GF waited a month to tell me she was raped.. But

[BillPaxton2424]

Bill why did you have unprotected sex with your girlfriend THREE TIMES when you knew she wasn't using contraceptives?

 

What are you talking about.

[basil67]

What are you talking about.

 

You're concerned about getting STDs, so you obviously weren't using a condom.

 

You found her Plan B tablets. Plan B in an emergency (after the fact) contraception. It's taken by women who are not on the pill or don't have an IUD, but have sex without a barrier method. It makes sense in the case of a rape where one cannot make plans for a condom or diaphragm. But you believed that she was using plan B with other blokes too, so obviously she doesn't have access to a barrier method such as a diaphragm and isn't on the pill or have an IUD.

 

Hence, unprotected sex with a woman who you know is not using contraception.

Edited July 25, 2018 by basil67

[nospam99]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the other thing I'm getting is that this woman was having sex with lots of other men, not just the alleged rapist. Why would OP be concerned specifically with STD from the alleged rape and not also from all the other sex she was having?

 

BTW the reason I said 'alleged' above is that this doesn't add up to me. I don't know Italy and maybe that's a factor in the way rape accusations are treated. But in the US, I'd expect a rape victim to immediately go to the hospital and then to the police unless of course the hospital had already summoned the police. Yes, the OP was irresponsible and insensitive. But the gf's behavior just doesn't make sense.

[BillPaxton2424]

You're concerned about getting STDs, so you obviously weren't using a condom.

 

You found her Plan B tablets. Plan B in an emergency (after the fact) contraception. It's taken by women who are not on the pill or don't have an IUD, but have sex without a barrier method. It makes sense in the case of a rape where one cannot make plans for a condom or diaphragm. But you believed that she was using plan B with other blokes too, so obviously she doesn't have access to a barrier method such as a diaphragm and isn't on the pill or have an IUD.

 

Hence, unprotected sex with a woman who you know is not using contraception.

 

Its really not that complicated. I was having sex with her unprotected because we were "monogamous" and I didn't find the plan b until AFTER I had sex with her. Of course I stopped once I became suspicious, but it wasn't until maybe 10 days after.

[amaysngrace]

I agree. However having read the whole thread, OP elaborates on her other behaviours as well, it makes me suspect that she may be lying.

 

As a survivor of rape myself there were a couple of things that stuck out, my partner didn't believe me either, so I went willingly to the police station to report it, the police believed me and investigated I was also beaten up. The fact that she wasn't concerned in trying to prove what had happened to you is a red flag.

Secondly after I was raped, I was petrified to go anywhere in case I ran into him. I didn't go to work or leave the house for a full two weeks after the event and it took my months to start to relax again. Maybe my reaction was extreme, but I don't think I'd have been going out without my partner a couple of days later.

 

 

Everybody reacts differently but bruises on the throat is pretty telling.

 

Since you're a rape survivor would you feel safe to tell OP that you were raped if he were your boyfriend, having read what he's said here?

[Thingsfallapart]

The girl left him alone after he came to her home country to see her. She left him to go out drinking with some guys.

 

She lied to his face 3 times after he found concrete evidence that she had sex with someone else and when those lies didn’t work she finally said she was raped.

 

She had cheated and lied about it before...

 

After alleged rape she went out drinking without OP 3 more times...

 

She is always suspicious with her phone...

 

Ops girlfriend is just another cheating woman who cheated and tried to lie to get out of it and when she realised she couldn’t she pulled out the ever dependable

Rape Card...

 

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again

 

Same women need to start calling out false rape claims like the ops girlfriend because it does a terrible disservice to women who have really been raped.

[Thingsfallapart]

Also girls get bruises from rough sex.

Edited July 25, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[JuneL]

Its really not that complicated. I was having sex with her unprotected because we were "monogamous" and I didn't find the plan b until AFTER I had sex with her. Of course I stopped once I became suspicious, but it wasn't until maybe 10 days after.

 

So you thought she was on birth control when you had unprotected sex?

[BaileyB]

Everybody reacts differently but bruises on the throat is pretty telling.

 

Since you're a rape survivor would you feel safe to tell OP that you were raped if he were your boyfriend, having read what he's said here?

