Is the OM ghosting me?

[HiCrunchy]

Frankly speaking. Your advice and reaction to this thread is terrible, worse than mine and I openly admit that I am rather biased against cheaters no matter the gender.

 

You're blatantly making stuff up, based on very little information we got from OP and in some cases outright going AGAINST it. You're simply assuming he is having an affair, thus justifying her actions and casting her as the victim. You're also claim he "went out of his way to not disclose that little piece of information" when OP herself said that he was always like this and actually disagrees with her conclusions.

 

 

I wouldn't bother to be absolutely honest. You do not seem to like your husband anymore and you seem to be stuck in a phase where you feel you're "aging" and thus need to live things up. Which isn't really possible with him because from what you said he's quiet, not particularly passionate albeit caring, not one for big adventures etc.

 

The damage you've done to your relationship has likely already destroyed it. Your husband merely doesn't know yet.

 

 

People make mistakes for all kind of reasons all the time. It's human. What mistakes they make however is very much important. There's the mistake of not telling someone something you were supposed to tell them and then there's the mistake of drunken driving and running someone over. Yes pretty extreme example but it's to show that a "mistake" is not simply a "mistake".

 

 

I wouldn't say "people". A lot of people disagree with it, including OP for the most part. She herself wrote that she knew about how he was before and some other things. Add to this that there's zero evidence for the excuses they come up with otherwise...

 

It's interestingly enough the usual suspects. The same one shouting at husbands who complain about not having had sex for years. I really wish I could post a thread at some point with the exact same contents and then flip the genders, just to catch some of them.

 

I'd actually say a large part of this is her justifying it to herself. By downplaying the affair and its importance she minimizes the damage she has done and is more easily able to excuse having done so. She is surprisingly honest in some other regards, such as admitting to why she is still with her husband.

 

 

 

But, that isn't going to happen no matter what. The feeling young again part. You are now entering the second half of your life, it's simply that way. Honestly I'd advise you to end the relationship and throw yourself out there on the market again. It will be an extremely sobering experience which in hindsight might change your feelings on the now situation.

 

Then you don't love your husband anymore?

 

You were already "relatively" old when you made these decisions to be frank with you. You are married for six years now, with the child being three? Once again this might come off as harsh but it increasingly seems to me that you primarily got together with your husband because he was safe, secure and steady. You were already "relatively old" in terms of settling down and having children.

 

Which means you likely had a lot of fun, went out to party, had guys after you etc when you were younger. Remember, youngest age you could have gotten together with your husband was 25-26.That's 10+ years of living it up before.

 

Funnily enough living it up actually decreases the likelihood of marriage later in life, appears to decrease the ability to bond with a partner, it even lowers output of hormones such as oxytocin when with the partner/child.

 

You want that "party life back", that "freedom", the men who are after you. You wont get them. You should try anyway, both to free your husband from the current situation, keep it from going bad and possibly affecting your child later on and to see for yourself.

 

 

You didn't say where the money actually comes from, who earns it. Crushing debt depending on income isn't hard. So where the money comes from is incredible important here. The whole "and he knows it" part actually sounds kind of sinister but that might just be personal bias on my part, where I've seen wives/girlfriends convincing boyfriends/husbands of this being the case, when it really wasn't.

 

 

Sure but unless you do, you'll always have that tiny nagging doubt in the back of your head and you only made it worse with recent actions, no?

 

 

Well, there's terms for this in some communities. Some of which I tend to both disagree and agree with when it comes to the definition and useage. But yes, your "desirability" in a way has come to an end, or at least it has crashed and burned. It happens to all of us but more so when one relied primarily on age and appeal to market oneself.

 

I have to agree.

[BaileyB]

Yes, Ashley Madison.

 

I was turned out even before we started messing around. He commented on how wet I was. It just felt so good I couldn't stop moaning. I mean, I would've had sex with him if he tried but he just kept on going.

 

I guess I could've stopped him and told him we should have sex but we didn't discuss using a condom and I was worried about stds since him and his wife have an open relationship.

 

This is disturbing to read, for so many different reasons... Not the least of which being how unbelievably irresponsible your behavior is for a grown woman of 35 years old.

