Hypothetical question about dealing with ghosting

[Gretchen12]

Sometimes you meet someone online, you dated a few times and it all seems good, then the person disappears. Of course he didn't really disappear. He just stops replying to texts and doesn't pick up your calls.

 

But if you've been to his house so you know where he lives, and you're also in the neighborhood, why not show up at his door? Haha.. Before you all get creeped out thinking I want to stalk someone, let me say I am not interested in confronting any particular guy.

Actually I was just thinking that ghosting is a product of how we live these days.

 

You can't ghost someone very well if you live nearby and shop at the same grocery store as that person you met online. Friends, family, and neighbors come by my house sometimes. Doorbell rings, I answer and let them in. I have no problem with these spontaneous visits.

Of course there's no point in visiting someone who doesn't want to talk to you.

 

But has anyone run into someone who ghosted? Maybe at a neighborhood restaurant or an event of your common interest. People ghost to avoid facing the other person. Is it really possible to avoid someone in real life?

Edited July 24, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Paragraphs and move to GRD

[FMW]

I've been ghosted as far as communication goes by someone I've been involved with for over 3 years. I saw him a few days ago. We said hi, but nothing more.

 

I still consider it ghosting because he stopped the communication. I took the hint and I'm not going to force interaction when I see him in public.

 

Obviously if someone wants to make a scene they can call the ghoster out when they do run into them. But why? If someone doesn't care enough to stay in touch, let them go.

[act00]

I haven't run into a ghoster. I have seen people I don't particularly want to see, and the response has been actively avoid bumping into them or exchange pleasantries and excuse myself quickly if I do bump into them. If the feeling is mutual, they're probably actively avoiding as well.

 

Stopping by the house...we know that's a no, but don't do drive-by's either. If they dropped off the planet, there's a reason for that. No need to actively seek them out. If they want you, they can reach out. Go live your life.

 

I agree with "finding my way" to just be nice and move on if you do bump into a ghost. No need to make a scene or hash out what happened. They are the past, and even though it hurt, there's no solution or reason why they ghosted that would make a difference, particularly not in a circumstance where you're trying to get errands done or enjoying an evening with friends/date/family.

[Zippy2000]

Actually I was just thinking that ghosting is a product of how we live these days.

 

 

 

Ghosting is not a really a product of how we live but a by product of internet dating AND the people who don't know how to say "no" or reject someone.

 

 

Its not excusable and I think its darn rude. People should tell others they aren't interested instead of leaving people hanging on. They should have the balls to say it isn't working for them. Its come about because people find it easier to just let go and find another person. In the old days people worked harder for their relationships.

[Gaeta]

Just think of yourself as 'too good' for chasing down a man that has not called back.

Edited July 24, 2018 by Gaeta

[alphamale]

I've never run into someone that I ghosted

[Gretchen12]

Ghosting is not a really a product of how we live but a by product of internet dating AND the people who don't know how to say "no" or reject someone.

 

Yes I think it's internet dating. Because if you were introduced by friends or met in church, you behave better because you've got people to answer to.

 

With online dating, communications is done through technology so it is easy to ignore. Not so easy to ghost if you're in college and the guy is in your class.

 

This post isn't about whether or not to confront someone. I was just thinking why people online behave as if they're anonymous and unconnected socially, when actually in some cases you've even met their family.

 

And the ghosting I'm referring to is not just stop asking you out, I'm talking about completely ignoring any technology assisted contacts (email, text, apps, phone call). Is it technology that's causing this phenomenon? You can't ignore someone that walks up to you.

[stillafool]

Yes I believe technology is helping people to ghost. You'd be surprised at how many people do not like confrontations as it's stressful. Technology took away the need to confront and enabled people to just ghost and they love it.

[Gretchen12]

I've been ghosted as far as communication goes by someone I've been involved with for over 3 years. I saw him a few days ago. We said hi, but nothing more.

 

Oh wow... 3 years! When he ignored your attempt to contact him, did you worry he had an accident or something? If a close friend or sibling stopped responding I'd drive by to see if they're ok.

 

I suppose these days it's possible to even ghost your 90 y.o. grandma...

[FMW]

We share a social group and so I ran into him a few times during this period, so I knew he was ok and just being a jerk But yes, three years of sharing some really intimate experiences.

 

I think it's just a way of revealing some major failings in people that we now have the "benefit" of seeing thanks to the influence of current technological culture.