At the end of my rope after 22 years but stuck

[Ruby Slippers]

Studies show that kids are happier and better-adjusted with happy divorced parents than unhappy married ones. It makes sense. No matter how much you try to conceal bad vibes, kids are very perceptive and absorb all that bad energy. Of course the adjustment period can be trying, but once you're through it, things should get better.

[anyoneelse]

Update, we've fought so much. she came into my room last night and said she was sorry and wanted to be reasonable and work through issues and try to stay out of court. I tired talking to her and came to the understanding that what she wants is to hold things up and keep me here. she wants me out of the house despite the fact that the budget doesn't work unless she goes because she can get low income rent assistance with no money coming in now with a part time job. I cant, it's a difference of $600-$700 monthly but she says it isn't fair for her to leave "with all i've given for 22-years" which is ****ing nothing but hate and yelling and abuse. this is just a way to keep this from happening for her.

 

her retelling of the physical attack where she shoved me from behind and i fell into the wall and hurt my back involves me slapping her, which is complete and utter lies. I don't want to stay here with her and she won't leave. My only option is to not pay some bills and get my own place but once in a lease im obligated to a year to both payments and wont be able to pay all the bills with her unemployed. everything is in my name because she never worked so all the bad credit hits will be on me too and in this rental market i will never be able to rent a home again and apartments will be hard.

[Mr. Lucky]

I don't want to stay here with her and she won't leave. My only option is to not pay some bills and get my own place but once in a lease im obligated to a year to both payments and wont be able to pay all the bills with her unemployed. everything is in my name because she never worked so all the bad credit hits will be on me too and in this rental market i will never be able to rent a home again and apartments will be hard.

 

If you're really set on making a change, you're going to have to focus on why it will work rather than being so vested in why it won't. One day at a time...

 

Mr. Lucky

[treehugger12]

Can you find a place and get a roommate or two to help with rent? Then tell your wife she will need to get a job and roommate? Or find someone that is looking for a roommate?? I know this will be hard with having kids. Just an option, Ive read your whole post and I feel bad for your situation. No one should have to put up with the abuse that you have, I hope somehow you can get away from her soon.

[Downtown]

Her retelling of the physical attack where she shoved me from behind and i fell into the wall and hurt my back involves me slapping her, which is complete and utter lies.

It would be prudent to carry a VAR in your shirt pocket at all times in case she decides to have you falsely arrested. At the end of my 15-year marriage, my BPDer exW called the police and had me arrested on a bogus charge of physically abusing her. While I was in jail for 3 days, she obtained a restraining order barring me from returning to my own home for 18 months (the time it takes to get a divorce in this State).

 

I don't want to stay here with her and she won't leave. My only option is to not pay some bills and get my own place.

When child custody is at issue, you should not leave the home until an attorney tells you it is okay. Your W may accuse you of "abandonment" of her and the children during the custody hearing. The attorney may tell you, however, that this is not much of an issue when the children are 14 and 17 and are preferring to live with you. Edited August 3, 2018 by Downtown