Edited June 28, 2018 by BaileyB

[RoseGold18]

This is disturbing to read, for so many different reasons... Not the least of which being how unbelievably irresponsible your behavior is for a grown woman of 35 years old.

 

Irresponsible?!? In what way?

[treehugger12]

Not sure if this will help how your feeling, I've gone through the same feelings your going through a year ago. I too felt abandoned and ghosted by my MM. It was hard to see him at work which wasn't often. I went through a whirlwind of emotions. I wanted so much more of him after just the one time. It was a short fling that lasted about 3 weeks. He was very persistant, I got weaker and weaker by the day until the last day when I was at the store shopping and we were sexting, he wanted me to meet him, I thought holy cow, I never had it in me to do something like this, I've had guys hit on me over the years but was always against cheating, but I was so attracted to him. I almost had an "O" in aisle 5 while we were texting. I left the store and was on "my way"...later he ghosted me and things were just weird with us after. I never knew how he felt, If I had to text him for work, he was short. I brought it up a few time s and he would say everything was fine. Things eventually got back to norm for us, I tried real hard, I liked him a lot. I just wanted things to be ok, even though I was crushing so hard on him and I was so hurt by him. As time went on we would sext at times. There were a few time we were in a position that we could have done it again but we didn't. We talked about being bad again but we didn't, one day he text me and told me he felt so guilty about the one time that he did not want to repeat that guilt again. I felt a lot of closure. It helped me tremendously, knowing the feeling that he had gone through and I felt closure. We are friends at work at Im glad it ended well for the both of us. I learned a lot from all of it. Maybe your guy felt guilty for his actions and just doesn't know how to handle things. Just a thought...

[Timshel]

Yes, Ashley Madison.

 

I was turned out even before we started messing around. He commented on how wet I was. It just felt so good I couldn't stop moaning. I mean, I would've had sex with him if he tried but he just kept on going.

 

I guess I could've stopped him and told him we should have sex but we didn't discuss using a condom and I was worried about stds since him and his wife have an open relationship.

 

 

You did not answer my questions, brought up some random stuff; so cease to take OP seriously.

[bathtub-row]

Frankly speaking. Your advice and reaction to this thread is terrible, worse than mine and I openly admit that I am rather biased against cheaters no matter the gender.

 

You're blatantly making stuff up, based on very little information we got from OP and in some cases outright going AGAINST it. You're simply assuming he is having an affair, thus justifying her actions and casting her as the victim. You're also claim he "went out of his way to not disclose that little piece of information" when OP herself said that he was always like this and actually disagrees with her conclusions.

 

 

I wouldn't bother to be absolutely honest. You do not seem to like your husband anymore and you seem to be stuck in a phase where you feel you're "aging" and thus need to live things up. Which isn't really possible with him because from what you said he's quiet, not particularly passionate albeit caring, not one for big adventures etc.

 

The damage you've done to your relationship has likely already destroyed it. Your husband merely doesn't know yet.

 

 

People make mistakes for all kind of reasons all the time. It's human. What mistakes they make however is very much important. There's the mistake of not telling someone something you were supposed to tell them and then there's the mistake of drunken driving and running someone over. Yes pretty extreme example but it's to show that a "mistake" is not simply a "mistake".

 

 

I wouldn't say "people". A lot of people disagree with it, including OP for the most part. She herself wrote that she knew about how he was before and some other things. Add to this that there's zero evidence for the excuses they come up with otherwise...

 

It's interestingly enough the usual suspects. The same one shouting at husbands who complain about not having had sex for years. I really wish I could post a thread at some point with the exact same contents and then flip the genders, just to catch some of them.

 

I'd actually say a large part of this is her justifying it to herself. By downplaying the affair and its importance she minimizes the damage she has done and is more easily able to excuse having done so. She is surprisingly honest in some other regards, such as admitting to why she is still with her husband.

 

 

 

But, that isn't going to happen no matter what. The feeling young again part. You are now entering the second half of your life, it's simply that way. Honestly I'd advise you to end the relationship and throw yourself out there on the market again. It will be an extremely sobering experience which in hindsight might change your feelings on the now situation.

 

Then you don't love your husband anymore?

