does it again and again. She thinks you're an idiot or someone desperate since she knows you won't leave her. Prove her wrong. Respect yourself or accept who she is. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I took my ex back when he had a drunkin "oops" fell into her va-jayjay. I don't recommend taking her back. I think one of those friends threatened to tell you if she didn't, that night she told you...ya she almost didn't tell you. She has no class. move on. I agree with the others, she's done this before. Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I'm guessing by the way she did this and seems to have the "it no big deal" attitude I would say it's not her first time. Not the type of person you want to marry. There is not doubt about this one here. This is absolutely NOT the first time she has cheated. Kick her to the curb. My bet is you have been a stooge and she has been milking you for everything she could get, and screwing whoever whenever she wants. Lose this girl... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lostmyway82 Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 She is not your girl, she is everybody girl and your wasting money and precious time on her. She fk a guy in your house, in the kitchen, 25 ft away from you, and then gets into bed with you and act like nothing happen. Tell me dude, when was the last time you fk her in the kitchen ? For the last 3 years of the relationship she has probably invited many other guys into you house for some slam bam thank you mam, because like you say she is allowed to do whatever she please. And trust me some or probably all of those guys had been coming back regularly for 2nd round or more. Have some dignity and get rid of this trash. If it is the sex you are afraid of losing, you can always find more elsewhere. If you can't find any, you can always pay for it. You have a house, a job you don't need this kind of weight pulling you down. Link to post Share on other sites
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