End a marriage over an affair from a decade ago?

[Tryingtotry]

Cheaters lie a lot and that's pretty much all you've gotten

 

The proble is now you deep down know the full truth. It was an affair. She made a willing and conscious decesion to cheat. It wasn't a drunken mistake.

 

Yup, I can swallow the logic that she made mistakes back then but the decision to get up every day for years and say nothing. I saw the guy in passing here and there, all this time I thought nothing. I was totally oblivious. Two traits I valued most about her, honesty and loyalty,.

[Tryingtotry]

I guess at this point I need to know a bit more about your situation.

 

What's the background behind your family not wanting you to be together?

 

Her affair started about 10 years ago, when you were 21, she was 23? Were you married then? Exclusive, I'm assuming? How long had you been together?

 

How much history was between you and her? Did it take a while between the two of you getting together and you becoming an exclusive couple?

 

 

I grew up with my aunts when not in foster care, and my dad wasn't around they basically raised me. They felt my wife was trying to take me away from them and my wife felt like they were holding me back. Lots of petty crap I can't be sure of between them. My wife's parents at the time thought I was no good for their daughter which didn't help either. They cut her off in a lot of ways for choosing to be with me, hence her driving my car. This also made me feel secure in our relationship during the time she was cheating. I knew this guy was her type that she worked with but I didn't think anything of it because well, look at what she was willing to lose to be with me. I was focused on making something of myself because It feels terrible when someone appears to be stepping down in their lifestyle to be with you because they love you. Eventually, her father saw me differently and became my financial mentor in a lot of ways.

 

We were together for about 2 years when she started cheating, she claims she can't point to exactly when its started but it lasted about 6 months. In hindsight, I can recall the relationship being strained at the time. Thought it was probably just due to me being less available, working and such.

[Tryingtotry]

Oh please. People make mistakes. If the marriage has been on solid ground for the last 10 years, he had better take that into account and quit playing the victim.

 

Partly true, I wouldn't say solid ground exactly, though I see what you're trying to say. If it was actually solid we wouldn't be where we are today. Solid ground requires a solid foundation, which would require honesty and the truth. I will give my wife credit and say she worked like hell to make the shaky ground she put us on appear solid. Had she been truthful and came forward on her own I could see it more as you say. You don't get up and basically lie for years and get to call it a mistake. I take it into account in that if we divorce I will still make sure she has the best life I can provide. I will always love her no matter where we are in life.

[Tryingtotry]

Right now I think any remorse she is showing is fake and meant to try to manipulate the outcome she wants. Real remorse will not include any of this ridiculous blame shifting and false victim hood. Do not allow her to get away with that.

 

Yeah, I don't know how I feel about her intentions half the time. I think she is truly remorseful about cheating. Not about lying. She is remorseful about lying and keeping it secret now that she got caught.

[OatsAndHall]

Unfortunately the betrayal of infidelity cuts deep and never full goes away. Not counting the attempted cover up after discovery.

 

 

 

 

Yup...

 

 

 

Even ONE act of infidelity is enough to seriously screw with one's head. I refused to reconcile with my ex-wife when she pleaded to do so because I knew I'd never trust her again. And, that is something that is born out of experience. When I was younger, I was with a woman for three years who had a drunken fling one night after her and I had gotten into a fight. We reconciled quickly but the relationship was unhealthy for both of us after that. I became suspicious and controlling and it was just flat out ugly.

[marky00]

Yeah, I don't know how I feel about her intentions half the time. I think she is truly remorseful about cheating. Not about lying. She is remorseful about lying and keeping it secret now that she got caught.

 

Thing is, coming clean can in theory be even more beneficial to the cheater. It's essentially offloading guilt which for whatever reason, she chose not to do. Sure, it could be that she doesn't have a conscience (as you described above) or it could be a lot more complex but it probably doesn't matter if your mind is made up.

 

Based on the way your talking, I'd say it's quite possible you would have ended it back then had she told you.

 

If you can, I'd say you should try to compartmentalise here. I find that a useful tool in difficult times. By that I mean, the cheating and then the subsequent 10 year marriage could be thought of as 2 separate things. If you can't get past the cheating, then so be it but I don't think that has to necessarily tarnish a solid 10 yr marriage (especially if her heart has been in it).

 

In closing, maybe once you cool off a bit, you could ask yourself why you think she never told you (over the course of the 10 years). The answer is there somewhere (inside yourself) but it could take months until that reason becomes clear.