 

No, I would most definitely not feel safe telling OP what happened.

[BaileyB]

BTW the reason I said 'alleged' above is that this doesn't add up to me. I don't know Italy and maybe that's a factor in the way rape accusations are treated. But in the US, I'd expect a rape victim to immediately go to the hospital and then to the police unless of course the hospital had already summoned the police. Yes, the OP was irresponsible and insensitive. But the gf's behavior just doesn't make sense.

 

It's quite common for sexual assaults not to be reported in the US. There are many reasons why an assault would not be reported - women may not understand/attempt to minimize the severity of the assault, they may be afraid to make the report, they may fear that they will be blamed for the assault, or they are traumatized by the event that they not able to make a clear or rational decision.... sadly, there are many reasons why a sexual assault would not be reported.

Edited July 25, 2018 by BaileyB

[BillPaxton2424]

She has a long history of manipulative behavior. When she got caught cheating last year she started by lying and then when nothing else worked she started cutting herself, but only enough to get my attention and feel sorry for her.

 

She invited me to Italy, let me spend 3 grand to come see her and possibly get married and move there full time. But when I arrive she immediately wants to go out alone.

 

"Do you mind if I go out with friends alone?"

-yes I do mind

 

This was the final straw in a long line of bull**** I endured while telling myself "she is just depressed cause of school and being away from family."

 

 

-first thing she does after school is go out alone with guys, get in a "STRANGERS" car at 3 AM after drinking,and gets "raped" while I am alone in a city the size of Chicago, with no cell reception.

 

She has TERRIBLE judgement/and is a compulsive cheater and liar.

 

After this event, she spends the next 3 weeks talking to another guy while hiding her phone and ignoring me. Then when confronted she lies and deceives.

 

Girls like this deserve to be shamed in public and humiliated for their actions.

 

She made herself available to dudes and got more than what she was looking for. Then she felt sorry for her terrible choices and decided rough sex in the back of some guys car would make a good rape claim. Wont report, wont get tested, wont tell anyone.

 

She deserves what she got and at least I scores a consolation prize of the brand new gaming PC she stored at my house in the states.

Edited July 25, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language

[BillPaxton2424]

So you thought she was on birth control when you had unprotected sex?

 

On this trip, no. Its a bad idea due to possible pregnancy, but that is not the concern. She got raw dogged by some kid who may have Aids. Our deal was obviously monogamy. She Cleary didn't give a **** about that and lied to me.

Edited July 25, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

[BaileyB]

It's quite common for sexual assaults not to be reported in the US. There are many reasons why an assault would not be reported - women may not understand/attempt to minimize the severity of the assault, they may be afraid to make the report, they may fear that they will be blamed for the assault, or they are traumatized by the event that they not able to make a clear or rational decision.... sadly, there are many reasons why a sexual assault would not be reported.

 

That said, I forgot what may be one of the more common reasons why a woman would not file a report of a sexual assault - fear that she will not be believed. And thus, traumatized in a different way...

[Mrin]

Here is the only thing I'll say to the OP: dude the one thing I would urge you to think about is what if you're wrong. What if she is telling the truth. How do you feel about your words and actions then? Just sit with it. Not saying take her back or anything. You just might want to moderate your words and actions in case you're wrong.

[BillPaxton2424]

Here is the only thing I'll say to the OP: dude the one thing I would urge you to think about is what if you're wrong. What if she is telling the truth. How do you feel about your words and actions then? Just sit with it. Not saying take her back or anything. You just might want to moderate your words and actions in case you're wrong.

 

I'm not telling her the same things in saying on here. I got her parents involved, stayed until she got in therapy and then left because she's not trustworthy.

 

The things I am saying here are my feelings about what is actually going on. Not what I am telling her. She wont get tested for STDs which is basically the biggest sign she is 100%full of ****.

[smackie9]

TBH I think she was going to cheat, and the guy got carried away. IMO if the sex was that traumatic, and I have heard this from other cases of rape....having sex with anyone after, even with your So, is the last thing you ever want to do let alone any intimate touching. She continued to have sex, she continued to go out and party....doesn't sound like a rape victim to me. I know it varies from person to person, but if it was as violent as she showed, I can't imagine not being a total basket case after something like that.

