In the beginning everything was fine - now jealousy intrudes

[gly]

hello everyone,

 

Before I begin my story I just want to say that I'm not a native speaker so sorry if my english is bad

 

I'm a 21 year old female and I have a RS of 2 years with my BF.

Things are going pretty bad and I just want some other opinions on the situation.

In the beginning everything was fine and great like in almost every relationship but we both have our pasts. I was sexually abused as a child so it's really hard for me to trust someone again. His father was an alcoholic and very aggressive. His previous GF cheated on him and he has a past with drugs.

 

We're both in therapy for this but we still have a long way to go.

I've never had any problems with jealousy until a few months into the RS. We were hanging out a lot with this other couple and after some time I thought my BF had feelings for the other girl. (They know eachother since elementary school). When I asked him about it he'd start FREAKING OUT! like getting really mad. He said it was beacause his ex used to do this all the time and she was the one cheating. I can understand that but he also said that she's attractive and like a sister to him...

 

He assures me that he never had feelings for her. If I think about it, he could be telling the truth because he had opportunities enough,but on the other hand I think he's lying. Her BF was his best friend and he was always so excited to go to them. His hair had to be perfect, his skin, etc. He always wanted me to come with him but there was one time he slept there and one time he just went there without me knowing. Currently we don't see these people anymore. We were on a vacation together en suddenly my BF starts insulting them and also me for nothing...

Does anyone think I have a reason to be jaleous?

 

Another thing I found out is that he's watching porn behind my back during the whole relationship. I know some people think it's ok and stuff but for me this is different. The person who abused me let me watch porn so I could do what they did. Beacause of that I look at it in a very different way than most people I guess. My BF knows all this. I was so hurt...I felt ugly and not sexy. He promised me he wouldn't do this again but I think he did. I found proof on his phone and he still denies it. I also found websites for hookers en an address he went to, but he says it's from a friend. I know this guy and he's a real ladies man so it could be possible.

 

The thing is that I just can't stand the lying, it breaks me and he thins I'm overreacting. I'm the crazy one, but he breaks all the stuff. He even broke my phone in a million pieces and I had to pay a new one because it was my fault. I feel scared when he's angry. When I asked him about the porn he was so angry at me he almost hit me but eventually I was right about it. I know it's not something you're just going to say like 'hey sweetie, I'm watching porn'. I had a feeling, I asked him about it and got angry.

 

I forgave him and believed I was the crazy one. He just keeps on blaming me for everything but yet he stays with me and he loves me. I don't forbid him anything, if he wants to watch porn he can do that but then I leave ofcourse, if he wants to go to hookers (I'm not sure he did) then he can go but let me out of it.

 

We can have great moments together but also these :/ I don't know what to do, should I trust this person? I just don't want to be played on again by someone.

 

Sorry if it's written boring or too long, it's my first time here and I just want to write it all down:p

 

Thank you for listening

Edited July 18, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and clarify title

[d0nnivain]

Your English is fine.

 

I don't think your BF likes his childhood friend. If he did, he would have done something about it before now.

 

Just like the porn is a trigger for you, reminding you of the abuse, your allegations about cheating triggers bad memories of his EX for him.

 

The lying is a different ball game. If you can't trust your partner, you can't have a solid relationship.