parents and grand parents unite! desparately need help here!

[candy candy candy]

my daughter (24) has two kids. one from the guy she has been with now for about two years. he is a real ass to her and they fight and push and shove each other so she is no saint here either.

 

i found out the other night how bad it is over there. a guy my other daughter is dating happens to be friends with the guy next door to my other daughter and he said that the cops are over there a few times through the week!

 

they are over there yelling and fighting all the time! now she also has a 4 year old that i have taken to stay with me. he is my little guy and i want to protect him so bad from that environment.

 

i want to also take away the baby. she is one years old now as of march. when i found out that the cops are there alot because of their fighting i decided to call child protection annonimously and so today i did that.

 

the only reason i did so is because i want her to wake up and get the hell out of there! the guy next door says that he is always yelling things at her about her but did not say what and i have not had a chance to talk to him myself yet but am going to.

 

so today i called child protection and they said they will have someone do a child check on the baby. i do not want her kids taken away from her not at all! she is not a bad mother at all she is just ohh sooo stuck in this relationsip and torn between leaving him and hurting and having to deal with being single mom and going through the pain of separation and staying with him and living this way and neither choice is healthy for her or that baby.

 

so then if that was not bad enough. she has had such a hard time finding a job and one that she could afford day care with as well cause the father wont help with anything, he is an ass and is controlling and jealous all the time.

 

so she only had this job for about a month and lost it today! the same day i called protective services. not that they will come out today i dont when that will happen....but it just seemed so pathetic that i would dothat to my own daughter and now she lost her job too and with this case that is going to go to her home to investigate the welfare of the baby she does not need all this stress.

 

i feel like a total bad person for doing this to her. but the way i saw it was that i want her out of that situation with him before he really hurts her and that baby does not deserve to live that way either...and neither does her son and if she would get rid of him he would want to go home.

 

my grand son does not want to go home! i ask him everyday if he wants to go home so he wont feel he has to stay with me and each time i ask him he says no i want to spend the night gramma and so i let him.

 

his mom and my dh are spliting the cost of him going to a good catholic pre K school right now and she does not dare to tell him she lost her job and is looking already for another one to help pay for him to go to school.

 

each day i take him to school and pick him up...we've bought him all sorts of clothes and a bike and a helmet and he has toys and video games to keep him busy yet i worry that i might be doing some other sort of damage to him by keeping him with me tho he wants to stay.

 

his mom misses him alot too and sees him by stopping over and talking to him on the phone and when she comes by he hugs here and plays with her but does not want to go home with her and with the situation being what it is i dont blame him one bit!

 

anyways.the guilt is killing me..i worry that i may be doing harm to my grand son and now i am sworn to secrecy from my daughter not to tell my dh about the job loss, which is fine cause he will put her down for it to me not to her but i will have to hear it from him about how she blew yet another good job from lack of attendance mainly due to the boyfriend.

 

any advice? i am so desparate here! did i do something bad or wrong towards her? i pray she never finds out!

[bluechocolate]

What a horrible decision to have to come to, but I think you did the right thing.

 

You did what you thought was best for your grandchildren. Your daughters home life does not sound like a very good place to be raising kids - the cops over a few times a week! How is it that they haven't informed the Child Protection Services about this situation before you?

 

.....now she lost her job too and with this case that is going to go to her home to investigate the welfare of the baby she does not need all this stress.

 

Sounds to me that she is more than capable of dealing with stress. You are her mother so it must be difficult, but the welfare of your grandchildren should be paramount here. If they get angry enough to push each other around it's only a matter of time before one or both of them starts pushing the kids around.

 

i feel like a total bad person for doing this to her. but the way i saw it was that i want her out of that situation with him before he really hurts her and that baby does not deserve to live that way either...and neither does her son and if she would get rid of him he would want to go home.

 

Unfortunately some people need a good slap in the face before they see sense, maybe calling the Child Protection Services on her will help to achieve that. She is free to choose to stay in an abusive & volatile relationship, unfortunately kids don't have the luxury of choice. Sounds like they're lucky to have you as a grandmother.