Edited August 11, 2018 by marky00

[Adotta]

Take your time. I see it said here and other places a lot. Think it through. Emotions come and go. You don't even really know what you want right now, I'm guessing. You're leaning. Wait it out. Time and her interactions with you will tell you what you need to know. Keep thinking. Keep feeling. Take care of yourself. Excersise. Lift some waits. Hit a bag.

 

 

 

Whatever you do, there is a good way to do it and a bad way to do it. Proceed with dignity and watch out for your daughter first and foremost.

[Tryingtotry]

 

If you can, I'd say you should try to compartmentalise here. I find that a useful tool in difficult times. By that I mean, the cheating and then the subsequent 10 year marriage could be thought of as 2 separate things. If you can't get past the cheating, then so be it but I don't think that has to necessarily tarnish a solid 10 yr marriage (especially if her heart has been in it).

 

For the sake of our marriage, I really hope I can see it that way, eventually. Those who know whats going on between us all say, she is a totally different person now (even the ones I expected to see things my way). Maybe with time I can see it that way too. Separate her now from her then. Compartmentalize as you say. I understand that she is different and a much better person, but I don't feel it so to speak. Gonna give it time though, maybe that feeling will change.

[Tryingtotry]

Take your time. I see it said here and other places a lot. Think it through. Emotions come and go. You don't even really know what you want right now, I'm guessing. You're leaning. Wait it out. Time and her interactions with you will tell you what you need to know. Keep thinking. Keep feeling. Take care of yourself. Excersise. Lift some waits. Hit a bag.

 

 

 

Whatever you do, there is a good way to do it and a bad way to do it. Proceed with dignity and watch out for your daughter first and foremost.

 

Thanks and you're probably right, patience is never been my strong suit, but its the most consistent advice I'm receiving off and online, slow down and wait.

[BluesPower]

For the sake of our marriage, I really hope I can see it that way, eventually. Those who know whats going on between us all say, she is a totally different person now (even the ones I expected to see things my way). Maybe with time I can see it that way too. Separate her now from her then. Compartmentalize as you say. I understand that she is different and a much better person, but I don't feel it so to speak. Gonna give it time though, maybe that feeling will change.

 

Yeah, take your time...But hey, it would have been a lot different if she had confessed.

 

Then, even when caught, she lied.

 

So yeah, she might be different, but not that different.

 

And even now, you know what she is capable of, and you know that you don't want that.

 

But here is the bottom line IMHO, you are in the drives seat. Don't let anyone tell YOU what you should think or do.

 

You don't have to make any decision, now, you can make it when ever you want to make it. Or you can never make a decision.

 

I would want a poly graph and find out if this was the only time, and if she has told you the truth to this point, after lying of course.

 

I think you need all the information that you can get, so you can make an informed a decision.

 

For example, if she had any other affairs in the marriage or before, I am sure that you would be done, as you are almost done now.

 

But, how is she acting about it now? How has her behavior?

 

Does she expect you to just get over it? Is he in any type of counseling? Is she patiently awaiting you to make a decision about the status of the marriage/relationship that SHE took a giant dump on?

[Simple Logic]

And DNA does what? Let you tell the kid you have raised for X years good luck?

 

This obviously is a situation that sucks, but before reacting with primal instinct one needs to do some logical evaluation of the facts.

[Betrayed&Stayed]

For the sake of our marriage, I really hope I can see it that way, eventually. Those who know whats going on between us all say, she is a totally different person now (even the ones I expected to see things my way). Maybe with time I can see it that way too. Separate her now from her then. Compartmentalize as you say. I understand that she is different and a much better person, but I don't feel it so to speak. Gonna give it time though, maybe that feeling will change.

 

^ That was my line of thinking when I was in your shoes years ago. Give it my best for the kids' sake.

 

What I had to do to help compartmentalize it is to view our relationship as 2 distinct Marriages. The first marriage was a total bust (affair) and I have removed all reminders and mementos from my life. No ring, No anniversary, No pictures, Nothing.

 

Second Marriage began on D-Day to a "new" wife. I want nothing to do with the "old" wife.

Edited August 15, 2018 by Betrayed&Stayed
Posts keep geting extra space returns

[Tryingtotry]

Yeah, take your time...But hey, it would have been a lot different if she had confessed.

 

Then, even when caught, she lied.

 

So yeah, she might be different, but not that different.

