GF waited a month to tell me she was raped.. But

[basil67]

This is why you don't date liars and cheaters. Even if she is being honest here and was actually raped, she has already cheated on you once and you have caught her lying, so I don't blame you for not trusting her.

 

I've read and re-read the OPs post and I can't see where she cheated on him previous. All we know is that she went out with friends.

[BillPaxton2424]

I literally put that she cheated on me in the past once.

[d0nnivain]

No, Thingsfallapart, my point was she may have been OK with it to a point. Unfortunately when the point came, the guy was already on top of her. And yes, I understand that her even kissing the other guy is a form of cheating on the BF. However, agreeing to kissing is not consenting to sex.

 

BillPaxton, you did the right thing by getting her parents involved. I have said multiple times that she was wrong for having unprotected sex with you after the events with the other guy. What you seem to be missing is that many of us are having issues with your anger toward someone we are still classifying as a rape victim. If she was assaulted, she's the victim, not you. If she cheat on you, be as pissed off as you like.

[basil67]

I didnt know she was out with guys in their cars having sex unprotected and if I had known I definitely wouldn't have sex with her ever again.

 

Hang on, you left this out of the story.

 

I know she was raped in a car - but where was she having sex with guys (note the plural) in cars?

[O'Malley]

After the rape occured, she got back into the passenger seat with him and let him drive her to her car. Does this sound strange to anyone else?

 

Not strange at all; a victim may attempt to pacify the rapist by allowing him to drop her off, whatever her instincts tell her to do in order to survive. At that point she probably was going along with what would result in getting her safely to her vehicle so she could get out of there. Actual rapes aren't like the movies where every rape victim fights off and runs from her attacker, immediately reports him to police and is automatically believed.

 

She needs supportive people in her life; you're not prepared to be that so it's best if you step away completely.

[Thingsfallapart]

She was planning to cheat and she was monkey branching and got used...

And only told her boyfriend because he found solid evidence.

 

Don’t give the guy a hard time here, he has done everything right and kindly.

I would have dumped my girlfriend for going out to meet guys without me and then being alone in cars with them...

I’ve been through this experience before with a woman who I later found out cheated on me more times than I could count.

 

Women really do themselves a disservice with false rape claims

[basil67]

So you think having unprotected sex with your partner after having unprotected sex with a rapist and not saying anything about it is not grounds for calling her out and dipping out without more compassion?

 

What are your priorities?

 

My reaction was perfect in this scenario.

 

Confront when suspicious

 

Tell Parents

 

Ask about her health

 

Think about my health next.

 

I didnt know she was out with guys in their cars having sex unprotected and if I had known I definitely wouldn't have sex with her ever again.

 

No, the first step in a perfect response would be girlfriend is catatonic and covered in bruises. Realise that something bad has happened and reach out to make sure she's OK

[BillPaxton2424]

No, the first step in a perfect response would be girlfriend is catatonic and covered in bruises. Realise that something bad has happened and reach out to make sure she's OK

 

So asking her what the Plan B is for is not realising something bad has happened? If she lies to my face what can I do?

[Thingsfallapart]

Bill

 

You have done everything correct and you are doing the right thing.

Yes, maybe she was raped but you don’t owe anything to her as she was probably kissing him cheating him already.

You’re the one that has been done wrong here.

 

Talking from experience;

What she has told you probably isn’t half of it all.

 

Just the tip of the iceburg.

[d0nnivain]

No, the first step in a perfect response would be girlfriend is catatonic and covered in bruises. Realise that something bad has happened and reach out to make sure she's OK

 

EXACTLY!!!

 

BillPaxton -- honestly this is where you lost me. How do you not come to the conclusion that something was wrong before you found the Plan B?

[Thingsfallapart]

He didn’t see the bruises at that time and you can get bruises from rough sex anyway. Maybe the ops girlfriend told the guy she likes it rough...

 

Anyway let’s just break this all down to one simple sentence

 

 

If he had not found the receipt she never would have told him ever

 

Who wants to be with a chick like that

And I bet if Op checks her phone he will see many messages to and from that guy that supposedly did the rape

Ops girlfriend is a liar

[BillPaxton2424]

He didn’t see the bruises at that time and you can get bruises from rough sex anyway. Maybe the ops girlfriend told the guy she likes it rough...

