Katerina00 Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 9 months (we are both 17). He is very loving, we text everyday and we see each around 3 times a week. Me and my mum are currently on a 2 week holiday (we have 6 days left); before I went away my boyfriend was going on about how much he would miss me and saying that we can call each other a lot whilst I'm away... However, since being away he's seemed quite dull. He takes ages to reply, and sends me about 3 texts and that's it. I've initiated all the calls, to which he picks up but doesn't seem very enthusiastic to speak to me on the phone. My mum says he's probably acting like this because I'm away, and that "no news is good news"? I said to him "I've been texting a lot because I miss you and when to stay in touch", he replied with "I miss you too, I just want to actually be with you right now, I'm looking forward to seeing you but texting isn't really doing it for me"...? I know there isn't really an issue, I'm just really missing him and my way of dealing with that is by wanting to talk to him but he seems the opposite. All he's been doing is playing PS4 with his mates or working. I know it sounds stupid but it's made me quite sad which I didn't particularly want to feel like on holiday. My guy mates think it's normal behaviour and my girl mates don't, so I don't know what to think! I just have conflicting thoughts in my head... Is this behaviour usual? Link to post Share on other sites
kendahke Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 (edited) This is how he handles his separation anxiety. I totally get where he is coming from. When I was doing LDR with my ex, I didn't want him to text me about how much he missed me because his missing me wasn't doing anything to ease my loneliness for him when he wasn't making any move to shorten the distance, so I'd rather not hear about it. He knows there's nothing he can do but wait 6 days for your return. He's 17, not 37--his (and your) brain are still forming and he's doing the best he can with what he's got as far as his critical thinking processes are concerned. Your girls are also formulating their opinions on still forming 17 year old brains, too, so yeah... there is such a thing as separation anxiety. Look it up. I think you need to just ease up, enjoy your vacation with your mom, let him play his PS4 with his boys til you return. Edited July 26, 2018 by kendahke 3 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 Sadly the advent of technology teaches people the wrong lessons. People, like you, think that simply because we have the ability to stay connected 24/7 we have the obligation to do that. Your BF is sad that you are gone & he's not channeling all of his angst into his phone. He prefers to see you & isn't handling the 2 weeks well. But it's only 2 weeks. In the history of the world young lovers have been separated for far longer with less ability to communicate & things were just fine. Think how awful it would be if all you had to rely on was snail mail that took DAYS to deliver a paper letter. Instead of focusing on your BF, enjoy your vacation. Talk to your mom. Get to know her as a person. When you come back & have grown as a person you will be a more interesting GF. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 Maybe he wants you to enjoy your vacation with your Mom and doesn't want to intrude on your bonding time with her. Many years ago, I had a girlfriend that went on a skiing trip - with friends out of the country. I don't ski and hate the cold. I didn't contact her, as I wanted her to have fun with her friends and enjoy her trip. I took her to the airport, gave her a little extra "mad money" to have fun with and wished her well. When she came back, she told all about this great adventure she had. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 This post is actually ironic IMO. Usually it's the person who stayed home complaining that their vacationing SO isn't contacting them enough. We all try to assure the person at home that their SO is just having fun out of the usual routine & has little down time. Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 If you are away on holiday with your mom enjoy where you are. You are supposed to be distant since you are away from him. Distance and no contact for a while is good for a relationship because it gives him time to really miss you. I agree with him that texting all the time just wouldn't do it for me. Go out and have fun, he'll be there when you get back. You're only 17, go out and look at other guys. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Happy Lemming Posted July 26, 2018 Share Posted July 26, 2018 Almost forgot... Take some pictures to share with him from your trip. When you get back, you can share your adventures complete with pictures. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katerina00 Posted July 27, 2018 Author Share Posted July 27, 2018 "Your BF is sad that you are gone & he's not channeling all of his angst into his phone. He prefers to see you & isn't handling the 2 weeks well." Thank you. Your reply relaxed me a lot actually. My last boyfriend (if you could call him that), who was horrible to me, left me the day I got back from my vacation; so it just shook me up a bit. But, you are right, he is excited so me when I get back and that's great! I will enjoy the remainder of my holiday and have fun.. Thank you, again Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 27, 2018 Share Posted July 27, 2018 That is why you are so stressed. The last guy broke up with you when you were on vacation. Try to remember this guy is not that guy & there is no reason to believe history will repeat itself. Link to post Share on other sites