 

You were already "relatively" old when you made these decisions to be frank with you. You are married for six years now, with the child being three? Once again this might come off as harsh but it increasingly seems to me that you primarily got together with your husband because he was safe, secure and steady. You were already "relatively old" in terms of settling down and having children.

 

Which means you likely had a lot of fun, went out to party, had guys after you etc when you were younger. Remember, youngest age you could have gotten together with your husband was 25-26.That's 10+ years of living it up before.

 

Funnily enough living it up actually decreases the likelihood of marriage later in life, appears to decrease the ability to bond with a partner, it even lowers output of hormones such as oxytocin when with the partner/child.

 

You want that "party life back", that "freedom", the men who are after you. You wont get them. You should try anyway, both to free your husband from the current situation, keep it from going bad and possibly affecting your child later on and to see for yourself.

 

 

You didn't say where the money actually comes from, who earns it. Crushing debt depending on income isn't hard. So where the money comes from is incredible important here. The whole "and he knows it" part actually sounds kind of sinister but that might just be personal bias on my part, where I've seen wives/girlfriends convincing boyfriends/husbands of this being the case, when it really wasn't.

 

 

Sure but unless you do, you'll always have that tiny nagging doubt in the back of your head and you only made it worse with recent actions, no?

 

 

Well, there's terms for this in some communities. Some of which I tend to both disagree and agree with when it comes to the definition and useage. But yes, your "desirability" in a way has come to an end, or at least it has crashed and burned. It happens to all of us but more so when one relied primarily on age and appeal to market oneself.

 

She said he was always like that after I made those suggestions. Still, that doesn’t mean he’s not gay. I’m not justifying her actions at all. What I’m saying is that there are very few people in this world in the age rang we’re talking about that have no interest in sex. I know it happens but it’s probably more likely that he’s lying. Maybe he’s not and, obviously it was a bad idea for her to dive into this relationship knowing his lack of interest. The problem is, she has to decide where to go from here. She can’t undo the past.

[RoseGold18]

You did not answer my questions, brought up some random stuff; so cease to take OP seriously.

 

I thought that did answer the question. No, it's not hard to turn me on.

 

So pretty much I have made some obviously poor decisions in my life that I can't take back.

 

Not too sure where to go from here. I can either divorce my husband and become a single parent. Although I have absolutely no desire to marry again.

 

Or I can try to work things out with my husband knowing that he will never be what I want sexually. Even with therapy I know he never will be. He meets my needs in other ways.

 

I am so lost. I really am. How is this my f**king life?!

[HiCrunchy]

I thought that did answer the question. No, it's not hard to turn me on.

 

So pretty much I have made some obviously poor decisions in my life that I can't take back.

 

Not too sure where to go from here. I can either divorce my husband and become a single parent. Although I have absolutely no desire to marry again.

 

Or I can try to work things out with my husband knowing that he will never be what I want sexually. Even with therapy I know he never will be. He meets my needs in other ways.

 

I am so lost. I really am. How is this my f**king life?!

 

You should reread her post. U didn't answer her questions.

 

U just went into graphic detail about how great it felt to cheat on ur husband...

[RoseGold18]

Not sure if this will help how your feeling, I've gone through the same feelings your going through a year ago. I too felt abandoned and ghosted by my MM. It was hard to see him at work which wasn't often. I went through a whirlwind of emotions. I wanted so much more of him after just the one time. It was a short fling that lasted about 3 weeks. He was very persistant, I got weaker and weaker by the day until the last day when I was at the store shopping and we were sexting, he wanted me to meet him, I thought holy cow, I never had it in me to do something like this, I've had guys hit on me over the years but was always against cheating, but I was so attracted to him. I almost had an "O" in aisle 5 while we were texting. I left the store and was on "my way"...later he ghosted me and things were just weird with us after. I never knew how he felt, If I had to text him for work, he was short. I brought it up a few time s and he would say everything was fine. Things eventually got back to norm for us, I tried real hard, I liked him a lot. I just wanted things to be ok, even though I was crushing so hard on him and I was so hurt by him. As time went on we would sext at times. There were a few time we were in a position that we could have done it again but we didn't. We talked about being bad again but we didn't, one day he text me and told me he felt so guilty about the one time that he did not want to repeat that guilt again. I felt a lot of closure. It helped me tremendously, knowing the feeling that he had gone through and I felt closure. We are friends at work at Im glad it ended well for the both of us. I learned a lot from all of it. Maybe your guy felt guilty for his actions and just doesn't know how to handle things. Just a thought...

