Bdad Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 I have been with this woman for about a year and a half. Our son was kind of one of those “oops” type things, but I couldn’t be happier. Since he’s been born I’ve wanted to be an active presence in his life and she keeps me at arms length. She stops me from coming over, she won’t say she’s my girlfriend, when she does let me go there it’s usually late at night right before she puts him to bed. When she does let me come over, we usually have sex. I don’t understand why she keeps wanting to sleep with me but won’t let me be active in their lives. I would love it. I love them... This all started because when she was pregnant I thought she was cheating on me. I asked her to take a paternity test after the baby was born. She was furious and stone walled me from her pregnancy. I asked her to marry me last month, but she said no. She won’t even let me give her money for our son. What can I do to change her mind? Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 Did she agree to the paternity test? You can go to a lawyer and apply for access to your child through the courts. Then she can't stop you from being a part of your child's life. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
DKT3 Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 Yep, one parent can never STOP the other from being involved. She put obstacles in your way and you've laid down. So really you're stopping yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 I have been with this woman for about a year and a half. Our son was kind of one of those “oops” type things, but I couldn’t be happier. Since he’s been born I’ve wanted to be an active presence in his life and she keeps me at arms length. She stops me from coming over, she won’t say she’s my girlfriend, when she does let me go there it’s usually late at night right before she puts him to bed. When she does let me come over, we usually have sex. I don’t understand why she keeps wanting to sleep with me but won’t let me be active in their lives. I would love it. I love them... This all started because when she was pregnant I thought she was cheating on me. I asked her to take a paternity test after the baby was born. She was furious and stone walled me from her pregnancy. I asked her to marry me last month, but she said no. She won’t even let me give her money for our son. What can I do to change her mind? well, first, no more "oops" babies. always use protection. next, you need a positive DNA test and a lawyer to represent you in family court in order to get custody, child support and visitation into the court records. i can't see any other way then to play hard ball. she doesn't seem to give a damn about you being the father or being involved so if that's what you want, then go for it, legally. good luck time is flying by and if you don't get visitation, including overnights, you are going to miss out on your child's life and that's bad for your kid. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bdad Posted July 31, 2018 Author Share Posted July 31, 2018 Did she agree to the paternity test? You can go to a lawyer and apply for access to your child through the courts. Then she can't stop you from being a part of your child's life. She did. He’s definitely mine, but the relationship hasn’t been the same since. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bdad Posted July 31, 2018 Author Share Posted July 31, 2018 well, first, no more "oops" babies. always use protection. next, you need a positive DNA test and a lawyer to represent you in family court in order to get custody, child support and visitation into the court records. i can't see any other way then to play hard ball. she doesn't seem to give a damn about you being the father or being involved so if that's what you want, then go for it, legally. good luck time is flying by and if you don't get visitation, including overnights, you are going to miss out on your child's life and that's bad for your kid. Her method of birth control has changed since. We did do a dna test, and he’s mine. He’s also my little mini me. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 You need to find a good lawyer. One parent can not deny another parent access to the child. No way would I be visiting this woman and having sex with her in this situation. Either she wants a relationship with you, or you file for shared custody. And... it doesn’t seem like she wants a relationship with you. And, I wouldn’t ever trust her anyway... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
stillafool Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 Tell her you don't want sex you want to see your son. Tell her you are going to court to get your rights to your child. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 She won’t even let me give her money for our son. Bdad, part of your problem may be perception. "Give her money" as in "here's $100" is different than sharing the monthly financial burden of raising a child. She may have seen that gesture in the same light as your paternity request. Does she live by herself or with family? Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 You have a legal right to see your kid & she's breaking the law by denying access. You probably can't change her mind but you can force her to let you see your kid. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
BettyDraper Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 Why would you propose to a woman that isn’t trustworthy? She isn’t above using your son as a pawn to hurt you. The fact that you felt the need to demand a paternity test with no evidence of cheating shows that you don’t think highly of your son’s mother. Regardless of your actions, your ex cannot keep you away from your child. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bdad Posted July 31, 2018 Author Share Posted July 31, 2018 Why would you propose to a woman that isn’t trustworthy? She isn’t above using your son as a pawn to hurt you. The fact that you felt the need to demand a paternity test with no evidence of cheating shows that you don’t think highly of your son’s mother. Regardless of your actions, your ex cannot keep you away from your child. Because I’m so in love with her. She’d been texting this guy back and forth and I just freaked out. I know for a fact she’s been with him since our son has been born. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bdad Posted July 31, 2018 Author Share Posted July 31, 2018 Bdad, part of your problem may be perception. "Give her money" as in "here's $100" is different than sharing the monthly financial burden of raising a child. She may have seen that gesture in the same light as your paternity request. Does she live by herself or with family? Mr. Lucky She lives by herself. The money isn’t just $100 here and there, it’s been half the rent on the first, it’s been paying for groceries when we’ve gone to the store together, or trying to pay the utilities, or doctors co-pays for our baby. Things to help... Link to post Share on other sites
