Divorce Emotions

[shydad]

The first year after the failure of my marriage was brutal, and I was emotionally a basket case, held together only by a loving family and a dream team of professionals. The second year was very hard, but manageable. During the next 1.5 years (to present), my emotions related to my divorce have been effectively entirely dormant, replaced by logic and unrelenting determination to step up to the plate for my son in every way imaginable.

 

So I thought those feelings were gone, but THIS caused me to weep... Where the girl shows the two drawings of her two homes. There is just something so sad about that. What an epic failure this has been.

 

Divorce Toolkit | Sesame Street

 

I'm doing ok, and on occasion permit myself to be emotional (just listening to sad songs), but this completely caught me off guard. I thought I was past this. That ever happen to anyone else?

[Lotsgoingon]

Sorry to hear of your struggles.

 

I gotta tell you: I didn't think link sad at all.

 

If you and your ex are providing love and support and attention to your son, he is quite fortunate.

[Jim D]

I get it. As well adjusted to it as she seems (which was the whole point of the video), it brought some tears to my eyes, too. It's just so not what I want for my kids; but, nothing to do but do the best I can within the parts of my situation that are within my control.

[shydad]

I gotta tell you: I didn't think link sad at all.

There's a personal element to this. When you put everything you have into making something work, for your family, your child, and you still fail, it's brutal. The two homes portion is a reminder of a terrible personal failure I thought I had gotten over a year and a half ago.

[Mr. Lucky]

There's a personal element to this. When you put everything you have into making something work, for your family, your child, and you still fail, it's brutal. The two homes portion is a reminder of a terrible personal failure I thought I had gotten over a year and a half ago.

 

You're comparing divorce to some white picket fence idealized version of matrimony. Given the drama, tension and chaos surrounding most splintering marriages, divorce provides a better environment for both the partners and children. Better two happy homes than one sad and angry one.

 

You just have to do your part and move on with your life, creating a new normal for your kids. Not easy but certainly doable...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Lotsgoingon]

I agree: kids definitely are hurt by dysfunctional marriages.

 

And hurt in ways that reveal become more clear over time.

 

Mom and dad yell and scream ... or mom and dad are distant ... kids adjust themselves to this dynamic ... and they end up comfortable (though not conscious of it) dating screamers ... or dating super distant people.

 

Going through the motions as a couple seems like it helps a kid get through high school. But for relationships later in life--their own marriage--terrible role model.

 

You're 2.5 years into being divorced. Man, cut yourself a break!

 

BTW: on the Sesame Street clip, it wasn't that the kid having two homes wasn't so bad.

 

I mean literally I did not see any sadness in that ... or hear any hurt or confusion in the voice of the "kid."

 

And the other kids were confused by neutrally so. I REALLY did not see sadness or deprivation there ... definitely not trauma or anything like that. I'm not sure what's triggering this sense of failure on your part. If you are co-parenting the kid, you did not fail. And the kid won't think you failed.

Edited July 23, 2018 by Lotsgoingon