My Mom Ruined My Birthday

[anduina]

Why do you refer to the OP as a child? The OP is NOT a child, the OP has stated in her other posts that she has been having sex. If she is indeed 8 years of age, there is a far bigger problem here than birthdays!

 

So please no child hypotheticals. Adults are not entitled to even live with mum and dad, let alone have mum throw a birthday bash for them, let alone have that birthday bash be 100% in line with what they want. All of that is a FAVOUR, not an entitlement! Perhaps mum's behaviour might be annoying, sure. In that case, move out, make friends, and celebrate your birthday with friends.

 

 

She is only the victim because she makes herself out to be one.

She might be a teen. The opening post sounds like someone young.

 

If she's a teen, are you suggesting that she run away?

 

We read the opening post. The poster is not a child. She travels alone to other cities to meet men.

She might be a teen. I honestly don't know.

 

Most agree that the mom was somewhat in the wrong for not following through with the original plan, however the OP reaction is ridiculous. She says they agreed to a specific type of food from a specific place. OP says her mom got the food from a different place, but not that she got the wrong food. So I'm guessing they had planned on something like Chinese food and that on the day of her birthday her mom got it from a different place for whatever reason but I suspect she was under the impression that the most important detail was that it needed to be Chinese food not that it absolutely had to be from a specific place.

 

If I said to someone I want Chinese food from that place on 4th street and they brought me Chinese food from somewhere else I might be momentarily annoyed that I didn't get what I asked for to my exact specifications (nobody should expect that anything in life will be exactly what they demand) but since it's still the Chinese food I asked for,I would still sit down and give it a try. There's a good possibility that it wouldn't be much different than the food I asked for or I might discover it's even better. In any case it's only a freaking meal that I'll be crapping out the next morning, it's not something I'll I have to suffer through for weeks or months.

Her mother suggested the place, not her. Why are people getting up her grill for her mother's actions?

 

The OP also says her mom ruined two other birthdays. One by buying her a fan and another by buying her too many of the wrong donuts. So what about all of her other birthdays? I guess mom got those birthdays right by meeting the OPs every demand, but I guess the other 15 plus birthdays that the mom made the OP happy don't count?

We have no knowledge of the rest of the birthdays so any conclusions or guesses aren't reflective of the truth.

 

Where do people get this idea that they should be able to dictate exactly how people should celebrate their birthday? I guess it's different in every family but in mine that would not be acceptable. If I went up to my parents and started saying "I want this food, and this kind of cake and here's what I want the cake to say, etc" my stepdad would have blown a gasket and told me I'm disrespectful and I'm going to get nothing. I was expected to always be gracious and show gratitude whenever someone did anything for me or purchased any gift for me.

The opening post was clear that the mother asked her what she wanted. Don't ask or suggest if you can't or won't follow through.

 

Parents don't get a free ride simply because they're parents. If they want to raise well adjusted and capable children, they need to evidence well adjusted and capable behaviors.

[Els]

She might be a teen. The opening post sounds like someone young.

 

If she's a teen, are you suggesting that she run away?

 

 

If she was a teen, I would be MUCH more concerned that her mum was letting her fly around meeting random men to have sex....

 

 

At any rate, her behaviour would be unacceptable for anyone above the age of 6 - and even the 6-year-old could do with a stern "be grateful for what you have".

[William]

Before things go off the rails, let's get back to this:

 

I was upset about the fact that we did all of that planning just for her to plan what she wants. That really hurt my feelings. I don't know how to move on from this. I really just want to forget this day.

 

How do I go about this to her? I don't know what to say or what to do.

 

This is the Family forum. Relationships with parents, siblings, children and other family members are discussed, hopefully in a helpful and respectful manner. Some disrespectful and profane language brought me here so let's get things back on track. Thanks!

[maxi105]

hey O.P. I think that this thing is all about unspoken things goin on and very poor communication on both sides.

 

 

maybe you have a bit of a difficult at times relationship with your mom, parents, sure they get you sometimes, but the most important thing is to apologise (why) because the one thing I am certain that you did (whether you realised it or not) was really hurt her feelings!

 

 

it sounds like she was trying to make your day special too, and maybe she has lost track of your likes and dislikes over the years, but parents if your lucky to have ones that care and you clearly do, they want the best for their kids, they fight for them, save for them all thorugh school, feed them etc...

 

 

its no easy job, but its real asy to take it all for granted!!!! especially when you got so much competition from advertising, expectations of friends in the neighbourhood, when maybe you don't know how much she may be spending on home making etc....it all adds up and ill bet she loves you loads.

 

 

and hey, you gotta remember, without her bringing you into the world..you wouldn't even be having a birthday anyway!!!!!

 

 

talk to her and make up. she proabably is hurting that you don't want the things that she planned and took so much time to sort out for you.

 

 

you'll only get one mom!!!!!! and if she went tomorrow your life would be real different!!!!!

 

 

have you ever bought a gift for someone and they didn't want it???? we all do or can get it wrong just because you haven't taken the time to think or ask. you gotta get over this one because its something that was well intentioned and didn't go as planned, that's all. she didn't try to hurt you.

 

 

and if you think she did, then you need to talk to her as an adult and maybe she will address you back and you can move on in the future with her as an adult.

 

 

if you want to get her respect and you want the resepct from her then you gotta deal with it in a respectful and more sympathetic way to let what you really need to both talk about come out and be sorted.

