Moving on after divorce.

[MrPolite]

I have just had a long drawn out divorce which was settled at the hearing no.2 finally.

 

I just wanted to ask about further relationships, even though this divorce is almost over and coming to an end with the impending sign off.

 

My wife thinks I was having an affair during and before the divorce, (denied) as I had a close friend that I confided in (OH made sure I had no one and obviously bad-mouthed me to our joint friends)

This was mentioned and I was accused of this, 14 months after I left, and the divorce was in full effect by then.

(This was also not the reason we split)

 

My close friend was then named & brought up in the divorce case, by my stbx to try and pin something on me, which was denied, and the courts weren't interested, as this was purely a financial dispute.

 

Now that the divorce is coming to an end, and I have gotten closer to this friend, I am confused as to where i stand if I want a relationship?

 

My solicitor has said not to move in the day after! (no way!) or get married again (no way!), due to my OH can recall the court??

But on the other hand, they dont expect you to be single forever, and not move on?

 

My stbx is dating btw, but this was never brought up in court. I think I am asking as my friend was named, as a pathetic attempt to try and influence the divorce outcome.

 

So what is the usual time after a divorce, that I can move on? 3 months? 6 months? whereby I don't have to watch my back, with the thought of recalling court, or being watched?

 

Thanks you.

[Art_Critic]

From what you posted it would be dating the close friend that was the witness in court that would be the issue ?

 

I would say you can date any person other than the witness, I would guess if you dated her right away then your ExW could recall the case and prove there was an affair with that or prove her testimony was false.

 

Why not date someone else ? why make your ExW right ?

 

BTW, I think you should ask your counselor what the appropriate time is to date her

[MrPolite]

From what you posted it would be dating the close friend that was the witness in court that would be the issue ?

 

No, she was never a witness in court - just was brought up by my stbx as some 'dirt to dig up' whilst the divorce was in progress.

My lawyer knows it was all rubbish from her side, and I denied it all with facts, but she kept bringing it up.

 

This 3rd person was only mentioned by name and was never involved.

 

I just wanted to know how it stands now, that this is almost over, or have i forever got to be looking over my shoulder?

[FMW]

I guess your divorce laws are very different where you live, but in the US once your divorce is final, it's final. You are free to date who you want, whether or not your ex thought you were having an affair with them. Or even if you WERE having an affair with them. If you discovered your ex spouse was hiding assets then you would have a chance of going after them for that, but as far as personal relationships it's a non issue.

 

The advice your solicitor gave seems odd. I would check with another solicitor.

[DKT3]

I guess your divorce laws are very different where you live, but in the US once your divorce is final, it's final. You are free to date who you want, whether or not your ex thought you were having an affair with them. Or even if you WERE having an affair with them. If you discovered your ex spouse was hiding assets then you would have a chance of going after them for that, but as far as personal relationships it's a non issue.

 

The advice your solicitor gave seems odd. I would check with another solicitor.

 

Not true of all states. In fact adultry is illegal in 14 states and felonies in 6, it still is grounds for divorce and impact the outcome in many states.

[somanymistakes]

It hardly matters as grounds for a divorce once you're already divorced. As for it being illegal, yes in some states, but in most it's almost never enforced because the courts have better things to do with their time.

 

Adultery, also, generally does NOT count once the parties are separated, even if they're not officially divorced yet. For there to be any consequences at all, the ex would need to prove that something happened during the actual marriage.

 

Since this friend was already raised as a possible issue during the divorce AND DISMISSED, it's extremely unlikely that your ex could suddenly get that examined again.

 

People can and do get remarried the day their divorce papers are signed, at least in the US. It's kind of rude but it happens.

 

Of course, some people are so crazy vindictive that they don't care that it will be dismissed, they'll keep trying to file ridiculous charges anyway. There's no real limit to how long someone can attempt to harass you if they're nuts. It doesn't mean you're actually in the wrong.

 

I would advise staying away from this friend until the divorce is ACTUALLY final, and yeah, don't like move in right away, that looks tacky. But you can probably date them.

 

However, these things vary by jurisdiction a bit, so without knowing where you're located we can't check the applicable laws.

[PegNosePete]

For reference OP is in UK.

 

I would follow this simple rule of thumb. Do not get into another relationship until you've got your decree absolute signed and stamped and in hand, and your financial resolution signed and stamped and in hand.

 

When that's done you are totally free to do whatever you like, with whomever you like. Your STBX wife can stamp her feet all she likes but she won't be able to do anything about it because once the financial resolution is stamped by the court it ends all future claims relating to the marriage.

[MrPolite]

I would follow this simple rule of thumb. Do not get into another relationship until you've got your decree absolute signed and stamped and in hand, and your financial resolution signed and stamped and in hand.

 

Very good advice and probably what I was thinking myself..

I am in no rush for another relationship or marriage (especially after a divorce!)

but just wanted some down to earth opinions and advice.

[Lotsgoingon]

Wait til the decree is signed.

 

Your solicitor is not very helpful. You have the right to date and marry again all you want! To avoid relationships out of ear of your ex coming after you would be submitting to her bullying and nastiness--after the fact.

 

If you wanted to submit to her nastiness, you would have stayed married to her.

 

Once it's signed, I am pretty sure you are in the clear.

 

Your ex has a nasty side by calling that friend to court after blocking you from talking to your mutual friends. She swung at you coming and going.

 

Reminds me of my ex ... shout me down ... then get angry if I calmly tried to telephone a friend to process my feelings.

 

One of these cases where you don't want to let "the appearance" of something interfere with a real goal--a relationship.

 

If you didn't date her before and you got close to her precisely because your ex was so brutal, then it's ironic that you would later date her.

 

Nothing illegal at all about "irony."