 

And even now, you know what she is capable of, and you know that you don't want that.

 

But here is the bottom line IMHO, you are in the drives seat. Don't let anyone tell YOU what you should think or do.

 

You don't have to make any decision, now, you can make it whenever you want to make it. Or you can never make a decision.

 

I would want a poly graph and find out if this was the only time, and if she has told you the truth to this point, after lying of course.

 

I think you need all the information that you can get, so you can make an informed a decision.

 

For example, if she had any other affairs in the marriage or before, I am sure that you would be done, as you are almost done now.

 

But, how is she acting about it now? How has her behavior?

 

Does she expect you to just get over it? Is he in any type of counseling? Is she patiently awaiting you to make a decision about the status of the marriage/relationship that SHE took a giant dump on?

 

 

She is trying everything to make me feel better or distract me if need be, and I give her that. She's been extremely attentive in so many ways. I literally can't think of anything she could do that she hasn't tried or isn't trying to make this easier for me to deal with now. Regardless of the end result, her intentions and efforts remind me that she does love the hell out of me.

 

She doesn't expect me to just get over it. Like I said, she knows or knew how I was about this kind of thing. She does have "faith" I will get past it though. Sort of like the faith I had she would be faithful.

 

She has been in some sort of counseling on and off since her early teens. Right now she's just glad I agreed to try the marriage counseling. She wants a year to show me how things can be before I decide anything.

 

Also, you might be right about the poly too, if she had done anything after my daughter was born it would be a REAL, REAL nasty divorce. I could never see her doing anything like that though. That's about the only old pillar I have left as far things that cause me to love this woman so deeply, loyalty and honesty are in shambles, but her love for my daughter, and her work as a mother are definitely a silver lining for me. This is what enables me to better filter my thoughts when talking to her.

[Tryingtotry]

^ That was my line of thinking when I was in your shoes years ago. Give it my best for the kids' sake.

 

What I had to do to help compartmentalize it is to view our relationship as 2 distinct Marriages. The first marriage was a total bust (affair) and I have removed all reminders and mementos from my life. No ring, No anniversary, No pictures, Nothing.

 

Second Marriage began on D-Day to a "new" wife. I want nothing to do with the "old" wife.

 

Question, do you love your new wife more then you did the old one?

 

What I mean is, now, are you able to match the love the old you had for the old wife before the affair?

 

It's hard to imagine me ever loving my wife more then I did before. It just feels like that kind of energy will never quite happen again. I guess this time it would be more genuine though.

 

If you did reach that point, how long did that take?

[BluesPower]

She is trying everything to make me feel better or distract me if need be, and I give her that. She's been extremely attentive in so many ways. I literally can't think of anything she could do that she hasn't tried or isn't trying to make this easier for me to deal with now. Regardless of the end result, her intentions and efforts remind me that she does love the hell out of me.

 

She doesn't expect me to just get over it. Like I said, she knows or knew how I was about this kind of thing. She does have "faith" I will get past it though. Sort of like the faith I had she would be faithful.

 

She has been in some sort of counseling on and off since her early teens. Right now she's just glad I agreed to try the marriage counseling. She wants a year to show me how things can be before I decide anything.

 

Also, you might be right about the poly too, if she had done anything after my daughter was born it would be a REAL, REAL nasty divorce. I could never see her doing anything like that though. That's about the only old pillar I have left as far things that cause me to love this woman so deeply, loyalty and honesty are in shambles, but her love for my daughter, and her work as a mother are definitely a silver lining for me. This is what enables me to better filter my thoughts when talking to her.

 

That sounds rational... But now, let's look at the bold parts.

 

If she has been in "counseling", the she needs a new one, and I think you can afford it. Further, YOU need to go to the first session with the new counselor and lay it out for EVERYBODY.

 

"SHE IS HERE TO FIGURE OUT WHY SHE DID THE THINGS SHE HAS DONE, AND FIGURE OUT HOW TO KEEP ME AS HER HUSBAND. I don't give a S*** about any thing else. If you want to help her, then do what I am asking".

 

It is really that simple. Now the second bolded part.

 

Don't bargain away your grief. Or make deals with yourself. You really have no idea what she will/would/or could do.

 

Until you POLY her, you will never have understanding of what she did. It may not be perfect, but it should tell you the number of times that she can remember, and any possibility of other affairs.

 

So, keep your powder dry and see what happens with all of this. You don't have to make a decision right now.

