I finally had to let her go!

[jomaxfury]

I was with this girl for two years. Met her when she was 18 and I was 22, big mistake! Now I am 25 an shes 20

 

Well let me tell you, that this girl has put me through a lot of drama, selfishness on her part, inconsiderations, and many other stuff. I did almost everything for her. I would pick her up from home and drive her to school at 6:30am in the morning, and drop her back, took her shooping for groceries, to the bank, to work, almost everywhre. I was the only one on her birthday to buy her a cake, a sing to her happy b-day at the park. It's sucks.

 

Heres what she did to me. Last year for christmas she dumped, because my car broke down, I got in a car accident, I help my familly with our business, and this was only for a week that I couldn't see her. Then last semester I told I needed to finish my volunteer hours for university credit, she said I didn't want to spent time with her for doing that and I didn't. Then when I did spend more time with her, she said, she needed more time off from me, and in doing so she tells me she found another guy. The next day she comes back to me crying for what she did. Really stupid for taking her back.

 

As of 7 seven days ago she initiated the break up once again that she's starting to feel attracted to other people. She is such a hypocrit she always contradicted her talk by her actions. She said , that we would get marry someday, we even thought of names to give to our possible children. She said I was her first in everything even losing her virginity, that she couldn't see anyone else but me in her life. She would really get jelous where I volunteer because a lot of females work there. Of course she would nice stuff for me but her actions totally makes those things meaningless.

I feel really betrayed by her, eventhough I dumped her even after she initiated.

 

Today I saw her for the first time since 7 days of NC at my university. We passed by each other walking to class. I didn't even say hi to her, I just kept walking. It sucks breaking up, and having NC. I realized what kind of person she is, and I don't deserve that. Need more advice and guidence what should I do. I'm haging in there with NC. Please help? What shoul i do if i see her again? I am at the anger stage right know, is that normal what stages do i need to go through?

Thanks guys for reals i really mean it.

[sanne]

good job man, keep doing what you're doing. if you happen to see her just keep walking. if this girl really loves you man, she will realize it in due time. nobody can say how long that will be, but i guarantee you if you hang around like a leech she will end up resenting you. i know it's impossible not to, but just try and move on with your life and not worry so much about her. it seems to me like she's not an independent person at all, which is not a good thing.

[jomaxfury]

Thanks Sanne,

I will follow your advice, but its hard. I wan't to know by walking past her and not saying anything would I look like a jerk or does make it seem I don't need her anymore? It's getting harder for me but I thinks for her is was easier to initiated the breakup and I actually did it this time, after shes done it so many times. Man, It gets me piss just thinking about what she done to me before and know. I gave her all my heart and still got pushed away. I need time to go faster and heal and get this mess all over with. What can I do?

[suegail]

As it turned out she isn't ready for something permanent, and you should actually be glad about that because she doesn't sound too mature. Had you gotten married, a year down the road, you'd more than likely be upset for another reason and looking desperately for a way out.

 

I think it's too bad there has to be so much pressure. When you're as young as you both are I don't understand the pressure one puts on the other for commitment if one is not ready for it. I know there was a time when she felt she was ready for that and she led you to believe that. It was apparently how she thought she felt, but she sounds overly emotional and confused about things. What I am trying to get at is I don't see the harm in backing off and allowing her to have space, but letting her know you're always going to care about her. Why show anger? Why have bitterness?

 

I know most of the time in a situation such as this people expect a reaction on some level of hostility. The less usual reaction is one of understanding. "I care about you. I'll always care, and your happiness is important to me." This is the reaction by which you will earn her respect, and is the one which will have her doing some serious reconsidering.

 

She needs some time. That much is obvious. Allow her that - show patience and consideration and in time she may grow up a bit and make some decisions.

[hoppy28]

suegail.................i undertstand what you are saying.

in my case that was something i really wanted to tell the woman that just bailed. its been alittle while now and my dignity tells me not to call her.why should i??!!1 she blew me off.