 

I do appreciate the story and having someone on here that can relate. I know it would hurt no matter when it ends but I feel like a one time thing is worse. I felt myself getting attached though since I've been deprived for so long. I know it's probably for the best.

 

I found his wife on Facebook and she is extremely good looking. Like a model. I'm cute but not beautiful like that. He was older... 43. I don't really fully believe that they have this open relationship.

[HiCrunchy]

 

I found his wife on Facebook and she is extremely good looking. Like a model. I'm cute but not beautiful like that. He was older... 43. I don't really fully believe that they have this open relationship.

 

Well yeah. Why would he use Ashley Madison? If his wife was okay with it he could just use tinder or other hookup apps. AM is known for being a cheating site.

 

His wife probs doesn't know

[treehugger12]

RG18, do you know if your guy has kids? Just curious? I’m not sure I trust that he has an open marriage with his wife. I know your feeling so lost right now, I know that awful feeling, I was in the fog for so long. I could not get over him, I’m over it now for the most part. I know your a good person like myself, we both just made bad decisions. The only thing we can do is learn from our mistakes, thankfully and it is a blessing that he is not taking it further with you because it could get ugly real quick and turn into a whirlwind of emotions and disaster and takes a long time to heal from it. I hope you don’t seek further with these websites like AM. Try to fix things with your husband, I know it’s not easy because I’m still struggling myself in my marriage.

Your in my thoughts and prayers.

[AlwaysGrowing]

She said he was always like that after I made those suggestions. Still, that doesn’t mean he’s not gay. I’m not justifying her actions at all. What I’m saying is that there are very few people in this world in the age rang we’re talking about that have no interest in sex. I know it happens but it’s probably more likely that he’s lying. Maybe he’s not and, obviously it was a bad idea for her to dive into this relationship knowing his lack of interest. The problem is, she has to decide where to go from here. She can’t undo the past.

 

OP clearly stated that she felt her BH is asexual in her opening post.

 

Your posts jumped the shark to “he is cheating” or “he is gay”.

[BaileyB]

Irresponsible?!? In what way?

 

Yes, Ashley Madison.

 

I would've had sex with him if he tried. I could've told him we should have sex but we didn't discuss using a condom and I was worried about stds since him and his wife have an open relationship.

 

Um... You would have had sex with a man that you did not know, who you met on a website for people who are soliciting sex, and he told you that he was in an open relationship - which means, you have no idea how many sexual partners he has had or what his health status was related to std's or other communicable diseases. Furthermore, you didn't discuss using a condom - did you even bring a condom with you?

 

Let's assume that you went through with it, which you would have done if he hadn't stopped... Were you planning to disclose this experience with your husband so that he could then be aware of the risk he was taking with his own health, if you were to have sex in the future?

 

What part of this behavior sounds responsible to you? The majority of sexually active 16 year olds have better judgment and act more responsibly than this...

[Timshel]

I thought that did answer the question. No, it's not hard to turn me on.

 

So pretty much I have made some obviously poor decisions in my life that I can't take back.

 

Not too sure where to go from here. I can either divorce my husband and become a single parent. Although I have absolutely no desire to marry again.

 

Or I can try to work things out with my husband knowing that he will never be what I want sexually. Even with therapy I know he never will be. He meets my needs in other ways.

 

I am so lost. I really am. How is this my f**king life?!

 

 

Ok, honesty without drama is appreciated.

 

 

You will not be found with flings/sex/how pretty you look and having a person desire you for sex.

 

 

I know, I'm one of many people to tell you that everything comes from inside.

 

It does.

 

 

You love, you love. Start there, quiet your mind and start there.

[BaileyB]

I’m not sure I trust that he has an open marriage with his wife.

 

Is there any reason at all to believe that he is in an open marriage with his wife, besides what he said when he was trying to get her to come home with him...

