LTN0389 Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 I found out that my boyfriend had downloaded the following two apps - ProtonMail and Seekret (hook-up app). I was snooping because for the past couple of weeks I noticed he was acting strange - distant, quiet. And when I asked if everything is okay, he got kind of upset. So I let him be. I found out that they were downloaded the very same week he was on summer break (he's a teacher), the same week he told me he wanted to groom his groin area, shave his head, etc. because it was "too hot". This is also the same week we got a kitten from the animal shelter and our 3 year anniversary - where he also wrote me a very sweet letter... For some context - I've been living with my boyfriend for about 2.5 years now and have been together for 3 years. This isn't the first time I've caught him being unfaithful. Except, this time I haven't approached him yet because I don't want to hear his excuses or lies right now and I don't want it to influence my decision about what I want to do. The first time I caught him was when he decided to shave everything off again, acted distant, quiet and was close to his phone. He was on multiple dating/hook-up sites, multiple email accounts, and I'm sure he hooked up with a few women. He was also driving Lyft and working for DoorDash in hopes of getting lucky with women. The next few times were similar, except for the fact that he went to an all-nude gentleman's club 1.5 months ago...he said he had visual needs. He had an impulse. He spent over $100 in the middle of the afternoon. He told me he wanted to make it work. That he would seek for a therapist to do some personal work, but nothing. It's so strange because it's like he is a completely different person when we're with friends and when we're in a "good" state". I just don't understand what is going on in his head and why am I still hanging on. Why do I keep hoping that he would change? Link to post Share on other sites
Adiron Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 I just don't understand what is going on in his head and why am I still hanging on. Why do I keep hoping that he would change? Me neither. I read stories like yours and realize I'm unconsciously shaking my head. Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 Maybe you are waiting for him to give you an std to wake up. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 He was also driving Lyft and working for DoorDash in hopes of getting lucky with women. I thought that only worked in porn movies. LTN0389, I'm tempted to say you should stay as you seem to enjoy the abuse. If that's not the case, the correct choice as to whether to stay with a lying, cheating, self-entitled and well-groomed BF seems pretty clear... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 It's that old saying... Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Why does he continue to do this, because you have demonstrated in the past that there will be no consequence for his behavior. Why do you continue to stay and put up with this lying, cheating, well groomed man? Well, that is a much harder question to answer. I wouldn't stay, that I know for sure... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BluesPower Posted July 17, 2018 Share Posted July 17, 2018 The answer is yes... Find a new one. He is being shady and I think he has before. Just loose him already. There are men that don't cheat... Link to post Share on other sites
Echo74 Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 It's that old saying... Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. Why does he continue to do this, because you have demonstrated in the past that there will be no consequence for his behavior. Why do you continue to stay and put up with this lying, cheating, well groomed man? Well, that is a much harder question to answer. I wouldn't stay, that I know for sure... Very true. Honestly. I would not ask him about it or have any type of discussion regarding it. You already know he's been unfaithful before. I'd find a new place then secretly move out when he's not going to be around for the day/night. One of my friends did it. She initially moved things that her ex wouldn't notice missing, then one night while he was at work she and some friends helped her move all her stuff to her new place. I thought it was brilliant. Then you should block him from being able to get in touch with you in all forms of social media. That said, it takes a lot of discipline to remain calm and poker-faced during the prep time since it could take a while unless you can stay with a friend/family for a short while. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I would not ask him about it or have any type of discussion regarding it. You already know he's been unfaithful before. Nope. You know what he is doing. You know what he is doing, because he has done it before. There is no need for discussion. You don't need to hear any more excuses or empty promises. Just pack your things and leave. Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 You should most definitely leave. There are faithful men out there, find one before you catch something off this creep. Link to post Share on other sites
bathtub-row Posted July 18, 2018 Share Posted July 18, 2018 I don't know how you could put yourself through that again. Being cheated on is devastating. I personally would never forgive it. That's just where I'm at these days. I was cheated on once and that was enough. I thought I could forgive it and I tried but it killed everything for me. I have no idea why you're with this guy. I'd suggest that you raise your standards and expectations and stop wasting your time and life and precious years on him. And, in the future, don't ever be tolerant of cheating. It's not okay. Link to post Share on other sites
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