I finally had to let her go!

[jomaxfury]

Thanks Suegail,

I know that my feelings are going to be different on different days. Thanks for your advice you really made me take a step in the healing process. I think she was shocked that i did that cuz she wouldn't even look at me because I did that when I saw her for the first time, I didn't look at her. I feel that she now knows she ain't dealing with a little boy like the little immature games she played with me throughout the relationship. Boy it feels good, you were so right..thanks a million. I feel now that I am in control. Will my feelings change tremendously or will they keep steady?

[jomaxfury]

Today I saw her again, didn't expect to see her but she was there.

As I walked by her I just gave a little smile and notted up by saying hi. She kinda smiled and I think she ask me what class I have, but I kept walking and acted like I didn't hear her. She was sitting waiting for her class near the bathrooms and I needed to change into my karate uniform. As I walked out from the bathroom in my karate uniform she gave me a smile the one's she used to give me and tell how handsome and cute I looked in something. The smile that I fell in love with. I just keep on walking didn't react or anything, but man I felt so hurt and wanted to tell her why..But I didn't. Just when you think you healing something like this happens! What you guys think? I am a newb at this kinda stuff, need al the advice and experiences form you. Thanks.

[sanne]

i think your doing a good job so far man. your probably not at the point where you can handle a full-on conversation with her, so for now limited contact/ignoring her is the best thing to do.

[Rocko]

newb!!! Good work man, keep things going at YOUR pace. If she wants anything, she needs to be straight up front, and needs to work for it. You deserve that much.

[suegail]

I think you'll have ups and downs, good days and not so good days as far as how you feel about things, and you're finding that out at this time, no doubt. When in her presence though keep your head high and make it seem to all outward appearances as if you don't have a care in the world. I think she'll be surprised by that and especially surprised if you continue to show no sign of hurt or anger, if you are courteous - as polite as you can possibly be. I think she'll wonder....alot.

[jomaxfury]

Thanks Sanne and Rocko,

It really means a lot to hear that I am doing a good job. Thanks to you guys at LS I'm coping the right way.

 

You are right...I am no way near of having a conversation with her like you said Sanne. I doubt she will ever call. If we ever do become friends what do I gain from it. I think as of now I can't because, I still remeber the intimacy I used to have with her and seeing her as a friend wouldn't feel right or hearing about her boyfriend or something like that. Honestly I can't and I don't want to hear that as of now.

Thanks guys..

[jomaxfury]

Hey guys,

It's been three weeks now of NC. I honestly feel so much better. I saw my ex today at school. She smiled at me I don't know if its a smile of she's glad to see me or a hypocrit smile, I just nodded my head up to say hi and did nothing else. The weirdest thing is that I am no longer wanting her emotionally or physically. Is so weird because before, I would see her and just had passion and love for her, but now she took all that away from me. I no longer see her in that way. I know it sounds mean and cold, but is the truth. Now I kinda feel sorry for her because she looks really down, lacking confidence. when she walks is like she wants to get out of school and just leave. As for me I'm talking to new people, girls are looking at me, I just feel so confident about myself. No drama in my life. If she finds or has someone, I just hope she doesn't get hurt, the way she has hurt me.

 

You guys think I should just give her a call or email her and be a gentlemen to see if everything in her life is going ok. I mean she had a lot of problems in her life, tyring to find a place, step dad problems, just a lot of issues in her life. Or should I just wait for her to give me a call if she ever does? I just want to tell her that I will always love her and care for her becuase she was my first true love and say goodbye to her. Eventhough she really did me bad but I don't have any resentment or anger towards her anymore. I also have a few things of her, like her tennis racket and a couple of CD's not really that much stuff. Should I give it to her or if she really wanted it she will call? Tell me what should I do? Sometimes I miss her, but now I feel so much better, because I have coolest friends and they are very supportive to me. They tell me I can do much better! Thanks Guys

[upsetnhurt]

Three weeks is a good start yet it is nothing.........give it three months or even years before contacting her. You waved hello to her...that should show her you care. Don't let yourself get sucked in again emotionally as whether you like it or not, it will happen with an email or phone call. Props to you for lasting three weeks and keep it going.