 

anyway.............i think in away you are right. somepeople just arent ready. i suppose it all depends on how they let you know, or act about it.

[jomaxfury]

Suegail thanks for your advice.

 

Everything you said is true. You described everything about her.

Now how do I go and let her know that I care and love her...I don't want to get hurt again or break NC. The NC as for now has help me see things into perspective. The space between us, has led me to believe that she really doesn't care about me.

 

When we walk and we saw each other. She didn't even say hi or smile or anything, maybe i didn't let her do it in time...but she has hurt so many times. No ones perfect but F@%$ why do people make things so complicated maybe bcuz life is complicated...I never doubted myself on anything I was never confused about how I felt about her from start to the end.. but why some people out the blue tell you they are confused...maybe she wants other people thats ok... be honest and don't lie to me and take 2 years out of my life for your own personal gratification is sounds hypocritical!

 

Wow I sound bitter bcuz i really cared about this person. 8 days of NC what can I do if I see her again? How to handle all this?

[upsetnhurt]

Jomax,

 

No need to tell her you care as she knows it already and will be thinking about it everyday. Don't assume that she is taking time out to run out and date other guys as that is a misnomer. She obviously felt that she needed her space and was confused about her situation with you. You should actually be thankful and respect her for her actions as I am sure they were just as hard as what you are going through. Would you rather her of spent another few years with you and then told you? Probably not......give her the space she needed so so bad and show her what she lost by not contacting her. This was her decision and she must see the ramifications of those....which is losing all of you.

[jomaxfury]

Thanks Upsenhurt,

 

What can I do if I see her again...should I do the silent treatment at school? The day we saw each other we were supposed to take a yoga class together... but I dropped it and took Aikido. Now theres a class I would recommend anyone who wants to take self defense. I feel that I made a good choice instead of yoga. Hopefully the yoga class clears her mind from all the confusion of loving someone.

[suegail]

Hi Hoppy, I can understand how you feel. It's hard to take when your pride gets a good hard kick. But if you do ever run into her and have the chance to tell her you wish her the best, don't hesitate to do it. You won't regret it.

 

 

Jomaxfury, She took two years out of your life, but in many ways they were apparently very good years. I'm sure good for her as well, and I'm sure she did feel she loved you, but when feelings change there just isn't always somewhere to lay blame. Just do try as much as you can to be understanding. When you see her try and be pleasant. It won't be easy I know, but do your best.

[jomaxfury]

Its been 11 days of No-contact. Hopefully soon I ll get over it. It is so hard. I dumped her because or her telling she was attracted to other people, I feel I was hurt more than her. What Can I do?

[upsetnhurt]

Jomax....

 

There is nothing you can do except keep reminding yourself that her problems caused the breakup. You can't solve her issues and you were simply protecting your own interests, in this case your heart.......if anything is to be done it has to be her making the initial step. Unfortunately that may or may not happen and you need to just focus on other things. I know how difficult it is yet if you don't stand your ground here....whats going to happen the next time when she says that she is more than attracted to other...maybe she will want to be physical with them too and want you to be ok with it. It has to stop now.........

[jomaxfury]

Thanks Upsetnhurt,

I know exactly what you mean. I want this pain to just go away.

I am trying to start over but, I don't know how to act if I see her again.

She didn't seem to upset at all when she saw me and that hurts me even more. Before going a few hours without talking to her felt like days. Now 11 days feel like centuries.

What might she be thinking? I would like to know but I don't want to get hurt! So I shouldn't be thinking about that, right?

[CantDecide...]

You know your situation is very similar to my own, i gave my girl my whole heart, and she just left me, of course it was my actions that led to the break up but thats neither here nor there, my best advice to you is keep busy, meet new people, take a new girl on a date, dont break no contact, theres no point, if she want to contact you she will, and if she really loves you she will, just tell yourself w/e is ment to be will be, if were ment to be together we will. Also ask yourself do u evan want her back after the things shes done, and the way shes made you feel, i sense that if u to ever rekindle a relationship there may be resentment and anger feelings. but seriosly just go day by day, and let w/e happens happen naturally, dont push any issues, and be yourself

[jomaxfury]

Thanks Cantdecide...