basil67 Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 (edited) She lives by herself. The money isn’t just $100 here and there, it’s been half the rent on the first, it’s been paying for groceries when we’ve gone to the store together, or trying to pay the utilities, or doctors co-pays for our baby. Things to help... I would suggest a more formal arrangement. Speak to a lawyer and get proper child support payments happening. And initiate shared access. Just bear in mind that your child will need time to get to know you and may have to start with smaller visits. And remind yourself that a woman who's seeing someone else and still sleeping with you is not worth your tears. Distance yourself from her and use legal help to get closer to your child. Edited July 31, 2018 by basil67 Link to post Share on other sites
Marc878 Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 Because I’m so in love with her. She’d been texting this guy back and forth and I just freaked out. I know for a fact she’s been with him since our son has been born. So your are sharing her with her boyfriend? Maybe you should think about getting some self respect. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bdad Posted July 31, 2018 Author Share Posted July 31, 2018 So your are sharing her with her boyfriend? Maybe you should think about getting some self respect. That’s the thing. According to her, he isn’t her boyfriend and tries to say he hasn’t spent the night when I know damn well he has. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 Because I’m so in love with her. She’d been texting this guy back and forth and I just freaked out. I know for a fact she’s been with him since our son has been born. Sadly, it doesn’t sound like she reciprocates your feelings. It would be unwise to let your emotions cloud your judgment here... take a step back and look at her behaviour. Is this the behaviour of a woman who loves you and wants to get back together with you? No. Link to post Share on other sites
RecentChange Posted July 31, 2018 Share Posted July 31, 2018 Her method of birth control has changed since. We did do a dna test, and he’s mine. He’s also my little mini me. So.... You are playing Russian Roulette. You already know what will happen if there is an "oops" - but you are still putting 100% of the reproductive control in her court. Is getting her knocked up again really worth skipping condoms? Especially being as she is most likely having sex with others? Do you not care about yourself at all? Don't care about protecting your health nor future? As for this marriage business - this is not how a healthy marriage starts, this is how you end up quickly divorced. Why would you want to marry someone who doesn't love you? Why do you love someone that doesn't reciprocate that? Time to start asking yourself some questions, and to meet with an attorney to protect your parental rights. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bdad Posted August 1, 2018 Author Share Posted August 1, 2018 So.... You are playing Russian Roulette. You already know what will happen if there is an "oops" - but you are still putting 100% of the reproductive control in her court. Is getting her knocked up again really worth skipping condoms? Especially being as she is most likely having sex with others? Do you not care about yourself at all? Don't care about protecting your health nor future? As for this marriage business - this is not how a healthy marriage starts, this is how you end up quickly divorced. Why would you want to marry someone who doesn't love you? Why do you love someone that doesn't reciprocate that? Time to start asking yourself some questions, and to meet with an attorney to protect your parental rights. When she got pregnant, we just used a condom. Now, she gets a shot, sometimes we still use condoms, but not every time. It depends on if she has one or wants to use one. If she got pregnant again and it was mine, I’d be so happy. That’s what I want. If it was the other guy’s, I’d lose my mind. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 If she got pregnant again and it was mine, I’d be so happy. That’s what I want. So you can start a new thread "Mother of my son(s) won’t let me be involved"? My friend, she is simultaneously denying you access while she provides it to someone else. Unless you're a glutton for (more) punishment, hold this woman at a legally protected arm's length. And certainly, quit sleeping with her. If I said see a lawyer, that would make an even dozen similar suggestions in this thread... Mr. Lucky 1 Link to post Share on other sites
burnt Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 Have you told her directly how you are feeling? Have you asked her directly why she is not letting you be involved in his life and why she's not accepting money from you for the child's support? Have you asked her directly why she said no to your marriage proposal, but still is willing to sleep with you? What has she said explicitly to these questions? Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 When she got pregnant, we just used a condom. Now, she gets a shot, sometimes we still use condoms, but not every time. It depends on if she has one or wants to use one. If she got pregnant again and it was mine, I’d be so happy. That’s what I want. If it was the other guy’s, I’d lose my mind. Don't rely on the shot. Don't rely on this woman for birth control. Most certainly, quit sleeping with her! I don't get it at all, she is denying you access while allowing access for another man. Wake up and smell the roses... This woman doesn't love you and if you get her pregnant again, it will only get worse. I'm sorry, but she has you wrapped around her little finger and she knows it. You are a silly man indeed. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bdad Posted August 1, 2018 Author Share Posted August 1, 2018 Have you told her directly how you are feeling? Have you asked her directly why she is not letting you be involved in his life and why she's not accepting money from you for the child's support? Have you asked her directly why she said no to your marriage proposal, but still is willing to sleep with you? What has she said explicitly to these questions? No, I haven’t told her about how in love with her I am. I know that asking for the paternity test is why she doesn’t want money from me or for me to come around. I’m too nervous to ask why she still has sex with me. Everything about this situation makes me nervous. When I told her I knew that guy spent the night she freaked out on me. I don’t want to lose these guys... Link to post Share on other sites
Miss Clavel Posted August 1, 2018 Share Posted August 1, 2018 gather up any receipts you have for money spent on her household and your child, the DNA results report and take them to a lawyer. she may be refusing child support to show in court that you don't care. when the judge asks for your monthly child support records, answering, "she doesn't want my money" won't work. go to a lawyer today. get legal advice. we are not lawyers. get a lawyer. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Bdad Posted August 1, 2018 Author Share Posted August 1, 2018 gather up any receipts you have for money spent on her household and your child, the DNA results report and take them to a lawyer. she may be refusing child support to show in court that you don't care. when the judge asks for your monthly child support records, answering, "she doesn't want my money" won't work. go to a lawyer today. get legal advice. we are not lawyers. get a lawyer. As of right now, no money has been accepted. I just want to understand why she’s doing this to me... Link to post Share on other sites
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