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GF waited a month to tell me she was raped.. But

BillPaxton2424

By BillPaxton2424,
in Cheating, Flirting, and Jealousy

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basil67

basil67

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On this trip, no. Its a bad idea due to possible pregnancy, but that is not the concern. She got raw dogged by some kid who may have Aids. Our deal was obviously monogamy. She Cleary didn't give a **** about that and lied to me.

 

So you weren't using contraception with her. So why did you act all confused when I asked you about it?

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basil67

basil67

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Urm based on the fact the last time she cheated and got found out after lying a number of times she resorted to cutting herself and self-harm...

 

Is that normal sane behavior for you Bailey?

 

This girl is obviously BPD and you can see that by just reading about her personality.

 

 

My ex cheated on me three times and lied and lied and lied and when I got concrete proof she also pulled out the rape card... for each of the three times she cheated...

 

Talk about calling wolf

 

This thread isn't about you or your ex.

 

It's not cool to diagnose a debilitating mental illness in someone you've never met with qualifications you don't have. My biggest issue here how disrespectful you're being to those who do struggle with real mental illness.

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basil67

basil67

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That said, I forgot what may be one of the more common reasons why a woman would not file a report of a sexual assault - fear that she will not be believed. And thus, traumatized in a different way...

 

And add to the list: the incredibly low amount of men found guilty and the mental rape the woman has to endure when she's on the witness stand.

 

I very much doubt that I'd report a rape. Perhaps only in the case of something like the rapist Brock Turner where there were male witnesses and it was clear she had not consented. And even then, his victim got blamed for being passed out.

 

I cannot fathom why people think it's suspicious when rapes aren't reported.

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BillPaxton2424

BillPaxton2424

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How about when rapes aren't followed by seeking any medical attention and also followed by going out again alone 3-4 times? Odd behavior. Anyways its over. She will be banging the same guy in 3 weeks.

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basil67

basil67

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How about when rapes aren't followed by seeking any medical attention and also followed by going out again alone 3-4 times? Odd behavior. Anyways its over. She will be banging the same guy in 3 weeks.

 

It's not odd at all. If a girl seeks medical attention, then there's the risk of the whole thing getting escalated and the police becoming involved. If woman wants to spare herself the trauma of a trial, then it makes sense to avoid the medical attention.

 

According to the following data, about 310 of every 1000 rapes are reported. Of those rapes, 7 will lead to a criminal conviction. Between not being believed, the stress of a trial and low conviction rates, it makes sense to me that women don't report it or seek help. https://www.rainn.org/statistics/criminal-justice-system

 

Also, she didn't go out alone after the rape - she went out with friends. I wasn't aware that going out with friends after a rape indicates that a woman hasn't been raped. If anything, I think that being with friends could be therapeutic. I guess that in your mind all rape victims stick to a script of how to behave. Are you even aware that all people react differently to trauma?

 

Disclaimer: I'm sure there are other stats out there with different numbers. But I'd be surprised if anyone can dig up anything which is substantially different.

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This is slanderous - based on what would you make this statement?
It does not matter what he says about her, for it to be slander he would need to identify her such that she would be defamed. Since he has keep who she is anonymous, by definition he has not slandered her.
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BaileyB

BaileyB

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It does not matter what he says about her, for it to be slander he would need to identify her such that she would be defamed. Since he has keep who she is anonymous, by definition he has not slandered her.

 

Not according to the law, I know.

 

My point was - words matter. To label someone with a mental illness because you are angry with their behavior or unhappy in relationship is unacceptable. This is, after all, a woman with whom OP has had a relationship - an intimate relationship - for several years. If she in fact has a mental illness and is unstable and/or untrustworthy, why did he stay with her for so long... I can appreciate that he is angry. But, to throw words around the way he has done in this discussion is distasteful and irresponsible. It relects not as much on the woman in question, as it does on his own character.

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BillPaxton2424

BillPaxton2424

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Because she goes through ridiculous mood swings, and shows lots of signs of being BPD. She has severe depression and has negative self image bordering on body dis-morphia.