 

 

 

Anywho, you can feel the way you want to feel about it OP and move on. As for her, if she has trauma from this she has her family to take care of it. Maybe she will learn a few things from this....to treat people and relationships better, and to be more responsible with her choices.

Edited July 25, 2018 by smackie9

[BillPaxton2424]

Also confronting the guy about it on facebook..

 

-she says idk his full name

-then types it into search bar

-I message

-he blocks me

 

She had been hiding her phone for the duration of the trip. Whenever I would walk near her, turns phone away or off. She's typing in Italian... I can't even read it and she still hides who she's talking to. She has a serious mental illness.

[BaileyB]

Here is the only thing I'll say to the OP: dude the one thing I would urge you to think about is what if you're wrong. What if she is telling the truth. How do you feel about your words and actions then? Just sit with it. Not saying take her back or anything. You just might want to moderate your words and actions in case you're wrong.

 

Absolutely.

 

She clearly has done you wrong, the extend of the "wrong" is unknown. We can debate what really happened, but the truth is - nobody but this woman and the man she was with that evening will ever know the truth.

 

Your response to this event is a reflection of your character. You are not wrong to be upset, to feel betrayed, to be concerned about your own health. But, you may very well want to moderate your words and actions because, if what she is saying is in fact true, let's just say... it doesn't reflect well on you.

 

You did well to get her back to her family. Now, you need to yourself settle down and get yourself tested.

[BaileyB]

She has a serious mental illness.

 

You are responsible for your words. This is slanderous - based on what would you make this statement?

 

Get a grip on yourself...

[BillPaxton2424]

You are responsible for your words. This is slanderous - based on what would you make this statement?

 

Get a grip on yourself...

 

Based on living with her for 3 years. Who are you yo say its slanderous? I don't mean it in a derogatory way, she needs help... Which I got her.

[Thingsfallapart]

Urm based on the fact the last time she cheated and got found out after lying a number of times she resorted to cutting herself and self-harm...

 

Is that normal sane behavior for you Bailey?

 

This girl is obviously BPD and you can see that by just reading about her personality.

 

 

My ex cheated on me three times and lied and lied and lied and when I got concrete proof she also pulled out the rape card... for each of the three times she cheated...

 

Talk about calling wolf

[Thingsfallapart]

The girls story has more plot holes than a poorly written made for TV movie...

[BaileyB]

Based on living with her for 3 years. Who are you yo say its slanderous? I don't mean it in a derogatory way, she needs help... Which I got her.

 

If that is the case, then why in the world did you stay with her for three years...

 

This whole story is like a poorly written tv drama.

[BaileyB]

Urm based on the fact the last time she cheated and got found out after lying a number of times she resorted to cutting herself and self-harm...

 

Is that normal sane behavior for you Bailey?

 

This girl is obviously BPD and you can see that by just reading about her personality.

 

 

My ex cheated on me three times and lied and lied and lied and when I got concrete proof she also pulled out the rape card... for each of the three times she cheated...

 

Talk about calling wolf

 

Are you a psychiatrist? I would assume that you have personally assessed this woman and that you have the credentials required to diagnosis an individual with borderline personality disorder...

 

Full disclosure, I'm not a psychiatrist... but it seems to me that you are projecting your past experience here...

 

Continue with the histrionics, I'm not engaging in this conversation any more.

[BillPaxton2424]

Dont need to be a psychiatrist to know the signs of a troubled person.

 

Maybe its a different mental illness.

 

Maybe she is just a liar

 

Maybe she was raped and that is truly horrible.

 

I sacrificed alot to be with her and take this trip and going out repeatedly with guys drinking while I am at home or by myself downtown is the only thing that needs to be known to leave and never look back.

 

She will be fine. She has a support system in place. I made the decision to leave because staying was toxic for everyone there. I dont want to be with someone so destructive and I was becoming resentful. So I exited the scene, and the last thing I did for her was to get her on the path to recovery.

 

I think I handled it pretty well given the history of abuse and deception.