ThreeRainbows Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 Part of me wants him to message me, as he’s never seen me be anything other than soft and weak. I want him to see a tougher side. I want him to want me back purely so I can be proud of moving on. He probably will contact you to send you breadcrumbs. The strongest message you can send to him, when he does, is to not reply at all. You might want to read the no contact guide in this forum if you haven't already. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracey123 Posted July 28, 2018 Author Share Posted July 28, 2018 I know NC. I just dunno whether to tell him not to contact me. Link to post Share on other sites
ThreeRainbows Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 I know NC. I just dunno whether to tell him not to contact me. By telling him, you are giving him attention, and talking the talk. He will sense that you're still thinking about him. By just going NC, you are walking the walk. He will realize he's lost you, and that you have other things on your mind. I recommend just going NC. And if you're worried about losing him forever, just remember, he can always show up at your doorstep, or write and mail you a letter. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracey123 Posted July 28, 2018 Author Share Posted July 28, 2018 By telling him, you are giving him attention, and talking the talk. He will sense that you're still thinking about him. By just going NC, you are walking the walk. He will realize he's lost you, and that you have other things on your mind. I recommend just going NC. And if you're worried about losing him forever, just remember, he can always show up at your doorstep, or write and mail you a letter. I love this. He can always message me. He knows where I am. I just don’t know. Wht do you think my chances are? Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 Your chances for what? If you want him to see a new stronger you that won't happen until far down the road somewhere. Change doesn't happen overnight. Her certainly isn't going to change anytime in the near future and unfortunately when he does it will most likely be with someone brand new. Don't sit around waiting for something that will probably never happen. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracey123 Posted July 28, 2018 Author Share Posted July 28, 2018 I just want him to see I won’t put up with his **** anymore. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 You can do that by going strict NC and not putting up with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracey123 Posted July 28, 2018 Author Share Posted July 28, 2018 You’re right. I also need to go back to the gym and lose weight for me Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 That's a great idea. Also exercise will help you to become mentally stronger as well. Now you're talking. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracey123 Posted July 29, 2018 Author Share Posted July 29, 2018 Yeah I need the self esteem boost too because the way I feel now I’ll end up him walking all over me. He knows he messed up. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracey123 Posted July 29, 2018 Author Share Posted July 29, 2018 I know one day he’ll realise what he’s lost and be sorry. I just hope I’m with someone else and happy. He knows he messed up with me and he’s said to me several times he treats me bad and should let me be happy. Link to post Share on other sites
ThreeRainbows Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 I know one day he’ll realise what he’s lost and be sorry. I just hope I’m with someone else and happy. He knows he messed up with me and he’s said to me several times he treats me bad and should let me be happy. Woah. I think your self-respect is back. Another thing I did after my ex left me to raise my self esteem - read books. Relationship advice books, or books on any area where you think you could improve. Also, buy some new clothes! A new wardrobe is great for your self-esteem. Lastly, go get a fashionable hair cut. Get some nice photos taken right afterwards in case you want to do some online dating later. A new hairstyle is always a major boost. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracey123 Posted July 29, 2018 Author Share Posted July 29, 2018 I feel really down today. I can’t believe he treated me so bad after everything I did. I go from not wanting him back to wishing he’d message me and beg me to try again. Just trying to keep the thought process of “he knows where I am” I don’t understand human brains, how can you miss someone and not want them. Link to post Share on other sites
ThreeRainbows Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 I feel really down today. I can’t believe he treated me so bad after everything I did. I go from not wanting him back to wishing he’d message me and beg me to try again. Just trying to keep the thought process of “he knows where I am” I don’t understand human brains, how can you miss someone and not want them. You miss the person you thought he was. It's sad that is not the person he actually is. Good luck, you'll get through this. Focus on getting the pain out. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracey123 Posted July 29, 2018 Author Share Posted July 29, 2018 You miss the person you thought he was. It's sad that is not the person he actually is. Good luck, you'll get through this. Focus on getting the pain out. So true. Just wanna feel normal again tbh Link to post Share on other sites
ThreeRainbows Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 Try and go into the pain you're feeling. Lay down, embrace it, and imagine it seeping slowly out. Meet it head on. Acknowledge and validate it. You are hurt. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracey123 Posted July 29, 2018 Author Share Posted July 29, 2018 Wish I’d never met him tbh Link to post Share on other sites
ThreeRainbows Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 Wish I’d never met him tbh When you're through this, you will look back and be thankful for the lessons it taught you. It is preparing you for a better relationship. You really can only go up. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracey123 Posted July 29, 2018 Author Share Posted July 29, 2018 You’re so right. And I know things will be better. I just can’t wait to get him out my head. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracey123 Posted July 29, 2018 Author Share Posted July 29, 2018 I literally am waivering all the time to wanting him to want me and try again to anger. Link to post Share on other sites
marky00 Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 Woah. I think your self-respect is back. Another thing I did after my ex left me to raise my self esteem - read books. Relationship advice books, or books on any area where you think you could improve. Also, buy some new clothes! A new wardrobe is great for your self-esteem. Lastly, go get a fashionable hair cut. Get some nice photos taken right afterwards in case you want to do some online dating later. A new hairstyle is always a major boost. I see this advice often but that wasn't what worked for me. What worked for me was slowly get back to being less sad when I was alone. Doing all those things you suggested is just a distraction but what actually healed me was leaning into the pain which often meant spending a lot of time at home by myself. I guess what I am saying is that making my life "simple" is what helped me. Sure, I was trying to keep up with my work etc which was a distraction but getting to the point where you can just sit on the couch on your own and not be an emotional wreck is the first goal in my opinion. I also didn't feel my self-esteem took a hit. I knew I could go and look for another woman if I wanted to. But it was the shock and ruminating that was the real issue. That needed to be dealt with head on and wasn't going to be fixed by getting a new hair cut. I guess each to their own but. Whatever works for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracey123 Posted July 29, 2018 Author Share Posted July 29, 2018 Idk what will make me better tbh Link to post Share on other sites
Author gracey123 Posted July 29, 2018 Author Share Posted July 29, 2018 I’m just so torn. I dunno what I want. I’m sad I miss him but I’m angry at him. I keep thinking of how things were. Link to post Share on other sites
ThreeRainbows Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 I see this advice often but that wasn't what worked for me. What worked for me was slowly get back to being less sad when I was alone. Doing all those things you suggested is just a distraction but what actually healed me was leaning into the pain which often meant spending a lot of time at home by myself. I guess what I am saying is that making my life "simple" is what helped me. Sure, I was trying to keep up with my work etc which was a distraction but getting to the point where you can just sit on the couch on your own and not be an emotional wreck is the first goal in my opinion. I also didn't feel my self-esteem took a hit. I knew I could go and look for another woman if I wanted to. But it was the shock and ruminating that was the real issue. That needed to be dealt with head on and wasn't going to be fixed by getting a new hair cut. I guess each to their own but. Whatever works for you. I think gender plays a big role here. A woman's self-esteem is [unfortunately] often tied to her appearance, at least to some degree. So getting a fresh hair style and new clothes, losing weight, and getting fit can be SO good for us. But I can see how that might not work for a guy. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ThreeRainbows Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 I’m just so torn. I dunno what I want. I’m sad I miss him but I’m angry at him. I keep thinking of how things were. One thing that helped me is to remember: each step away from this guy who didn't treat you well, is a step towards your future husband! Link to post Share on other sites
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