 

It's probably far more likely that he was cheating on his wife... especially given his hasty departure.

Edited June 28, 2018 by BaileyB

[treehugger12]

I do appreciate the story and having someone on here that can relate. I know it would hurt no matter when it ends but I feel like a one time thing is worse. I felt myself getting attached though since I've been deprived for so long. I know it's probably for the best.

 

I felt this exact way, attached and deprived. Mine was one time too but wanted him a 1000x more.

You will get over him faster not seeing him and NC. Take the time to heal yourself.

[AlwaysGrowing]

I thought that did answer the question. No, it's not hard to turn me on.

 

So pretty much I have made some obviously poor decisions in my life that I can't take back.

 

Not too sure where to go from here. I can either divorce my husband and become a single parent. Although I have absolutely no desire to marry again.

 

Or I can try to work things out with my husband knowing that he will never be what I want sexually. Even with therapy I know he never will be. He meets my needs in other ways.

 

I am so lost. I really am. How is this my f**king life?!

 

 

Choosing AM for hookups was not a good decision. Putting yourself (your BH and child) in a situation that a high potential to end poorly for all....including another unsuspecting spouse is not in your best interests.

 

Is having an enraged wife showing up at your work or home worth it? If you only wanted a hook up why did you not have boundaries for yourself in place? Why wasnt STI protection at the top of the list? Is it wise to put yourself in the position of the OW as well as the WS? Is it wise to believe everything that a person might say on those sites?

 

It doesnt seem like a well thought out idea.

 

Being that you feel most of your other needs are being met in the relationship wouldnt it be beneficial for YOU to see if a sex therapist can give you more guidance? If you have more knowledge/tools/lifestyle knowledge concerning asexual spouses, you might find that you are fine in the marriage or you will be more sure of any decisions regarding the marriage.

[BluesPower]

She shouldn't stand for a sexless marriage....I am not saying that at all...But blaming the victim here, her husband isn't fair.

 

She can make good or bad choices. She made a bad choice end of story.

 

Men in sexless marriages don't get sympathy for cheating on their wives, not sure why she should either...

 

Tough love is needed sometimes. I am hardly being rude. I am saying she needs to make better choices.

 

I don't approve of cheating, but in these cases I sure don't mind it. Her husband is not victim. He it an abuser in my opinion.

 

In fact I think we should all look at people that do not meet the sexual needs of their husband or wife an abuser. Because that it what it is.

 

And for men, I will not blast them for screwing around either in this type of case. I will blast them and woman for not being strong enough to divorce the abuser.

 

Listen, if you are married or in a relationship, you should be IN LOVE, you should be having sex. That is one thing that keeps love alive.

 

Sex is part of life, is should be part of any marriage, or any romantic relationship.

 

When I am in love with a woman, I am unable to keep my hands off of her, and if she is with me, she better be the same way. With my GF, we cannot keep our hands off of each other, ever.

 

And we are way older than some of the people on this thread.

 

There is really no excuse for this type of thing to go on in a marriage, I believe it is abuse and the other partner should get out of the marriage.

 

But him a victim, please...

[FMW]

All the guy wanted was easy sex and since you didn't have a place to meet up for further hookups he moved on to someone else. Most likely he was perfectly happy with what he got from you, he just wasn't looking for continued contact with any one person unless it was super easy. I think some of the meaner comments on this part of your issue are the result of others triggering from personal pain.

 

You're sexually incompatible with your husband. It's not just an issue of the ebb and flow of years of marriage, it doesn't sound like you were ever on the same page on this. That's highly unlikely to change. The fact that you took deliberate action to find fulfillment elsewhere tells you that you are never going to be ok with this. You're very likely to keep acting out, and that's pretty much guaranteed to end badly, so much worse than these bruised feelings you have right now.

 

I should have ended my 23 year marriage at least 10 years earlier. It would have left both me and my xH in better positions to move forward and find happiness with more compatible partners. Coming to terms with divorcing can be really difficult, I won't lie. But my regret is not divorcing, it's that one of us didn't make that move sooner.

 

35 is young, believe me. Don't wait 15 years.

[HiCrunchy]

I don't approve of cheating, but in these cases I sure don't mind it. Her husband is not victim. He it an abuser in my opinion.

