toomanyquestions123 Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 (edited) So i met this guy when i moved temporarily to another country for work. He works with me. He is charming, smart, handsome, witty and most importantly emotionally unavailable. We basically hit it off immediately when we met and went on a first date then on our third date he told me that he cant get into something serious now and he still wants to hang out with me as "friends". So it has been more than one month that we turned to be more like hookup buddies. He would show up from 2 to 3 times in my hotel room, get intimate, watch netflix, order dinner, talk a little bit and then he leaves. He stayed the night twice and left on the morning.We also went out twice with a group of friends at work and ended up in my room. I had a crush on this guy before he told me he is emotionally unavailable and now that its physical i'm catching some feelings. We both agreed that once i go back to my country ( in 2 weeks ) this will automatically end. Yesterday while we were cuddling, he suddenly asked me i am catching some feelings... I told him not to worry and this is never gonna happen and then he said that he doesn't want to hurt me. So i used the defensive mode with him and i told him that if someone will be hurt it will be him and that he will miss me when mi gone and he will realize that he has feelings; he told me that he will miss me but he will never gonna catch feelings since he is immune to feelings. Now that we had this convo and he made it clear not to catch feelings, I started thinking that i should not keep doing this until i go back to my country...He seems he is into me but i think its only sexual from his side. He cares about me but he can disappear for days not talking to me, we laugh, we enjoy our time together, we re sexually compatible but obviously this is not enough for him. What do you think i should do? should i keep doing the hookup thing or cut it off? Edited July 19, 2018 by toomanyquestions123 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Well at least he was honest with you. You started off having sex with no commitment so I don't see the harm in carrying it on until you leave unless you can't handle it. I don't understand why your feelings are hurt now when you chose to have sex with him in the beginning without a commitment. What did you expect to happen? Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 Well at least he was honest with you. You started off having sex with no commitment so I don't see the harm in carrying it on until you leave unless you can't handle it. I don't understand why your feelings are hurt now when you chose to have sex with him in the beginning without a commitment. What did you expect to happen? No, i am not hurt. I am just worried if this would continue i will catch stronger feelings and will miss him tremendously when i go back to my country. I know i will get over him, actually i am trying to bottle up my feelings so they wont grow but this is my first hookup experience, i never do that and i think im doing that just so i can spend time with him since he doesnt want anything serious. Plus i expected that with time he may catch feelings since i know he likes me and we are sexually amazing together... stupid i know ! Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Then no, definitely don't hook up again because you've already caught feelings. You are right that you can get over him but to continue to see him, have sex with him is just going to set you back further. At this point if I were you I would just consider this to have been a lovely fling. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 The man couldn't have been more honest. He's not into anything but sex with you. He considers women who "catch feelings" to be a problem. He isn't interested in anything with you except sex. Obviously, you want more, so why are you wasting time on this guy who actually even says he "can't" catch feelings, meaning that many women in the past have stubbornly stuck by assuming they can change him, but they can't. He may actually have no love feelings. There are people like that. Or he may just be having as much sex with as many women as possible because that's all that matters to him. Don't waste any feelings on this guy! It's like shoving them down a garbage disposal! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Plus i expected that with time he may catch feelings since i know he likes me and we are sexually amazing together... stupid i know ! You aren't alone as many women make the mistake of thinking amazing sex is going to make a man want to commit. Men are very aware of this ploy and use it to get good sex. It is a deep emotional connection that captures them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted July 30, 2018 Author Share Posted July 30, 2018 So tomorrow im taking a flight home. I did not know i will go back home until today. After hooking up with this guy for almost two months, this cane to an end; as expected. When we saw each other for the 4 or 5 last times,i discovered that we both have a lot of common. We do really enjoy each otheher. It was not only about sex.Tonight i told him that im leaving tomorrow, he came to my place immediately, we talked a lot, laughed a lot, i was so sad because i knew this was going to be the last time i see this person. We did not sleep together, we just wanted to hug... now im going back home and i need to erase this guy from my mind. I asked him as a favor not to ever talk to me unless there is smth really urgent. I will miss this guy ! Will i get over him fast once i land in my country ? Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted July 30, 2018 Share Posted July 30, 2018 You'll get over him. How old is he? Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted July 30, 2018 Author Share Posted July 30, 2018 You'll get over him. How old is he? He is 1 year younger than me. He is 27. Very very very smart though. Ultimately funny also. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 You'll feel sad for awhile but it's the low that comes with the high. You seem fairly level-headed. Once you're out of this space and back in your home country, reconnect with your friends/family and go out on new dates. Don't limit yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 2, 2018 Share Posted August 2, 2018 So we don't know if he's avoiding relationships because he's young and still exploring or he just can't be intimate with a woman and really love someone or if he just has higher aspirations (or lofty ideals) what type woman he'll end up with. But anyway, glad you're leaving because he's not ready now for whatever reason. Hope you forget about him soon and find a nice guy who's ready. Link to post Share on other sites
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted August 6, 2018 Author Share Posted August 6, 2018 He is not ready for a serious relationship because he is not over his ex who broke up with her over 1 year. ( one of the reasons why he really liked to hangout with me is that i used to listen to him ranting about her and all of his problems ). Its been almost 1 week since i came back home, and i do think about him sometimes, i do miss his presence but i am doing fine and I am not annoyed or hurt or anything. It is like i know it was just a fling and now it is over and I am totally okay with that. The best part is that we even had a farewell and said goodbye properly with no grudge or a fight. I do wish that someday our paths can cross but most probably this is not gonna happen and i hope i will find my guy soon ! Link to post Share on other sites
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