I Get Approached A lot But Still Insecure About My Looks

[alistoga]

Oddly enough, even as I'm being approached by the hottest women, I still question whether she is into me.

 

Also, if the number of women who approach drops off even a little bit, I'm frustrated and wonder if I'm less attractive. Instead, I could just recognize there is always some variation in how many women approach me.

 

Interestingly, it's been a long time since I've seen a woman approached more times in a night than I am.

 

I used to be approached less yet more confident. Ironically, I'm approached a lot more but less confident in my looks.

 

I think men are less assertive in approaching women these days and sticking more or less exclusively to their social circle.

[preraph]

Okay. I think I can help. It's your perspective that is off. You distrust whether these women showing some interest are really interested. It's like you want some guarantee before you feel comfortable.

 

Here's the thing: A date is not a marriage proposal. A date is just a date between often two near-strangers to see what the other is like and to see IF they like them. Being interested enough to go on a date doesn't by any means mean they will remain interested or that you will be interested in them.

 

You've got to stop thinking about "interest" as a long-term commitment and just go on dates to get to know people and see if the interest holds up and not take it personally if it doesn't. You're lucky because you are getting approached by women when it isn't really the most common occurrence. These women are taking an even bigger chance than you are sticking their necks out. All you have to do is ask them on a small ice cream or coffee date and see how you get along and find out what they're like and what they are interested in and see if there's a connection. There's no obligation on either part to take it any further. A date is just a date.

[LivingWaterPlease]

Oddly enough, even as I'm being approached by the hottest women, I still question whether she is into me.

 

Also, if the number of women who approach drops off even a little bit, I'm frustrated and wonder if I'm less attractive. Instead, I could just recognize there is always some variation in how many women approach me.

 

Interestingly, it's been a long time since I've seen a woman approached more times in a night than I am.

 

I used to be approached less yet more confident. Ironically, I'm approached a lot more but less confident in my looks.

 

I think men are less assertive in approaching women these days and sticking more or less exclusively to their social circle.

 

Since you're being approached I presume it's by women you are meeting for the first time. As more and more women approach you whom you don't know, you must have a sense they are approaching you for superficial reasons, i.e. your appearance, not who you really are below the surface.

 

This superficiality that is the basis for lots of women approaching you may make you concerned as to whether or not you have the substance to back it up.

 

It follows that perhaps your waning confidence in what you believe to be your looks is actually waning confidence in who you know yourself to be within.

 

Why not spend some time developing the inner man so that you'll have the substance to go with the appealing appearance you may have?

[alistoga]

More of a normal weekend this time around. Maybe closer to 20 approaches. That's not counting the women who stare.

[alistoga]

I have a very liberal, inclusive definition of approach. Especially since women are so subtle compared to men. What about other guys? How much experience do you have with women approaching you and how do you define it?

 

For me, an approach is whenever my sixth sense about this is triggered. For example, a few weeks ago, a woman "lost her balance" and "accidentally" bumped into me waiting for the bathroom.

 

She found me after closing and invited me to an after hours spot, and then to her house.

[Gretchen12]

What came out of all these approaches? Relationship? Hookup? Nothing?