[off2sea]

I agree- do not call! I have been in NC for 10 months now with the exception of a meaningless happy birthday text earlier this week. I was so tempted to call that I did at one point dial the number only to quickly hang up. My point is you will have temptations from time to time and when they are strong I suggest putting your phone out of reach or just turn it off & do something to occupy your time. The urges pass, I promise, and you will feel better in the long run. Good luck!

[jomaxfury]

Thanks guys,

I know I felt like calling but then I realized thats what maybe she feels I will do and maybe laugh in my face. I will not give in to her.

 

Well anyways I saw her again, becuase she always waiting for her class, near the only bathroom near my class. Well same routine, a little smirk from me, nodding my head up to say hi. The funny thing about today is that when I came out of the bathroom. She usually would look at me, but today she had head tuck in between her arms. Like she was afraid or crying or who knows. Well anyways just wanted you guys to know whats going on.

Well what should I do with her stuff. I mean is not really that big of a deal...I'll just wait until she wants it back.

 

 

Thank you guys for reals, you guys have the best advice and its all based on experience. Hopefully one day I can contribute somehow to you guys.

How do you guys handle it, when on ocassions you bump with your ex because of work or school or something you planned before the break up to spend time doing it together and now you have to do it?

[kscholze]

when I bump into my ex I am fine as long as she keeps it "friendly", but she usually doesnt.

 

when I see her we talk and catch up then she always gets emotional and tells me how much she loves me and misses me.(the last time she was with the guy she is seeing) she broke it off with me by the way.

 

when she says she loves me but cant be with me, thats when seeing her sucks

[jomaxfury]

Wow Kscholze,

That must be hard to hear that. She loves you but doesn't want to be with you??????hmmm.She let you go, but in my case, she told me that she was starting to feel attracted to other people and bunch other imature stuff. I just couldn't take all that drama anymore she's done it to me so many times. At least she tells you she loves you. She never told me that again, I also never did. Thats why sometimes I have an urge just to let her know, but I think she knows how much I loved her. I never did anything towards her to imply I never loved her. In fact all her actions proved otherwise. Kscholze I know she knows that you love her. When you see her you handle it pretty well man. Keep it up.

 

Next week would be a month without her with NC. WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Keep me strong guys without you guys i'll probably be really really down.

Thanks kscholze

[kscholze]

jomaxfury-

 

She knows I love her, and the last time we talked on the phone (2 weeks) she said she DID want to be with me just needed time to figure **** out. Then I pushed her to pretty much help me understand what was heppening.

 

After that she said she was happy with who she was with now (her ex) and that we were done. All in a span of 3 days.?

 

I know that it will never work between us and that helps me move on.

 

Also - I have a new girl that is totally into me. That helps the healing

 

(but soon i will have a bad day and be posting that I want her back)

[jomaxfury]

Kscholze,

What happens to a couple like in my situation. Her first in everything and my first in everything with her. Well I am older about 5 years older, I'm 24 and shes 19. I think she wants to play the field and see what out there, right? I been hurt before her and she knew about it. She was hurt also before me and I knew about it. Haven't recieved any contact from her and neither has she from me. This is weird for me, because we both didn't have any real ex's before us, both of our ex's lasted about 3 months but our relationship lasted 2 years? I guess maybe her feeling towards me faded, oh well. Like your feelings I sometimes wake missing her but it less now than before. This will be my 4th week of NC. I thought I was going feel worse as days go by but actually I am starting to feel much better as the days go by. Thanks to all of you.

[jomaxfury]

About two day ago, I had a bad day thinking about my ex.

I played a song that I dedicated to her, Is by The Commodores, "Three Times a Lady" I told her that I would play that song on our wedding day, and that she said she would play Etta James " At Last". Wow it hurts thinking about it, but I say to myself "Imagine if I would have married this girl and did this to me while we were married"? She wanted an engagement ring during our relationship. Its so funny because in a few weeks later after asking me for an engagement ring she told me she didn't want to be with me and found another guy, but the next day came back crying to me that the guy was all a lie. I asked her,if I would have giving her the engagement ring if she would have done that? She said, "No because that is more of a committment" I asked her, why getting engage shows more of a committtment than our relationship? This is just one example how committed whe was to the relationship, LOL. One year later out of the blue she tell me she doesn't want to be with me. She's definetely not "Three Times A Lady" and "At last" I have been liberated.