John J Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 Hi LS, I am normally a guy who gets through life's ups and downs pretty well. The last few weeks I have been unable to deal with things. I have a good job and been close friends with a guy there for 20+ years. I knew it was coming but he has decided to retire. The guy is my only real friend in or outta work,I don't socialize at all,always been kinda a loner. I think this is the problem but don't know how to cope with these feelings of loneliness. I am a fixated on this feeling. I have a constant knot in the center of my stomach and i can't eat or sleep. I know this place is great for advice and I have read many threads hoping to find a solution.I figured the quickest way for help is to just ask. I am asking,somebody please help me out. Thank you Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 Change is hard for everyone. This is a big change for you. You may have to come a bit out of your comfort zone & talk to others at work. Just gradually. Start by saying hi in the morning. Eventually you will connected with a new person & you will go back to feeling comfortable again. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 28, 2018 Share Posted July 28, 2018 Hi LS, I am normally a guy who gets through life's ups and downs pretty well. The last few weeks I have been unable to deal with things. I have a good job and been close friends with a guy there for 20+ years. I knew it was coming but he has decided to retire. The guy is my only real friend in or outta work,I don't socialize at all,always been kinda a loner. Why does his retirement mean you won’t be close friends anymore? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
Author John J Posted July 28, 2018 Author Share Posted July 28, 2018 Change is hard for everyone. This is a big change for you. You may have to come a bit out of your comfort zone & talk to others at work. Just gradually. Start by saying hi in the morning. Eventually you will connected with a new person & you will go back to feeling comfortable again. Hi,Donnivain. I definitely agree about the Big Change,it is. The place we work is a small shop and I will be the only one left,yes they will bring in a couple new guys but A) It won't be the same and B)I worry if the new guys will be able to connect with the new guys. Link to post Share on other sites
Author John J Posted July 28, 2018 Author Share Posted July 28, 2018 Why does his retirement mean you won’t be close friends anymore? Mr. Lucky Hi Lucky,I won't get to see him every morning,8 hrs a day. I won't have the fatherly advice(my father passed a few years ago)anymore.I won't get see my closest friend everyday for 8 hrs. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 Hi Lucky,I won't get to see him every morning,8 hrs a day. I won't have the fatherly advice(my father passed a few years ago)anymore.I won't get see my closest friend everyday for 8 hrs. That's where the friendship evolves. I had a mentor and friend that quit, we still met for coffee a couple of days a week before work. Nothing is forever John, so you figure out how to make the changes work for you. Climbing into a hole and pulling the lid shut over your head isn't the answer... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 You will be able to connect on some level. You have one big commonality: you work at the same place. You, the experienced guy, will have to train & mentor the new guys. That should automatically garner you some respect. You can still talk to your buddy who is leaving. Take a page from the kids' & keep in touch via the myriad of options out there -- text, social media, etc. Perhaps you can still meet after work once in a while to hang out or go fishing on the weekends. Link to post Share on other sites
anika99 Posted July 29, 2018 Share Posted July 29, 2018 Work is for working, not friendship. Most of us do not get to work with our best friend. Of course it's nice when we can get along and have fun with our coworkers as it makes the workday so much more pleasant. You will be fine without having your best friend at work. You can still see him after hours, you don't really need him to be with you all day everyday. When you meet your new coworkers keep an open mind and realistic expectations. The goal is to work towards building a friendly rapport with them so that everyone can enjoy being at work. They might turn into good friends or they might not but that's okay because you will still have your current friend to talk to after work or weekends. Now all that being said, I have read your other thread and I think that situation is actually the root cause of your current stress and anxiety. September is coming fast. Link to post Share on other sites
Author John J Posted August 2, 2018 Author Share Posted August 2, 2018 Thanks for your advice Anika99. I think you're right about my other post being part of my anxiety issues but not the root cause. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted August 4, 2018 Share Posted August 4, 2018 Can you count on him to remain your friend now that you're not working together? If he's all you say, then I would say he'd miss your friendship as well and will try to keep up a friendship. You will have to adjust to not having him around daily for moral support, just like when a kid goes to college, but that might be good for your growth. Now, if you have bad anxiety, it can often be treated. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author John J Posted August 5, 2018 Author Share Posted August 5, 2018 Thanks for your imput,preraph Link to post Share on other sites
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