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Not according to the law, I know.

 

My point was - words matter.

Defamation laws (libel and slander) are designed to protect the reputations of individuals and other entities from untrue and damaging statements. A reputation cannot be damaged if we do not know who you are.

 

I do agree with you that "words matter", so as an FYI, "libel" refers to statements that are written, while "slander" refers to defamatory statement that are spoken, thus legally speaking, since it was written and not spoken you should be arguing "libel" and not "slander". (You have to admit you walked into that one LOL)

 

I can appreciate that he is angry. But, to throw words around the way he has done in this discussion is distasteful and irresponsible.
Why did you not just say this in the first place, as I completely agree that it is "distasteful and irresponsible".
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DKT3

DKT3

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I'm not sure what Bailey's intentions are here. Seems to have an issue with OP and attacks on many fronts.

 

Bottom line here, he is no longer interested in being in a relationship with this woman. Rape or not. What he says about the event is merely systematic in that regard.

 

We can all agree that her behavior, as he described it is more than enough to warrant him wanting out before the event. Her actions immediately before and following the event are shady at best and is more of an indication that she is being dishonest than her telling the truth.

 

It's not about ones personal feelings on rape or rape reports and convictions.

 

OP you no longer want to be with this woman, so be it. You owe no one here an explanation, you have no reason to defend your feelings and/or beliefs surrounding the event. If you don't believe her, you don't believe her. You are not wrong for how you feel.

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BillPaxton2424

BillPaxton2424

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Bailey I want to just clarify. I think rape is awful and in no way think it is a joke. Nor do I want my ex to feel bad if she was raped. I only wished to state that events leading up to this have caused me serious stress and I don't wish to participate in something I had no control over. If she had invited me out I would have protected her, but she chose to leave me at home while traveling around the world to be with her.

 

I supported her through alot over the years. I've forgiven her infidelity once before and can't deal with this trauma because I too have a feeling of powerlessness in regards to what has transpired.

 

If she was raped, I saw to it that her parents were notified and that she started to get help from those who can help her. I cannot help her anymore.

 

My emotions got the better of me and regret saying nasty things.. But I can't do this on top of how she treats me. She clearly would rather spend her time with male friends over me on vacation and her getting into strangers cars, while Clearly isn't an invitation for rape, was an extremely poor judgement call... Who knows what she was seeking when she got in.. Only she knows.

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Doost

Doost

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You never got over the cheating and now this rape is adding fuel to that fire. Do yourself a favor don’t stay with people who cheated on you and have boundaries in your relationship.

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jay1983

jay1983

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You find plan B in her purse, she shows pics of bruises and says she was raped some weeks ago. Yeah sounds like a cheater/liar.

 

You said she was turning her phone so you couldn't see. And you didn't suspect anything was going on?

 

And then you like, you didn't tell me you were raped, I'm leaving now. Lol

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BaileyB

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Defamation laws (libel and slander) are designed to protect the reputations of individuals and other entities from untrue and damaging statements. A reputation cannot be damaged if we do not know who you are.

 

I do agree with you that "words matter", so as an FYI, "libel" refers to statements that are written, while "slander" refers to defamatory statement that are spoken, thus legally speaking, since it was written and not spoken you should be arguing "libel" and not "slander". (You have to admit you walked into that one LOL).

 

I do know this, your point is well made.

 

Bailey I want to just clarify. I think rape is awful and in no way think it is a joke. Nor do I want my ex to feel bad if she was raped. I only wished to state that events leading up to this have caused me serious stress and I don't wish to participate in something I had no control over. If she had invited me out I would have protected her, but she chose to leave me at home while traveling around the world to be with her.

 

I supported her through alot over the years. I've forgiven her infidelity once before and can't deal with this trauma because I too have a feeling of powerlessness in regards to what has transpired.

 

If she was raped, I saw to it that her parents were notified and that she started to get help from those who can help her. I cannot help her anymore.