glows Posted July 27, 2018 Share Posted July 27, 2018 (edited) No grown man would behave like such a juvenile. I think you're making excuses for a little boy who can't muster up enough energy to be happy for his girlfriend. If that is not a putz, I don't know what is. Be honest with yourself and know what makes you happy. You shouldn't be taking that time and that holiday with your mum for granted. Maybe you'll get it when she's actually gone (ie dead). Life is too short for this []. Edited July 30, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Language Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 27, 2018 Share Posted July 27, 2018 When I spend time away from my boyfriend (he is a parent, so there are times when he spends a week with his son in the summer... we will go days without seeing each other)... We don't text often. He doesn't like to text. He says it's a waste of time, he would much prefer to call me or see me in person. I sometimes don't text him, because I don't miss him as much if I don't talk to him. It sounds weird, but I have to kind of focus in my own life and forget about him, because if I don't I want to be with him. Try not to worry. Texting means nothing. He is not your other boyfriend. And if he cleats or decides to leave the relationship, he was clearly not the right guy for you... You are 17 years old. Live your life. Enjoy your holiday with your mom. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 27, 2018 Share Posted July 27, 2018 (edited) No grown man would behave like such a juvenile. I think you're making excuses for a little boy who can't muster up enough energy to be happy for his girlfriend. If that is not a putz, I don't know what is. Be honest with yourself and know what makes you happy. You shouldn't be taking that time and that holiday with your mum forgranted. Maybe you'll get it when she's actually gone (ie dead). Life is too short for this[]. She and her BF are SEVENTEEN (17) years old. He gets to act like a juvenile because gee whiz HE IS ONE!!!!! If her BF was 27, you'd be absolutely right but he's just a kid & she's freaking out because her last BF dumped her after her vacation so she fears history repeating itself. Let's not pile on to the boy here. Edited July 30, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator Edit quote 3 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted July 27, 2018 Share Posted July 27, 2018 he's totally sulking....he will be fine when you get back. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katerina00 Posted July 27, 2018 Author Share Posted July 27, 2018 When I spend time away from my boyfriend (he is a parent, so there are times when he spends a week with his son in the summer... we will go days without seeing each other)... We don't text often. He doesn't like to text. He says it's a waste of time, he would much prefer to call me or see me in person. I sometimes don't text him, because I don't miss him as much if I don't talk to him. It sounds weird, but I have to kind of focus in my own life and forget about him, because if I don't I want to be with him. Try not to worry. Texting means nothing. He is not your other boyfriend. And if he cleats or decides to leave the relationship, he was clearly not the right guy for you... You are 17 years old. Live your life. Enjoy your holiday with your mom. This sounds just like my boyfriend! Thanks for your reply... I overthink a lot and my last experience definitely didn't help. I am very happy I found this forum or else I would be worrying way too much!!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katerina00 Posted July 27, 2018 Author Share Posted July 27, 2018 That is why you are so stressed. The last guy broke up with you when you were on vacation. Try to remember this guy is not that guy & there is no reason to believe history will repeat itself. Yeah, my last boyfriend really weakened my trust. He ruined my holiday last year; and then had the audacity to break up with me the night I got back! It's been 10 months and we haven't spoken since. Anyway, my current boyfriend is completely different. This just brought back some worries from last year. Thanks for your help 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Katerina00 Posted August 7, 2018 Author Share Posted August 7, 2018 Update His replies improved by the end of the holiday and he came to visit me on the day I was back (I arrived 3 am on Friday and he was round by 1 pm) haha! We also went out last night. I have learnt that I don't need constant contact, as texting shouldn't be used as tool of reassurance, to be honest it's just a way of constantly being on someones case etc... Now, when he takes a while to respond (despite being online sometimes) I don't worry, as I know it's one of his silly traits. Thanks to everyone who replied, you all definitely helped change my perspective, which in turn, helped me enjoy the holiday even more! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
coolheadal Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 Me and my boyfriend have been dating for 9 months (we are both 17). He is very loving, we text everyday and we see each around 3 times a week. Me and my mum are currently on a 2 week holiday (we have 6 days left); before I went away my boyfriend was going on about how much he would miss me and saying that we can call each other a lot whilst I'm away... However, since being away he's seemed quite dull. He takes ages to reply, and sends me about 3 texts and that's it. I've initiated all the calls, to which he picks up but doesn't seem very enthusiastic to speak to me on the phone. My mum says he's probably acting like this because I'm away, and that "no news is good news"? I said to him "I've been texting a lot because I miss you and when to stay in touch", he replied with "I miss you too, I just want to actually be with you right now, I'm looking forward to seeing you but texting isn't really doing it for me"...? I know there isn't really an issue, I'm just really missing him and my way of dealing with that is by wanting to talk to him but he seems the opposite. All he's been doing is playing PS4 with his mates or working. I know it sounds stupid but it's made me quite sad which I didn't particularly want to feel like on holiday. My guy mates think it's normal behaviour and my girl mates don't, so I don't know what to think! I just have conflicting thoughts in my head... Is this behaviour usual? You both are so young and to think about how this would be right or wrong in your case it's the way it is. That's him he can't handle it you can or not. Right now let him play his PS4 with his mate at lease you know he's doing that or working. How long are you going to be on holiday? Hope it's not too long? It might not be able to cope that long though. But he has to learn now. He can't be smothering you to death. Link to post Share on other sites
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