Brides, any regrets about your wedding day? Wish you did anything differently?

[Els]

Please note that this question is about the wedding day itself (and the associated planning), and not about the marriage/choice of spouse, lol. I have no qualms on that front!

[d0nnivain]

I was very focused on saving money & brought my wedding in under budget. I probably should have splurged a bit & had it on a Saturday rather than the Sunday of a 3 day weekend although we did the rehearsal on Friday, let people visit on Saturday & then married Sunday. All the out of towners weren't rushed & didn't have to take time off from work to attend.

 

I suppose my biggest regrets were:

 

1. Not micro-managing my cake & just taking the cake that came with the package. I hated it. It was just boring the colors were wrong. Not terribly wrong but I was annoyed.

 

2. Not getting a crinoline under my big skirt to make it stand up more

 

3. Being gracious & bending down to fit more people in the group photos. As the bride I should have been the focus or at least standing proud & tall, not cowering on the ground. My posture just makes me look so much . . . less.

 

4. Not micro managing my photographer. She took sooooo many shots of each staged photo she took that we never got around to taking many of the photos I wanted. She also never told me one guy was photo bombing so many of my shots. Many of my guests were older & several including my parents died shortly there after. Many pictures -- some the only ones I have with those people were ruined because of this clown. The photographer took soooo many repeat shots of the stuff she wanted but none of the ones I wanted.

 

The best thing I did do, was take a step back a few times, with & without my new husband just to look around the room & savor the event & the people there. Those memories are the clearest in my head. Otherwise the day was a blur. I also managed to walk slowly down the aisle, smiling & making eye contact with many of the guests. I was so happy they were there to celebrate with us.

[Mr. Lucky]

She also never told me one guy was photo bombing so many of my shots. Many of my guests were older & several including my parents died shortly there after. Many pictures -- some the only ones I have with those people were ruined because of this clown.

 

Aren't there editing programs a professional could use to make these photos more to your liking?

 

Mr. Lucky

[d0nnivain]

Mr. Lucky -- She couldn't edit him out for some reason. I'm kind of over it. I was just offering a bride to be tips on what she should pay attention to so that she can avoid my regrets.

 

Over all those things were details. It was a fun party & I adore mu husband.

[GorillaTheater]

When is the wedding, els? You've probably said but I can't remember.

 

 

Is it okay if I bring some friends? We'll bring our own booze and thorazine.

[anduina]

No regrets since we're having a no-stress, low cost wedding.

[glows]

Do you wish you did anything differently, Elswyth? Or are you still engaged and jittery?

[Haydn]

Do you wish you did anything differently, Elswyth? Or are you still engaged and jittery?

 

She ain`t jittery. She`s on cloud 9.

 

She`s as excited as Spaniard who has some how managed to find good Paella in Luton.

 

She`s looking for planning tips.

 

I`m bringing extra Special Brew. (Helps keep everything level)

[basil67]

I regret mum talking me into having a venue. I was the eldest and they felt they needed to give me an Event. It was still very conservative, but not me. I would have preferred no wedding dress and a simple thing with just really close people at home.

[Els]

d0nnivain, thanks for the tips! We haven't even gotten around to planning the cake yet, haha. I don't know if we will have the time to request a custom design either, if we don't then we will end up with a standard cake as well.

 

 

 

When is the wedding, els? You've probably said but I can't remember.

 

Is it okay if I bring some friends? We'll bring our own booze and thorazine.

 

 

End of this year!

 

 

Ummm... what's thorazine?

 

 

Do you wish you did anything differently, Elswyth? Or are you still engaged and jittery?

 

 

I'm a few months away from mine and hoping to learn from others' mistakes, lol.

 

 

She ain`t jittery. She`s on cloud 9.

 

She`s as excited as Spaniard who has some how managed to find good Paella in Luton.

 

She`s looking for planning tips.

 

I`m bringing extra Special Brew. (Helps keep everything level)

 

 

Right on. Save some of the Special Brew for me!

[Els]

I regret mum talking me into having a venue. I was the eldest and they felt they needed to give me an Event. It was still very conservative, but not me. I would have preferred no wedding dress and a simple thing with just really close people at home.

 

 

I feel you there. I think many of us have to make compromises with our parents - mine is letting dad walk me up the aisle. It just feels really antiquated to me, I'm not a possession to be "handed off"! But he REALLY wants to, so I'm letting him.

[d0nnivain]

Elswyth

 

I took the approach that Golden Rule applies as in who has the Gold makes the Rules. Even though I was much older -- 40 -- my parents had saved for a lifetime to throw me their only child a wedding. DH & I wanted small & intimate. My parents wanted an extravaganza & that is what we had 400+ people. We just made the best of it & had fun. I realize not many people would be comfortable with that size shindig but my parents had always been all about big parties. It made them soooooooo happy so I was happy to let them have their day. I got to pick the most important part: DH. The rest in the end is all details. So try not to stress too much.

