How do I push myself to try to do more?

[E-Squared]

For the past couple of months, ever since I lost my job and started going through some sort of depression, I have noticed that I sometimes get a little lazy, whether it's physical activity (Though I do push myself to do that at times), going out and doing things, or even trying to socialize with other people. I also feel like I lost interest in women. No, I don't mean that I am not attracted to women, but when I was working, I would sometimes try talking to some women or say hello to them. These days, I just don't have that drive to even try walking up to one and talking to her. Not because I am shy, but because I just feel like I lack interest. Hell, yesterday when I was at an event with some people, some girl said hello to me and engaged in a small conversation with me. I was friendly to her back, but then a friend of mine told me that I should try to go up to her and try talking to her some more. I declined and that I don't feel any sort of interest in trying to talk to women. I even noticed that on dating sites that I don't have much of an interest in messaging women. I am not even mentally ready for dating, like even if a woman were to have an interest in me, the question in my mind would be "why?"

 

Although I may have talked about socializing with women, this lack of drive also applies to my lack of wanting to get out of the house. Could this be my depression and bitterness that is holding me back? What are some ways to give myself a push?

[Happy Lemming]

Are you trying to find another job?? Sending out resumes', going on interviews or networking with business contacts??

 

Men are wired to go out hunting and bring home meat for dinner. Well, the modern day equivalent is going to work and bringing home a paycheck. You are down because you don't feel like you are fulfilling that role as a man. It shows maturity that you are worried about going back to work and earning a living.

 

Can you "temp" in your field?? Some positions are "temp to perm", meaning if they like you as a temp, they will hire you away from the temp firm as a full-time employee.

[Mr. Lucky]

For the past couple of months, ever since I lost my job and started going through some sort of depression, I have noticed that I sometimes get a little lazy, whether it's physical activity (Though I do push myself to do that at times), going out and doing things, or even trying to socialize with other people. I also feel like I lost interest in women.

 

Since the triggering event was job loss, it would seem that's where your efforts to regain your mojo should start.

 

You may have to think outside the box - other fields, "meetup" style networking, employment agency, coaching, etc. - to get over the hump.

 

Your issue is pretty well defined, just becomes a matter of addressing it...

 

Mr. Lucky

[d0nnivain]

Actually the secret is stop looking at the big picture. When you are depressed, the big picture can be overwhelming. Instead just do "the next right thing." Do I want potato chips or carrot sticks? Do the next right thing. Do I want to watch TV or spend 15 minutes searching the job sites on line & sending out at least 1 resume? Did you make your bed? It's just about the small successes right now. They will build on themselves.

[Lotsgoingon]

Yes, you sound like you might be depressed. I don't get bitter because bitter has a more hostile feeling for me ... bitter is looking at a woman and saying something really sarcastic and negative like, "She'll go out with me for three dates, then dump me and talk bad about me online."

 

Bitter is the poison fruit of anger ... Anger can be constructive if channeled into helpful (not destructive) action ... Anger not channeled constructively can become hopeless and thus bitter.

 

Anyway, lots of unemployed people get depressed ... You might google articles on motivation and depression ... There's a lot of research that suggests that taking action actually leads to motivation and improves your mood ... The hard part is you have to take action when you don't feel like taking action.

 

Have you sat down with some friends ... individually ... for some long talks about how you're feeling. You may need to unload your feelings on someone... let yourself experience the despair ... put it into words ... and then you want to do exactly as d0nnovain says, which is narrow down and identify really small steps.

 

If you're really bad off ... and this is totally legit to do ... you ask some friends to suggest small steps to take. Sometimes it can be hard to think clearly when despondent, less alone depressed. Don't be afraid to ask friends to do some thinking for you. That's a totally legit thing for friends to do ... and it's not permanent.

 

What happens sometimes after a major disappointment is that you lose confidence ... not just "regular" confidence that you are a worthy person and capable of doing things. Worse, you can lose confidence in your own thinking. Like if you didn't see the job loss coming, you might be thinking and feeling "I can't even trust my thinking anymore." That can lead to a serious depression.

 

When this happens it becomes hard to take action because literally you just ran into a wall that you swore wasn't there ... and so now you doubt everything.

 

I once worked for years--years!--on a major project that turned out to be a flop. No one liked it ... most people hated it ... and I didn't foresee that at all. Totally led to some depression because I just didn't feel I could trust my thinking anymore. Usually, we can say, "well I now should do X." But after this experience, I was like, "why should I trust that doing X makes sense. I got this big project wrong."

 

Looking back, I wish I had reached out to friends more and told them the truth about how bad I was feeling. Actually, I think I would have been helped even by reaching out to acquaintances. Shockingly sometimes acquaintances (people we're not particularly close to) can drop some quick wisdom or tell you they also experienced this feeling and then all of a sudden you don't feel so weird.

 

Also it might help to do a brutally honest review of why you lost your job. You might identify things you could have done differently ... or you might just blame THEM. But again, talking this out with someone can help you gain some clarity ... even if you were at fault, we're all human. We all mess up ... and mess up big time at some point ... or rather, at multiple points ... so you can accept that you're human ... and seek to learn from the experience.

 

Watch out for feeling "defective" and "inadequate." Those are signs of depression. Sleep disturbance is also a sign ... some dramatic change in sleeping patterns. Exercise, by the way, is great for depression.

 

Oh, here's a trick: just set small goals ... I'm going to look online for jobs for 5 minutes. I'm going to call X and Y and ask to sit down and talk. Don't be afraid to tell people this is urgent. They will clear out time to talk to you if you say that. Once you get started, it's easy to keep going. So make the start of any action really simple.

Edited August 1, 2018 by Lotsgoingon

[shydad]

Men are wired to go out hunting and bring home meat for dinner. Well, the modern day equivalent is going to work and bringing home a paycheck. You are down because you don't feel like you are fulfilling that role as a man. It shows maturity that you are worried about going back to work and earning a living.

Hi E-Squared, if what Happy Lemming said sounds like it applies to you, I have something positive to think of. Are you receiving unemployment checks? If yes, this is a benefit you earned by working. It's not charity. I'll say it again, it's a benefit you earned. In this sense, if you are receiving unemployment checks, you're still bringing home the bacon.