How often is the rapist someone the woman trusted?

[Nabely]

One of my good friends from work is a rape victim. She's 43 years old and it happened on the night of her HS prom. Both her and the rapist were 18 years old at the time.

To my shock, the rapist wasn't a stranger nor a short-term bf but rather her former best friend from their early childhood years. They met in 1st grade and he was considered a family member. He was like the brother she never had since she's an only child.

 

He was very drunk at the time, confessed how he always loved her, that she won't reject him anymore and began advancing towards her, rejecting her NO's and raped her. She still recalls his exact words were ''I've waited for you the whole time, it'll be our night now''. Both were virgins at the time. She kept this a secret out of shame and confusion over what happened and why. She never saw this coming and didn't it expect it from him at all.

[amaysngrace]

She could probably use some counseling but that wasn't your question. I'd say a lot. I would think more than half of all rape victims get raped by somebody they know rather than a dark alley random act.

 

But I'm not sure.

[Nabely]

I guess that just proves the woman might not know a guy too well after all. That's sad that someone you knew for the longest and whom was suppose to protect you is the very person that can permanently scar you both physically and psychologically.

 

I have a couple trusted male co-workers and none have ever talked to me in a sexual manner. I would like to think I know how to choose my male friends wisely.

[basil67]

The stats for being raped and assaulted by a man that the victim knows are very high. It's only a minority of women who get attacked in the dark on their way home. I don't know stats for men who the woman also trusts, but I'd guess it's not insignificant.

 

Regarding office friends, I've had a number flirty/sexy conversations with male coworkers. (That was in the 80's and 90's and it was different then). But none of them ever made me feel at risk and I did trust them.

[d0nnivain]

I think date rape is more common then the proverbial guy jumping out of the bushes & attacking a stranger with a weapon.

[major_merrick]

I think this question assumes that all women are the same. I believe that the likelihood of being raped by a known person vs. someone random depends on the aggressiveness of the woman. If the woman is likely to fight, to cause "trouble," or to be difficult in general, I would say the likelihood of an attempted rape by someone trusted is pretty low. The situations of date rape, acquaintance rape, and family rape that I've heard of seem to involve women of a vulnerable, pliable, passive, or generally non-threatening nature. Intoxication is often involved. The idea of consent becomes more flexible in people's minds at that point, allowing the aggressor to envision that his victim actually wants it, and convincing the victim to question "is this really happening?" In that case, a woman is less likely to counterattack with intent to harm because she is uncertain. Sometimes the realization of "I've been raped" only sets in long after the event is over.

 

In the major rape attempt that happened to me, it was the "stranger in the bushes with a weapon." I've never had a friend or acquaintance try to rape me, mostly because I've been told I have a "cross me and I'll cut you" demeanor. My advice for women in any case is to know your own mind and boundaries, determine your trigger points and train in advance. If things push beyond your limits, then it is time to get mad, get mean, and act with deadly intent.

[Timshel]

I think this question assumes that all women are the same. I believe that the likelihood of being raped by a known person vs. someone random depends on the aggressiveness of the woman. If the woman is likely to fight, to cause "trouble," or to be difficult in general, I would say the likelihood of an attempted rape by someone trusted is pretty low. The situations of date rape, acquaintance rape, and family rape that I've heard of seem to involve women of a vulnerable, pliable, passive, or generally non-threatening nature.

 

 

No. Women of all physical and emotional disposition are raped.

 

 

 

The definition of rape is forced sexual contact.

 

 

 

There isn't anything passive about being FORCED into rape.

 

 

If a person has experienced rape, please contact local authorities immediately. It is never a person's fault (male or female) to be overpowered, in fear of your life or others that you love or unable to give consent.

 

 

OP, she shared this information with you because it was a burden for her to carry and because she trusts you.

It is more common to be raped by someone you know, because a person's guard is down.

[Nabely]

No. Women of all physical and emotional disposition are raped.

 

 

 

The definition of rape is forced sexual contact.

 

 

 

There isn't anything passive about being FORCED into rape.

This basically. She was really taken by surprise when it happened and no amount of tough attitude or ''don't mess with me'' persona would have made him stop. She said no a bunch of times (along with attempting to reason with him) and at one point tried pushing him away but he was a lot stronger.

She didn't report it out of shame, which she has nothing to be ashamed about. She still won't report it.

 

It is more common to be raped by someone you know, because a person's guard is down.

True. It was the biggest betrayal for her and her story ends with her stating that till this day she doesn't understand why he threw away their long-term friendship and close bonding. She went permanent NC with him. He felt horrible the following day and tried asking for forgiveness but she never forgave him (I wouldn't either) and never will. Edited July 26, 2018 by Nabely

[d0nnivain]

Not all rape victims are strong enough to report it. The criminal justice system can be almost as brutal or sometimes worse to the victim then the crime.

 

Get her some rape crisis counseling. They know best on how to help.

 

My college roommate was raped, at knife point. She struggled through the trial & her rapist was found not guilty because she couldn't talk about it even on the stand. She's now a counselor because she never wants another victim to feel brutalized by the system the way she was.

[4fin]

Not all rape victims are willing to call it rape either. It happened to my wife by her boyfriend. As part of her denial of what happened she stayed in the relationship until she could no longer deny what happened was rape.