 

 

My wedding planner thought I was nuts. He kept asking me if I wanted this, that or the other thing. I always asked, is that extra? When he said "yes" I said, no I don't want that. The plain stuff that comes with the package is fine. For example -- you get white table cloths & white napkins. He kept trying to get me to pay for color. I was like, nobody cares what color the napkins are. They just care that they have one. I don't need chargers, custom matchbooks, a mashed potato martini bar, or a photo booth. I did want petit fours but not a build your own sundae bar. When we finished picking everything & after I said no, no, no about a hundred times, then I asked for a sommelier. At that point he said, oh wine comes with the package. I'd said I'm sure & I'm sure it's gross, so please go get me a sommelier. The wedding planner was shocked because I said no so many times. I explained that while no one cared about the color of the plates, nor did they need monogrammed souvenir glasses my friends & family all cared a lot about what they would be drinking, & so did I.

 

Part of this is knowing yourself, knowing your friends & family & trusting yourself & your instincts.

 

Yes there were snafus. The florist my mother insisted I use, because they were friends bailed 2 weeks before my wedding & I had to scramble to get somebody else. I was soooooo pissed but it got handled. The limo was late picking up my parents. DH's brother who was supposed to be the best man was hospitalized the week before the wedding in another state. DH's grandmother died two weeks before the wedding. My MOH forgot to turn her cell phone off & it rang multiple times during the service. The priest & the DJ got DH's name wrong. We turned that into a joke about me being a polygamist. You just have to roll with it.

[Els]

Elswyth

 

I took the approach that Golden Rule applies as in who has the Gold makes the Rules. Even though I was much older -- 40 -- my parents had saved for a lifetime to throw me their only child a wedding. DH & I wanted small & intimate. My parents wanted an extravaganza & that is what we had 400+ people. We just made the best of it & had fun. I realize not many people would be comfortable with that size shindig but my parents had always been all about big parties. It made them soooooooo happy so I was happy to let them have their day. I got to pick the most important part: DH. The rest in the end is all details. So try not to stress too much.

 

 

My wedding planner thought I was nuts. He kept asking me if I wanted this, that or the other thing. I always asked, is that extra? When he said "yes" I said, no I don't want that. The plain stuff that comes with the package is fine. For example -- you get white table cloths & white napkins. He kept trying to get me to pay for color. I was like, nobody cares what color the napkins are. They just care that they have one. I don't need chargers, custom matchbooks, a mashed potato martini bar, or a photo booth. I did want petit fours but not a build your own sundae bar. When we finished picking everything & after I said no, no, no about a hundred times, then I asked for a sommelier. At that point he said, oh wine comes with the package. I'd said I'm sure & I'm sure it's gross, so please go get me a sommelier. The wedding planner was shocked because I said no so many times. I explained that while no one cared about the color of the plates, nor did they need monogrammed souvenir glasses my friends & family all cared a lot about what they would be drinking, & so did I.

 

Part of this is knowing yourself, knowing your friends & family & trusting yourself & your instincts.

 

Yes there were snafus. The florist my mother insisted I use, because they were friends bailed 2 weeks before my wedding & I had to scramble to get somebody else. I was soooooo pissed but it got handled. The limo was late picking up my parents. DH's brother who was supposed to be the best man was hospitalized the week before the wedding in another state. DH's grandmother died two weeks before the wedding. My MOH forgot to turn her cell phone off & it rang multiple times during the service. The priest & the DJ got DH's name wrong. We turned that into a joke about me being a polygamist. You just have to roll with it.

 

 

Wow, you guys certainly had a rollercoaster of it! Sorry to hear about DH's grandma. The bolded is hilarious, though!

 

 

We're paying for all of ours, and having the small wedding that we want. We both like weddings with small guest numbers because it feels more intimate, so that's what we're doing. SO's mum was somewhat horrified at our tiny guest list, but we stuck to our guns, lol. (That being said, we might have overdone it a little bit since we forgot to account for the inevitable RSVP declines - oops! So yeah, might be a bit tinier than expected...)

 

 

 

I agree that you just gotta roll with the punches when the day comes. Personally, as long as the venue doesn't catch fire and neither of us falls sick on the day, I think I'll be alright!

[lana-banana]

Zero regrets and zero drama, likely because we eliminated all the major drama points (no bridesmaids, kids, or mandated outfits). I suppose I kind of wish I had been more demanding about my hair, since it looked fabulous but wasn't necessarily what I envisioned, but I don't even care enough about that to call it remotely close to a regret.

