Being paranoid or hood reason to mistrust him?!!

[GKB91]

This may be a rant so I’ll try and keep it short...ish lol.

I’ve been with my man for nearly 3 years. He’s got two beautiful daughters with his ex, who he's quite close with. As you can imagine, I’ve had some issues with just how close they are, and he freely admitted he had a habit of falling back into bed with her when they were both single. However he is not a cheat, and he assured me that he no longer saw her in a romantic or attracted light, so I accepted their closeness as being good for the kids.

 

He’s been living with his gran for nearly a year now (he had to leave his old house because his landlord decided to sell it), and he and her really don’t get on. After a particularly nasty argument, his ex suggested that since she has a 3 bedroom place, he’s welcome to go up there and stay in the spare room to get away from it for a night. He was pretty stressed out, so I suggested maybe he should go and stay up with her (since they are so platonic), however his response was that if she had too much to drink she might make a move on him and he didn’t want to “risk it.”

 

First I thought, ok he wants to avoid any awkward encounters. But when I said “Well it’s not like you two would have sex right, I can trust you regardless of how upset you are?”, he said exactly this “Like I said...don’t want to risk it.”

Not “No way would that happen”, or “if she made I move I’d tell her no”. It was “Don’t want to risk it.” Dunno if I’m overreacting here but I thought “What the F* CK?!!!”

 

I mean it seems like a weird thing to say right? That he doesn’t want to “risk” being alone with her especially if they are drinking?!

Afterwards he rapidly changed the subject and starting essentially kissing my ass, but he still wouldn’t give a straight answer.

 

The urgency behind this is that we are due to move in together really soon, to a place that’s 5 mins away from his ex’s ironically, but this has really knocked my confidence in myself and him. Have I blown this out of proportion, or am I right to be seriously rethinking my future with him?

Edited July 29, 2018 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
fixed formatting issues from cut and paste

[Mr. Lucky]

I think our instincts are finely honed over thousands of generations to help us avoid danger - of many kinds. I'd listen to whatever your gut is telling you...

 

Mr. Lucky

[ElKay]

Hey, at least he's being honest though, right? He's admitting he might not be able to say no to her drunken ass, but he doesn't want to put himself in that situation.

I would say, based on this, don't trust him if he ever decides to sleep over at her place suddenly...

[TheJessieSix]

I took that to mean he doesn’t wanna risk her making a move cos it might cause bad feeling between them when he rejects her, which isn’t great when they coparent. But I agree with Mr Lucky too: instincts are important. Trust them.

[d0nnivain]

You were wrong to suggest he stay with his ex & you were really wrong not to accept his desire not to. He's not going to run over her house & have sex with her but under the same roof plus alcohol, old patterns are hard to break. Would you hand him candy & tell him to keep it in his briefcase all day if he was on a diet? Of course not. You avoid temptation which is what he's doing. Your guys knows where the lines are drawn. Listen to him.

 

I don't understand why he is stressed staying with his grandmother. That should be a calm place If he needs an out for a night he could stay with you or get a hotel. It seems like staying with the EX would increase rather then decrease the stress.

[Gretchen12]

He is right to be realistic. Either you are setting him up to fail or you don't understand human weakness. Your bf is a human being, not a saint. Help him succeed. Don't test him and then judge him.