 

My emotions got the better of me and regret saying nasty things.. But I can't do this on top of how she treats me. She clearly would rather spend her time with male friends over me on vacation and her getting into strangers cars, while Clearly isn't an invitation for rape, was an extremely poor judgement call... Who knows what she was seeking when she got in.. Only she knows.

 

My apology, my emotions got the best of me as well. It's easy to appreciate how upset and angry you were, given the situation. But, your words were very nasty and I (and many other women in this discussion) found them difficult to read. I hope life settles down for you and wish you well in the future.

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BillPaxton2424

BillPaxton2424

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Op, Bill,

 

Has your gf contacted you since you left?

What has she said?

 

Nope,

 

No contact from either side.

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smackie9

smackie9

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Bailey I want to just clarify. I think rape is awful and in no way think it is a joke. Nor do I want my ex to feel bad if she was raped. I only wished to state that events leading up to this have caused me serious stress and I don't wish to participate in something I had no control over. If she had invited me out I would have protected her, but she chose to leave me at home while traveling around the world to be with her.

 

I supported her through alot over the years. I've forgiven her infidelity once before and can't deal with this trauma because I too have a feeling of powerlessness in regards to what has transpired.

 

If she was raped, I saw to it that her parents were notified and that she started to get help from those who can help her. I cannot help her anymore.

 

My emotions got the better of me and regret saying nasty things.. But I can't do this on top of how she treats me. She clearly would rather spend her time with male friends over me on vacation and her getting into strangers cars, while Clearly isn't an invitation for rape, was an extremely poor judgement call... Who knows what she was seeking when she got in.. Only she knows.

 

 

Smart an' well said.

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BillPaxton2424

BillPaxton2424

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I dumped her and as I was walking out the door she started bawling, I didn't look back and just left. Got on a plane and flew home. No contact for a week. Still kinda feel empty inside but I know I made the right choice. I could have been stuck with kids with a lying cheating wife.

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Thingsfallapart

Thingsfallapart

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Take it from someone who has been there.

You did the right thing.

I gave my ex chance after chance and she just kept repeating the same things until I finally walked away and she got a boyfriend, the one she was cheating with and I ended up in therapy.

 

When things don’t work out with the replacement and she gets pumped and dumped some more she will try and claw her way back into your life. That’s what my ex has been trying to do for the last three months and I just ignore all contact.

 

[]

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Lorenza

Lorenza

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I do believe she got raped. Signs of physical violence is considered as evidence if you go and report it. It's not like you go through medical examination and the medics are like "nah, you probably just had rough sex".

That being said, she's clearly mentally unstable and that might lead her into engaging in high risk behavior, like getting into a car with a stranger, or cheating. You do put yourself at risk being with her and that's good that you finally ended it. One of my (former) friends had some diagnosed mental disorder and she would do crazy things, like once she went home with a guy who was aggressive towards her in a night club, slapped in her face and called her names. She went home with him and got raped (she reported it though). My point is that mental disorders can lead people into huge trouble due to their attention seeking, clouded judgment and whatnot.

 

You did the right thing ending it, it's just you could have handled it without being mean to her. It is highly possible she was raped and it's absolutely horrible. Also, you have, after all, stayed with her for 3 years despite her self harm, lies, cheating, depression, so it's also on you.

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BillPaxton2424

BillPaxton2424

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Her mother messaged me today and called me a piece of trash and that she is glad that I am out of their lives. Yikers. I responded by telling her that her daughter is a mentally unstable piece of trash as well, and good riddance...

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d0nnivain

d0nnivain

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Her mother messaged me today and called me a piece of trash and that she is glad that I am out of their lives. Yikers. I responded by telling her that her daughter is a mentally unstable piece of trash as well, and good riddance...

 

And then you blocked the whole family . . . right?

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BillPaxton2424

BillPaxton2424

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Now she is ****posting me on facebook even after I blocked her and her entire family. Telling people I am a monster and that she never should have trusted me... Is this normal behavior

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