 

Anyway let’s just break this all down to one simple sentence

 

 

If he had not found the receipt she never would have told him ever

 

Who wants to be with a chick like that

 

The look on her face when I initially confronted her told me everything I needed to know. Dating a cheater will give you that experience. Her multiple stories about the empty plan b package were laughable at best and pathetic at worst.

 

1. It was for you - we hadn't had sex recently

2. "remember the day after i forgot to pick you up? I was sad and bought sleeping pills, thats why I was catatonic." when confronted with the receipt for 13.99, the exact price of plan b here.

3. I bought it for someone else.

4. I was raped

 

FOUR seperate confrontations spanning 2 weeks. Four different bull**** answers from a compulsive cheater and liar.

[basil67]

The bit which puts a big hole in the story is that she was carrying around an empty plan B packet weeks after the event. I mean, who holds on to empty medicine packets?

[basil67]

He didn’t see the bruises at that time and you can get bruises from rough sex anyway. Maybe the ops girlfriend told the guy she likes it rough.

 

He DID notice her marked change in behaviour. Personally, I'd be really worried about my partner if they were in that state. But apparently he didn't care at all.

[BillPaxton2424]

She is sound asleep in the same room as me right now and I am up on loveshack.org

 

who got raped and who is traumatized here?

[basil67]

She is sound asleep in the same room as me right now and I am up on loveshack.org

 

who got raped and who is traumatized here?

 

If you hadn't been so self involved the next morning....if you'd taken note of her mental and physical state.... you wouldn't be here crying about being traumatised.

 

You made your own bed, so sleep in it.

[BillPaxton2424]

He DID notice her marked change in behaviour. Personally, I'd be really worried about my partner if they were in that state. But apparently he didn't care at all.

 

I noticed her body language, not her bruises. She showed me pictures of her bruises after admitting to being raped, 4 weeks later. She either put makeup on the day after or something else to cover them up.

 

I confronted her about her state of mind and she lied. End of story.

[Thingsfallapart]

Basil,

 

If she was raped why would she lie about it 4 differ t times.

 

If you were raped you would want to tell your SO, the person you love the most and who makes you feel safe.

 

She only said she was raped after all the other excuses failed.

[Thingsfallapart]

Bill

 

Have you checked her phone?

Is she suspicious with her phone?

[basil67]

I noticed her body language, not her bruises. She showed me pictures of her bruises after admitting to being raped, 4 weeks later. She either put makeup on the day after or something else to cover them up.

 

I confronted her about her state of mind and she lied. End of story.

 

This is what you wrote about the next day "The next morning I was furious at her for this reason so I did not notice her bruises. I just thought she was upset because of what had happened/"forgetting to pick me up"

 

I can't see anything there about you asking her about her state of mind.

[BillPaxton2424]

You mean did she spent the next 3 weeks after the "rape" talking to some guy named Simone ( a guy who was with them before she left with the rapist) while hiding the screen and turning her phone off whenever I entered the room?

 

Yes.

 

Did I ask her who raped her? Yes

 

Her response : I only know his first name

 

My response : Type it into facebook for me

 

Her Response : Please I don't want to.

 

My Response : Please

 

Her Response : ok fine but you can't tell anyone about this, then types in his full name and finds his profile for me.

[BillPaxton2424]

For all I know this guy Simone, is the person she hooked up with in the first place, and she gave me a fake name and profile to hunt down.

 

Who the **** knows when you're dealing with a pathological liar?

[basil67]

Basil,

 

If she was raped why would she lie about it 4 differ t times.

 

If you were raped you would want to tell your SO, the person you love the most and who makes you feel safe.

 

She only said she was raped after all the other excuses failed.

 

Yes, I would tell my husband. But my husband wouldn't place the blame on me for getting raped. Nor would he ignore my state of mind the next day even if he was mad.

 

The OP admits that the next morning he was pissed at her for going out without him. I can't see him being in a supportive state of mind. What I can imagine is him blaming her for going out with her friends the night before.

[Thingsfallapart]

Dude,

She isn’t being straight with you.

I believe she got used and then you found out about it and in desperation to save the relationship she lied and said rape

 

This same exact thing happened when I was dating a BPD girl

Trust me when I say that what you found out or what she has told you is only the tip of the iceburg

[BillPaxton2424]

Dude,

She isn’t being straight with you.

I believe she got used and then you found out about it and in desperation to save the relationship she lied and said rape

 

This same exact thing happened when I was dating a BPD girl

Trust me when I say that what you found out or what she has told you is only the tip of the iceburg

 

No doubt she has cheated on me every trip back to Italy during the summer.