i need a little advice

[Lorant]

Hello There,

 

I'd like to get some advice on a "complicated" relationship issue. My aim is here to find out what is the right mindset to handle my situation.

 

I am a 38 y/o male from Hungary, and I was dating a lady who I met 6-7 years back, which was started a quick flirt, then a few dates. However my life back than was far away from established. As a matter of fact it was a mess. So, that story faded. She got married I struggled and moved to a different country, but that was a deep connection, I knew it.

 

Then, last September we "bumped" each other on a social media. It is important to know that neither of us big fan of this. She is only using Instagram, and only for work (She is editor in chief of a women fashion magazine.) She followed me, and then I started a chat, and quickly set a date. We had a lot of fun, and a few drinks later, I wanted to kiss her, which she kinda resisted, but did not turn me down completely. So I told her that I had a huge crash on her every since.

 

After that we started to date It came out she is going through a divorce. The main reason is/was that they ended up hanging out with his husband. No serious commitment, no kid nothing. By then they were already separated for more than 12 months, but legally did not start the procedure. As the time went we got really into each other, I stopped seeing other women. However, her family was not acknowledging their divorce. Her dad has a business with the guy, and invited him over for X-Mas, like nothing happened, and throw a birthday party at New Years Eve (her ex has his birthday on NYE). After that our moments started to fade. Then her shrink confessed love to her, and still offered his services for free of charge, which devastated her. After that (around mind January) everything started being so shaky, I could feel it.

 

After one evening she was very distant, and I had some family issues as well. I asked her the does she need more space, because all these difficulties. As I look back she was very vague about her answer.

 

But I told her we should spend a little more time, like weekend getaway together. She said it is good idea. When I called her next week did not answer her phone, and never got back to me.

 

I knew it was over. I felt like ****, but I was not blaming her, I could not get met. I just felt a big hole in my chest and huge pain. Then I we did not contact for 2 months, but I wrote her a letter, like we should at least say something about what was going on.

 

When we met, it was fun, she confessed that she was madly in love with me. (I could not sense that back than properly). And we cleared a few minor misunderstandings, I take responsibility that I was weak (I had a pretty tough year before we met) and I could not set this right, and she also told me that her ghosting was not something she wanted to do, it was just too much for her, which I knew.

 

Then we met a few times, and she comes to orbit, but she told me she is not available, (again, I know she is not), and I am not chasing her, not pushing anything, and by the time I feel ok what's what she comes back.

 

Rationally I know, I see the whole thing through, but emotionally I am in love with a potential, and just cannot get out of my head. I feel hopelessly in love, on the other hand I feel an idiot. But If I cannot move on I cannot get into a relationship, because I will take this with me, and it is just a downward spiral.

 

Please do not get me wrong, I know she is not the only woman on the planet, but somehow I have a feeling she is worth the patience. By the way, in this November it will be two years they are separated.

 

(Well I already feel better I wrote this down).

 

Let me know what you think. Should I just drift, focus on my professional life, hobbies, and see what happens. Or should I slam the knife in the table, and get over it?

 

I appreciate your constructive comments.

 

Cheers

 

Lorant

[Realitysux]

You answered your own question in my oppinion. If you look around or even talk to anyone, very seldom are people married to the one they were in love with. There was always someone they feel that got away. The best thing you can do is focus on your personal and professional life. The more you do, the less you will think about this women, and the closer you will be to finding someone who you will want your next relationship with. I hope that helps.

[Lorant]

Thanks a lot. It cleared some clouds.