I know what I have to do Keep on the No Contact. I will follow your guys advice. I am still trying to figure out what I have to do if I see her again walking to class. My heart just starts pumping when I see her, I don't know why maybe is my heart telling me that is preparing to get hurt or is telling me that it misses her. When I saw at her at school I just ignored and passed by her couldn't bare watching her and what she did to me , because I loved her so much. This freakin sucks..I used tell my friends why feel so sad about girls theres millions of them out there..But now I know why!

[CantDecide...]

Thanks Cantdecide...

I know what I have to do Keep on the No Contact. I will follow your guys advice. I am still trying to figure out what I have to do if I see her again walking to class. My heart just starts pumping when I see her, I don't know why maybe is my heart telling me that is preparing to get hurt or is telling me that it misses her. When I saw at her at school I just ignored and passed by her couldn't bare watching her and what she did to me , because I loved her so much. This freakin sucks..I used tell my friends why feel so sad about girls theres millions of them out there..But now I know why!

 

 

yupp i know the pounding heart feeling, but to be honest, right now, i would say find a diferent route to your classes, its less painfull, besides how would u feel if u happen to see her walkin with a nother guy, it happened to me and i almost died. but i know how ur feeling this sucks, but you knowi really was in ur shoes, all summer in fact, then i just got fed up, so much back and fourth, in the beggining i felt like i could never get over her or evan try to move on, i thought id never feel anything for a nother girl, but im doing pretty good today, im not sure about tomorow but 2 day im good...so take NC one day at a time, after like 2 weeks it starts to get beter

[HURTANDCONFUSED81]

I know how you feel. I was like your ex...and I treated him badly becuase of all the pressure coming out of college. He coudlnt find a job..and I watned things to be "perfect" in my parents eyes. So then he finally finds a job...goes to training and then comes back and tells me that he thought he loved me but he didnt, that we were not compatible and that even if he gave me a second chance he'd be lying to me. At least YOU werent that cruel to her okay..I admit, it was a BIG wakeup call for me. Its been 11 days now since that night and even though I was the mean person in the relationship..I always worked to fix thigns .But for once, after he dumped me like that I refuse to contact him ever again. And u know what hurts most...is that he probably doenst miss me and meant what he said. Wow..does this make sense? I know she will realize it soon enough what she's losing ...just DONT CONTACT her. As for me..I think he's joyful that Im not contacting him anymore..giving him the SPACE he's awlays wanted. so it was a double loss to me...I cried for 7 days but now Im angry. But more so because I meant nothing to him after 2 years..that after he got a job he completely drops me. I may say mean things but he knows I have one of the biggest hearts out there. I just dont understand...

hang in there!

[jomaxfury]

Thanks Cantdecide

Your right is starting to feel much better know. For me its been 13 days now, I'm beginning to loose hope in her to call me. Then again I don't deserve how she has treated me. I am starting to realize she didn't cared for me from the start. Why do I have to deal with her issues. I have my own to worry about. I'm just going to concetrate on school is my last year at my university. So thats my main priority right now.

Its hard one day you wake up fine and the next day you feel like s#it. I still look at my cell phone in case she called, eventhough I erased her number from my cell. I can't stand feeling like this I'am trying to keep as busy as I can. I am well on my way to recovery. For once I wished time went faster.

Thanks guys.

[kscholze]

Letting go is the hardest. I have done it before and it didn't get any easier this time. The best thing in the world is when a month or two have gone by since last contact and you feel good. It is out of your system. The worst is when a month or two go by and you feel good and she calls. doesnt matter if you answer or not. if you know its her it hurts.

[CantDecide...]

