Simmons Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Is it true that the majority of women have marriage as their end goal for dating? I am 38 years old man and I've never married and have no interest in getting married or having kids. I would be happy to just date a woman 2 to 3 times a week for the rest of my life. Usually after 2 or 3 years of dating a girlfriend she's going to be concerned about where the relationship is going assuming she is really in love with me. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 There are people who are OK without marriage, but even with most of those people, you'd find that they want to live together at some point. If you literally just want to meet 2-3 times a week for the rest of your life, you'd probably be best off sticking to casual dating and mentioning this from the very start. They probably wouldn't stay with you "for the rest of your life", but lots of people enjoy casual dating at some point or another in their lives (e.g. when they are focused on career). Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Is it true that the majority of women have marriage as their end goal for dating? No idea on majority; in my generation when I dated from roughly age 19 to 39 or so when I met my wife every woman I dated had either been engaged or married and all except my wife (now exW) had children. So, I'd say marriage was a goal at some point. I am 38 years old man and I've never married and have no interest in getting married or having kids. If that's the case, I'd suggest dating up. I did so at your age, perhaps a few years earlier and had some very productive relationships where marriage was never an issue. The women had been married, had their kids and were done with it for the time being. Most were in their forties. I dated up to ten years older at that point. I would be happy to just date a woman 2 to 3 times a week for the rest of my life. Usually after 2 or 3 years of dating a girlfriend she's going to be concerned about where the relationship is going assuming she is really in love with me. Depends on the woman. Increasingly, women are not only independent but quite fine with not being tied to a man legally. I've found, as the child-rearing decades depart, this is increasingly so. As a great example, after three marriages my exW has been living with the guy she met during our divorce for eight years now. That's longer than any of her marriages but ours. I'll bet she'll never get married again. I see similar examples throughout my social circle. My bet is, if you focus on women your age or a bit older who demonstrably do not want children, as you stated you don't, you'll find some good matches whom you can date and/or live with long-term. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Is it true that the majority of women have marriage as their end goal for dating? I am 38 years old man and I've never married and have no interest in getting married or having kids. I would be happy to just date a woman 2 to 3 times a week for the rest of my life. Usually after 2 or 3 years of dating a girlfriend she's going to be concerned about where the relationship is going assuming she is really in love with me. Assuming the bolded, she really won't care if you are ever going to get married or not, or any other 'outward' gesture. If she is in love with you. there won't be any hidden agendas and you'd be most likely on the same page anyway because you'd 'sync' with time . However, many ladies out there, especially coming from traditional/religious upbringing, would run away if you don't wife them by XXX date. Just reading these forums is enough to make your toes curl and make me ashamed of being a woman... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Simmons Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 Well when I said marriage that included living together. It is common today for people to live together common law and do all the things couples married on paper do so for all intents and purposes couples who live together for several years or more are presumed to be married in the eyes of the state as well as general public opinion. A woman asking me to live with her is almost the same as asking for marriage. Either way she wants a 24/7 full time commitment. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 What most women want is of no moment. You need to find a woman who wants what you want. That may be difficult because marriage is the de factor mainstream goal but it's not everyone's goal. Just don't lead somebody on & promise marriage if you never want that for yourself. When you equate marriage to living together & say "it's a full time commitment" you may have to clarify that. It may be harder to find a long lasting FWB situation where you & the woman are not exclusive. Even if she doesn't require marriage or cohabitation I think you will be hard pressed to find a permanent casual partner who allows other partners but you might. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 no interest in getting married or having kids. If you truly do not want kids, I'd suggest you research "vasectomy". Just my two cents... Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 (edited) Well when I said marriage that included living together. It is common today for people to live together common law and do all the things couples married on paper do so for all intents and purposes couples who live together for several years or more are presumed to be married in the eyes of the state as well as general public opinion. A woman asking me to live with her is almost the same as asking for marriage. Either way she wants a 24/7 full time commitment. In my jurisdiction there is no common law and my exW was living with her BF in the house I gave her in the divorce before we were divorced. One example. Historically, she'd lived alone between marriages and I met her under such circumstances (she lived in a rented duplex) and I also met H2 when I picked some of her stuff up from the house they lived in while married. So, apparently, living together was a solid preference, including bringing a male into the house she owned. Typical? IDK. ETA, we never lived together until after we got married. Myself, I've never lived with a woman I wasn't married to so only lived with one, my wife. YMMV. Edited July 19, 2018 by carhill Link to post Share on other sites
Author Simmons Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 If you truly do not want kids, I'd suggest you research "vasectomy". Just my two cents... An operation is not a high priority for me because I don't plan to have sex with my girlfriend. I haven't had sex since 2002 by choice as I don't get much fulfillment out of standard missionary position but that's a topic for another thread. Link to post Share on other sites
