Fiance is a personal trainer but refuses to train me or bring me to his gym.

[thefooloftheyear]

But according to his observations, the hot ones usually pick a female trainer.

 

 

Or train themselves....

 

TFY

[JavinaMelania86]

OP, take your power back and go get yourself your own trainer and turn that body into something you're proud of. Your boyfriend will see you with different eyes for taking your life and health into your own hands in an independent way. That attitude is attractive to men, not the begging and nagging to get something from them. When your boyfriend realizes you're a go getter and you don't *need* him he'll be more attracted toward you I promise you.

 

 

 

 

^^^^This! Exactly, Gaeta. Thank you, this makes sense. I agree. I will do this - not just type about it, do it - and not for him, for myself.

[Whoknew30]

Personal experience here & Ive been with my husband since a teen.

 

My H has trained from the time I met him (in not just body but a unisex sport) & he never mixed me in with that crowd. I’ll be honest, I’m not into “that world” there is a lot of ego IMO. I’ve picked different work outs & gyms away from him...I’ve also gone to places to see women run up to him & barley look at me...I just figure they’re jerks. Then we had our daughter & by the time she was old enough, he started to train her & permanently banned me from all sessions...lol for the first time it came out he didn’t want me around. He said it’s bc he doesn’t want to mix his passion (even though he makes money from it) & away time with the stress from home...& you know I completely understood it. He teaching his child to appreciate his passions is different than having to worry about me as his wife getting attitude. It’s his escape & I respect that.

 

At one point we both faced infidelity but it had nothing to do with anyone or anything from the gym. When we went through issues he said the only thing that kept his head right was having that outlet away from me.

 

When married, it’s great to do things together but in healthy, strong marriages...it’s important to also have your own outlets.

 

BTW...our daughter grew up & eventually quit going with him & it upset him to the point where he asked me to train with him at home one day. Lol within 20 mins I quit! Bc he went from H that loved my body to telling me “as your trainer you have some things to work on”...that was it! I knew It was better for him to just be my husband. Hope this helps! Good luck

[JavinaMelania86]

Thanks for your reply, it's good to hear from someone who has been in a sort of similar situation in terms of being with someone from that sort of sporting/fitness 'world' - a world that is quite alien to me. My fiance has always said that the gym is his outlet/hobby and his 'me time' - so maybe that is part of wanting to keep me out of it. He did train a little bit when I first met him (we were young then) but it was more of just a hobby at the time and not as often as he would train now. Also he did not actually work in a gym at that time and back then he was not qualified to train other people - so when he got into that kind of job and very involved in that world, the dynamic changed slightly - coupled with the fact that I went to work in a more solitary environment.

 

I haven't always hung out with people who are into the exact same things as me anyway, be it platonic friends or romantic relationships, i think opposites can attract in a way, so I have been friends with all sorts of people and we didn't always have the exact same hobbies in common at all. I'm quite a creative person and if someone wanted to impede upon my hobbies, maybe I wouldn't be so keen on them jumping on the bandwagon of 'my thing' - sometimes I actually just enjoy alone time and a bit of peace/quiet to do my thing. As for jerks and those kind of people (mostly women in my experience), I guess they are everywhere - even if your husband works in an office, whatever job, any kind of environment, there are just always those kind of people that when introduced can come across as rude - their problem not ours, perhaps they themselves may even be insecure! I strive to be a good, nice person.

Edited July 19, 2018 by JavinaMelania86

[thefooloftheyear]

Just out of curiosity, does he feel this is his life long career now? I say this as most trainers I know aren't making enough money to even call it a career...I have one friend that's a trainer, but he already made millions as a hedge fund guy and got tired of that life...He doesn't have to work at all, so it's not a big deal that he doesn't make much money...Maybe its different in other locales, but here a trainer wouldn't make enough to get by unless he/she had a Hollywood superstar as a client or something..

 

I know you were saying that finances were an issue as to why you aren't married/house etc...Maybe this is just a passing phase when he realizes he can't make enough to do get where he wants, or maybe that's the whole point,(he could use it as an excuse why he cant get married/kids/etc??

 

Just another angle...

 

TFY