Has anyone ended the Affair by fading away?

[AngelLove]

Has anyone decided that they were no longer to be part of A because they wanted more than MM can give and decided to just not answer his texts and stopped reaching out.Then things just fizzled from that point?

 

MM and I have been communicating less less.I never hear from him when he is at home anymore and now only text to meet up.I'm thinking to just not answer his text next time?has anyone done this?

[Artdeco]

I am sure people have done this, and I am sure it works. Why wouldn't it? You owe him no explanation, no nothing. After all, he's not acting like he thinks he's owing YOU anything, either, correct?

 

If you're ready to let go, and to end the A, then just don't reply to him any longer. That'll send him a clear message. He's not your "official" BF after all. A formal breakup is not required, and would probably only lead to lenghty discussions that nobody needs.

[darkbloom]

I have! Just block his calles and emails. If you try and explain what you are doing he will suck you back in. If the relationship is no longer fulfilling you, walk away and don’t look back. Or unblock him.

[FMW]

I "tried" to end the A this way. But after about 7 weeks we ran into each other and things resumed.

 

So yes, it's a great first step. But be prepared and have a game plan to deal with him popping up. Texts and calls are easier to ignore, but face to face encounters can knock you down if you haven't really done the (internal) work you need to be truly done.

[Vivir]

Sure, it can be done, but the consensus on LS is that fading away does NOT work. Like Finding my way says, if you are not resolute in ending it permanently, fading is considered taking a break... and then resuming the affair at a later date...

[rumblefish12]

I think in just shy of 5 years of going back and forth with xAP, we broke it off just about every way possible. The last time was the fade, like you described. After a serious show of apathy, I just deleted the app that we communicated through. After several months, she called me and I caved after being love-bombed.

 

Any way of breaking it off is fine, if you are resolute. That's the key. The key I've been practicing for 5 years. As an aside, about 5 weeks NC this time around. Feeling pretty good. I hope we both stick with it.

[Aloha123]

The conventional wisdom on this board is that NC is the only way to go, But i think it only works if you are otherwise in the right headspace to end things. I think if you are not, initiating NC prematurely will only make you feel more powerless (when you inevitably cant follow through) and won't necessarily in and of itself get you in the right headspace.

So for me, trying to let things fizzle out by always leaving the ball in MM's court has been an important first step in terms of making the affair less of a priority to me, getting some distance, and seeing things for how unfulfilling and one-sided they really are (when I am not the one trying to push things forward). Because even though he initially tries to suck me back in when I take a step back, that only goes so far, and I do think I have ultimately made some forward progress insofar as I see that if things ended I would not really be giving that much up. And I have gained some confidence and self-respect back too, now that I don't initiate contact with him nearly as often. And I have learned I can go hours and even days without hearing from him and still "survive", which I'm not sure I would have believed was possible a few months ago. So, at least for me, the "baby steps" or "weaning" approach ha been slightly better than the status quo. Which is not to say that I don't fully agree that NC should be the ultimate goal.

Edited July 31, 2018 by Aloha123

[grass-hopper]

The conventional wisdom on this board is that NC is the only way to go, But i think it only works if you are otherwise in the right headspace to end things. I think if you are not, initiating NC prematurely will only make you feel more powerless (when you inevitably cant follow through) and won't necessarily in and of itself get you in the right headspace.

So for me, trying to let things fizzle out by always leaving the ball in MM's court has been an important first step in terms of making the affair less of a priority to me, getting some distance, and seeing things for how unfulfilling and one-sided they really are (when I am not the one trying to push things forward). Because even though he initially tries to suck me back in when I take a step back, that only goes so far, and I do think I have ultimately made some forward progress insofar as I see that if things ended I would not really be giving that much up. And I have gained some confidence and self-respect back too, now that I don't initiate contact with him nearly as often. And I have learned I can go hours and even days without hearing from him and still "survive", which I'm not sure I would have believed was possible a few months ago. So, at least for me, the "baby steps" or "weaning" approach ha been slightly better than the status quo. Which is not to say that I don't fully agree that NC should be the ultimate goal.

 

I’m in this exact same place right now, Aloha!

 

The best statement though is learning you can go hours and even days without hearing from him and still survive.

 

I thought I’d die before... but like all the posters who have gone NC or LC have said, it’s the best and only option and You will survive like they have. Some days might be harder but as the days pass one by one it seems to get easier and easier. I never thought I’d get through the hours and days. I know this saying gets old. But if I’m surviving this, you will too.