how do you end something that is bad and good?

[confused girl]

i'm still confused about what to do. i love this guy alot, but he can be so moody and impatient. he can also be so loving, sweet, kind and generous. he takes care of everything and i don't have to worry about anything in this world.

 

i wanted to go to school, but it cost too much for me to pay, he offered to pay 5-6 thousand dollars so i could go. we went on a trip and he surprised me with a very elegant and expensive hotel room and he paid for everything when we were there.

 

still, it is all only material things, but i know how much he loves me, but still i'm not totally happy cause he can be an a##-hole, yet he is so loving and affectionate. i know alot of it is he is just totally stressed out cause of his job and has to work with alot of different people daily and it wears on him.

 

i'm not trying to make excuses for him, i'm just at a total loss, cause i think i could be happier on my own, but it just kills me inside to think of never being in his arms again, or never kissing him again, things like that.

 

i've tried weighing the good and the bad but it just seems to come out even. i tell myself one more outbreak from him and i'm leaving, i'm almost hoping for one, so i can have proof enough for myself that leaving is the best thing to do.

 

sad thing is though he don't know anything about my plans or wanting to leave. i know how much it would hurt him to come home and find me gone, but i can't tell him i'mleaving cause it would be that much more painful.

 

if it did not hurt so much to leave him i would of been gone along time ago, so i guess that and the fact that i do love him has kept me here, but what a price to pay. i'm going to ask him to go to some therapy with me, maybe that would help? what do you all think? i need help, i'm on the verge of leaving today but was more so yesterday, but just couldn't do it. i have a little dog and very little money and no where to really go, but i think i can get by.

[Ashesmum]

Sounds like to me that you haven't told him how you're feeling at all. And that isn't his problem, it's yours. You need to tell him how you feel. That way you both can talk about things. How can he know how unhappy you are without you showing it? As for you not wanting to hurt him, don't you think just leaving without him knowing would make him hurt more? I know I would be more devastated if I didn't know why my significant just up and left. You're not giving the full 100% on the truthfullness of the relationship. Tell him how you see him and how you feel, then if he doesn't care and doesn't see how things need to change, you have a right to leave.

i'm still confused about what to do. i love this guy alot, but he can be so moody and impatient. he can also be so loving, sweet, kind and generous. he takes care of everything and i don't have to worry about anything in this world. i wanted to go to school, but it cost too much for me to pay, he offered to pay 5-6 thousand dollars so i could go. we went on a trip and he surprised me with a very elegant and expensive hotel room and he paid for everything when we were there. still, it is all only material things, but i know how much he loves me, but still i'm not totally happy cause he can be an a##-hole, yet he is so loving and affectionate. i know alot of it is he is just totally stressed out cause of his job and has to work with alot of different people daily and it wears on him. i'm not trying to make excuses for him, i'm just at a total loss, cause i think i could be happier on my own, but it just kills me inside to think of never being in his arms again, or never kissing him again, things like that. i've tried weighing the good and the bad but it just seems to come out even. i tell myself one more outbreak from him and i'm leaving, i'm almost hoping for one, so i can have proof enough for myself that leaving is the best thing to do.

 

sad thing is though he don't know anything about my plans or wanting to leave. i know how much it would hurt him to come home and find me gone, but i can't tell him i'mleaving cause it would be that much more painful. if it did not hurt so much to leave him i would of been gone along time ago, so i guess that and the fact that i do love him has kept me here, but what a price to pay. i'm going to ask him to go to some therapy with me, maybe that would help? what do you all think? i need help, i'm on the verge of leaving today but was more so yesterday, but just couldn't do it. i have a little dog and very little money and no where to really go, but i think i can get by.

[jaimie]

Why don't you talk to him about it. You never know maybe he will change for you.

[Tony T]

The fact that you keep posting this issue implies you are looking for a specific answer.

 

Tell us what answer you're looking for here and maybe someone will come along and oblige.

[confused girl]

okay so i told him how i was feeling and this was his response: he says i spend way too much time on the internet, on message boards, i over analize every thing that i read, that i'm too sensitive and that with all the crap that i fill my head with is no wonder i can think at all cause it is filled with so much crap that people are putting in there from message boards, etc.

 

i took out a few books and did a lot of research on exercising and workout regimen, he says that i even over analyzed that as well and that the time i spend doing all that i could of just been working out.

 

i tried to tell him how bored i am with my current workout and that i don't enjoy going any more, so that is why i was doing all the research, looking for new material to do.

 

so now he agreed to the therapy and we have an appt. on june 6th already. i feel he is only going to go cause he know that that is the only way i will go. so i tried to explain my feelings to him and cause he thinks all my thoughts and feelings stem from the internet and from being overly sensitive that leaves me without any feelings of my own? how can i win now?

The fact that you keep posting this issue implies you are looking for a specific answer.

 

Tell us what answer you're looking for here and maybe someone will come along and oblige.

 

[Tony T]

YOU ASK: "how can i win now?"

 

Dump him.

 

You don't describe a lot of warm fuzzies you're getting from this. I don't see the romance in a relationship where you have to get on forums to ask the entire world via the World Wide Web what you should do. That's not the stuff of great love stories.

 

When you get more heartbreak and hurt than you do pleasure out of anything...it's time to move on. Only you can make that decision.

 

You still haven't said what kind of answer you want from us. But you are welcome to keep posting until you get an answer you like.

[kikie]

do u live with this guy?

[LJ]

I think you need to speak with your boyfriend. Communication is the key to any relationship. If you are communicating then hopefully you will be able to work through things. If you are talking and discussing each others needs and no change comes about, then it is grounds to leave but tell him first. Just leaving without giving him any kind of explaination is not right. You will regret that in the long run if you do that.