shydad Posted July 27, 2018 Share Posted July 27, 2018 Hi all, I'm curious to hear opinions on age differences in a marriage or lifelong relationship. Probably what matters most is a strong bond, regardless of age difference. I'm really torn on this, though. I think people of the same age can best relate to each other, but since women live longer, it also makes sense for the woman to be older. As an example of this, at the reception following my dad's funeral today, I spoke with two good family friends who emotionally talked about the passing of their husbands, one 18 years ago, and one 25 years ago. There is something incredibly beautiful about someone sharing with you strong feelings of love even after so much time has passed, but there is also a great sadness to this as well. Most of us don't want to be alone, and in that regard, I can relate. I can't imagine so many years alone... If I develop a relationship with someone my age, this is something I will be thinking about. I'd love to hear other people's thoughts. Thank you for reading! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 27, 2018 Share Posted July 27, 2018 I have always said that life stage is more important when you are younger. So a 24 year old shouldn't really date a 19 year old still in school but 24 & 29 is just fine. A generational gap (more than 20 years) causes it's own set of headaches. FWIW, my husband is 5 years younger then I am. Link to post Share on other sites
MidnightBlue1980 Posted July 27, 2018 Share Posted July 27, 2018 My husband is 4 years younger than me. I'm 45 and he is 41. I know a lot of men mid 50s and it's all falling apart for them. I agree that a younger man is better. Link to post Share on other sites
carhill Posted July 27, 2018 Share Posted July 27, 2018 I married an older woman, well two months older By the time we got married, I'd been the hospital recovery room twice with her, I think maybe once after. Myself, zippo medical stuff now closing in on 60 and working in industry for over 40. I never really paid much attention to age. If we got on well, we did. I don't believe I ever asked a woman I dated her age, though of course many volunteered. A few shocked me, markedly the grandmother I dated. She was a very young 46 and a doctor to boot. The only time she ever came across as 'old' was when the kids thing came up and she lamented her time for that was past. I think that was when I realized she was 9 years older than me. Didn't really think about it before and a number of friends were already grandparents at my age. At the other end of the spectrum, my dad was six years older than my mom and she outlived him by nearly 26 years. Practically another life/marriage if she'd wanted it. No guarantees. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 Hi all, I'm curious to hear opinions on age differences in a marriage or lifelong relationship. Probably what matters most is a strong bond, regardless of age difference. I'm really torn on this, though. I think people of the same age can best relate to each other, but since women live longer, it also makes sense for the woman to be older. As an example of this, at the reception following my dad's funeral today, I spoke with two good family friends who emotionally talked about the passing of their husbands, one 18 years ago, and one 25 years ago. There is something incredibly beautiful about someone sharing with you strong feelings of love even after so much time has passed, but there is also a great sadness to this as well. Most of us don't want to be alone, and in that regard, I can relate. I can't imagine so many years alone... If I develop a relationship with someone my age, this is something I will be thinking about. I'd love to hear other people's thoughts. Thank you for reading! That is a really sweet and thoughtful post. I kind of agree with you that it makes sense based on lifespans and how men’s bodies seem to go to hell faster than women’s, that it makes sense for women to marry men that are younger. Unfortunately, for women anyway, it seems not to be all that common. My mom told me about this same conversation she and her friends were having, that really, women should marry someone around 10 years younger. I don’t think any of them did. But they are all either alone now, or are taking care of someone who is falling apart. I guess it would suck too, to have both of you falling apart at the same age, but who is going to be there for the women when they are falling apart? Getting old is not easy, but I guess it’s better than the alternative. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 My mom told me about this same conversation she and her friends were having, that really, women should marry someone around 10 years younger. Might make sense for a marriage late in life but not really practical in marital primetime. I don't know many 25-year old men looking to marry a 35-year old woman - and vice versa... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
BTDT2012 Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 I am 9 years older than my husband, an have fewer health issues. I didn't know he was younger when we met. Link to post Share on other sites