[vla1120]

I agree that you need individual therapy for your own benefit. It sounds like the detachment you come by easily is probably related to something in your past perhaps? Detachment and anger are not necessarily the best way to deal with this situation. You won't really have a good idea of where you stand in this until you can look past that anger and logically evaluate how you should move forward with this woman you no longer feel like you know.

 

Whatever you do, no rash decisions now. Protect your finances, just in case. Talk to a therapist to get yourself in a good place, consult with an attorney (and let her know that you are.) Tell her that she better come clean about EVERYTHING because that is the ONLY way you will consider staying, and if you find out she is withholding even the slightest detail, you're out the door!

 

Try to see her as two different people. There is the woman you thought you knew, who (in your eyes) has been a good wife and mother, and there is the woman who betrayed you, kept it a secret, and spent the last years perhaps trying to make up for her transgressions. Give credit where credit is due and try to get to the bottom of just how badly she betrayed you. Maybe this is salvageable, after all, if there is goodness in her and she truly regrets her actions and wants to save your family. Best of luck.

[Arieswoman]

Tryingto try,

First of all I am sorry you are in this position, you must feel like the rug has been pulled out from under your feet, and nothing seems certain any more.

 

 

The sad fact of the matter is that your marriage has been a lie for 10 years. Your wife witheld very pertinent information from you and took away your right to have an informed choice in a relationship where you both should have had equal input.

 

 

She chose to turn your marriage into an open relationship without your knowledge or consent. That in itself is disrespectful and manipulative.

 

 

The problem with cheating is that once the affair has been exposed the BS will never know the full story, because the WS will downplay the events if they want to stay in the marriage. There will always be doubts about the whole relationship.

 

 

A close friend of mine divorced her husband after 35 years when he finally admitted he wanted a sex-change. What hurt her most was his lack of honesty and the fact that she had lived in a marriage that was a lie.

 

 

Only you know if you can forgive her and move forward - I certainly couldn't.

[OatsAndHall]

"SHE IS HERE TO FIGURE OUT WHY SHE DID THE THINGS SHE HAS DONE, AND FIGURE OUT HOW TO KEEP ME AS HER HUSBAND. I don't give a S*** about any thing else. If you want to help her, then do what I am asking".

 

 

 

 

This.

 

 

 

This is on her and no one else. SHE has to put in the leg work here and earn your trust back. I'd be ready to get a lawyer if she deflects or tries to place any blame on you. This counseling session will tell you just how badly she wants to make the marriage work. She is put in the hot seat, called out, and will be asked to rectify the situation. Her reaction to this situation will tell you a lot.

 

 

 

Any marriage counselor that says anything to you other than "Look into an individual counselor and work through some of this grief for your own sake" is a fool. Most couple's counselors are great but I know some that can enable as well.

[marky00]

Question, do you love your new wife more then you did the old one?

 

What I mean is, now, are you able to match the love the old you had for the old wife before the affair?

 

It's hard to imagine me ever loving my wife more then I did before. It just feels like that kind of energy will never quite happen again. I guess this time it would be more genuine though.

 

If you did reach that point, how long did that take?

 

Part in bold I agree with. That's the upside here. Imagine despite the negatives, you guys can still get past it. That could make things even stronger. I am believer that relationships that stand the test of time will be tested and this is a big test. I just don't see the point of looking backwards here and trying to turn over every rock. I realise that cheating could be considered to be an instant deal breaker but this isn't cut and dry here. It a happened a long time ago and your wife is proving to be a well-adjusted person in her current form.

 

Most cheaters eventually leave because the reason they cheated was just a symbol of the fact that they were no longer "feeling it" with their partner. Yet in your case, your wife has stuck around for years. It's not an act she's been putting up. No one could have carried that so convincingly for so long. In my book, living with someone for years who never loved you is probably worse. It appears your wife does love you or at the very least is a well-adjusted person who has decided to stick with you. That is a compliment towards you.

Edited August 19, 2018 by marky00

[marky00]

A close friend of mine divorced her husband after 35 years when he finally admitted he wanted a sex-change. What hurt her most was his lack of honesty and the fact that she had lived in a marriage that was a lie.

 

That's the thing but, I see this situation as almost the opposite.

 

I personally feel his wife decided to put the event in her past because for whatever reason, she decided she wanted to make it work. I totally get that some people would say that was the incorrect play on her part. However, since the transgression, she's apparently acted in the way she has felt, so that is being honest

 

I don't see this as a situation where she physically cheated back then and has been emotionally cheating ever since. It really does sound like she turned over a new book at some stage along the way.