 

 

Im not sure this is just a situation about a birthday!!!!! I think there is a lot more built up that has not been spoken of, and if you want to put it right and let her understand you better then you need to talk calmy and lovingly and honestly with her, its not just her that is at fault from your eyes here....you also need to take the responsibility to say you are sorry and show her, help her know how you can go forward!

 

 

ok, maxi. (ive not read it all, but im just looking a the birthday thing for now)...good luck to you and your mom. she sounds like a decent person, she's not perfect, but I guess the way you reacted wasn't that great either.

 

 

talk to her and im sure you'll both feel better for it. maxi

[Gretchen12]

Well, growing up my parents never celebrated childrens' birthdays, no happy birthday, no mention of the day as being different from any other day. So I can't completely relate.

 

I would just say, that your mother was probably having a hectic day, and she did not call you to pick up the cake before you called her. There is no mention of your Dad. Your mother may have work or relationship troubles of her own or a work deadline to meet.

 

As for the food, your mother was probably at a point of decision making after a stressful day: drive further for what you want, or just get something from this other place and rely on your understanding. She chose the latter, not expecting your reaction.

 

I'm older and some of the men I'm dating have chronic pain and I've had my share of surgeries. You just have to deal with it. So the way you move on, is you just accept it. In life you roll with the punches. You see yourself as an understanding, easy going, cool girl. And then suddenly the sun comes out.

 

(You don't have to eat the food!)

.. and Happy Birthday (even if it's late)

[Els]

To answer the OP's question, in her shoes I would apologize to my mum for being such a spoilt brat. And in the future, I'd take more responsibility over the planning of my own birthday party, if it matters that much to me that it be PERFECT. Including making the booking and paying for it.

 

 

(Edited after reading mod post.)

Edited July 31, 2018 by Elswyth

[galactiknight]

It doesn't matter how old she is; it's still her birthday. Obviously, people are different from each other and some people might not think their birthday is a big deal but some other people do.

Of course, she does come off as bratty to cry for hours in the bathroom, but remember this has happened to her many times before; it's a recurring situation. I would get frustrated as well, no matter how old I was. It is very childish of her for her to be so petty about it, but she is not the only one in the wrong here.

She obviously stated that she wanted food from a specific place to her mother, but what did she do? She went against her wishes and got what she wanted instead of what her daughter wanted (remember, the daughter is the birthday girl).

Yes, she should be appreciative to her mom for going to so many extents to satisfy her, but the mother also has to understand that she isn't doing it right.

In my opinion, you should just talk to her. Sit her down at a time where you're both free and sort this out, because I used to be in the same situation as you and talking to my mother about it really helped. Also, don't try to say that your mother is stubborn and won't listen to you, because there is nobody else on the planet that is more stubborn than my mother.

Wish you the best.

[siren8272]

WOW how dare she want to have a good birthday....this is the issue i have with some members on here who dismiss peoples pain acting as if she should jut get over it. Your mom is SUPPOSED to care about you if not why have a kid. I would tell you dear bide your time ,save money,and when you can throw yourself a fab party dont invite mum and put it all online. Yes I know that is petty but Im sorry i empathize my mom took me on a quick breakfast on my 16th birthday so she could go on a date with her now dead beat hubby...so i get it ...in my now 30s i make it a point to celebrate me. Now my mom wonders why i barely call on my birthday.

 

 

 

I say you have every right to feel as you do..... that is all.:bunny::bunny::bunny:

[guest569]

Do you think your mother changed things on purpose or did she think it was not important to you? In other words, was she trying to tick you off or just legit couldn't be bothered going to the agreed place? I would probably just calm down and have a conversation about it with her if you can't get over it. Or just let it go if you think it might cause further trouble.

 

I mean why ask what you want and then scrap it? Or was she not expecting such specific requests?

 

Im sure my mother would go to great lengths to get this right, but we are a bit particular about these things. Other times it's super casual just grab whatever, but there are no expectations so it's all good.

 

I do agree the reaction is over the top. But yeah I would be ticked off too. If I am expecting something and looking forward to it and it doesn't happen then it can be hard to take. It doesn't make us spoiled brats, just dealing with disappointment and being particular perfectionists.

 

I also think it's a bit rude to make someone go and pick up their own birthday cake!

[Kranbir8]

I get that you were disappointed but come on . . . she tried. If food from that place was so important to you , then you should have gotten it. Even though you didn't want a fan or 2 dozen donuts, your mother did listen when you expressed desires & she made an effort to meet your expectations. Be grateful you got that much.

 

Yeah, exactly!

[Carpe Diem]

Easy solution.......

 

Do not under any circumstances involve your mother in your next few birthdays. Plan and pay for it yourself, this will alleviate the issues that have caused you to cry for hours.

 

Do not dwell on the doughnut and cake incidences, just chalk them up to a learning experience.

 

Invite your mother to come and celebrate your birthday purely for the joy. Ask her not to bring a gift, this way you will not be disappointed or dwelling on the hidden meaning of the present.

 

If she says or does something at your party that you feel causes you to become upset, plan, pay and celebrate your next birthday without her.

 

So often these dynamics just go around in circles for years without resolution; yearly if not monthly/weekly with new slights and resentments.

 

Break the pattern, free yourself mentally.