 

In fact I think we should all look at people that do not meet the sexual needs of their husband or wife an abuser. Because that it what it is.

 

No one owes someone their body. Ever. Married or not. No one is entitled to sex from anyone. And rejecting someone sexually isn't abuse. Having a lower libido than your partner isn't abuse either?? She made vows and she broke those vows. He is the victim of the cheating.

 

She is a victim of her bad choices, lack of integrity and selfishness. And in my opinion makes her the abuser.

 

And for men, I will not blast them for screwing around either in this type of case. I will blast them and woman for not being strong enough to divorce the abuser.

 

Yeah, this is like blaming the beaten wife. Why didn't she walk way if he keeps hitting her?

 

Listen, if you are married or in a relationship, you should be IN LOVE, you should be having sex. That is one thing that keeps love alive.

 

Sex is part of life, is should be part of any marriage, or any romantic relationship.

 

When I am in love with a woman, I am unable to keep my hands off of her, and if she is with me, she better be the same way. With my GF, we cannot keep our hands off of each other, ever.

 

And we are way older than some of the people on this thread.

 

There is really no excuse for this type of thing to go on in a marriage, I believe it is abuse and the other partner should get out of the marriage.

 

But him a victim, please...

 

Love and sex aren't mutually exclusive. Couples define the parameters for their own relationships. Just because sex is a central part of your relationship with your partner doesn't mean it has to be the same for everyone. Shaming someone for being different isn't okay and doesn't make their relationship anymore valid or less likely to last.The issue with OP is they aren't matched in this area, but she rather hurt her husband instead coming clean because she will lose everything if she does. The life as she knows it will fall apart. Its all about her.

 

 

 

Her husband is the victim, at least based on the information she has told us about him

[RoseGold18]

All the guy wanted was easy sex and since you didn't have a place to meet up for further hookups he moved on to someone else. Most likely he was perfectly happy with what he got from you, he just wasn't looking for continued contact with any one person unless it was super easy. I think some of the meaner comments on this part of your issue are the result of others triggering from personal pain.

 

You're sexually incompatible with your husband. It's not just an issue of the ebb and flow of years of marriage, it doesn't sound like you were ever on the same page on this. That's highly unlikely to change. The fact that you took deliberate action to find fulfillment elsewhere tells you that you are never going to be ok with this. You're very likely to keep acting out, and that's pretty much guaranteed to end badly, so much worse than these bruised feelings you have right now.

 

I should have ended my 23 year marriage at least 10 years earlier. It would have left both me and my xH in better positions to move forward and find happiness with more compatible partners. Coming to terms with divorcing can be really difficult, I won't lie. But my regret is not divorcing, it's that one of us didn't make that move sooner.

 

35 is young, believe me. Don't wait 15 years.

 

Thank you for your comment. I know I should leave sooner rather than later.

 

About the OM he has his own apartment. He just lied to me and said he had to get rid of it. Maybe he just wanted a one time hookup. Maybe he didn't like servicing me for 20 minutes like another poster said. Maybe he found something more convenient. Maybe he is a player and does this all the time. Who knows. I will never know what really was going on in his head.

[BluesPower]

Originally Posted by BluesPower

I don't approve of cheating, but in these cases I sure don't mind it. Her husband is not victim. He it an abuser in my opinion.

 

In fact I think we should all look at people that do not meet the sexual needs of their husband or wife an abuser. Because that it what it is.

 

No one owes someone their body. Ever. Married or not. No one is entitled to sex from anyone. And rejecting someone sexually isn't abuse. Having a lower libido than your partner isn't abuse either?? She made vows and she broke those vows. He is the victim of the cheating.

 

She is a victim of her bad choices, lack of integrity and selfishness. And in my opinion makes her the abuser.

 

And for men, I will not blast them for screwing around either in this type of case. I will blast them and woman for not being strong enough to divorce the abuser.

 

Yeah, this is like blaming the beaten wife. Why didn't she walk way if he keeps hitting her?

 

Listen, if you are married or in a relationship, you should be IN LOVE, you should be having sex. That is one thing that keeps love alive.

 

Sex is part of life, is should be part of any marriage, or any romantic relationship.

