Is this how it’s supposed to be?

[LDRlady]

So brief backstory—BF and I have been together for 6 years, lived together for 4 of them. We have a great, healthy relationship. His weaknesses are my strengths, and vice versa, yet we still have a lot in common. We’ve always been pretty low key in that we’d much rather stay in and watch a movie on the couch than go out with a bunch of people. We rarely argue, and when we do, we don’t say mean things that we’ll regret later. We’ve been through it all: health scares, money problems, family drama, funerals and Pretry much anything else you can think of. It’s kinda perfect, even though we’re completely imperfect people. It took a while to get to that point, and we worked hard at our relationship, but it’s been worth it.

 

However (cue ominous music), about a year ago, he lost his job and had a hard time finding another one because the job market here stinks. Moving is not an option for me as I am under contract at work and need to stay in the area to take care of my Mom, who hasn’t a pretty serious degenerative condition. He has family about 4 hours away, and he moved there “temporarily” to work since he could get a job there a lot easier. We had talked about it and agreed it was the best option. While he was away, his step-Dad passed away. His younger brother, age 19, took it really hard and sunk into a deep depression. My BF, being the big brother he is, got an apartment with his little brother so he could help him through this rough patch and be there for him. Their family is sort of messed up, so I totally get him needing to do that. I want to support him in supporting his brother, and they are mending relationships with the rest of their family a little at a time.

 

But now, he’s been gone for a year. We visit each other every couple months (hectic work schedules) and talk several times every day, and we’ve both been faithful and still want to spend our futures together. The problem is that lately, our plans to see each other have been falling through. He’ll have to work an extra day, I’ll have training out of town, etc. so it’s been 3 months since we”ce seen each other despite only being 4 hours away. I’m worried that something is wrong because it’s not harder emotionally. I’m bummed when plans don’t work, but not like I was when he first left. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not that I want anyone else—But I’m concerned that we don’t need each other enough to drop everything that we’re doing and be together. Is it weird that we’re so ok with being apart?

[Els]

Sorry to hear that. I wouldn't say your schedule (3 months since you last met up) is horrible - it sounds about par by course for me given your distance apart and hectic jobs. How is the communication like the rest of the time?

 

 

Perhaps more importantly, what do you both plan to do about the distance?

[d0nnivain]

I don't see it so much as you not caring as you being resigned to the facts as they currently exist.

 

Is both of you moving two hours toward each other an option & could you both get work in the middle?

 

Yes, you would be farther from mom, but 2 hours is not insurmountable.