somanymistakes Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Depends on what culture you're in! And culture changes over time. The country, the part of the country, the age of the people, the education level of the people, the wealth of the people, the religion... all sorts of factors play into how much women want to get married. However, if you want a very casual companionship relationship with no serious commitment and no sex, you really need to be up front about that in order to find the right sort of person who is looking for what you have to offer. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 An operation is not a high priority for me because I don't plan to have sex with my girlfriend. What do you want? So far marriage, living together & vanilla sex are off the table. You started by saying you want somebody long term you can see 2-3 times per week but no commitment. What is the upside for the other person? The more you talk about what you specifically don't want, the more difficult this search becomes. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Simmons Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 What do you want? So far marriage, living together & vanilla sex are off the table. You started by saying you want somebody long term you can see 2-3 times per week but no commitment. What is the upside for the other person? The more you talk about what you specifically don't want, the more difficult this search becomes. For me the purpose of dating is to go out and have a good time. It gives me some break from reality. The same reason most people take vacations out of town once in awhile is to have a temporary break from reality. It's not like we don't have enough stress already to deal with in our daily lives. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Then you may be better served making a wide circle of friends & having a variety of people at your disposal to escape reality with you periodically. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Simmons Posted July 19, 2018 Author Share Posted July 19, 2018 Then you may be better served making a wide circle of friends & having a variety of people at your disposal to escape reality with you periodically. I see your point and you may be right. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 From my experience, yes most women want to get married. I've actually never had any friends or acquaintances that just wanted to date around. I just don't think that's really appealing for most women. It also sucks to have one income, so there's that. Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 That's an interesting dichotomy - be married or date around. How about middle ground - i.e. be with one person without putting absurd requirements to prove 'love'? Cohabitation (common law or marriage) IMO is a necessity only if having or planning to have minor children, or if one or both parties are financially challenged. I think OP is just asking for a steady serious long term relationship without cohabitation - plenty of women will be happy with that assuming they don't have religious/cultural/financial constraints. Especially women past child-bearing age. Being a wifey is not really an achievement anymore. Especially if the woman needs to beg for it . From my experience, yes most women want to get married. I've actually never had any friends or acquaintances that just wanted to date around. I just don't think that's really appealing for most women. It also sucks to have one income, so there's that. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
thefooloftheyear Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 (edited) Whether they want to or not, I dunno...They sure get mad/sad/depressed when they find out their female friends/relatives/co workers get rings and are making wedding plans... Same deal with the baby stuff..... So..... Id have to say yes... As for the OP....If you are desirable enough, you will have no problem living your life on your own terms...It may mean you have to move from one woman to another, and maybe lose some good ones on the way, but its easily doable.. TFY Edited July 19, 2018 by thefooloftheyear Link to post Share on other sites
grays Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 I'd be fine with no marriage and maybe no living together, but no sex and I'm guessing no sleeping together wouldn't work for me. I have a couple of close male friends who I have exactly this relationship with, and that's fine because I have other male friends that I do have sex with and sleep with. For me the worst part of this scenario would be never having someone in bed next to me. Or would you want to spend nights together even tho no sex? Link to post Share on other sites
anduina Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 I can only speak about the women in the environment I'm in which is academia. It's a pretty even split between the women that want to get married and those who don't. Most want 0 - 1 child. I'm on the side of marriage and are engaged. No children for me. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 An operation is not a high priority for me because I don't plan to have sex with my girlfriend. Always amazed when an OP drops something into the middle of a thread that blows the original question out of the water. Regardless of their marital intentions, "most women" are going to assume a relationship will lead to intimacy, sex included... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Going out regularly and having fun...but with no sex. That's called a friendship. I doubt the woman will get to the stage of being really in love with you if there's no sex or progression of the relationship on the table. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
snowboy91 Posted July 19, 2018 Share Posted July 19, 2018 Going out regularly and having fun...but with no sex. That's called a friendship. This. And being friends is fine, there is nothing wrong with that. Just don't expect friends to be "exclusive". 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Striver Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 An operation is not a high priority for me because I don't plan to have sex with my girlfriend. I haven't had sex since 2002 by choice as I don't get much fulfillment out of standard missionary position but that's a topic for another thread. I guess. You knew it all at 22 years of age? Find some weekly activities for 2-3 nights a week. Volleyball, pub trivia, something. That will give you your break from reality. No one individual person is likely to want to spend 2-3 nights a week with you if there's no sexual relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
Els Posted July 20, 2018 Share Posted July 20, 2018 For me the purpose of dating is to go out and have a good time. It gives me some break from reality. The same reason most people take vacations out of town once in awhile is to have a temporary break from reality. It's not like we don't have enough stress already to deal with in our daily lives. How about friends? I mean, if you don't want to have sex and only want to see each other a couple of times a week indefinitely, friends sounds like the perfect option... Which brings me to the more worrisome part, do you not have friends that you can go out and have a good time with? Why not? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Simmons Posted July 20, 2018 Author Share Posted July 20, 2018 How about friends? I mean, if you don't want to have sex and only want to see each other a couple of times a week indefinitely, friends sounds like the perfect option... Which brings me to the more worrisome part, do you not have friends that you can go out and have a good time with? Why not? No I don't have any friends. Link to post Share on other sites
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