 

When I am in love with a woman, I am unable to keep my hands off of her, and if she is with me, she better be the same way. With my GF, we cannot keep our hands off of each other, ever.

 

And we are way older than some of the people on this thread.

 

There is really no excuse for this type of thing to go on in a marriage, I believe it is abuse and the other partner should get out of the marriage.

 

But him a victim, please...

 

Love and sex aren't mutually exclusive. Couples define the parameters for their own relationships. Just because sex is a central part of your relationship with your partner doesn't mean it has to be the same for everyone. Shaming someone for being different isn't okay and doesn't make their relationship anymore valid or less likely to last. The issue with OP is they aren't matched in this area, but she rather hurt her husband instead coming clean because she will lose everything if she does. The life as she knows it will fall apart. Its all about her.

Look, I know you believe this. And that is fine. Maybe that is how you live but not me or most.

 

The Husband here is not even trying, and yes, sorry, when you get married there is the expectation of sex with your partner.

 

Further, when I am in a relationship my body belongs to her and her body belongs to me. She has the full expectation that I will meet her need as I do the she will meet mine.

 

Even further, when you are in romantic love you should want to make love to each other and please each other.

 

And yes I am shaming him because he had no business getting married in the first place. And sorry, but romantic love includes sex. It has been that way for thousands of years.

 

Listen, I have been friends and lovers with women that are suffering, through no fault of their own in a sexless marriage. I have looked into their eyes and seen the pain of rejection.

 

I find it horrific. I find people that do this in relationships to be abusive. Whatever the reason is, just cut the other person loose, that is all they have to do.

 

You and I will never agree...

[Adotta]

Blues.... marriage is a contract. Fidelity is a promise. If she can't stay faithful she should divorce or tell him. Just because his libido is drasticly different to hers does not mean he should be manipulated and lied too.

 

I'll be honest blues. I look down on this husband too. Unless the op is a beastly woman in denial there are just about no reasons a man shouldn't be able to do this for his wife.

 

But it's not my right to say HE HAS TO BE ABLE TO DO THIS TO GET MARRIED. She agreed to marry him. She knew what she was signing up for and even more than that she could have gotten off the train at any point.

 

She doesn't get off the train. She does not leave. She decided to alter the contract and promise of marriage without his knowledge in an effort to keep all the benefits he offers.

 

This is a cold calculated decision to use him like a puppet.

 

Yeah your right blues. He IS A crappy husband, BUT HE IS STILL HUMAN. He is by her own admission a kind man. Does he REALLY deserve This? No he doesn't.

 

He deserves an honest straightforward divorce or an attempt and fixing the issue. Cheating is just insulting and degrading a man who doesn't deserve it.

 

Try as you might you will NEVER convince me this guy deserves to be her puppet , cash cow , worker and slave, just because he doesn't understand how important taking your woman to task in bed is. I could understand looking at this guy like he is an alien. I get it. Men like this seem ****ing stupid to me too, but to say he deserves what he gets? Hardly.

 

If she can't handle a sexless marriage and the fool isn't willing to fix it... divorce. That's the honorable thing to do. Not cheating. Not lying. Not manipulating. Your trying to say a little evil is ok in some situations. It's not. Bad is bad. Nuff said.

Edited June 29, 2018 by Adotta

[amaysngrace]

You made your choices and so did he. Move on.

[bathtub-row]

OP clearly stated that she felt her BH is asexual in her opening post.

 

Your posts jumped the shark to “he is cheating” or “he is gay”.

 

Her 'clearly feeling' that he's the thing she 'clearly feels' he is, doesn't make it so. In other words, what she THINKS her husband is, isn't necessarily what he ACTUALLY is. Viva la difference. I don't know if her husband is or isn't gay, but the likelihood of it is very strong. That's all I'm saying. Not sure why that's such a revolutionary concept, or perceived as me taking a giant leap over the grand canyon. It's a fairly obvious possibility.

 

I do, however, retract my initial perception that he tricked her into this sexless marriage. It appears that he didn't do that. However, they both should've discussed this issue in length before getting married because something like this will almost always become one huge, white elephant in the room.

 

Enter, white elephant.