Trail Blazer Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 My ex and I were 13 years apart. I was 19 when I met her, she was 32. We are separated as of last December, I'm 33 and I've met someone 32. The age gap caused some issues, but it wasn't what ultimately ruined the marriage. The 32 year old I'm with is easier in the sense that we're more relatable with social/cultural things. Link to post Share on other sites
vanhalenfan Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 Personally, I have always gone for older men. I am not attracted to men my age (I am 34, currently). My boyfriend right now is 53. We have our issues outside of age. If we break up, I am sure the next will be 'round about the same age. Whatever works for you and your partner. That's what I say. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
brigit87 Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 My husband is 4 years younger than me. I'm 45 and he is 41. I know a lot of men mid 50s and it's all falling apart for them. I agree that a younger man is better. I always liked someone just slightly older when I was dating. I don't think I'd feel right with someone who is much older or anyone much younger. What would we talk about? Link to post Share on other sites
Sugarkane Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 (edited) I perfer older men but I've sort of hadn't had a long term relationship with one (not through lack of trying). But I find 15 years or kore would be too much of an age gap I think. I'm married to someone the same age as me, but if this doesn't work out, I'd probably try and date slightly older again. I've had a bad experience dating younger men. Edited August 7, 2018 by Sugarkane Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 When I was younger I aimed at older men, they were just more serious and stable. When I hit 45 + suddenly older men didn't appeal to me anymore, I was still very active and a lot of 50 year old men were complainers and stuck in their habits. My current BF is 2 years younger and we have the same amount of energy so we fit perfectly together. Women live longer yes, by many years. My dad is 8 years older than my mom and when they hit 60+ suddenly my dad could not keep up with my mom's level of energy, which is through the roof! Now she is 70 years old she wants to travel, try new hobbies, and my dad at 78 has no energy for that he's only interested in spending time in the woods and taking naps. I'd say my mom has been 'bored' in her marriage for the past 10 years. On the other hand, my aunt is 25 years older than her boyfriend. She's 75 and he's 50. They've been together for 25 years or so, they're out and about all the time and age is just a number for them. Of course he'll be a young widow, she will obviously die way before him but they accepted that fact and enjoy life one day at a time. . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No_Go Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 I have no interest in dating young(er) men. Never had, actually the thought repulses me somewhat because I associate it with incest. Even when I was 20, anyone under 35 I'd consider too young to associate with. Btw same thing applies for my female friends and platonic guy friends, with rare exceptions, most are 10+ years older than me. One time slipped into dating a man my age and it was terrible. It felt like dating a child (we were both 29 back then, but he'll call mommy few times a day and generally act like he wants to 'play', go out etc all the time). Now I'm with a man 14 years older and feels to me we are exactly at the same maturity level, which I love. In general - obvious issues: mortality and fertility cut offs, may make age important in picking a partner. As anything else, one should estimate pros and cons when deciding if age difference makes sense for them. Link to post Share on other sites
Garlend Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 My dad was thirty-seven when he met my mother at a church service when she was seventeen. After a brief courtship, the two married with her mother's legally signed consent. I don't ever recall anyone objecting judgmentally to their age difference. And they produced two sons and a daughter during their 44-year marriage. I also prefer much younger, athletically inclined women who possess a zest for living an active lifestyle. As long as they are of legal age, I don't care what others think of this arrangement. Link to post Share on other sites
Davey L Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 Although women generally live longer than men, bear in mind that firstly, men remain fertile for longer and secondly, women cope better with the loss of their husband than men cope with the loss of their wife. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 My spouse is ten years my senior. Our mortality wasn't something that concerned us so much when we were young. I'm terrified of losing him. He works too hard and I nag him too much about it. I think he is beginning to think about it, though. The time line is only so long. We've wasted a lot of it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Veronica73 Posted August 7, 2018 Share Posted August 7, 2018 Might make sense for a marriage late in life but not really practical in marital primetime. I don't know many 25-year old men looking to marry a 35-year old woman - and vice versa... Mr. Lucky I agree with you, but in the long run, it kind of makes sense. Not that I think it will ever be common. Link to post Share on other sites
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