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Don't Believe in 2nd Chances?


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What happened to these boards? It has changed in the last 10 years. Hardly anyone believes in 2nd chances anymore like it used to be 10 years ago?

 

I remember posters back then like dreamguy and lost n chi go who wrote a good guide on no contact.

 

I think limited contact is necessary if you still have an interest in reconciling down the road. Limited contact meaning only the dumper initiates contact and the dumpee responds in 1-2 days keeping it short and ending the conversations first.

 

If your ex broke it off and you want them back you have to play hard to get for awhile.

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I'm a believer in playing the waiting game for awhile but it is a decision I keep tomyself. If any new women come along and show interest then I can be honest and tell them upfront that I'm not available for a relationship because I'm not over my ex and I still have hope of getting back with her so I'm going to wait for her and if she never comes back then I am staying single the rest of my life. As long as I'm honest with new women then it is ok.

 

I don't have anything to lose in terms of time. I don't look at it as a waste of time as I have no desire to get married and have kids anyway.

Edited by Simmons
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CrazyKatLady

I too, believe in miracles! Lol. Anything is possible and life is full of surprises. People fascinate me to no-end...you could know somebody for twenty years and they might just suddenly do something wild and unexpected and make you wonder how in the world you never knew that about them before! I love it!

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I don't believe it because I've seen nonstop how 2nd, 3rd and 4th chances don't work. They might have a second honeymoon phase but that ends again. It's almost unheard of where a 2nd chance actually ends in "happily ever after"...

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I don't believe it because I've seen nonstop how 2nd, 3rd and 4th chances don't work. They might have a second honeymoon phase but that ends again. It's almost unheard of where a 2nd chance actually ends in "happily ever after"...

 

Well one of my uncles and his ex girlfriend got their 2nd chance in the early 2000s and are still together to this day. They used to date in the 1980s and had a breakup that lasted 15 years.

 

Perhaps they are the exception to the rule. It really depends on what factors led to the initial breakup. 15 years is a long time for personal growth and maturity and if exes happen to run into each other and both are single at the time then I don't see why it can't work if there were immaturity issues in the oldrelationship. You and I are not the same people as we were 10 or 20 years ago. Our beliefs and outlook on life changes over time and with new experiences.

 

But again I suppose that scenario is different story than attempting a 2nd chance only after a few months breakup.

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Most of the veteran posters on here initially came to LS after being dumped and learning the relationship couldn't be fixed.

 

I've been reading the posts for years and can't really recall a happily ever after, following a breakup.

 

It probably has gone a bit far the other way where everyone just advocates NC from Day 1 etc. Dumpees using NC must have become more common because seen quite a few posts about dumpers complaining about dumpees disappearing after a BU.

 

Ive been dumped a few times and wanted those relationships to continue. Did the right thing by disappearing and ignoring breadcrumbs etc but in the end, the breakups always stuck. I'm pretty sure some of those dumpers miss the good parts of our relationship but it's just too painful for both parties to consider trying again.

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I know that many members will emphasize that NC is for healing and that it is not to be used as a game to see what effect it has on your ex.

 

That's easier said than done. In the early stages of a breakup you're grieving and denial and bargaining are normal stages of the grief process especially coming out of a relationship that lasted years. People are not going to emotionally move on just because others tell them to move on. It takes time to get to the point of acceptance.

 

So it is only natural for dumpees fo start out with NC for less than ideal reasons. Yes in some cases it has the effect of arousing the dumper's curiosity even if they don't want to come back.

Edited by Simmons
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