 

I did run to Home Depot the morning of my wedding when I didn't even need to, but I had tunnel vision and couldn't really focus. That was dumb. I might have taken my friend up on her offer to be a "minder" and help keep me balanced. However, I also spent two hours in the gym and treated myself to a book and a hot tub, all of which helped a lot. Do whatever keeps you feeling like yourself.

 

I will say, if you have any doubts about whether something you're worried about is really important, just hand it off to someone else. You're the bride. Other people will be happy to deal with things for you, even if it's just making sure people are in the right place at the right time.

[clia]

My only regret is that there were a few people who we missed getting pictures with at our reception because things were just so hectic. Like, we forgot to get a picture with my husband's best friend and his wife.

 

Sit down and make a list of people you want to be sure to get pictures with -- for example, a pic of you with all your girlfriends, you and your spouse with whoever, etc. Provide the list to your photographer. Also tell those people in advance. "Hey, let's be sure to get a picture together at the wedding. Grab me when you see an opportunity." People know you are busy talking to everyone and are sometimes afraid to pull you away, so let them know it's okay to do so.

[Els]

Zero regrets and zero drama, likely because we eliminated all the major drama points (no bridesmaids, kids, or mandated outfits). I suppose I kind of wish I had been more demanding about my hair, since it looked fabulous but wasn't necessarily what I envisioned, but I don't even care enough about that to call it remotely close to a regret.

 

I did run to Home Depot the morning of my wedding when I didn't even need to, but I had tunnel vision and couldn't really focus. That was dumb. I might have taken my friend up on her offer to be a "minder" and help keep me balanced. However, I also spent two hours in the gym and treated myself to a book and a hot tub, all of which helped a lot. Do whatever keeps you feeling like yourself.

 

I will say, if you have any doubts about whether something you're worried about is really important, just hand it off to someone else. You're the bride. Other people will be happy to deal with things for you, even if it's just making sure people are in the right place at the right time.

 

 

Thanks. I think on the day of, we will spend the morning sleeping in!

 

 

My only regret is that there were a few people who we missed getting pictures with at our reception because things were just so hectic. Like, we forgot to get a picture with my husband's best friend and his wife.

 

Sit down and make a list of people you want to be sure to get pictures with -- for example, a pic of you with all your girlfriends, you and your spouse with whoever, etc. Provide the list to your photographer. Also tell those people in advance. "Hey, let's be sure to get a picture together at the wedding. Grab me when you see an opportunity." People know you are busy talking to everyone and are sometimes afraid to pull you away, so let them know it's okay to do so.

 

 

Ah, good point! Yeah, we'll definitely get a list to the photographer. We haven't really thought about who exactly we want portrait photos with yet, but it's time to start. Our guest list is small enough that we could probably get one photo of ALL the guests with us, too.

 

 

I wanted to ask the photographer to take a photo of the reception area before anyone goes in and messes stuff up, because we put a lot of time and effort into thinking up the decor! Is that weird?

[d0nnivain]

No it's not weird.

[major_merrick]

After seven months of marriage, the big one for me is the lack of a real honeymoon. Since we live in a group, I just don't get that much alone time with my husband. I wish we had a few days alone to really bond after many years apart. And...there's the staying in hotels, eating out, laying on different sheets every night that I didn't have to wash, etc... I haven't had a road trip vacation in forever. It doesn't even have to be fancy...just somewhere different for a little while. I'd love to curl up in the passenger seat for a long drive, see some stuff, and have him pick me up and carry me to bed at the end of the day. It may happen someday, but life has been too busy.

 

My advice is to take time after the wedding to relax...the lead-up and the big day are stressful.

[clia]

I wanted to ask the photographer to take a photo of the reception area before anyone goes in and messes stuff up, because we put a lot of time and effort into thinking up the decor! Is that weird?

 

No, not weird at all. In the US, most photographers do that anyway. Mine got all kinds of great pictures of the food, bar, tables, room, etc.

[thefooloftheyear]

Congratulations Els...

 

TFY

[Els]

Thanks y'all!

 

 

 

After seven months of marriage, the big one for me is the lack of a real honeymoon. Since we live in a group, I just don't get that much alone time with my husband. I wish we had a few days alone to really bond after many years apart. And...there's the staying in hotels, eating out, laying on different sheets every night that I didn't have to wash, etc... I haven't had a road trip vacation in forever. It doesn't even have to be fancy...just somewhere different for a little while. I'd love to curl up in the passenger seat for a long drive, see some stuff, and have him pick me up and carry me to bed at the end of the day. It may happen someday, but life has been too busy.

 

My advice is to take time after the wedding to relax...the lead-up and the big day are stressful.

 

 

Good advice, thanks! We unfortunately don't have much leave left for a big honeymoon, but we'll have a short one. I definitely hope we won't be too exhausted to enjoy it!