 

As I said, I totally get why some people would critisise her for her decision for not admitting it to it earlier. But here we are now and we have more facts to add to the mix. Those facts being she seems to be a well-adjusted person based on the OP's description of events and putting in effort to be a good wife and mother.

 

It's almost the like an ex-criminal released from jail. Will you always consider them to be a criminal if you found they ended up becoming a nun? An extreme example but you get my point

 

Regarding my comment above about not turning over every rock, I do still stand by that. However, but by all means try and get her to be as honest with you about what happened. That should be sufficient I think.

Edited August 19, 2018 by marky00

[OatsAndHall]

Part in bold I agree with. That's the upside here. Imagine despite the negatives, you guys can still get past it. That could make things even stronger. I am believer that relationships that stand the test of time will be tested and this is a big test. I just don't see the point of looking backwards here and trying to turn over every rock. I realise that cheating could be considered to be an instant deal breaker but this isn't cut and dry here. It a happened a long time ago and your wife is proving to be a well-adjusted person in her current form.

 

Most cheaters eventually leave because the reason they cheated was just a symbol of the fact that they were no longer "feeling it" with their partner. Yet in your case, your wife has stuck around for years. It's not an act she's been putting up. No one could have carried that so convincingly for so long. In my book, living with someone for years who never loved you is probably worse. It appears your wife does love you or at the very least is a well-adjusted person who has decided to stick with you. That is a compliment towards you.

 

 

You have to remember that, for the OP's wife, this happened a decade ago. But, for him, it might as well have happened yesterday. And, he has to deal with the fact that it is now just coming out after ten years because he figured it out. So, now he's not only stuck dealing with the fact that she cheated but is left questioning the previous ten years.

 

 

 

He is in a tough spot.. When it became clear that my ex was having an affair, my mind immediately went back to the previous five years of the relationship and thought about all of the times when she could have been messing around. And, I thought back to a few instances right before our separation where I sat back and thought "How the F--- did you not see what she was doing, dude???"

 

 

As I posted before. Never underestimate how an infidelity can mess with someone's mental health.

[marky00]

You have to remember that, for the OP's wife, this happened a decade ago. But, for him, it might as well have happened yesterday. And, he has to deal with the fact that it is now just coming out after ten years because he figured it out. So, now he's not only stuck dealing with the fact that she cheated but is left questioning the previous ten years.

 

 

 

He is in a tough spot.. When it became clear that my ex was having an affair, my mind immediately went back to the previous five years of the relationship and thought about all of the times when she could have been messing around. And, I thought back to a few instances right before our separation where I sat back and thought "How the F--- did you not see what she was doing, dude???"

 

 

As I posted before. Never underestimate how an infidelity can mess with someone's mental health.

 

I do get that. Which Is why I suggested (in a previous post) that he try to compartmentalise the issues. I'm not saying that is easy, but given the circumstances, I think it is a valid strategy.

 

And regarding questioning the last 10 years. I also suggested in a previous post, that in time, the truth to some extent will come out. Even if his wife doesn't tell him all the facts. It's kind of like when a BU happens, you are like WTF? but over the next few months, it all starts to make sense. At some point the OP is going to gain a better understanding as to why she stayed and that might alleviate some of the concerns regarding what happened over the last 10 years.

[Betrayed&Stayed]

Question, do you love your new wife more then you did the old one?

 

What I mean is, now, are you able to match the love the old you had for the old wife before the affair?

 

It's hard to imagine me ever loving my wife more then I did before. It just feels like that kind of energy will never quite happen again. I guess this time it would be more genuine though.

 

If you did reach that point, how long did that take?

 

 

Good question!

 

My love for "Wife #1" was naive, and I had her on a pedestal (like I thought a good husband should do). Except for the period of her affair, I viewed our marriage as good as anyone's. It was something I was proud of. Prior to her confession I would have bet my life that she was not even capable of cheating.

 

Do I love "Wife #2" more? I'm still trying to figure out what exactly is "love". Part of the process to figure out what "love" is to yourself. My old definition doesn't fit my world anymore. I would say it's more authentic. Rode-colored glasses are long gone!

 

How long? It's a process that is never-ending. The path has many false plateaus. Once I clear one hurdle, another is in front of me.

