Brother in law

[DannyT85]

I'm getting married soon to someone who has a twin sister, whose husband I get on well with. They have been married a couple of years. I go out with him now and again with some of his mates.

 

A couple of months ago, when we were in a club, after we'd been drinking most of the day, I noticed he'd taken his wedding ring off. This is a replacement wedding ring after he'd lost his original one, again on a night out, though he'd passed it off as not being sure what had happened to it.

 

I'm thinking of having a man to man talk with him this weekend, to tell him A) that I wouldn't be happy having this on my conscience if this were to happen again when I am married to his wife's sister, and B) to consider trying to break the habit of taking it off when out.

 

The four of us are very close. I'm sure he wouldn't go any further but know that his wife would be upset if she knew this was happening.

 

Am I doing the right thing?

[PegNosePete]

Are you jumping to the conclusion that taking his wedding ring off means he is somehow trying to have an affair? It could be many other reasons. Maybe he put on weight since getting the ring and it's a bit tight. Maybe he was just hot.

[DannyT85]

Thanks for your reply. I'm not making that conclusion, I'm merely stating that I consider it a lack of respect to take his ring off to pretend he's single in a club. I was with him all day and he hadn't taken it off earlier that day.

[PegNosePete]

You're jumping to the conclusion that he's taking it off to pretend to be single, then?

[DannyT85]

Well I would consider it to be a more realistic conclusion than him being hot.

[PegNosePete]

So the answer is yes, you are jumping to conclusions.

 

Have you asked him why he took it off?

[Mr. Lucky]

Am I doing the right thing?

 

None of your business, you're not the Marriage Police. If his conduct makes you uncomfortable, I'd find other like-minded folks to hang out with...

 

Mr. Lucky

[Poutrew]

I wouldn't confront him directly. Doing so could damage your relation with him, and he is someone you will be seeing for maybe the rest of your life.... instead, I'd probably say something like , "Dude, don't you get tired of buying replacements for that thing?" Be humorous, and say it with a smile, but he will get the message sure enough. Then you can add, "I'd never be able to do it because I'm too cheap and Martha would kill me..." And, join in on the laugh. Then, leave it alone. He is a big boy and leave him to face the music when he looses it again. Don't get involved further.

[CautiouslyOptimistic]

Next time you see him do it, ask him why he's doing it. If he tells you the truth (and I agree, it's not because he's fat or hot), just say, "dude, not cool." He'll get the message that you're not up for supporting that behavior.

 

I see nothing wrong with standing up for what is right in this situation. Too many people don't! Part of being a good friend is helping your friend not do something totally stupid sometimes.

 

Also, this is not a "habit." That sortof implies he has no control over it.

[Whodatdog]

You arent even married into this family yet and you're already going to start to make waves. What BIL does is none of your concern....none. If you dont like what he does, dont hang out with him. But to voice your opinion is only going to cause trouble that you wont be able to undo.

 

Stay out of it.

[Whoknew30]

Unless you actually see him doing anything physically wrong...it’s best to keep quite. You’re going to start issues on something “you” don’t like, as if you’re his boss.

 

A ring mean absolutely nothing. Half the women in my family don’t wear their rings bc they’re rough on them...mine has personally broke several times bc I’m rough on it, so I only wear it on special occasions. Not to mention one can have sex with another while wearing their ring.