Thanks Cantdecide

Your right is starting to feel much better know. For me its been 13 days now, I'm beginning to loose hope in her to call me. Then again I don't deserve how she has treated me. I am starting to realize she didn't cared for me from the start. Why do I have to deal with her issues. I have my own to worry about. I'm just going to concetrate on school is my last year at my university. So thats my main priority right now.

Its hard one day you wake up fine and the next day you feel like s#it. I still look at my cell phone in case she called, eventhough I erased her number from my cell. I can't stand feeling like this I'am trying to keep as busy as I can. I am well on my way to recovery. For once I wished time went faster.

Thanks guys.

 

 

jeesh were so similar lol, basically everything u said, lol the cell phone checking, the reasons and everything. but ironically today im having a bad day, dont know why...ive been fine for a week, but its wierd, some days ur great some days your not, just hang in there. i mean i saw her driving down the road today, and didnt wave just kept driving, its what u gota do, keep ur head hell high, and seriosly meet new woman, no1 is saying u have to be exclusive, or marry anybody new...but have a little fun. and if you really want her back, you dating a new chick has a high chance of getting her jealous

[jomaxfury]

Letting go is the hardest. I have done it before and it didn't get any easier this time. The best thing in the world is when a month or two have gone by since last contact and you feel good. It is out of your system. The worst is when a month or two go by and you feel good and she calls. doesnt matter if you answer or not. if you know its her it hurts.

Thanks kscholze,

Do Ex's call to just say hi and that found the right person or do they call to tell you how sorry they are and want a second chance? As for me i doubt that she will ever call, but I will be preapared if she ever does, I don't know how, but with your guys guidance I'm sure I will.

Thanks guys.

[CantDecide...]

you know in all seriousness dont be prepared for her call. all ur going to do is set up a scenario in your head, say u plan shes gonan call and say i miss u blah blah blah, but if she doesnt your gonan be crushed and be back at square one. i would seriosly just say live your life, and let things happen naturally. if you push any issue with her your gonan push her right back away, so dont plan for any kind of scenario....if one comes up go with it, dont have a plan i learned the hard way

[jomaxfury]

Your right Cantdecide,

I can't let her dictate my life now. She left and didn't want to be with me. Why the heck should I wait for her call. I shouldn't even be expectating her call. I have to accept that she is gone for good.

[jomaxfury]

Hi Hoppy, I can understand how you feel. It's hard to take when your pride gets a good hard kick. But if you do ever run into her and have the chance to tell her you wish her the best, don't hesitate to do it. You won't regret it.

 

 

Jomaxfury, She took two years out of your life, but in many ways they were apparently very good years. I'm sure good for her as well, and I'm sure she did feel she loved you, but when feelings change there just isn't always somewhere to lay blame. Just do try as much as you can to be understanding. When you see her try and be pleasant. It won't be easy I know, but do your best.

Thanks Suegail,

It's been two weeks now of No Contact. To tell you the truth I feel so good and positive about myself. Girls are starting to smile at me eventhough that doesn't mean anything but it lifted my spirit. Also I saw my ex walking at school. This time I did not have any resentment or anger against her. I was pleasent and told her " Hi how are you, she says ok, and I said, Ok you have a good one and I left. To tell you that felt so good. Know I could move on cuz the anger was killing me. I am not afraid, my heart has not heal fully, but I don't feel like s*&t anymore. I know is to early to be saying I haved heal fully, but after two weeks I finally feel good for the first time.

[jomaxfury]

Was it a good or bad idea?

Honestly i feel good please let me know?

Thanks

[suegail]

I think you handled it perfectly. It does make you feel good when you find it within yourself to have the strength to be in control. Over time you'll come and go about how you feel, I know, because you still have strong feelings for her, but do try to keep your emotions to yourself, around her that is. Continue to be pleasant when you see her - smile - try to look relaxed and happy.

 

Keep posting on here because it's a good outlet for you. (I guess that's a word, outlet?) anyway, you know what I'm saying. Keep doing your very best...I'm glad you're feeling better about things at this time..

 

God Bless...