[Tryingtotry]

I've been meaning to get feedback on some decisions I made but it takes a lot to give enough information to get useful feedback. So before I state my plan I will try to update you guys with where we are now and what I know. I appreciate all the advice given as it did help. Especially not making decisions and waiting the anger out.

 

 

She has come clean and has been brutally honest! At this point its something just to know my wife for real I guess. Maybe I should say the woman who would become my now wife. She admitted to having sex multiple times with the same guy, she says she was almost always drunk or high but that's not why she cheated. She said she was young and stupid but most importantly she was a different person altogether.

 

Her worldview and outlook was so different from my own, contrary to what she thought when we first got together. She was first attracted to me because she thought I was the hot exciting guy and her friends all wanted to screw me. She was the definition of vanity. As she got to know me I became hot and boring because she equated immaturity and recklessness with excitement. This is all her view on the affair period and her thought process then.

 

Also when I got around her friends and family I had to kind of learn and follow them in order to learn how to obtain success. Most of my friends were all screw ups graduating from Pin State, not Penn State. So I respected them for that. She did not like me looking up to her friends as in some twisted way made me look weak. Her friends and their boyfriends were already successful or on the cusp. She says she wasn't looking for love looking back at it now and she didn't deserve it. When this other guy started giving her attention at work, she realized he was actually what she was looking for, hot and exciting AKA immature in reality. She thought I was too focused on making something of myself at the time.

 

Now I told her, In reality, I was thinking about her as well back then. We talked about how early on I was somewhat self conscious about the fact that I had nothing to offer her or even myself compared to the people I was now around. She said that lack of confidence was a part of the problem as well. She was not a woman yet if she was she would have focused on helping build it up. This she says is her biggest regret, that when I was at my weakest point she wasn't there to help me but rather she was just turned off me altogether. When she was at her weakest though, in rehab, which I will get too later, I was there for her and dropped everything. She doesn't know why she was like that but its who she was.

 

It gets worse, around the time I began to do a lot better for myself, and feel a lot better about myself as well she says she was already infatuated with this guy. She was in full YOLO mindset. They slept together many times. In the car, at work. There was often alcohol involved and more. They could get away with it at work because his parents had a lot of pull. But he could basically do whatever he wanted. Other people likely did know. This went on until she decided to have a threesome with him and another girl. Her idea! They were getting high and drinking at the time and something went wrong. She does not know who was responsible but something was laced and she had a seizure and passed out, prince charming just bailed, luckily the other girl stayed and called for help. That was the last sexual encounter they had.

 

This led to her coming to me and telling me she needed to get her life together she wanted to go to rehab. She didn't want help from her parents who blamed me for everything at the time. I took her addiction story at the time and believed that it explained all her bad behavior, she left out the cheating part obviously. I did at the time have a slight suspicion but I was dealing with a lot myself at the time. So when she came crying and said she needed me, I knew it was serious. So I ended up paying for her to go to rehab, not just any rehab like 5 figure rehab and part of it was guilt driven because I was not really paying enough attention to her. Add to that her family's murmurings and I felt like a **** boyfriend. The least I could do was see her through a rough time.

 

It was during rehab that she says she began to "grow up". She then got into church and she says that's where she changed as a person. Its where she realized how terrible of a person she once was. This was around the time when she says she really fell in love with me. She got the right guy when she was looking for the wrong one yada yada. We did connect more during this time because we were both in a better place. She said most of the time I made her forget she had ever done anything wrong. When I would tell her to forget the past and move forward. She twisted that to include the cheating in her head.

 

It wasn't until we were going to get married, that she felt maybe she needed to tell me the truth. She couldn't bring herself all the way though, plus with a child on the way she felt she could not risk my response.

 

None of this is a new revelation to her as far as why she cheated. She has already been over the why and how long before I discovered the affair.

 

Now she is willing to take a poly. I am pretty certain she bared her soul. As messed up as this all is I can confirm that she is nothing like the person she was then.

 

I must be really messed up because this doesn't even bother me like it once would have. It just is what it is. I will post more when I get the chance. Hopefully, I'm not blabbering on, sleep is hard to come by.

[Mr. Lucky]

I must be really messed up because this doesn't even bother me like it once would have. It just is what it is. I will post more when I get the chance. Hopefully, I'm not blabbering on, sleep is hard to come by.

 

I think before anyone comments it would be good to know your plans for the marriage?

 

Mr. Lucky